Wednesday, July 28, 2010

AN ODE TO G

Ah, G! How I miss you so!

I remember those days when we used to play every afternoon after school. I would run home, so excited at the opportunity to play with my bestest friend.

But, then my world came crashing down, that day I returned from school and you were nowhere to be found.

I ran through the compound calling your name, to no avail.

Then I entered the house and walked into the kitchen, where my granny and others were gathered.

"Where's G?" I asked. "I can't find him anywhere. Do you know where he is, Mama?"

Mama slowly looked up from her seat by a large frying pan full of frying pieces of flesh. She smiled sadly but didn't respond and proceeded to use a large metallic spoon to stir the contents of the frying pan.

My cousin, however, opted to give me the answer I sought but could never have imagined.

She opened a blue cooler, before then, unnoticed. Within it were succulent pieces of meat and into it, she reached, soon to brandish what could only be...

Crunch was the sound made as her teeth sunk into the crispy meat. She licked her lips slowly. The smile that followed was very different  from the empathetic smile Mama had offered only seconds before.

She was eating G! My G! The goat I had spent weeks feeding, cleaning and running around with. My friend. My confidante. G was in tiny fried pieces.Within a cooler. Being prepared for my recently departed grandfather's upcoming funeral.

Oh, G! It's been years since that day when I saw you in the morning and promised to take you for a walk around the compound in the evening. I am so sorry I wasn't there to save you. I never ate you and frankly, never put a piece of your brethren in my mouth for years. That was until my Jamaican friends introduced me to Curry Goat.

Nevertheless, this is an ode to Goatey, my friend that left far too soon.

I still miss you.

Monday, July 12, 2010

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER!!!!

Okay, so the other night, I was up late trying to get some work done, when I decided to visit ohellnawl.com. Yes, I go there for comic relief and entertainment, sue me =)

Anyway sha, what did I happen to see but this right here? Please prepare yourself to laugh and possibly feel deep sorrow for doing so.



So, for those of you who couldn't view the video, let me break it down. There is a, shall we call her 'big boned' grown woman being pushed on a swing. The video starts out all happy and nice until she is swung right off and crash lands on the grass only to lose what else? Her wig! Now, apart from the fact that the poor lady lost her wig is the way she landed on the grass, as in she skidded on the grass. And then, whoever put the video on Youtube was so wicked as to show the incident again, but in slow motion. Oh, me, oh my, and I am shedding tears from laughing again. I swear I was super worried about her until the video got to the slow motion section and then I lost it.

To the lady in the video, abeg make you no vex. I hope you are alive and well but this mess right here is funny!!!

*takes deep breath* BWAHAHAHA

I...can't stop...laughing...can't breath...

Friday, July 9, 2010

TTTEC: A THIEVING RELATIVE

Hey good people, I hope you have had a good week. As much as I hate to admit it, most of the Nigerians reading today's installment will be familiar with this matter in some way or another. Can't give too much away, so you'll have to read to understand. Please take the time to drop a vote (or more) on my behalf at the Nigerian Blog Award for Category B. Thanks so much for the nominations.

Here we go...
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I am in a serious bind and I'm begging you to please help me. My parents are back home in Nigeria and I live here in the States with my father's older brother, Uncle Dapo. Uncle Dapo has been in the US for a long time and till this day, we do not know how he got his papers. Anyway, years ago, Uncle Dapo encouraged my daddy to buy a one bedroom condo as an investment that could be used to send myself and my younger brother Remi to school. Daddy respected Uncle's wishes and bought a place not far from Uncle's house and would send money to him to add to the money collected from renters. That money would then be used to pay off any monthly bills and the monthly mortgage payment.


However, I just found out that Uncle has not been sending my father's money to the bank as promised. My brother just came for hols and opened mail belonging to daddy by mistake (they have the exact same name). In the letter, the bank said they will foreclose on the condo for failure to make payments. My brother wants me, not him, to tell my father but I am so scared. Uncle Dapo and I have been arguing for years, as I just have never liked him. In the past, my father has been upset with me for failing to show his "egbon" (big brother) adequate respect. Basically, I do not want to be the bearer of bad news. Remi refuses to tell. He says he will stand by me if I call popsie, but I am so scared, I do not know what to do. Add to this the fact that our mom is not doing well healthwise. Daddy is under a lot of stress and I do not know if this is another blow that he and mommy can bear at this time.


What do you suggest I do? Please help.
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This matter of thieving relatives is one that is so confounding in its implications, that is probably the hardest act of disloyalty to deal with other than infidelity in a marriage. That's just my opinion. My own mother has a relative that stole well, I won't bother to go into that. Basically, this is a serious matter and I hope you guys can help Toyin by offering some sound advice.

Thanks.

Monday, July 5, 2010

WHAT I JUST LEARNED ABOUT MY HUSBAND

First off, to those who celebrate it, a belated American independence day to you. I hope you enjoyed your weekend. I spent my weekend in the woods, camping with my people. Yes, it was two nights in the bush, grilling, swatting away bugs, singing by a campfire and enjoying precious family time. I have to say that it was fun. The kids were and continue to be extremely excited. My husband, who is a bush man at heart, was in his element and will continue to be happy for the rest of the week (I hope).

So, all in all, it was a good trip. But, most importantly, this camping trip taught me something about my husband. That guy can be sneaky oh! My loving and sweet husband knows that camping and I do not always mix. He knows that I go camping, when I do go, to make him and my children happy. And, also to enjoy the bonding opportunities it presents. However, this man kept some incredibly crucial information from me. Information that would surely have prevented me from going and even forced me to put a complete ban on the activity, sef.

