tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post4080667293410474448..comments2009-04-18T01:42:07.752-05:00SOLOMONSYDELLEhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17564768670896215900noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-63191968909866648922009-04-18T01:42:00.000-05:002009-04-18T01:42:00.000-05:00Wen d bible talk say d truth shall set u free,no be lie e talk oh. U see,if d wife had been truthful from d start,i&#39;d make dis infertility matter easier 2 tackle. Now bobo has his plate full of issues. Not fair. Still,there&#39;s hope. Obviously,d best solution - on d long run - is forgiving his wife &amp; trying 4 alternatives 2 having children if they can afford it. Personally,i see absolutely nothing wrong with adoption,but daz meFFFhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13587385454888882192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-91022031495373362412009-02-10T09:23:00.000-05:002009-02-10T09:23:00.000-05:00The fact is this - whenever there is an issue between two people, both parties share a portion of the blame no matter how little.<BR/><BR/>Here it is clear that Emily has the huge part of the blame but I am sure that if we look a bit closer 'mr Confused' may not be entirely blameless afterall!<BR/><BR/>Forgiveness is hard but if they intend to keep to their vows, it's the first step. Walls of trust that have broken down will have to be rebuilt by counselling. It's a long road but it can be done.<BR/><BR/>Just like it has been said here repeatedly, technology has made it such that even infertile couples can have babies. They just need to look away from their present issues and explore other options.Enkayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09513593787004243051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-6326632088666297172009-01-06T12:29:00.000-05:002009-01-06T12:29:00.000-05:00please how many women has the confused fellow had sex with? this whole double standards rubbish gets to me. why must he include the 35-40 guys thing? i am sure he has also slept with many women. hiss. anyhoo. <BR/>there are many children in the world to adopt and i do not know why he wants to have his own by force after all, men are only sperm donors as they do not "carry" the child for nine months. <BR/>these things happen, yes, it hurts because he loves her but if he decides to forgive her, they should adopt children or get a surrogate. <BR/>there are many orphans in the world, i don't know why he is bent on increasing the world's population.Uber Fabulous Nigerian Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14771840968263841926noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-68931333764315112672008-12-22T01:13:00.000-05:002008-12-22T01:13:00.000-05:00I feel so sorry for confused, this is a really tough situation to be facing. <BR/><BR/>I understand the anger towards Emily and the thing that bothers me the most about this story is her deceit. She did not tell him precisely because she knew how important having kids was to him. She took the decision out of his hands and he has every right to be angry about that.<BR/><BR/>However, i feel he should try to forgive her. It's important for both of them - forgiving her will release him to feel peace. As he's a christian, this is a time to really pray and ask for grace.<BR/><BR/>I don't know whether he should stay with her though. Like others have said, surrogacy is an option here but i don't know if they can rebuild the trust necessary to raise a child together. I'm not sure i would be able to. <BR/><BR/>How much does he love her and how crucial are kids to the deal? Which one of the two can he live without? He'll have to make a decision that he can live with. I wish you all the best man.baraalhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12574694690761690575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-26519053174916563172008-12-21T06:37:00.000-05:002008-12-21T06:37:00.000-05:00Ladies &amp; Gents lets be real...If she had told him she had an abortion or slept with 35- 40 men, would he have married her? <BR/><BR/>I&#39;m praying this woman has a heart... I&#39;m thinking yes she knew she had an abortion but did not know she will be unable to have children due to it. I believe she only suspected that was the cause after she was unable to conceive. <BR/><BR/>I&#39;m not mad she kept her mouth quiet before marriage (he should have done his research because if she really slept with 35-40 men there is no way someone would not have told him something). What I&#39;m mad about is the 5 years of silence she gave the man. Poor guy! Why do the crazy girls end up with the good girls, and good girls end up with the crazy guys. <BR/><BR/>Here&#39;s my advice... Shakara her a little bit... travel to Naija for a month. You know we women everything will go through her head. lol. She deserves it. While you&#39;re there, go pray and strengthen your faith because only God can truly help you forgive her. When you come back forgive her and try to get a surrogate mother. May the lord help you.Mystiquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02634309972553763869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-82096117106527673732008-12-20T17:52:00.000-05:002008-12-20T17:52:00.000-05:00Aunty Emily why now???