Hey everyone. Today's TTTEC installment was intended for last Friday, but I was instructed to hold off for a week. Hence, you only get to chime in on this problem today.
Okay, read on, people...
**********************
My younger brother Taiye and I are ten years apart. His twin, Kehinde, died when they were 12 and that tragedy brought Taiye and I very close. Despite all my efforts and advice, Taiye has consistently chased and dated the wrong type of women. And, now, he is about to marry a woman that he has no business being with.
He met Glory at a wedding when he came home for Christmas 2 years ago. He fell head over heels for her immediately and when he asked my opinion I made sure to give it. I told him about Glory's reputation. She is a former UNILAG girl who somehow manages to spend all her time in Abuja and knows many members of the National Assembly. Married women in Lagos, myself included, know of her and do everything we can to keep our spouses as far from her as possible. I told this to Taiye, but somehow, Glory convinced him that people were just jealous of her and creating stories. Within 8 months of long distance dating (Taiye likes in the UK), Taiye told me that he was going to ask for her hand in marriage. At that point, I simply asked him if he was sure that she was the one to marry and he said yes. So, I did everything I could to organize the 'knocking' and the eventual traditional ceremony. It required my spending a lot of time visiting her family in Abeokuta where her family lives.
It is now 3 months to the wedding and certain things have surfaced. Taiye called me from the UK in the middle of the night telling me that Glory had cheated on him multiple times. He again asked me what he should do. I told him to think hard and pray about whether he could stay married to someone he does not trust. He told me he was not sure and after we talked for some time I thought he would call off the wedding. Instead, I got a rude email from Glory informing me that she did not want me to attend 'her' wedding. It took 3 days for me to reach my brother who informed me that he told her I didn't like her and that that is why she doesn't want me at the wedding.
Now, my mother is asking me why I have not sent out messages about the aso-ebi. But, I promised Taiye much earlier that I would not tell our parents about all the wahala in his relationship. If I tell my mother anything, the story will unravel because momsy has been suspicious of Glory for a long time and if she gets even a hint that something is wrong she will chase it down and it will only complicate things.
I honestly don't mind going to the wedding, really. I don't respect Glory and am fine not being there. But now, Taiye is begging me to come, my mother suspects something is wrong and I can't keep avoiding her. I feel that I am in a tough position and do not know what to do.
********************
Any thoughts?
47 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
Ha! She needs to tell her mother stat. When her mom eventually finds out (which she will because in no time at all, Taiye will start having problems in his marriage), her mom will be very upset with her for not telling her before the wedding when she could've done something to talk some sense into Taiye's head/prevent all this wahala. Overly simplistic-sounding answer but that's my own solution o. I can't even believe she's seriously considering letting her brother marry this girl. This isn't on some I'm trying to go out with her, we're trying to go to the movies thing. This is marriage. A wedding that thousands of naira will be spent on, a marriage that emotions will be invested in (at least on the part of Taiye), a family that could be destroyed by this Unilag babe's lies and manipulation. I can't even mince words here. Do something, and do it ASAP!!!!
Heyyyy I'm #1 this week! Haha! First time ever, lol. Time to pop some champagneeeee
Miss fab said it all....do it fast
Def tell her mother right away.
You def dont want her to find out you were keeping it away from her AFTER the fact.
The wedding is not for a few months still.
Something can still be done.
I pray...
Oh NOooo, you are in a rough position. I dont envy you.
Personally if your Mom doesn't know about the new daughter in law, shouldn't you insist that your brother introduce them before the wedding so that your Mom can examine the new daughter and then give her thoughts to your brother.
why is your brother marrying without your Mothers blessing ? is he really a Yoruba. (smh) as I know Mother is very important to all Yoruba Men. Wife is behind Mother.
no doubt he will be honest with his Mom and that will end the schrade. if he marries someone he does not trust they cannot have a true marriage as there will be nothing between them, trust wise.
Have they had a traditional Yoruba Priest/Babalayo to give them a reading ? they need that before they can marry you know - co'mon now... don't anger your ancestors by allowing them to by pass tradition.
this tradition is in place to help weed out things like this, remember ? (wink*wink) who can refuse their own cultural traditions if they are having a traditional wedding ?
a marriage without trust is not a marriage. the word marry means to entwine - remember that.
