Hey good people, I hope you have had a good week. As much as I hate to admit it, most of the Nigerians reading today's installment will be familiar with this matter in some way or another. Can't give too much away, so you'll have to read to understand. Please take the time to drop a vote (or more) on my behalf at the Nigerian Blog Award for Category B. Thanks so much for the nominations.
Here we go...
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I am in a serious bind and I'm begging you to please help me. My parents are back home in Nigeria and I live here in the States with my father's older brother, Uncle Dapo. Uncle Dapo has been in the US for a long time and till this day, we do not know how he got his papers. Anyway, years ago, Uncle Dapo encouraged my daddy to buy a one bedroom condo as an investment that could be used to send myself and my younger brother Remi to school. Daddy respected Uncle's wishes and bought a place not far from Uncle's house and would send money to him to add to the money collected from renters. That money would then be used to pay off any monthly bills and the monthly mortgage payment.
However, I just found out that Uncle has not been sending my father's money to the bank as promised. My brother just came for hols and opened mail belonging to daddy by mistake (they have the exact same name). In the letter, the bank said they will foreclose on the condo for failure to make payments. My brother wants me, not him, to tell my father but I am so scared. Uncle Dapo and I have been arguing for years, as I just have never liked him. In the past, my father has been upset with me for failing to show his "egbon" (big brother) adequate respect. Basically, I do not want to be the bearer of bad news. Remi refuses to tell. He says he will stand by me if I call popsie, but I am so scared, I do not know what to do. Add to this the fact that our mom is not doing well healthwise. Daddy is under a lot of stress and I do not know if this is another blow that he and mommy can bear at this time.
What do you suggest I do? Please help.
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This matter of thieving relatives is one that is so confounding in its implications, that is probably the hardest act of disloyalty to deal with other than infidelity in a marriage. That's just my opinion. My own mother has a relative that stole well, I won't bother to go into that. Basically, this is a serious matter and I hope you guys can help Toyin by offering some sound advice.
Thanks.
26 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
Tell your papa and let him handle it. I think your father will have a bigger issue if the house is foreclosed and he never knew. Some family members can be so mean!
chaiiiii I am not first!
:(
its always better to tell no matter how hard it can be dear---please do tell ur father before things get worse.
Toyin needs to tell Popsy if Remi is not going to..because at the end of the day if the house is foreclosed they will be homeless!
u want to know what to do
okay listen very very carefully
1) pick up the fone
2) dial popsies number
3) tell him all
4)do it now
that is all
Toyin, sweetheart, you need to stop being scared. Here's what you're going to do.
1. Plan for a weekend when you're going to break the news to your father.
2. Go out of town with Remi on that weekend, i.e. away from Uncle Dapo and anyone else that could be on his side.
3. Call another Uncle or Cousin or somebody, who's in Naija and who can talk to Daddy, or at least be with Daddy when you talk to him, especially since he needs the support with Mummy not feeling well.
4. YOU HAVE TO TELL YOUR FATHER! Scan and send him a copy of that letter that was sent too.
To be honest, dealing with Uncle Dapo and setting him straight will be a much lighter situation than owing the American government and being in their financial black books. You know that those people don't play. (Wait you didn't even say if you are in America or not, but Europeans don't say condo. I don't think... ).
Everyday is for the thief... Obviously, the day that Remi opened Daddy's mail was the beginning of the owner's day.
Think HARD about the big picture; so many things can fall apart if Uncle Dapo is not checked. Pray for courage, and the right words to say. God will answer, and help you.
So sad, but so many families have been destroyed through this issue of greed and lack of conscience towards our own blood. I thought it was a problem with us in the East, I didn't know other Nigerians have this problem as well.
Anyway, tell your dad you saw this letter. Don't say anything against your uncle. Just show your dad the original copy of the bank's letter. Ask your dad if he sent money through some written remittance e.g. western union. This would help him prove to the bank that he was sending money. Let your dad contact the bank direct and offer to clear the arrears gradually. They usually accept this as it's cheaper than foreclosing. Ask your dad to use you as intermediary for payment to the bank, ie, set up a direct payment facility through your own bank account. Your dad will give your uncle a great distance after this. Don't worry about this, just worry about your dad's property and have as little as possible to do with your uncle after this.
A true story: This couple from the east living in Europe wanted to return home and bought land back home and fenced it off. They arranged with the man's dad to supervise the building and pay the builders gradually. They sent money home regularly. The old man would send them snaps of a house being completed. They now went home for house warming & to settle. No house. Old man had even sold off the land. He was sending them snaps of other people's building. This is modern Nigeria for you. No honour and no kinship. No wonder the country is messed up if we can't respect the most important relationship of all - family.
are you really asking? of course telll him without wasting a second. He deserves to know
Please tell your father immediately... in fact, he should appoint you as his power of attorney, so that you can act on his behalf... and discuss any pertinent issues. Scan/Email the bank statement or do a three way conference call with the bank so that you father will realize the seriousness of it.