<BR/><BR/>Hmm like others have said with advanced technology having children is still possible,,the main issue here is being able to forgive ur wife if u want to have a happy marriage..<BR/><BR/>forgiveness is not easy o..only the holy spirit can help...so pls pray for grace right now...i dont expect u to forgive completely in one day so take it on day at a time..and i want to believe emily is really sorry..also it will be good if both of u have a heart to heart talk on other issues that might need forgiveness so u can incorporate it once and for all into the healing process..<BR/><BR/>may God be with u and help u during this trying time.alotedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17293074684237435820noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-70266924608241176062008-12-19T08:19:00.000-05:002008-12-19T08:19:00.000-05:00This is a tough one......why would anybody lie about such a thing to someone that she knows really wants kids? I dey question her character and morals seriously. <BR/><BR/>I guess she was too scared to tell you the truth but to allow so many years pass by? Haba! Poor woman! Life can be tough sha.<BR/><BR/>Well...it depends on how you feel.....if you really feel you can forgive her and look for alternative ways to have children, then maybe you should start the process and look towards the future.<BR/><BR/>If you do not feel you can go through all that wahala for the sake of love...then I suggest you move on. <BR/><BR/>Life is too short. Do what feels right.<BR/><BR/>Ndo.Waffarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06039619178621668954noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-17480153604917729112008-12-19T01:29:00.000-05:002008-12-19T01:29:00.000-05:00First of all i'll ask him to forgive her and ask for healing in his marriage, his life and wife. <BR/>If he wants to still keep his marriage he can consider getting a surrogate mother and stop dwelling on past issues of his wife and move ahead with either a solution or divorce(as i beleive he's seriously considering that).Bunmmyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04867581503419551174noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-67154379316167114502008-12-18T21:58:00.000-05:002008-12-18T21:58:00.000-05:00Madam, good evening o. Just saw your message and came here to greet you and saw this.<BR/><BR/>Why didn't Johnbull shine his eyes before he got married? From what he's told us, it seems like the writing might have been on the wall for a long while, and he chose to ignore it. <BR/><BR/>He seems to put the blame squarely on Emily's shoulder's alone, (I assume these are his exact words) and that really rubs me the wrong way. Now I'm not saying he's the one that made her go to quack doctors to perform botched abortions (though I wonder if he ever paid for someone else's abortions in his youth or if he gbenshed indiscriminately in his younger years), but clearly something about him makes his wife not trust him enough to be completely honest with him.<BR/><BR/>As far as what he does from this point forward, all I can suggest to him is that he seeks God's face seriously. He needs to ask God for compassion, strength to forgive and healing in his marriage, and he'll be surprised what God can do. Many people have gotten similar diagnoses in the past and still have children, so if he knows that it is God's will for him to have a child, then he needs to believe that it will happen.Kpakpandohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15218042454773248874noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-64426898196445253592008-12-18T21:21:00.000-05:002008-12-18T21:21:00.000-05:00Sorry o dear. I unfortunately will not be able to forgive anyone who lies to me with such impunity on such an important part of my future. She should have worked through her issues and accepted herself and her past before she married you. On the other hand, you love her and I am sure she loves you too. Go to marraige counselling and try to work through it. THis, I believe would be the measure of your love for her and your ability to be compassionate!Temitehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11331041701406138957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-62642299210022436172008-12-18T17:13:00.000-05:002008-12-18T17:13:00.000-05:00I think your parents gave the best advice. You really have to search your heart because in the end, it is about you and your happiness. Do not rush making any decisions. Remember that your wife probably did not want to be judged and that was probably the reason she didn't tell you(I noticed you called her loose**).