Friday, July 2, 2010

TTTEC: SISTER-IN-LAW TROUBLE AN UPDATE

As promised, here is an update to TTTEC: Sister-In-Law Trouble.

BACKGROUND
For those that recall Ola (not her real name) was in a bind over what steps to take regarding her younger brother's wedding. Her brother, Taiye, informed her that his fiance had cheated on him numerous times and he was unsure about whether or not there would be a wedding. Taiye eventually decided to go through with the wedding but in the process of reconciling with his wife-to-be, Glory, he told her that Ola did not like her. The result was that Glory banned Ola from the wedding. Taiye and Ola's mom sensed something was wrong and sought to learn what was going on and why Ola was  no longer as active in the wedding preparations.

RESULT
Taiye and Ola's mom now knows that Ola was banned from the wedding. How did she find out? Simple. Although Ola was avoiding her mother for fear of telling her more than she should (please read original post to understand why), Ola's husband was not as tight lipped. In a conversation with his father in law, he let it slip that Ola would not be attending the wedding. Thinking that Ola had already discussed the matter with her mother (she had not), he explained to Baba Taiye that Taiye and Glory were having problems. Ola's father in turn shared his fears with his wife who showed up at her daughter's house to get direct information.

For those of you who are well-versed in the ways of dramatic Nigerian mothers, it will be no surprise that Mama Taiye did not even wait to consult Taiye before calling her soon-to-be in laws and informing them that her family would no longer be adding their daughter. Now, there is tension between families, Taiye will not speak to Ola as he feels betrayed, Ola's husband feels stupid for making a mistake and Ola feels horrible.

MY HUMBLE OPINION
I strongly suggested that Ola not tell her mother. She took my advice but unfortunately, what was meant to happen happened. Her mother was likely going to find out some way or another as she was apparently digging via her own sources to understand why Ola was no working on the aso ebis for the wedding. That being said, it is unfortunate that her mother went above everyone's head to cancel the wedding. Personally, I think people are allowed to make their own mistakes, and based on what I was told, Taiye knew very well the sort of woman Glory was. Despite that, he still wanted to marry her. I think Mama Taiye should have let it be. I know many of you disagree with my stance which is fine, but ultimately, I have learned that you cannot force anyone to make the 'right' decision. And even if you manage that, they will simply hate you for it in the end and possibly make other choices that would be worse.


I think this matter is only going to drive Taiye closer to Glory and give her ammunition to use against his family, further driving a wedge between him and his loved ones. Ola heard that Taiye is going to marry her even without his family's blessing. Her mom has already sworn up and down that if he dares marry her, she will have his head. Hmm, I just don't know if all that wahala is worth it, and I feel for everyone involved. I am thankful, however, that I do not have to deal with these problems personally.

OLA STILL NEEDS HELP
Ola is trying to figure out what she can do to salvage the situation. She has begged her mother to reconsider, but things are too far gone for that, it seems. She reached out to her brother who refuses to respond. She sent an email message to Glory and got a profanity laced voice mail in response. Well, please share your thoughts and any good suggestions. The babe is stressed out and the wedding is technically less than 2 months away. Rumors are flying around town, people are calling Ola to order their aso ebi and well, from what she tells me, it just is not pretty.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this update, folks. I hope you are all well and wish you a wonderful weekend.

23 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:

Mogaji said...

FIIIRST!

Mogaji said...

I know it is hard but the best thing she can do is to ride it out. She can't go on planning the wedding cause mama will probably have her head too and Glory would always see her as the enemy. When things come to a head and they need a rational person, they will come ask for your help.

In the meantime focus on your nuclear family (and share more info with your husband).

BBB said...

stop organizing and just let things unfold
there is nothing she can do
its not her fault
and she should stop blaming herself
the truth is no matter what she tries to do her brother will still do what he wants to

The nitty-gritty tales of a housewife said...

*sigh*!..stay low & keep your peace..things would eventually fall into place..YOU & HUBBY SHOULD NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ANYTHING!..You both did right...your brother didn't handle it well as A MAN!..i truly pity him..because she has him wrapped around her fingers..DEM NO DEY TELL FLY NA WAN FOLLOW DEAD BODY ENTER GRAVE O..OR A DOG THAT REFUSED TO HEED TO HIS MASTER'S WHISTLE..

Olufunke said...

I dotn need to repeat the obvious, that she is in a difficult situation.

She should stop pretending that she is eager for the wedding to take place, and stop showing any support, planing aso ebi inclusive.

She should try harder to reach out to her brother and then keep praying for them.
She is really in a tight corner

Naijalines said...

I don't see that she is in a tight corner at all. Everyone has got their own lives to live. She can't live her brother's life for him, so just leave be. Stay out of their lives and focus on yours - you, your husband and children.

As the English say, it would all come out in the wash! (Truth has a way of coming out eventually). All the best.

SHE said...

Not sure anyone can offer much advice that Ola can implement right now.

As i see it, the matter is beyond her.

