Monday, March 29, 2010

THAT SCHOOL IS PIMPING MY KID!!!!

Okay, the title is a tad dramatic, but really, it seems as if my daughter's school is pimping these kids.

Every week, she comes home with multiple requests for money. Today, there's a book fundraiser, tomorrow, they want parents to go to a store and shop so that a percentage of the money spent comes to the school. Or, the other week when TE came home on Monday with a note requesting money to but a t-shirt. And then on Wednesday, we received a note with books that she picked out for purchase. The total was $36 (that girl likes expensive things sha!). I calmly erased one of the books on the list and sent her to her father (my tried and true tactic, lol!) who gave his daughter $20 to buy the other 2 books on her list. Have I told you guys that Husband can hardly say no to his daughter? That is a post to follow. Una go laugh die.

Husband and I keep laughing about the little ways we are pressured to give my daughter's school money. Just this week, they told us they are learning about money. On Monday, they told us to send her to school with 100 pennies. Who do you know that has 100 pennies? Even a bank probably doesn't have 100 pennies. My husband joked that they would keep the pennies we sent. I, on the other hand, wagered that he was wrong. Who do you think won the bet? Ha, he did. They kept all the pennies. That was Monday, right? On Tuesday, they told us to send TE to school with dimes and nickels.  Ah!

But, let me just say that I rather my daughter's school have the money it needs, sha. So let me stop complaining, but walahi, it does seem as if TE, actually, no, we the parents are getting pimped. =0

Hope you have a n excellent week!

Friday, March 26, 2010

TTTEC: ASSAULT

As usual, we have a reader who needs some help. Please offer your constructive advice. Thanks!
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My best friend was raped by someone we both considered to be an older brother. Ibrahim is a year ahead of us in university and his older brother is close friends with my oldest brother. He has always looked out for Miriam and I. He has a car so he takes us around when we need to get around.


The other Friday night, as usual, he picked me up from my dorm and then we got Miriam from her flat to go to a party. Everything was going well until Miriam got very, very drunk. She was puking in the bathroom. She usually does not drink but decided to have a few drinks. Anyway, we decided to leave and Ibrahim said he would drive us home.

I wanted to have Miriam come to my place but she refused and asked to be taken home. I was going to go stay with her and she said no that she would be okay. Since I live further away, they dropped me off first and then they left for Miriam's place.


The next day I called her several times, but I did not hear from her. It wasn't until I went to her flat on Sunday that I was able to see her. She told me that Ibrahim brought her home and had sex with her. She said she doesn't remember much, but remembers him taking off her underwear. She woke the next morning without panties and has not heard from Ibrahim since.


It has been a 2 weeks and neither of us have seen Ibrahim. I think he is feeling guilty and want to confront him but Miriam doesn't want that. She is very depressed but all I can do is be there for her. I really think that I should say something to Ibrahim at least. I mean, he raped her. This is someone that we have always trusted and I can't believe this happened.
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Monday, March 22, 2010

UGLY BABIES...

Hey folks, thank you so much for taking the time to share your opinions on the little dilemma I was having about the Sex, Marriage & God update. The majority said I shouldn't take the post down, and I have to say I am leaning that way. The reality is that I have removed posts before, without prompting form the individuals involved, simply because the aftermath of the decision they made was difficult and our TTTEC discussion would serve as a constant reminder of their dilemma. Given that, I honestly would have removed the Sex, Marriage & God post. But, considering the abuse, the fact that I don't like being dictated to and the sound comments from you all, I am going to give myself some more time to make a decision. Geez, you know what? It stays up. Final decision. I think.