It also means that whatever mess develops your brother will blame you because he will say you should have stepped in because you knew.
meaning you are also entwined.
Remember that blood is thicker than paper. ALWAYS. and until he has mixed his with hers dna wise, they are still two. when that happens, all hell breaks loose because they are then sharing dna.
WOWWWWWW... Did that wake you up Sisterlove ?
You are in my prayers.
^^^^a traditional yoruba priest kee?
okay oh.
in my opinion, i think she needs to tell her mum and then call her brother and talk sense into him.
oh sorry, I forgot to qualify my statement by saying that I am a traditionalist; 54 years old; and have been married for more than 25 years. Old values die hard.
do you think that her mother is different than Me ? probably not. that means that the Moms point of view would have to be key to all of this.
somebody needs to tell the Mom Now.
Ah!! this chick needs to step up asap!!! ah ahn this is YOUR FAMILY we are talking about!!!! (*aside..Glory is a stupid chit sha sending rude emails, instead of her to be cementing her shaky status *rant over) You need to cry and cry out loudly!!!!!!!! all and sundry need to know!! THIS IS YOUR FAMILY, if you allow this to go down..Taiye is gonna have a cartload of continuing problems!! So please, do not care about hurting his feelings at this moment by betraying his trust, you are preserving his future! so go for it!! Personally, me I will call family meeting sef!! all the elders go hear!!! that i ku aka is not happening!!!!
Miss.Fab pretty much said it all, marriage no be joke. It's a lifetime commitment and as angry as your brother may be if you tell your mother, it's for his own good really.
There has to be a reason why your mum has been suspicious her for long, parents have a tendency to see a lot further than we young adults.
I'll tell her if I were in your shoes, hands down!
tell ur mum hun
it will take the pressure of u
plus
its ur brothers happiness we r talking about
that marriage will not make him happy in the long run
Hey SSD,av i told u welldone for not tellin us b4 u came around?lol
I am very sorry if i sound a bit harsh but 1st of all,my interpretation of this story is that mum in law knows glory from a distance and is in support of the wedding cos she technically doesnt have any reason not to be.
If Taiye isn't man enough to make a decision as very simple as this,he has no business getting married to anyone...marriage itself can involve some tough decisions atimes and he doesnt sound firm at all at all,he had no business tellng glory his sister didn't like her after he knew of her escapades,i wonder why taye is begging his sister to attend when he should have instructed glory to apologise for the rude e-mail and invited her.
Lastly,i think you should tell the officiating pastor(as opposed to your mum) everything...i am hoping he's your family pastor so he will know how to gently tell your mum and guide everyone.....cos guess what?if he gtes maried to her,he'sll come and start asking u shortly afterwards if he should divorce her and then wetin we say make mummy no hear.......
i want to slap that Taiye! he's an idiot!
i don't support the writer getting involved in taiye's issue. obviously, he's a weak man. infact, reading the post, i was boiling. if am his sister, lailai will i tell my mom. is taiye not a man. na like dis so he wants to be someone's husband & father (in future) & he is here behaving as if it is to the movie he & his glory girl r going & not entering into matrimony. oya na, let him go into d marriage like a mugu & whatever he ses, let he carry it on his head like that. bloody idiot!
Tell your Mum, this is too important. Your Mum will find out soon enought because the cracks will start to show. Please do something before children become involved.
PS It's a shame that you are stuck in the middle like this. Ndo.
My opinion?
Tell your mother! Let her make it a big issue if she will, but nobody will come back in future and say, “but you knew, and you watched your brother walk blindly into it”.
And if there is something that “Glory” as used to bind Taiye to herself, a mother’s prayers will be effective in loosening it.
First thing First...Go for your brother's wedding and make sure You try to catch his eye at every opportunity You get......Take pictures sef...Cos that may be the last day He would be your brother...the new man after the wedding would be Glory's husband.
