TTTEC: THE ADOPTION ISSUE

Happy Friday, Easier Crew. As you can tell from the title, the issue of adoption is up for conversation. Read on to learn about Lara's situation. She is primarily looking for support and will take all suggestions on how to go about dealing with this difficult situation.

Thanks.

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My husband Timi and I have been married for 9 years. In those 9 years I have had 4 miscarriages and given birth to one stillborn child. For some reason, my body refuses to allow me to carry and bear children.

This has proven very difficult for Timi and I, but our faith has always gotten us through each trial. I know he desperately wants to have children, and we keep trying but, I do not think I can continue trying anymore. After the first 3 miscarriages, we discussed adoption. Timi was hesitant, but eventually coalesced to the idea. That was 6 years ago. After the last miscarriage earlier this year, our doctor encouraged us both to consider adoption.

During a conversation with his elder sister, Morayo, (who I have had a difficult relation with over the years), I made the mistake of mentioning that we might consider adopting a child. Morayo immediately became hostile asking why I could not just try to conceive again. I explained that I was tired of the disappointment and after a tense few minutes I informed her that I was not seeking her approval and that at the end of the day, the issue of adoption was one for Time and I to decide upon.

I thought things would end there, but instead, I later got a call from my mother in law. What i assumed would be a simple conversation in which we caught up with each other, soon became uncomfortable. Mama can be nosey, and I have learned over the years to not give her too much information. When I refused to share the information she was seeking, she soon began to warn me not to bring any random child into her family and that adoption was out of the question. In my frustration, I told her that she did not know what I was going through as she had 3 children of her own. Mama then started telling me to come home because she knows people that can 'help' me. I asked her what that meant and she told me to stop being stupid. I couldn't believe the way she spoke to me and the things that came out of her mouth. This woman is the President of her church's society in Abuja and is a respected pillar at her church.

When I approached Timi with the matter, he then started to backpedal on his previous commitment to adoption. He began to talk about the fact that as the oldest son, he needed to continue his family name and blah, blah, blah. I am just confused about how to go about things. I cannot go through another pregnancy that will end in a miscarriage. I just cannot. I also will not go visit a babalawo as that is against everything I believe in. Adoption is a good option but Timi and his family are being stubborn.

I cannot speak to anyone about my frustrations.
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Have a good weekend, everyone.