Anyway, thinking about that post is giving me a headache. So, unto the issue of today. I have always been a firm believer that if you make fun of someone's baby, you will surely end up with a funny looking child of your own. Thankfully, I never did that because I ended up with some cute babies (if I may be so bold to say so, *ahem*). The picture below is not one of my kids, sha.
http://dailydiatribe.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/ugly-baby-a3c.jpg
Well during a birthday dinner for a friend over the weekend (Happy belated bday, Dr. A), my friends and I got into a conversation over 'ugly babies'. It all began because we were discussing the birth of our friend's child who is a complete beauty. Friend A (really funny Naija babe) said she was so glad that our friend's child was fine because if not she would have had trouble saying that the child was fine. lol! Well, myself and another friend, let's call her B (fine Naija babe) stated that we had never seen any ugly babies.
Ugly Baby! by hagbard73.
And that is when the mini-wahala began. Friend C (birthday girl) joined A to claim that there are indeed many ugly babies, while B and I protested that such is not possible. We were soundly chastised for not having seen enough babies. hahaha.
Na wa. Personally, babies typically make me go "ooh" and "awww" and think happy thoughts. They all seem to have wide, curious eyes, yummy cheeks and make the most amazing sounds. I'm glad I've paid my dues and popped out 3, because if I didn't know better, I probably would be under the "Gotta have my own baby spell" and would forget that they grow up and quickly start to show you pepper as is the case with Bomboy who recently fought his father over a bottle of Guinness. But, that is another story....
So, people, are there 'ugly babies' out there and have you seen any? If you have, did you tell the parent their child was cute or how did you react? I don't think you guys can convince me that there are indeed ugly babies out there, or as my friend C said, babies that just need a little longer to grow into their looks, lol!

Being that the last time I thought you guys would be on my side, you all (and I mean ALL) took Husband's side (the issue was that ignoring wives lends to a good marriage *side eye*), the comments are going to be interesting. And, I will probably lose as you guys are likely going to side with A *sob* Oya, bring it on.

Lord have mercy....

Friday, March 19, 2010

TTTEC: SEX, MARRIAGE & GOD - AN UPDATE

Hey folks!

Do you remember the post Sex, Marriage & God? It was sent in by a guy who was having intimacy problems with his wife.

Well, I got an email from his wife. She was very upset and demanded to know who I was and why I was having email communications with her husband about sex. I considered responding, I thought I owed her an explanation. But, after thinking things through, I quickly realized that me engaging her could only complicate matters further. After all, if she was reading her husband's email (which I presumed), she would soon realize that all communications were initiated by her husband and that at no point had I made any rude comments about her or her relationship.

With that calculation, I deleted the email. I mentioned it to a couple of friends and soon forgot it. However, a few weeks ago, I received another email from her. It now seems that she found this blog, read through the TTTEC installments and found the post concerning her situation. Understandably, she was upset, even more so than her previous email. She said she wanted her post removed and had some choice words for some of the commentators.

As I write this, I am honestly willing to remove the post in question being that it has hurt this woman so much. With the TTTEC series, it has never been my intent to hurt anyone. But clearly, when someone writes about a matter that involves another person, it is highly likely that doing so will actually bring others pain.

Being that TTTEC is not just about me, frankly, you guys do a better job helping to solve these problems, I think it fair to bring this up with you guys. Please consider this a favor to me as I would appreciate your frank opinions. I am willing to remove the Sex, Marriage & God post, but I wonder if I should contact her husband. Honestly, I'm too busy to be dealing with things and if he doesn't know that his wife is reading his emails, I for one am not interested in putting my nose there. Staying out of people's marriages is something I learned through experience.

Anyway, please give me your opinion. As I said, pulling that post down takes nothing on my part. But, a little part of me is honestly upset that instead of dealing with her issues with her husband - i.e. why he would feel the need to contact an anonymous blogger for help - she chooses to send me insulting emails. I'm proud of myself though, I haven't responded.

What do you guys think? Thanks.

Monday, March 15, 2010

MEN, WOMEN & MONEY

I have written and erased this post far too many times than I wish to confess. So, rather than focus on packaging my thoughts in a nice and pretty package, I'm just going to come out and say what I think without any sugar coating.

I am tired of men talking about golddiggers. I am tired of men complaining about babes using them for money. I am tired of men complaining in their songs that when they had no money, or were chopping paraga "girls no bin dey look me."

ENOUGH.