<BR/><BR/>There is no guarantee that the next woman you choose will be any better. What would you do? Hire a private investigator to follow her around? <BR/><BR/>If you do decide to forgive her. You might want to consider having children by surrogate. Are her ovaries damaged too?? If not, then you can still have children, she just won't carry them.Iwalewa McDanielshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15065004339660495136noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-20288605657850253972008-12-18T16:23:00.000-05:002008-12-18T16:23:00.000-05:00Wow, is all I can say. I went away thought about it, still don't have a comment... sigh, this is a very hard one! I'm not married so won't even know where to start. <BR/><BR/>But I know one thing, there has to be forgiveness both way - yup its a super hard thing to do, but it's got to happen; for everyone's sake.... <BR/><BR/>Also, there is no mess or impossible situation God can't rectify.... God blessRemi, United Kingdomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15051702191397898464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-48151854132198027502008-12-18T13:55:00.000-05:002008-12-18T13:55:00.000-05:00Eyah..this is really sad o! However..there's light at the end of the tunnel..the couple could do IVF,artificial insemination, and surrogate parenting.The experiences of an achiever.......http://www.blogger.com/profile/07045411491614772598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-91932026345853519692008-12-18T13:03:00.000-05:002008-12-18T13:03:00.000-05:00Oh my God! This is such a tough one!<BR/>First of all i hope the guy can find the strength to pray that God should help him forgive his wife no matter how hard it is...i am not really for divorce but this is a very difficult situation, he has to make up his mind whether he still wants to live with her and if he does, God's grace is available to overlook her faults and get past them in the end..<BR/><BR/>I do hope the woman is really contrite, it's almost an unpardonable sin men..but that's why God's grace is available<BR/><BR/>Can they consider options..such as surrogacy? I don't know if women with scarred wombs can do ivf...Writefreakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03457464940195376970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-89373962969643063272008-12-18T12:20:00.001-05:002008-12-18T12:20:00.001-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Just...Toluwahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06710406261682638968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-83225515654049409832008-12-18T12:20:00.000-05:002008-12-18T12:20:00.000-05:00Quite hard, but he would have to forgive her. But ask her to tell you all that there is to her, so that you would not be hurt again in the future should she decide to tell u another secret. <BR/><BR/>There are other ways to having kids as everyone has said. Think about it, and pray that God gives you the strength to make your marriage work after this big blow!<BR/><BR/>Mehn, SSD with all these marriage woes on TTEC, the thing dey fear me o!Just...Toluwahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06710406261682638968noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-79033967560558630452008-12-18T11:23:00.000-05:002008-12-18T11:23:00.000-05:00…and here I thought yesterday’s was a tough nut to chew. <BR/>SSD pls let us know ahead so we can brace ourselves!<BR/><BR/>Marriage is built on trust. Frankly, Emily has betrayed that trust and your marriage. It definitely is hard to forgive, but you have to. Unforgiveness is one thing you don’t want to live with.<BR/> <BR/>The decision to stay with her is yours alone. I don’t know what I’d do if I were in your shoes but I know I’d find it hard to live with her daily. Do pray and talk to God about this.<BR/><BR/>@ Children: You both have many options! Thank God for advanced technology.Deehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06493772545307800958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-46552466445322867312008-12-18T10:46:00.000-05:002008-12-18T10:46:00.000-05:00Mummy of 3,i would like to know what u adviced,readin ur blog alone can be depressing for that man.Think about TK,TE or bomboy.<BR/>Infact,if not for the fact that i want a child self,maybe i wont be getting married next year.<BR/>i think he should ask her what she thinks they should do.<BR/>Even if it means getting a surrogate mother,i think he deserves to have a child to love abeg.QMoneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01569868117819979932noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-22086762024743517152008-12-18T09:58:00.000-05:002008-12-18T09:58:00.000-05:00Wow! SSD you are on fire.