See me see trouble. While sitting around the campfire, I told my husband about a poster I saw warning campers to avoid Black Bears at all costs. The poster advised that Bears are typically more afraid of humans than we think, and cautioned that although they tend not to attack when unprovoked, they can attack. So, there I am sitting by the campfire with my kids and my man, cracking jokes about how if a Bear could smell the serious chicken and ribs we were eating, blah, blah, blah. Na so my husband come tell me tori. He told me that the last time they went camping, he'd left the bag of trash out while he put the kids to bed. Usually, you are advised to put your trash out of scent and reach of animals who could open it up and well, you know. Well, after putting the kids in the tent, he came out to find the unsecured bag of trash missing. After searching with a torch light he discovered that it had been tossed close by in the bush. Upon further inspection, he realized that a fresh doodoo diaper (provided by non other than Bomboy) had been thrown down on the floor, while chicken bones, and other meat items had been removed. Clearly, the 'aroma' of Bomboy's poop was far from appetizing, but the rest of the food bits were not. lol!

Can you imagine? This is the story my husband tells me while sitting in the bush! To say that fear caught me would be an understatement. I was scared out of my mind! I had to pretend that I wasn't scared because of the kids. Nevertheless, I quickly brushed their teeth, washed their faces and feet and carted everyone to bed. All night long, I heard bears oh! Yesssss, I woke up at night and could hear twigs breaking under their feet, lol!!!! I am shocked at the underhanded maneuver of my husband. He knew that if his kids nagged me enough, I would have to go camping and so he neglected to tell me about this bear situation. He now argues that it could have been a raccoon that removed the trash. Yeah right! The only reason the man even told me this story is because he was full on chicken - you guys know that chicken make my people very happy, right.

And that is what I have learned about my husband after 6 years of marriage. Chicken is the way to loosen that man's tongue. That's right!

Why? What were you expecting me to say? That he ommitted to share important camping information? Ah, that is nothing. All spouses leave out the little bits that could cause serious problems, loL! For me, the insightful lesson is really that I need to always have chicken handy when I need information. hahaha.

Okay folks, abeg go give me a vote (or two or more) at Category B of the Nigerian Blog Awards. Thanks to all those who thought enough about me and my blogs to nominate me oh!!!! I truly appreciate it. And like I said, "shayo dey plenty!" =)





And that is when my Husband told me that

Friday, July 2, 2010

TTTEC: SISTER-IN-LAW TROUBLE AN UPDATE

As promised, here is an update to TTTEC: Sister-In-Law Trouble.

BACKGROUND
For those that recall Ola (not her real name) was in a bind over what steps to take regarding her younger brother's wedding. Her brother, Taiye, informed her that his fiance had cheated on him numerous times and he was unsure about whether or not there would be a wedding. Taiye eventually decided to go through with the wedding but in the process of reconciling with his wife-to-be, Glory, he told her that Ola did not like her. The result was that Glory banned Ola from the wedding. Taiye and Ola's mom sensed something was wrong and sought to learn what was going on and why Ola was  no longer as active in the wedding preparations.

RESULT
Taiye and Ola's mom now knows that Ola was banned from the wedding. How did she find out? Simple. Although Ola was avoiding her mother for fear of telling her more than she should (please read original post to understand why), Ola's husband was not as tight lipped. In a conversation with his father in law, he let it slip that Ola would not be attending the wedding. Thinking that Ola had already discussed the matter with her mother (she had not), he explained to Baba Taiye that Taiye and Glory were having problems. Ola's father in turn shared his fears with his wife who showed up at her daughter's house to get direct information.

For those of you who are well-versed in the ways of dramatic Nigerian mothers, it will be no surprise that Mama Taiye did not even wait to consult Taiye before calling her soon-to-be in laws and informing them that her family would no longer be adding their daughter. Now, there is tension between families, Taiye will not speak to Ola as he feels betrayed, Ola's husband feels stupid for making a mistake and Ola feels horrible.

MY HUMBLE OPINION
I strongly suggested that Ola not tell her mother. She took my advice but unfortunately, what was meant to happen happened. Her mother was likely going to find out some way or another as she was apparently digging via her own sources to understand why Ola was no working on the aso ebis for the wedding. That being said, it is unfortunate that her mother went above everyone's head to cancel the wedding. Personally, I think people are allowed to make their own mistakes, and based on what I was told, Taiye knew very well the sort of woman Glory was. Despite that, he still wanted to marry her. I think Mama Taiye should have let it be. I know many of you disagree with my stance which is fine, but ultimately, I have learned that you cannot force anyone to make the 'right' decision. And even if you manage that, they will simply hate you for it in the end and possibly make other choices that would be worse.


I think this matter is only going to drive Taiye closer to Glory and give her ammunition to use against his family, further driving a wedge between him and his loved ones. Ola heard that Taiye is going to marry her even without his family's blessing. Her mom has already sworn up and down that if he dares marry her, she will have his head. Hmm, I just don't know if all that wahala is worth it, and I feel for everyone involved. I am thankful, however, that I do not have to deal with these problems personally.

OLA STILL NEEDS HELP
Ola is trying to figure out what she can do to salvage the situation. She has begged her mother to reconsider, but things are too far gone for that, it seems. She reached out to her brother who refuses to respond. She sent an email message to Glory and got a profanity laced voice mail in response. Well, please share your thoughts and any good suggestions. The babe is stressed out and the wedding is technically less than 2 months away. Rumors are flying around town, people are calling Ola to order their aso ebi and well, from what she tells me, it just is not pretty.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this update, folks. I hope you are all well and wish you a wonderful weekend.