Monday, September 13, 2010

"THESE CHILDREN WILL NOT KILL ME!"

Those were the very words that came out of my mouth last night as I spoke with one of my closest friends.

As can be expected, the children in question were mine, of course. Specifically, we were discussing TK and who else but Bomboy. I was explaining to my girlfriend, Ms. M, how the boys were showing me pure, unadulterated pepper. Earlier in the day, the boys decided they needed snow in the middle of summer, and so, they took the white styrofoam packaging from a box of serving dishes and broke it up all over the kitchen floor. Please, have you ever tried to clean up little styrofoam pieces? It is an endless nightmare and just so you know, I have been cleaning up for hours and still finding styrofoam everywhere!


But, the shenanigans did not stop there. Of course not! Haba, is it not my children we are talking about? In the afternoon, after picking TE up from school, we went to the supermarket to pick up some frozen vegetables. Please, tell me why Bomboy chose that excursion to have numerous tantrums? And, repeated tantrums at that. The boy was screaming and misbehaving so badly, I could barely manage to breathe as my head was pounding ferociously. Because a woman recently popped her 13 month old in the face on a plane, people were circling me in the supermarket. Obviously to make sure that I was not abusing the boy. If only they knew the malicious intent with which Bomboy operates when he decides to be naught. *sigh*

So not only was I managing Bomboy's tantrum and being cautious of oyingbo folks watching me with their fingers on their cellphones about to call the police, I also had to navigate another issue. As I have mentioned before, I have Nigerians in my neighborhood. Why were all these Naija folks looking at me like "Ennnhen! Can you imagine the way this woman is allowing her child to behave?" One lady looked as if she was going to yank Bomboy up and whoop his @$$, lol!!!!! Its funny how I can chuckle about the situation now, but that is only because I was able to rant to my girlfriend and get it out of my system.

Anyway, I finally paid up (the cashier was a Nigerian guy who smiled at Bomboy and called him "Onijogbon") and took the kids to the car. There, I walloped Bomboy on his backside. He still was feeling brave sha, because people were walking around the parking lot. I didn't say anything. But once we got home ehn? Well, let's just say, his tears helped him fall asleep. lol! I hate having to shout and especially would rather not spank, but, when it comes to Bomboy, I understand that it is necessary.

So, yes, that is why when my girlfriend asked me what was going on, the only thing I could say was, "These children will not kill me." At least, not anytime soon.

=)

Friday, September 10, 2010

TTTEC: WHERE I MET MY MATE

Hey Easier Crew! The TTTEC series is back at it. Please remember that if you have an issue you would like considered, send your concerns/questions/comments to kontactr.com/solomonsydelle.

Today's installment involves a simple question that could have serious repercussions: "Where did you meet your boyfriend?" Please, read on...
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I met Chris at a club in London. I was visiting with friends and, quite frankly, I was drunk out of my mind. We hooked up right there and if not for the fact that my girls didn't let me, I would have gone home with him that night. Instead, we exchanged numbers and the next weekend, he came to visit me and took me out for dinner. I have to say that we 'hooked up' that night and have been boyfriend and girlfriend ever since.

Chris has met my siblings and has even spoken on the phone to my mother. She like shim by the way. The problem is that she is coming to visit in about a month and I know she will undoubtedly ask the question, "Where did you guys meet?" The only people that know where we met are my best friends who were with me the night I met him. They have kept their mouth shut. Unfortunately, Chris put up a Facebook status in which he mentioned that he met "his girl" at the specific club. My little sister, Angela, saw the status update, sent me a text and mentioned that she cannot wait to see mommy's reaction to the info. Angela is the last born and a professional amebo that is known to use information to her advantage whenever possible.

I really like Chris and we have been seeing each other for over 15 months. It is only fair that he meets my mother, after all I have met his entire family. Unlike him, I am not comfortable telling my mother that we met at a club. My mother does not even know that I go clubbing, quite frankly.
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Monday, September 6, 2010

GIVING MY KIDS SOME CULTURE...

Hey people!

I remember being a child and performing in cultural dances. I used to love doing the Calabar dances where we would tie our chest and waist in wrappers and put cowry beads on our ankles and shake our scrawny bodies. I know I am not the only one that remembers those right? Or, how about acting in little plays that were Naija-specific? haha, oh the memories - Tales by moonlight on television, going to my mother's village, Abonema, to watch the masquerade, Eyo festivals in Lagos....