Forget about Glory and her escapades..It is your brother that would live with her...Telling mama might complicate things but what is there to lose.Tell her jo...Glory must be konorising Taiye...He needs to wake up and sometimes MOTHERS KNOW BEST..
i think u shld not say anything and kp praying, events will surely unfold in ur brothers favor and his fiancee's evil ways will be exposed. u risk breaking ur brothers heart and being separated from him if u tell ur mom, it will be deemed as ur fault that his wedding broke up and he might not forgive u for a while
i'm with flourishingflorida
tell your mum
This is the time to make all the moves because they havent tied the knot yet. If the mom is getting suspicious on her not coming to the wedding or that something is actually not right, she should let the mom know what she has found out about Glory. After all it is customary for people to know the kind of person coming to join their family. As for Taiye, he is not acting right. If Glory is already cheating on him before marriage, what will she do afterwards?
Miss fab said it all!
It is better to go through this shame now than after two weeks of marriage...NOW!!!
meanwhile, it's strange that this girl is not trying to buy your favour knowing u knw her life story....hmm
It is better for her to tell her mum. It is better for them to break it off now than get a divorce in the future. She needs to tell her mum, so that at least even if they still agree to get married, it wont be under false assumptions and pretenses. If she is really close to her brother like she claims she is, and loves him, then she needs to take action because no one wants to watch a loved one go through hell when it could have been avoided..Tell your mom and tel her fast!!!!
I don't understand what all the hullabaloo is about.
I think the guy deserves a right to make a mistake. Let him go ahead with the marriage with all the info he already has. Either he's thick in the head or the lady has cooked 'something' for him.
first off, after the initial resistance, u fully accepted her and even organised her introduction..
secondly, he called u of his own violition to tell u of her escapades and then went ahead to tell her that u don't like her..
and then instead of scolding his girl, he says u shd attend the wedding..
sorry but the guy's not very mature or the girl has some hold on him, others are notjust able to comprehend so tell ur mom, if he still decides to marry her regardless, na hin yawa..at least right now, the girl's not making any pretense abt her feelings for u so go ahead, t's the right thing and at least, even if he goes ahead, u'l be convinced u tried your best.
Goodluck!!
Hmm....tell mama..then sit back to watch old hands at play. Then ponder WHY, WHAT & HOW do a future wife- to- be had the GUT to send a hate mail to a future sister-in-law?...because it is HOW a spouse presents his/her family to his partner, that is how the spouse would regard them!..so TACKLE your brother...& good riddance to rubbish to the wedding ceremony if he decides to go ahead afterall, DEM NO DEY TELL BLIND MAN SAY MARKET DON CLOSE, BY THE TIME HE NO HEAR VOICES, THEN HE GO KNOW!
Since her brother is ready to get married, he's a grown man, she's warned him once so she should leave him to deal with it, she promised her brother she wouldn't tell her mum so she should keep her promise
As for going to the wedding its simply a matter of deciding who she cares about most,her brother or his wife to be and doing what they want, simples!
So pls excuse me, How can u open your eyes and let different types of diseases enter and u are still leaving it wide open? Please I think right from the beginning Your mother should have been informed about this chic’s treachery , not out of malice but to spare your brother a painful divorce. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. And how are u not sure she is with him because she wants UK residency? Hmmm n u say u r in distress? She even had the audacity to email u ? Hmmmm I will have my mother so far up in her behind he gold digging/ treacherous/ Promiscuous goods will be carried somewhere else for sale. As for that your brother, fine girl don enter im head finish!!! pls tell mummy, so she can talk, cry ,plead, call family on top of his head and pray like a mother would to stop him from dinning with the devil………… except u people want more agony in your family, u can continue, Cos at the end of the day when trouble starts, he will run back to u guys, so in order to avoid future headaches and know u tried all u could to stop this doom, Act fast, so if he decides to go ahead, he knows he was warned......
I don't understand this at all. WHY IN THE WORLD will he go into MARRIAGE if he thinks his fiancee is cheating on him? Marriage is a DEEP thing. It isn't something to just jump into and marry someone after 8 months. I'm really not getting this.
I think Taiye's older sister needs to really stay on the phone for 24 hours and discuss this issue with Taiye. Is it that this woman has been secretly revealed to him that she is his wife by God? Kind of like how Hosea married the woman who slept with many men? If not...
I don't get it o...someone pls explain to me.
