Hmm, well, here is an issue I have never of before, but I definitely had a strong reaction. I included a little bit of my suggestion at the end of the post.
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My husband and I live in a small midwest town in the US. Last September, we met a young girl called Amanda at out local supermarket. She heard us speaking in Igbo and introduced herself . We chatted with her and exchanged email addresses. Sometime later, we invited her to our church, exchanged numbers and even invited her to our house a few times when I cooked Nigerian food for her.
Her aunt came from Canada to visit in March. Amanda brought her to our house, uninvited, to meet us. Her aunt thanked us for being kind to Amanda and we all exchanged various pleasantries. I received a phone call from work and got up to to take the call in the kitchen.
The call was quick, but once completed, I heard the woman asking my husband inappropriate questions. The woman asked how long we had been married and why we had no kids. My husband explained that we simply were not ready to expand our family. Amanda's aunt the began asking whether I was barren and told him, "Eh, you know that Amanda is a very fertile girl." She then asked him if he could just marry her so she could get citizenship because she overstayed her tourist visa some years ago and had to stay in our area so as not to alert the attention of authorities.
I had heard enough and at this point I came back into the room. Once Amanda's aunt saw me she stood up quickly and told my husband to think about what she told him. Neither her or Amanda said goodbye to me or even acknowledged me. They just walked out brusquely.
Now Amanda keeps calling my husband. So much so, that she calls and texts at all hours of the day. I've listened to the messages and she keeps asking him to call her. He responded to one of her texts, in my presence, telling her to please stop calling and texting. But, she refuses.
I am at my wits end about this matter. All I want to do is hurt this Amanda girl and her aunt. I am so upset that I did not speak up that day. My husband does not want me to see her or do anything. He has even demanded that if I see her I should turn and walk away, but I am furious and I know I will not honor his wish.
What kind of people will ask a stranger to marry someone he does not know? All for the sake of 'papers'. Are we the only ones this has happened to? We do not know this girl and her family. We thought we were being kind to an international student, far away from home. After all, we were in those same shoes once. So, to now be dealing with this mess is unimaginable. Before this matter, my husband and I never fought, but this matter is causing so much stress in our marriage. Now, I wonder if there is something else I do not know about. Please I need to know what to do because I am really angry, I am fighting with my husband and this idiot of a girl has brought confusion into my marriage.
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Okay people, I can't lie, I told Ifeoma to call Immigration Services and inform them about this girl. Yes, I know some of you will think that is extreme, but you haven't heard some of the other parts of this story, and based on what I have been told by Ifeoma, you would see the need to deal with this girl seriously.
Anyway, I was given permission to share this with you guys. So please, feel free to share your opinions and give her advice. I do not think she should engage with this girl AT ALL. But, let's see what you guys have to say.
Have a blessed weekend.
52 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
FIRST!!!
I like SSD suggestion but if you don't want to take that route. Contact your phone service provider and put her on your "Block Caller" list. If she keeps calling or even comes around take a picture and record her calls then report her to the police. If she really won't go away maybe you will be granted a restraining order against her and perhaps the authorities would stumble on her immigration status that way. Goodluck flushing that parasite away.
I agree with Mogaji's suggestions absolutely perfect. Even before I read SSD's comment on reporting to immigration, I had that as my response. She's overstayed her visa, she can't even keep her head she wants to snatch husband again...pls let the authorities know that she's an illegal immigrant. simple!
and I really do hope the man's head is not jst between his legs they both have to decide to deal with this together. All that one of avoiding her that her husband is saying is bullsh**t.
By fighting Amanda together, it will prove to an extent that the have a solid foundation in their marriage, they live a happily married couple and they will allow absolutely nothing negative to disrupt their marriage.
In all this, it shd be armed with prayer!!!
Its not even hard for me to say it...."Reporting to immigration is the way I'd go if I found myself in this situation".
And I don't think for one second that its extreme, heck, the girl has obviously thrown every sense of reasoning to the winds and seems like she's willing to go to any lengths to achieve her desires.
Read this out to hubby and he said...."I wish Ifeoma won't "dull" herself...the earlier she reports, the better and she doesn't need her husbands permission, afterall, its a civic responsibility.
Reporting her to Immigration shud be the last move if she refuses to behave herself so she needs to be told that if she doesnt cease and desist, she will be reported to immigration...She needs to be told straight up...and if she persists despite the warning...an "anonymous" tip to immigration will be in order...or ask her to follow u guys on a trip to arizona and then get pulled over on purpose...chikena! lmao!!
Ifeoma should not engage with this girl. She would have to trust her husband on the matter and believe there is no way he would cave in. Men are not puppets. No one can ruin your marriage unless you let them. Rather than fighting with your husband, you should learn to trust him and deal with this problem together.
Call blocking is certainly a good idea. If that does not work, call the cops cos this sounds like harrassment (depending on the number and frequency of calls). Also check out the possibility of getting a restraining order.
