Someone, let's call her Sola, needs some relationship advice. I hope we can give her some constructive advice.
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When I moved to Maryland 4 months ago, I met a guy at a friend's party. Dan is handsome, funny, has a great job and I enjoy spending time with him. We have gone out a lot and we talk on the phone all the time. He just asked me to be his girlfriend and therein lies the problem.
Dan has a really, really, really bad reputation in the Nigerian community over here. Apparently, when he first came to the US, he slept with a lot of Naija babes and broke many hearts. I have asked him about his reputation and he has confessed that he treated girls unkindly in the past, but is now a changed man.
I want to believe him, but no matter where I go, I have people, sometimes random people, asking me about my 'relationship' with him. The other weekend, we went to a club with a whole bunch of people and I spent the night dancing and acting silly with Dan. Later on, I went to the bathroom only to have these two girls come in and start 'warning' me about Dan and how he's a player and I should be careful. I told them thank you and walked out but things like that tend to happen and it all involves Dan.
He wants me to be his girlfriend but I am unsure. What should I do?
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28 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
lol..seriously?
you are seriously going to pay heed to all these girls?
my dear, if you really like this guy you should definitely go ahead and date him, they are nigerians baby, they will always talk.
i dont know why random girls will come and be warning someone they dont know if they dont have an ulterior motive.thats what i feel sha.
Sigh...
Imagine if you had been the one that slept around in the past for whatever reason and you are now a changed woman and a proper potential wifey...and people now start telling your future boyfriend that you were promiscuous in the past...how would you prefer he handle it?
But then again...Leopards RARELY change their spot.
I think you should date him and if you fail, trust and faith arent terribly bad things to try out.
Goodluck oh...
and i am SECOND.
YAY
Hmm... Guys can say ANYTHING when they want a gal. Alas!there is no smoke without fire ..IF you like him, AGREE...BUT be CAREFUL..because as they say, the cane used in....... goodluck.
me thinks you should go ahead and live your life but babes, u gotta shine ya eye o...
U better call that man and tell him your ears are buzzing from all his gist that u should remain friends for now. Unless he gives u a ring u have no business catching feelings for him. A word is enough for the wise
Ok I will share my experience. So I met a guy, we hit it off and then yup, started hearing he was this and that player blah blah blah. I decided to give him a chance anyway. Well fast forward I started to notice things that were not cool. We are no longer together; I decided after almost a year of dating that he was not for me and that people were right about him. My candid advice to you is to date him if you want to, but if it doesn't work out you'll learn a valuable lesson: there is some truth behind the "gossip and warnings" people give. If you like him then give it a try but TREAD CAREFULLY so as to protect your heart.
everyone has a past. u'll never know if he has truly changed or not if u dont date him so if u really want him, then give him a chance.
temite's advice is really good.
if u give him a chance and he messes up, then u leave him and move on.
Why are you worrying about pleasing people and possibly remaining unhappy, Sola?
I'm not advising you to throw all caution to the wind (abi how do they say it?), but there's nothing that says you can't date Dan 'on probation'. You should also let him know he's on probation. If he's really changed you'll know.
Just be careful sha. All the best.
I think this is a problem with Dan's past and to be quite candid, no matter how much this lady tries to shove it aside, its wiser for her to still keep her ears down.
If you think he has changed well cool but it's still advisable to keep your ears open and hope for the best.
How have you been dear?
Run!
Plenty fish in the sea.
errrrm,
Old habits die hard.
Brace yourself for whatever comes your way.
But, honestly I think you should skip this one.
(they will all give you headache, but some will give you a migraine)
You've been going out and talking regularly over the phone for 4 months, in my estimation you guys are already dating so why cant you continue that for another 2 months? Tell him you want something serious and use that 2 months to watch him closely. In 6 months you shud know if he's the kinda ma you want to marry or not. At the end of the 6 months, tell him it's marriage or nothing else and watch him run if he's unserious!
I have come across one or two of those kinds. They NEVER change. Do you know why he picked you? Because you are new to the area and don't know about him. He will rely on your naivete to get himself a girlfriend until he misbehaves again. Let him reap what he sowed. Don't be his statistic. He is not worth it. Date someone you have a reasonable chance of being in a healthy relationship with.