LOL @ Daylight. Really, I think there's some information we're missing here. We don't have all the facts. Or else Taiye will not be begging like this.
So tell us Taiye? What do you really have to lose? Is there something you're not saying? Cos the story doesn't add up.
Comment from Twitter by @FashionDivvah (she's not able to comment here):
"She really should tell their mum. Even if he ends up hating her. It'll be for his own good in the long run. She needs to think of his long term happiness. What's the point of a marriage w/ no trust? He'll never be content. And she'll keep cheating since she knows she can get away w/ it."
1st off, I dont get why being a UNILAG girl immediately casts some1 as irreputable and a bad choice for a wife.
I do believe sis has been biased based on such funny assumptions from the start, which to be candid, does not make her an objective party in this whole drama... personally I think she is just here to look for justification on what she has already made up her mind to do anyway, which is go snitching to mum...sad to say, most comments here have made things quite easy for her!
I would like to think most brides would take an exception to having any1 who has been spreading malicious gists about them to their groom attending their wedding and even tho, it was a rash decision on Glory's part, i suspect this is what informed the famous 'letter'.
Taiye is an adult in his own right and is no longer 12years old. If indeed he confirmed his wife-to-be is a cheat and his subsequent reaction is that sis darling be at the wedding, then she should do just that and mind her business!
She should tell her mum that she is not welcome to the welcome by the Glory lady. And try not to be too involved in her brother's affairs.
My thoughts: STAY away from this drama. I know she loves her brother but he is a big boy and should know how to take care of himself. Chances are in the future, he will need her shoulder to cry on. Then she should get involved in helping him heal.
People should be given the freedom to self destruct. We decided whether or not we want to help them pick up the pieces.
I think older sis should stay out of it. If her younger bro is so serious about the relationship that even when he found out she had cheated he still wanted to stay with her then that is the brother's decision.
Older sis should not go running to their mother because I can almost guarantee all that will happen is that things will get uncomfortable for everyone. Glory clearly has #1 priority in his life and you do not want to make him have to choose between older sis/mom and Glory because it will surprise everyone when he picks Glory.
Unless she wants to alienate her brother then it is probably best to grit her teeth and bear it. Let them get married. Maybe Glory has "changed" and all of "that" (whatever that is) is in the past. Either way, it should be his mistake to make (if it is a mistake).
I think you should tell your parents why you're not going to be at the wedding. The marriage is obviously doomed from Day 1. If your parents find out you knew what was up, but didn't tell anyone, they won't really forgive you. Tell them what's going on. With time your brother would come to his senses. I've never liked this long distance relationships with people in Nigeria. There are enough Nigerians abroad so date someone you see everyday and get to know them. If the fiance thinks he's been cheated on before the marriage, what would happen afterwards? Would he always look at his kids & wonder if they're his.
I am not clear on what we should advice you on- is it to attend the wedding or to tell your mum or to find a way to convince your brother not to marry Hlory?
Personally, I don't think there should be a wedding but it is left to your brother to decide. You definitely have to involve your parents especially since you know of Glory's reputation. Since Taiye is so blindly in love he needs someone/family to help him come to his senses.
Am sure you know if you do nothing now, it would be worse if a divorce enters story so please help your brother see through his folly.
So you will open your eyes and let your brother walk into something that you already know is not going to end up well? As far as i know, u haven't done all u can. If it were me, i would totally tell my mother and let it unravel. That way when things go bad, at least you know u did all u could have.
Good luck.
1. For your brother to want to be with her regardless of her cheating ways, Glory has got a serious hold on him that is hard to contend with. Ahn Ahn! But seems like you’re also his closest friend, so use this to your advantage. He wants your affirmation. Don’t give it. Instead get on your knees fast and pray hard - Power pass power!
2. Be as wise as a serpent and as gentle as a dove. Your bro needs to feel like you’re on his side and it looks like you've been doing this. But you also need the perfect opportunity for your parents to uncover the truth so they can talk some sense into him. Ultimately, the decision is his to make. But it's the family's duty to nudge him in the right direction - if y'all won't tell him the truth, who will?
My dear, recruit a prayer partner (preferably your mom) and pray your brotha outta bondage!