First of all, I think it is the lamest and most unattractive thing for a man to whine and complain. I don't even let my 4 year old and 2 year old boys get away with it. Nope, no way. Second of all, a man who would publicly state that girls didn't want him before he had money is making a fool of himself, as that simply indicates that he is lame and can't pull chicks without the armor his supposed money provides him. Any man like that would not get more than half a word in with me when I was single. That's right I said Half. A. Word. Senior Babes and Babettes (in training) are you listening? A word is enough for the wise. Moving on.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that there are not women out there who simply focus on material things and only want men for what those men can do for them financially. These women exist, but they would not exist if the games they pull didn't work on many men. It's like how all these newspapers are demonizing Turai Yar'Adua suggesting she is a problem of some sort. I can't help but think that the focus is lost - focus on the real problem. In terms of Nigerian politics, Turai cannot do any of the things she supposedly has done, if Nigeria's national Assembly didn't put their foot down and demand to either see the President or have him resign or be impeached. Sorry for the politics diversion, una know say I cannot talk without bringing politics into things.

Anyway, going back to these horrible gold digging women, it is time for men, and women, to stop demonizing them. As I said in my response to Jinta's post titled The Prevalence of Currency (discussed the importance of money in men-women relationships),
"Many men ... set themselves up for failure. Why would you want to be with a woman that would not have wanted you before you had/gave off the impression of having money? And, if a man is that way (wanting to be with the sort of woman that wouldn't have wanted you before you started spending), then I must say he is a sucker who deserves what he gets.

It's the same thing for us women. Don't get me wrong, any chick who is with a man that would not want to be with her if she didn't have the long Indian yaki [hair], fake nails or eye color for instance, is also setting herself up for failure.


So, yes, while it is supposedly the way of the world that a man must spend that money to have the ladies flock to him, that man must not now complain when the ladies flock and demand that the money keeps flowing."
That is just how I feel, people. We cannot continue to set ourselves up by giving others incredible expectations of who we are and what we can do, particularly when it comes to the superficial, such as money, looks etc. But, if YOU want to do that, or if YOU are looking for that in a partner (i.e. boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse) YOU have little room to complain later, shebi?

And, as I end this post, may I just say, once again, to all those musicians talking about how they couldn't get babe's before they had money, do yourselves a favor and stop it. Stop it right now.

But I hope all you Easier family members are well and that you have an incredible week. See you all on Friday.

Friday, March 12, 2010

TTTEC: AN UPDATE

I have been promising to give updates on past TTTEC issues but have failed to do so. Well, today, I have an update for you all. Remember, "A Father's Infidelity"? Well I contacted 'Joke' and here's what she has to say...

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Thanks so much for checking up on me. I'm sorry it took me so long to respond but my life has been crazy since the last time we chatted.

I spoke to my oldest sister and shared my suspicions. This lead to a big argument with her asking me what good it would do telling mommy so close to the party. I told her I couldn't keep quiet and well, she got upset and hung up on me.

I prayed very hard about things and the spirit told me to tell my mother about my suspicions. I told her 2 nights before, over the phone. She reigned insults on my head and told me that I need to mind my business. By the day of the party, it seemed my siblings all knew and they all gave me the cold shoulder. My mother seemed on top of the world, as if nothing had happened and she looked to be having the time of her life.

Once the party ended, I didn't hear from my mommy. My oldest sister, however, called me three days later to give me a piece of her mind. According to her, I destroyed the anniversary party and am the reason why our parents are fighting. Apparently, the night of the party, my mother and father got into a shouting match. It seems she had always known and had previously told him not to take any of the children with him when he went to meet his mistress. My pronouncement to her confirmed that my father had not followed the rules or something.

I'm just so overwhelmed by the whole situation. My father and mother are not speaking to me. My siblings are very cold with me. Christmas was horrible. I felt like a stranger in my house. My friend says I should just apologize to my parents, but I don't know. My mother has always been a very vengeful person, quick to anger and arguments. Right now, I am stressed trying to find a new job and
I don't know if I can take all of that on. What's done is done.

I miss having my family the way it was, but I could not live a lie. I know you were very clear in your instructions on how to handle things, and yes, I didn't follow all of them, but, again, what's done is done.