I kind of feel that my kids are being cheated of such experiences and so, I know I need to get my act together. I mean, my kids favorite Nigerian dish is jollof rice. They have never had yam pottage, edi kaikong or tuwo de nunu. Kai! They will eat eba, and TE loves drinking garri with ice cubes whenever her daddy is soaking some serious garri, but Naija food is just not as popular with the kids as pasta or pizza. Well, fried yam is always a hit, sha, I can't lie.

However, I need some help, people. Abeg, what recommendations do you guys have? For instance, are there any traditional stories you would recommend I start telling the kids? Or songs or activities? What did you enjoy doing as a child that you feel is/was uniquely Nigerian? I want to ensure that my kids know as much about their Nigerian heritage as possible and because I know that won't happen by mistake, I have got to get on it aggressively. I mean, these kids have gone to Dominica and never Naija just because it is easier to go to where Husband is from than it it to hike back to Naija.

Please share your thoughts on this. I would really appreciate your help.

Thanks so much!!!!

Friday, September 3, 2010

TTTEC: WHO IS THE FATHER?

Hey Easier crew, today's installment is a bit of a long read. I cleaned it up and shortened it as best I could so please, read and offer suggestions. Thank you so much.
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My cousin Bola is the most dramatic and nosey girl I know. She is an only child whose mother struggled to have her and so spoiled her rotten. I think that is one of the reasons why she has a sense of entitlement and never feels that anything is her fault.

Bola has been dating Tom, off and on, for over 4 and a half years. Tom is a nice hardworking guy that I have known since secondary school in Naija. In fact, he met Bola at a houseparty I had. For that reason, I tend to be the one they both come to when they have arguments, fights, temporary break ups etc.

The reason why I am writing you is because about 5 months ago, Bola went through Tom's cell phone and found some text messages from his ex-girlfriend, Melissa. Now, I know my cousin is dramatic, but even I can admit that Melissa is a top-grade %!%@#! She hates Bola and is always sending Tom suggestive texts. Bola and Tom have broken up over this girl many times because Bola wants o Tom to end all contact with her. He refuses to have her dictate who his friends should be especially since she doesn't mind him being friends with his other exes, just Melissa.

While they were arguing over the text from Melissa, Bola got up and left and they didn't speak to each other for the rest of the day. Bola then decided to make Tom jealous and so she called one of her own exes Ibrahim. Now, let me explain about Ibrahim. He cheated on Bola several times during their 2 year relationship and if not for the fact that he dumped her, she probably would still be with him. Also, Ibrahim once insulted Tom at a Nigerian party saying Tom was poor and that he didn't know why Bola would be with him. This caused a huge fight that got most of the Nigerians there thrown out of the club. As you can understand, Tom can't stand Ibrahim and thinks the guy is pompous.

Anyway, Bola went out with Ibrahim, despite my counseling against it. And, the next day, she told me that he apologized for everything he had put her through. He told her he loved her and didn't want anyone else but her. One thing led to another and they had sex. Of course, Ibrahim meant nothing of it, he just wanted to prove to himself and others he could still sleep with her and the next day, didn't even pick up her calls.

Less than a week later Tom and her got back together and within 2 months after their reconciliation, she discovered she was pregnant. She told Tom who was ecstatic and proposed. He has started the whole 'wine carrying' process and her family is running around buying goats and kola nut like mad people. I don't know why, but all of a sudden, Bola feels she should tell Tom that the baby might not be his. She does not believe that he will leave her because she believes that it was his fault she slipped and fell on another man's peen! That is what she told me! She blames Tom for making her jealous and not ending his friendship with Melissa as she had warned him to.

Bola and Tom's family are gearing up to throw the wedding of all weddings and with all this secret wahala, I have warned Melissa that things will explode in her face. Plus she is ignoring the fact that if Tom ever decides to start talking about their one-night stand things will be over for her. I don't know how to get this girl to understand that there will be severe consequences not just for her, but for the families if Tom does not see this as his fault as she expects him to.

I really just needed to vent and need to know what if anything I can do to make Bola realize that the world does not revolve around her.
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Additional Info: I actually got to have a Skype chat with both Lara (the cousin) and Bola. Bola is convinced that there will be no consequences and even wants to drag Lara into the matter further by demanding that Lara be in the room when she tells Tom the truth. I have told Lara (and did so with Bola being present on Skype) to get out of this situation. But something tells me the cousin-bond might cause a different result. Anyway, over to you to react, counsel and/or whatever it is you want to do.

Thanks again.