<BR/><BR/>Now onto today's issue. <BR/>I do not know what to say....<BR/>... okay first i think the writer has a good family. They actually care about him and know enough not to pressure him into making any decision. <BR/><BR/>Secondly, i am going to be unhelpful and sound like his folks, his on his own on this one oh. Just follow your heart my brother. Do what feels good to you. Just chill the answer will come to you. Even if i actually feel like beating your wife black and blue right now for deceiving you like that. But maybe she loved you a lot and didn't want to lose you...poeticallytintedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14150217775612386057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-73552033943960179952008-12-18T08:52:00.001-05:002008-12-18T08:52:00.001-05:00OMG...why do fellow women bring down sisterhood??? She knew she couldnt have kids and still agreed to marry someone who wanted children??? God bless you for being patient since finding out...I would tell you to forgive her but forgiving this kind of issue is very difficult...God be your strength....if you do choose to stay with her, you can explore other options such as adoption and surrogacy...Naija Vixenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302276568304358530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-65395488606174638572008-12-18T08:52:00.000-05:002008-12-18T08:52:00.000-05:00I personally don't think kids are OUT of the question if u can afford it. Based on what u said, ur wife is not necessarily infertile, she just can't get pregnant cos of the scarring, so if u guys can pay for a surrogate mom to carry the pregnancy, that's an option. There's also adoption.<BR/><BR/>I guess the main thing is that you feel that she deceived u and yes she did. If u love her, u just have to find a way to forgive her. Talk about it. All hope is not lost, u can always have kids, one way or another.Stinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15375583469985472050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-46590993328893902532008-12-18T08:51:00.000-05:002008-12-18T08:51:00.000-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Stinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15375583469985472050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-1544222925827901802008-12-18T08:13:00.000-05:002008-12-18T08:13:00.000-05:00i find it hard to forgive her that she went into teh marraige without telling him the truth.which is teh reason for her insisting not to vosit doctors in teh past<BR/><BR/>i'd say-kick her out.....fast!!!!!!!!<BR/><BR/>but then again-u can learn to forgive her whilst still wondering...(wetin remain whey i never hear-i would)<BR/><BR/>so u can forgive her<BR/><BR/>do an ivf<BR/><BR/>get a surrogate mum<BR/><BR/>men just pray about it....but i'm angry enuff on ur behalf to not look past the fact that she contracted a marraige with you based on lies......that's hard to forgive u know.....very hard.......ibiluvhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06357025487806887917noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-23387583440760567452008-12-18T04:05:00.000-05:002008-12-18T04:05:00.000-05:00IMO, the fact that she can't have children is not the worst thing in this story. The worst thing is that she didn't tell him before the wedding and also continued to deceive him for 5 years. Afterall if she had confessed, he might have still married her. They do say that love covers a multitude of sins don't they? <BR/>He should try and forgive her,God can do miracles, the lady who wrote Supernatural Childbirth, doctors had told her she would never give birth, and her whole family knew, but with her husband's faith and eventually hers, they went on to have 4 healthy babies. <BR/>There are also many technological advances nowadays. IVF, Surrogate parenting etc. Trust in the Lord and He will make a way for you.Marinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16923518079515531310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1344503392644402073.post-13783253070613092532008-12-18T03:58:00.000-05:002008-12-18T03:58:00.000-05:00This one is a difficult case to give advice on o! The same exact thing happened to my mothers cousin, except for two things. One people had warned him that she had been loose before they married and he still went ahead and married her. The second one was that it was about 20 years orso after the marriage,when she became a deeper lifer that she finally confessed to him. Once before she confessed they had been to a doctor who sort of told him to forget having a child with this woman and get another wife (you know naija now) and my cousin had gotten angry at the doctor. Anyway, to cut the long story short, after about 30 years of marriage, he had a childby another woman. <BR/><BR/>Sorry for the long story.Marinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16923518079515531310noreply@blogger.com