Thank you for your help. Thanks to your readers as well. I recently read over their comments again and in retrospect, I probably should have listened to their advice and warnings.
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I actually have a few more updates, including one of a nasty email I got, but I will save that for next week. My question is, considering the results, do you think she should have simply kept quiet about this situation?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

JOS, CIRCA MARCH 2010

I know I try to leave the politics at Nigerian Curiosity but right now, I am enraged, and have to write my personal feelings. I have been trying to avoid it but alas...

I just saw pictures of the babies, and yes, I mean babies, killed in the most recent rash of fighting in Jos and I just can't handle my anger. There is never any reason for anyone to kill defenseless children. There is never any reason to kill period, save in an effort to protect life. There is no way anyone can convince me that cutting the life short of defenseless women, children and the elderly is a basis for cold murder.

As I type, I can hear my kids laughing, oblivious to the dangers and evils this world holds. I wish I could keep them innocent forever. I wish that the children who have lost their lives in this latest fighting and the various other incidents in Jos could have another day to laugh and play. I think of the many Nigerians all over the country who are struggling, who are dying simply because they are unfortunate to be born into a country of so much beauty and promise but with leaders who are yet to work tirelessly on their behalf.

Right now, I can confess that I am in tears and I am not ashamed to say so. Although I am crying, I don't feel powerless. I don't feel hopeless. I can't feel that way because I am fortunate to breathe another day and strongly believe that these deaths must not be in vain and must not happen again.

What's the next step? I couldn't tell you. Some will pray. Some will walk in protest. Some will write to provide additional awareness. Some will work with organizations to try and make things better. I just hope that we will not allow ourselves to become numb to such incidents, or allow these acts of violence to distract us from all the other related questions about accountability, electricity problems, democracy, or the big one - where is Yar'Adua?

And with that, I need to go keep the boys from doing anymore damage to the house. Please stay well, keep the people of Jos and Nigeria in your mind and yes, I will update on Friday. Thanks.

Monday, March 8, 2010

...FOR A GOOD MARRIAGE

My husband has some interesting thoughts on what will ensure that a man has a good marriage.

Let me back up and give you guys the gist.

So, TK, my 4 year old son, has a habit of tuning people out. He gets into his own world and just ignores you when he likes. These times are usually when his father or I are trying to get him to do something he absolutely has no interest in doing. Like if we say, "TK, go make your bed." The guy will just ignore us, walk right by us and pick up a book or something.

At first, I thought it was only me he did it to. I would have to repeat myself several times and not until I raised my voice and used my Naija momsy accent and stance would he focus and say "Huh?" with his head thrown to the side and a puzzled look on his face. Husband thought he had a hearing problem, until we did some unscientific tests at home. We soon realized that when told to do his chores (yes, my 4 year old has chores already, lol!), the guy would all of a sudden play deaf. But, when informed of the presence of chicken, fried yam, indomie noodles (which he calls "indomie noodooz"), mangoes or ice cream, the guys hearing, all of a sudden, would work 100% of the time.

Once we got that out of the way, we began to simply discourage him from tuning us out. It took him a little longer to stop tuning out my voice however...go figure, shebi? Anyway, one day, right after another 'tune your momma out' incident, my husband looked at his son and smiled.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked.
"Um...oh, nothing." He said, clearly trying to decide whether or not to share his thoughts.
"My friend! Common tell me what you are thinking." I said jockingly, walking up to him and sticking a finger in his ribs to make him laugh.
"Well, I can't help but think that this boy is well equipped for marriage."
"Huh???"
"Think about it, the boy clearly knows how to tune out voices. That is going to be an ideal attribute for him when he is a married man."

At this point, I am astounded and roll my eyes. But from the look on Husband's face, it becomes clear he is not joking.

"I wish I could do that." He said in a low voice and moved before I threw my hat at him.

So, there you have it people. My Husband thinks that the ability to tune out people (please read wives) is an attribute necessary for a good marriage. Hahaha. God have mercy.

Please what do you think about this? I feel otherwise, but would like to know where you stand.

*Good Lord, I hope I don't lose out on this debate*

Soldier of Love

Friday, March 5, 2010

GBAMU, GBAMU

Hey folks, I made a mistake in scheduling today's TTTEC post, so, it had to be rescheduled. I apologize. Abeg make una no vex.

