Believe it or not, this is the first TTTEC of 2011. I received this from Amanda, who is a friend of Mary's. She contacted me asking for my opinion on Mary's 'relationship'. My comments, as shared via email, follow the issue. I received permission from Mary to put this on the blog.
Here we go....
My friend Mary is in desperate need of your opinion and that of your readers.
Bola and Mary have been dating for a while now. They got connected through a mutual friend of theirs on Facebook. At first, it was the usual chatting on the phone, Facebook, Skype e.t.c Soon they both discovered similar things about themselves although they had not met yet because Bola stays in Maryland and Mary is in New Jersey but that did not deter their friendship at first. Then all of a sudden they began to argue a lot over the simplest issues, they would stop talking for like two three weeks then they would make up. Things just went on like that for a few months.
One random night Bola called Mary and told her that he "cannot do it anymore" and then hung up on her. She was very upset, but there was nothing she could do because at that time, they still had not met. Two months later when she went on facebook one night she saw that he was online but she did not acknowledge him. Then his chat icon popped up and he asked how come he had not heard from her in a while. She reminded him that he stopped talking to her, and then he said he was in trouble that she should give him a call. She said she would do so in the morning. Still, he called her while she was asleep. She later tried to reach him but could not get him she kept trying for about three months. She tried to find out what was going on and learned that Bola was in jail and would not be out for four months.
Not knowing what to do or why she continued with school,work e.t.c. Three months later Bola called her and said, "Baby where have you been, why have i not heard from you?" She was so confused because she knew he was in jail. To cut the long story short, Mary and Bola resumed their relationship and they finally met. She flew to Atlanta to see him. About a week after she got back they were talking on the phone as usual when the conversation became suspicious. Bola started talking about how he wanted a baby. He went on to say that he has a baby by an African American woman. He went on to tell Mary that he did not want to tell her about this when she visited him because he did not want to spoil their time together.
Mary did not know how to respond but the relationship has taken a downward spiral from there because the baby mama has a whole lot of drama and Bola thought it was best they went their separate ways so he can sort himself out but the thing is Mary is not ready to let go and Bola is not helping either because he still calls her and considers her "more than a friend"
Please, what advice can you give to my friend Mary?
Thanks so much,
Okay folks. Now, I cannot lie. One of the reasons why there have not been a lot of TTTECs as recent, was because well, most of the issues I receive are very 'heavy'. Sometimes, I am emotionally drained after taking time to listen to readers who simply want an objective and anonymous ear to hear about what they are going through. I am happy to be that ear, and have been doing the same for many people since I was a child. I'm used to it.
(CLICK READ MORE TO SEE NY THOUGHTS ON THIS TTTEC)
But when I received the TTTEC above, well, I must confess that I sent Amanda a one line response - "So, what does your friend want?" I am sure it came off as uncaring and impatient. But in all honesty, I was then, as I am now, very confused as to what Mary wants to know. My mother, in her great wisdom, once told me to be delicate when dealing with people's issues. It is advice I adhere to at all times. However, I do not know what else to truly advise this young lady. Still, I sent the following message after getting a response from Amanda where she reminded me that Mary needed opinions. Actually, let me give you only one direct quote: "...my opinion is that she lose his number, immediately." I explained that Mary must realize that she does not need to be with someone who is inconsistent (calling her in the middle of the night to 'break up; with her), has been to jail (for a reason that is yet to be explained) and has a baby momma (that he did not inform Mary about until they had 'met', I do not know if they had sex, however).
This is like a car crash that people slow down to see when you drive on the road. Mary, if you are reading this, please take my advice - FORGET THIS USELESS BOY. You deserve to have a guy that is honest and wants to treat you like an important part of his life at all times. Anything less than that should not be up for consideration. Again, what do you want from this Bola guy other than stress, heartache and wahala?
So, again, WHAT DO YOU WANT darling? Get it together. You will likely look back and shake your head for even given this boy as much time as you have given him.
Alright folks, abeg make una chime in. As always, you are free to your opinion. I typically do not share my opinion because I do not want to color the tone of the conversation, however, I just had to chime in here. But, I am dying to read your comments as is Mary.
Take care! Oh, and to anyone who cares, please read the Senior Babe Network announcement from 2008.