But if you do decide to go ahead and date him, take control of the relationship. Set some ground rules. Let him know he is on a really tight leash. Let everyone know HE is on a tight leash. That way, if things don't work out, at least you will be the one that has everyone's respect for putting a flea collar on that dog.
I would have preferred for u to FLEE cos i don't ever believe men change,only women do as far as am concerned........but if u eventually want to agree to date him then d 1st rule u must give him is NO SEX as in DON'T(i repeat DO NOT) sleep with him,tell him you have to be married to him 1st&jus tryyyyyy to hold body...if what he really wants from u is sex,trust me u wont celebrate 1year anniversary of d relationship,he'll leave in frustration himself or start messing up again...........
LucidL and Qmoney have said it all. Girl be careful.
I came here to say try dating but be careful.
BUT THEN
After reading the comments I realised that they were right in you are the new woman in town he probably wants to get there first.
I'd give him a miss for now while you settle in my hometown Maryland :) And later on I'd give him a try if he's still interested. If he's not then his loss
Lol @ leggy..
@ there are nigerians they will always talk.
I agree with most if not all of the previous comments. I'd just say that Sola should go into this relationship, I totally am on the same page with whoever said to place the guy on probation. And she should be aware all the while.
Am with qmoney here
Hmmm so lets say, you were the bad one and are now'good' you'd want to be disbelieved?
What do you want?
Listen to what you want..
No matter the advice you get from a hundred people, it all boils down to what you want.. Do not listen to what anyone has to say, they always talk, its for you to experience..
Follow @Cosmopolitan Diva's advice. Be friends, take it cool. If he's dodgy you'd soon know. Get to know him really slowly. Goodluck.
I personally don't like listening to little talks.....yeah he was bad before now but come on...give him a chance....but still be careful....until u know he is real...then...but all I know ...if he likes women......he can't change o....I have been through this ish too.....I stopped trying to change him and I just let it go.....people warned me too.....I see and hear things...but I don't let ot get to me.....if he will change fine...if not...don't care just that when he is ready I might no longer be there......so please....go ahead....it just might turn out well for u okay......don't listen to unnecessary gist...
qmoney is on point! if he came for sex, once he doesn't get it, his true colors will show!
In my opinion, you should drop him.
All that "what if"..."he will change" etc...abeg, make we hear word. The same way people say bad things about someone is the same way you would have heard good things if there was any...
Apparently, there is no good news.
QMoney just defined my [hi]story - yes i dated a guy with a past, and yes we did not celebrate one year anniversary cos he wanted SEX and I wasnt ready for it. Now am married and last I heard he was still up to his old tricks.
LucidLilith is very very right - you're new on the scene which is why he picked you, so please please, run in the other direction.
Male players NEVER change. Stay away from him - cos he will always be that way even if he promises to marry you! Even after they marry, they remain the same - in fact nah dat time the true color go comot, so if you say you can put him on a leash, after the wedding nko? Who will be in control? The MAN. If you complain everyone will smirk and remind you that they warned you very very well.
So....run away o! Don't even consider dating him abeg! Plenty fine men out there!
I think some comments I am reading here are funny. Some girls posting here have a past. Some have been promiscuous. Some have done things with their so called boyfriends (And had their escapades shared around town). And lets say such a woman decided to change, and turn a new leaf, and she had a new relationship and people began walking up to her new boyfriend telling him what a bad girl she was in the past...cmon, most of you girls will begin talking about how the guy should forgive, and saying the dude is "immature" for not being able to handle it and such...
Give this new guy a chance, and watch carefully. After all, he did confess he had a past. So wait, and make your decision, and remember he that is without sin should not cast the first stone. If you as a woman wont want to be judged by how many men you have been with, then I suggest you extend the same hand to guys also. My 2 cents.
@QMoney...so only women can change right? And men can't? Men, I cant believe I just read that....God help you sha, and no offense meant. If you believe only women deserve second chances...well good luck to you!
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