Tell the people ordering aso-ebi to hold on, while you sort out logistics. Then fold your arms and watch.

doll said...

what is she considering again...they should stay off the boy's case...its his mistake to make and it is his life, if a man is old enough to marry, he is old enough to marry the wrong wife and live with her

aloted said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
aloted said...

O ga ooo. drama drama

Everything will work out fine in the end but each person should face their own family

leggy said...

she should just ignore everyone and stick with her family.i dont see how she is in a tight corner sha, me i would have just ignored both my brother oh,my mother oh, the girl oh and just lie my life.

leggy said...

live*

Jaycee said...

Wow. This guy is bent on marrying this Glory babe, there must be something about her that he is seeing that everyone else in Taiye's family is not seeing.

Ola should rest her case and stop begging anybody. If her brother is bent on marrying glory, Ola is not invited to the wedding anyways, so she should just try as much as she can to focus on other important things in her life...like her own family. She should make sure her own HUSBAND comes first before any family member, she should reinforce her love for her own husband and establish the fact that he shouldn't feel guilty for his mistake...she should forgive him and maintain the love in her own home.

Miss Natural said...

It is a very painful situation for Ola and I can imagine how she feels. That being said, and speaking as an outside observer (making it easier said than done) I think Ola should just let it rest...if Taiye still wants to wed without his family's blessing then Ola should give his and Glory's details for those who want to find out about the wedding, aso- ebi and everything else in between. She should simply step out of it. He is a grown man making his own choice, it seems very much like the wrong choice but its his choice. For his family members it is easier said than done though to allow a loved one commit such a fundamental mistake...all they can do now is just to pray.

Waffarian said...

Haba! You mean say she still dey bother about this matter? Wetin she wan do again?

Abeg, abeg, no be by force....

There is really nothing she can do. As far as she has tried to reach all parties involved, ehen...wetin again?

I don't know why human beings like wahala. Abeg leave this matter jare and let people live their lives. The truth would have come out anyway, so why is she feeling terrible?

Also, she can not be responsible for anybody's actions but hers. How her family members choose to behave is not her responsibility. She is only responsible for what she says and does.

To say the truth, I really wonder why people like this kind of drama...why? ehn? There is really no need for all this. Life is not so hard if everybody just live their own lives. Like I said in an earlier comment, you really can not do more than give your own opinion and then, THAT IS IT! FINISH! OKPARI! LET THIS MATTER END...

P.S: I can not tell you the number of times I have given advise that was not taken! I ALWAYS give an opinion but thats where it ends. How people then choose to live is another matter. Haba!That one, I can not be responsible for.

EDJ said...

I agree 1000% with Waffy. Ola needs to go home and focus on something else.

It is now wayy above her head and no longer her business.

Myne Whitman said...

I also agree that she should bow out. If her mom and Taiye are not cooperating and Glory is abusing her too, then which leg does she have to stand on?

isha said...

Ola needs to start giving Glory's # to the pple calling for the asoebi. Or find a distributor. She also needs to stop feeling bad, she was just truth's medium. It would have been worse if it is discovered, after the marriage scatters, that she'd known of all the palava before.

She's always gonna be her brother's sister. He just needs time to tighten the screws in his head and realize that.

miss.fab said...

I agree with the comments here. The matter is now out of her hands as she's tried unsuccessfully to resolve the situation. it's really just unfortunate that this drama is clearly going to drive a wedge between her brother and the rest of her family. I agree with Jaycee that she should focus on her immediate family now and make sure her husband doesn't feel guilty for making this honest mistake, lest it begins to cause tension in her own home as well. Her mother will eventually come around, since none of this was Ola's fault. As for her brother, I don't think there's anything Ola can do right now but pray for him and hope this Glory girl doesn't lead him to a path of destruction. My 2 kobo.

archiwiz said...

I'm actually surprised that Ola's mother did not find out Glory's reputation before now. I thought our people are usually very diligent in their investigations about possible in-laws?

Anyway, I would suggest that Ola compile all the email exchanges she's had with this Glory fellow and forward it to her brother, and say that she's washing her hands off the matter. She should also in the same email reinforce that she loves her brother and wishes him the best, then close the matter and go on with her life. Like others have said she should give the couple's number to those who call asking about the aso-ebi. And if people ask Ola if anything is wrong, or why, she should be very cheery about it and say that the couple wanted it to be their first joint assignment as husband and wife or some crap like that that our people would buy.

The whole thing will eventually unravel one way or the other. In the meantime, she should focus on her family and live her life in peace. Who dey cry dey see road!

nogoblogs said...

I hate when innocent people get blamed UGH she should leave them to their drama. She tried her best and they're not being far

CaramelD said...

Dear Ola, Ndo. You must be stressed out!

1. Pass on aso ebi questions to someone else.

2. Write your brother and wish him all the best in his wedding.

3. Go home drink water and rest with your husband.

You have taken enough Panadol for other people's headache. It is enough.

~Sirius~ said...

aaaahhh,
And to think this story was on my mind recently.

In my own opinion, this was inevitable.

The truth will always come out.

I just see it as God's way of ending the union before it began.

If it hadn't happened this way, something else would have happened.

Everybody should move on....