I think you should talk to your brother. Say everything you have on your mind and tell him that you do not advise him to marry her, because of ....(whatever your reasons are). Tell him you care for him etc and thats why you feel you need to say this, etc etc.
After that, you don do your part. If he still decides to go ahead, na im business be that. E no concern you anymore.
I think thats all you can do, at the end of the day. Say what you have to say, and let it be.
I also dont know what the big deal is in telling your mum. In my own family, we no get secret. Gist dey spread anyhow, so I dont really understand why EVERYBODY is not involved in this. For my own house, everybody dey add their mouth for matter.
After everybody has said their own, then anything wey the man wan do, make e do.
Thats the way family should be. You are only there to advise and guide but at the end of the day, you can't walk in his shoes.
Make una advise and then thats it.
Yoruba bo won ni, ti ara ile eni ba n je kokoro ti a so fun, won ni kuruku ko ni je ki a sun! Meaning if u won't say anything, get ready for d sleepless nights. It reminds me of d desparate housewives episode of Lynette and her son's wife to be, u should see ow far u can go for people u love. Do all u can, he's ur blood look out for him. I would!
Excuse me.
"UNILAG" girl, I take offense.
I am Ex UNILAG, and all the girls do not behave in the same manner.
It's like saying because you have 3 bad fingers, your entire hand is bad.
That said.
As a man maketh his bed , so shall he lie on it.
If you are ready to take the heat(without regretting you didn't make the move when you had the chance) then tell your mama, your brother may never speak to you, but it will be known that you played your part as family to help him see reason why certain decisions in life are very important when making them.
Glory has her motives obviously.
And your brother needs to be far far away from people like that.
This woman started out with an initial bias against "Unilag babes".
Personally I think she needs to back off. There is no concrete proof that any of the claims she has made against this girl are true.
Knowing all the senators in Abuja is not proof of anything. There are a million and one reasons why a young girl might have connections in very high places. I know lots of young girls that pal about with senators and governors because their daddy, uncle or aunty is an ex or sitting senator, governor or whatever.
This woman HAS NO IDEA what connections this girl has or for what reason but she's throwing her under the bus because she's young and living her life.
From the moment I read she was trying to prevent her brother from dating "the wrong type of woman" I gave up. She has obviously (like so many Nigerian women do) classified women into good and bad based on whatever crappy moral standards she wants to hold up as her yardstick.
Sorry but I call bullshit.
She's not marrying the girl, her brother is. If she doesn't like her: TOUGH. I don't care what the girl has or has not done. EVERYONE deserves a chance at happiness. EVERY. LAST. HUMAN. BEING.
This woman needs to mind her own business sharpish. As far as I'm concerned, she's just being vindictive and petty.
@ Last comment above, she might be biased, but I don't agree with you. Forgetting all the things she knows herself, the fact that her brother told her that is wife-to-be is a cheat, is a good enough reason to worry.
But honestly, I don't think she can do much for this 'grown' (but obviously immature) man. He's the one who needs prayers. He has both his eyes wide open and still wants to walk into fire, so be it.
One side of me wants her to tell mummy, because marriage really is a BIG DEAL, but I think Taiye should wash his own dirty drosses. Sis is going to be the 'bad-guy' for a very long time if she's the one who ends the engagement.
Late as hell, but I will have to be the second dissending voice here and agree with Sugabelly.
The sister in law is biased. Point blank. Her brother is a grown up and knows what he wants. If he wants to marry a girl she finds having "questionable morals" (who is she, the pope?) then so be it. It's HIS choice at the end of the day.
I don't understand why we (Africans in general) like to meddle in others' business so much. Like Sugabelly said, I call BS.
lol i too am old. not to be too long Sugabelly did raise a few valid points, he deserves happiness and yes she might be biased but there are more signs pointing towards the fact that this girl spells danger than not. and as a sister she needs to take action fast, its obvious she herself doesnt want to meddle. but like they say about friends, its people who tell you the truth and would do anything to prevent your downfall- they usually have your best interests at heart.
came t read this so i can understand the update
them never marry the girl and she is already un-inviting "family" to the wedding, strange
Post a Comment