For today, I'm sharing 9ice's newest video for Gbamu, Gbamu. I've been running to this song for a couple days now and it's pretty good. Hope you enjoy it. We are listening to it now and Bomboy keeps laughing each time 9ice says "Gbamu Gbamu". He finds the Yoruba language to be funny. Ah, see, they are now all asking each other "kilon se ye?" in their Yankee accents, its too funny!



I'm off to a naming ceremony tonight with the entire family. Should be fun as my hubby has never attended one. Yes, I didn't do those for my babies. Haven't been to one of those in a long time, but do people take gifts to those? I want to get the mommy a little gift though, not flowers because they must have tons of those. I can't wait to see the little baby, heehee.

Okay folks, sorry for the post mixup, and have a blessed and wonderful weekend! Off to take TE to school, ooh, ooh, my baby was selected Student of the Month in January for being a good student, the formal announcement was delayed by all the snow storms we had recently. Yay!!!! I'm giving her and her brothers a treat this afternoon. Oya, bye! Gotta get that lady to school!

Monday, March 1, 2010

DADDYS & DAUGHTERS

When I was pregnant with TE, my mother-in-law gave me some sound advice. She advised me that if someday I notice that my daughter loves her daddy more than me, I shouldn't be offended because she loves me, but I just don't compare to her father.
black-father-and-daughter
Well, as TE grew up, it became clear that daddy was her favorite. Being that I had been forewarned, I wasn't particularly offended. In fact, it worked for me in many ways. When she would come to our bedroom in the middle of the night, she would seek her father who would have to wake up and spend time with her. Yes, I got to sleep through it all. Before her brothers came along, they even took daddy-daughter trips - one to Trinidad to watch a cricket match and one to Dominica to visit family members. Once again, I got some good sleep on those occasions.

The only issue I had was when she was about 13 months old and I realized that Husband was having a hard time disciplining her. If I told him his daughter did something naughty, the man would chastise me for accusing his daughter falsely! It got to a point I started recording evidence of her naughtiness. For  instance, once when she pulled out all the tissue paper from the toilet roll and coated the bathroom with it, I simply snapped some pics and recorded her in the act with a video camera. That was the last day the man ever told me I was accusing his daughter falsely! She had the man wrapped around her fingers, I'm telling you. I had to talk to him about it and since then, he has been a lot tougher on her when she gets into trouble.

But now, there is another issue that has presented itself. I think TE thinks she owns my husband. Yes, she orders him around and quite frankly, nags him mercilessly. You should see the patience he somehow has when it comes to his daughter. It is amazing. If I tried to get away with half of what she gets away with... well, it would never happen!

"Daddy, I need some crackers."

Off he goes to get his daughter crackers.

Me? I have to beg, cajole and use my sweetest voice for some crackers.
 
And when it comes time for her to talk, oh my goodness! Already the girl can talk, so when she decides she wants to 'lecture' her father about her day, she goes on and on. And he somehow can listen to it all. I tried that yesterday and the guy passed out on me, no lie!!!! Or, when she gives her father an order like "It is time for you to clean the car, daddy." She says it with such sweetness, the man just can't help himself. Next thing you know, he's like, "Well, she reminded me to wash the car."

The girl has her daddy-manipulation skills down pat.

Well, I can't complain. I am glad TE and Husband get along. I didn't have that experience and I am grateful that she does. She is her father's princess, as well she should be. When she comes asking me for money for one thing or the other, I just point her in the direction of her dad. Works everytime. Can you believe she once told me she wants to spend all her daddy's money? She's only 5 but she said it with so much conviction, I believed her. I have told her that she will become a big girl who will work hard to earn her own money. But, she is convinced she will still spend all her father's money anyway. *sigh*

Husband sometimes jokes that he feels sorry for her husband because she can be bossy and demanding. I remind him that all the attention and love he gives her will ensure she becomes a self assured and confident woman, knowledgeable of her worth and not willing to compromise her ideals.

I think I'm right.

What about you guys, what daddy- or mommy-manipulation skills did you have when you were growing up? Do you still use them?