I'm not sure why you're scared. Respecting his brother has nothing to do with the situation. This is about your father's house and not about disrespecting his sibling. If he ever finds out that you knew, and never told him, then you may experience more anger out of that than out of disrespecting his brother.
But get the facts first... to make sure everything is as you say it is... for how long has payment not been made... are payments being made but maybe not enough to cover the mortgage???... What kind of interest rate was it? Was it one of those ARM that caused the payment to be significantly increased? Once you know the pertinent details, call your father and present the facts... but you MUST tell him. And you may just want to ask him before you delve into it, if your uncle has discussed any issues with the house with him recently...
And if you are still scared (still curious as to why?), then put your brother on the phone at the same time... you both say hello together and use "we".. we found out... we did this.... and dont accuse your uncle... just say we found out the payments have not been made (try to get a 6month history at least)... we called the bank and they said this and that.... (clearly he already knows who is responsible so no need to say Uncle hasnt paid the mortgage)
Goodluck w/everything
Ah...thank God they are not Igbo!
There is a popular saying that every family has an odd one out!
Find a way to tell your Dad about your discovery before things get out of hand!
Just seen a comment on here that threw me off...sigh..moving on...
I think you need to involve someone that your dad trusts a lot that you like as well, show them the letter as proof, please make multiple copies of this letter btw and if i were u i will try to call the bank to find out the exact situation, kinda lie and tell them say ur dad passed, u are just now hearing about this, what can they tell you about the house and past payments. Take all of this proof armed with your brother and the trusted adult and tell your daddy as gently as possible. he is not senile he can't see the truth in his face and deny it. It is well
I dont think this is a problem. The truth always wins, of course. Tell the truth. Whatever will be, will be.
As difficult as it may seem, u should tell ur dad...he deserves to know what his bro has been up to...
i dont even know why this topic is on TTTEC, tell ur brother to give ur dad his "letter" shikena!
or if ur brother wont do it, then give ur dad his letter. they'll sort the rest between themselves!
let your dad know.. get something to prove your "information".. so your dad can make a good decision..
I agree with isha. In fact, I would contact the bank and get all the necessary documents to show proof and then let your dad handle it.
It's your dad's letter right? Please send it on to him and let him take it from there.
What is really painful though is why siblings should steal from their blood and open eyedly cause them loss. Maybe they feel entitled and have no guilt, pscheww...
@Myne, yeah, it could be that feeling of entitlement and the sense that afterall, u have enough..
I agree with Diamond hawk and others, ur dad is in Naija, scan and email the letter to him.do not go the 'see, what uncle D has done this time' route..simply get some history and tell him what u know and how u r willing to help.
Your dad deserves to know!
I just want to say PLEASE DO NOT LIE TO THE BANK. I have got love for Neefemi but NEVER LIE TO YOUR BANK OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE. It will make things worse BUT please do tell your father. I don't understand this fear thing. To be honest, as bad as this might sound, I would be more than happy to tell him. BUT not happy for this situation as it's going to be so hard for him. But go to the bank asking for information. Tell them you need as much information as possible as your father is out of the country and you have been appointed to rectify the situation. What bank wouldn't want to give you information to get their money bank. But do it quickly foreclosure is not a small thing. Your uncle did an awful thing. Greed is too much ugh!
Definitely tell your dad and find a way to send the letter as proof.
I agree with everyone: she should tell her father about it. But after she tells him, what next? Popsy may just be able to shout from where he is. I think you great people can give her ideas about the strategy the father can use to approach this thing or how they can help him. Cause in real terms this business represents their inheritance. So all hands should be on deck. If their popsy were not around; wouldn't they fight for it?
@I do understand where Sugabelly is coming from. Ibos are notorious for such backstabbin moves..
What I mean by help is..is there any real chance of a legal redress? MOU? Bank transfer statements? After all dear Uncle is jand and the law is more helpful there than in Naija. I feel like I am shooting in the dark here..we are so damn trusting.
tell ya papa
you saw the letter for a reason,act on it
Toyin,
I can understand not wanting to tell your dad because of his health, besides that you’re just talking rubbish. Who cares if you & your dad fight about everything else? It is unless you want to join forces with your Uncle Dapo & clean your father out.
I want to believe you are old enough to handle the matter before even involving your father, you & your brother cannot be acting like little sissies. You should do your homework, get all the necessary paper work & take on Uncle Dapo, first, so that when you call your dad & tell him, you can reassure him that you’re untop of the matter.
To buy a house for yankee to be come chop, unless your family is rich & have money to throw away. Grow up and make yourself, your father & your family proud. No time to waste.
MHO
Baroque
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