Also...after reading through this again, I really don't get why you and the hubby are fighting over this Ifeoma...as much as possible, don't let this affect your marriage, that's one important factor...please, for whatever reason, you guys should not let this come between you.
Eeesh, I think Immigration should be the last resort.
Change your phone number and put it out there that you are being harassed by this chick, so no one gives her your number.
If it continues after this, get a restraining order. If her madness continues, then you call Immigration on her ass.
I think calling immigration is a great idea. I don't know why it has to be a last resort. It would be the first for me. The nerve of this girl and her aunt!
I'm not sure why both of you are fighting each other? Is it because you disagree on how to handle the bunnyboiler? Please don't let her spoil your marriage. In the next two weeks, if she doesn't stop harrassing your husband then make one quick call to Immigration.
See how kindness has been repaid! Some people have no shame, morals or decency!
I would say she and her husband need to get on the same page on how to deal with this issue. I think her husband needs to put his foot down and threaten her with immigration if she doesn't stop calling and then go ahead and ignore/document all text messages and calls.
Since it has turned into a case of harassment, why not get the police involved? From the details you shared, i don't see why this is so tough to handle esp since it is causing so much strife in their marriage. Being passive about it is not going to help.
I just came back to say, out of all the recent TTTEC, this is really really really annonying me! I don't know what ill wind sent that girl their way. Forget two weeks grace, in fact call Immigration now jo!
No long tin, call immigration like right now! being passive and hoping she will come to her senses is no solution, pple like that dont come to their senses - hello! she IS in her correct senses. did u say they are naijas? have u heard of jazz? do u know what desperados can do???
she and hubby should not fight over it, men naturally will think its not such a big deal, she is just foolish until the thing becomes full blown. u mess up and then he'll gradually start thinking the little twart is an option. before things go far, she shd call immigration sharp sharp, no need to tell hubby sef.
she just might be saving her marriage!
That was wrong and very inappropriate...the things people do for visa
I'm putting myself in this lady's shoes and I'm thinking if say na me o…I will organize this girl's mess up so bad she will not want to live again…okay that is me without Christ…but me with Christ will pray and call immigration for her straight up…sometimes love has to be tough...rubbing a python on the head is not showing affection it is called being stupid and playing with fire when you're drenched in petrol...u go catch fire!Ifeoma, pray for direction and call immigration(okay calling immigration is a direction anyways) and don't feel bad about it 'cos you'll be helping her to gain good sense in the process...but tread carefully...oh if you don't want to call immigration,then change location and change your numbers(unllisted)...people like amanda and her aunt make it difficult to be kind to strangers...shameless duo!,mschew
Please ensure you work with your hubby as a team...you must endeavour to stay united...this too shall pass!
Calling immigration will be the first for me, as in that girl and her aunt are out to destroy this family. Work with you man and trust him.
they are so shameless..see why some people find it hard to be kind to strangers..
I woill say just one thing - do not allow this create wahala in your marriage - no way - infact, you guys need to be on the same page on this.
blocking her seems a great idea but she seems like a real desperado and would find ingenious ways to continue, that def will be harrasment and trust me, she wouldn't want to be involved with the law in anyway so let her know that..
**time to pray for wisdomeven more and greater unity between you two
Na wa o!!! Those of us who left home in the 80s and 90s no longer recognise where we come from. There is so much moral bankruptcy. This Amanda (if that's her real name) & her aunt are criminals. They should be reported straight away as they could even get this couple into trouble with the authorities or steal their identity. I don't think the husband is interested though or he would've made contact. Why would he jeopardise his own life with a person who may get him into hot water or may even have a criminal record already in the states. This is a lesson for all of us. If you meet someone from Nigeria, play it cool and don't get so friendly so soon. Certainly don't invite them to your house till you know they're not a lunatic or criminal. A lot of Nigerians are both unfortunately. I'm Igbo but I have to say this, so many Igbos are so criminal minded and completely with no morals these days. Be careful how you deal with them. And this couple should watch out when they travel home, so these people don't organise a robbery or kidnapping against them. This is why Ifeoma should take her husband's advice and not engage with her at all. But CALL IMMIGRATION TODAY!!!
I feel bad for the wife. Has she threatened to call the police and get a restraining order? If these people don't back the best thing to do is to get the police involved. When they do, perhaps throw in a little hint that "Amanda" is not here legally.
With that said, when I saw this:
"She heard us speaking in Igbo and introduced herself . We chatted with her and exchanged email addresses."
this was their first mistake! Just because we are from the same country doesn't mean we all have to be friends! I can't count how many times I have heard people speaking igbo/yoruba and kept minding my business. When will Nigerians learn? So because the person speaks the same language as you in a foreign land they are now trustworthy? Please oh let us all exercise restraint.
Err, I have to agree with Mogaji - let her be warned first. I feel sorry for her if she has to be deported, but ...
This sounds like a Chicago story. I know of a lot of shady Naija people in my (former) zones, and since you said it's Midwest...
So, here's what I think: Definitely DO NOT stoop so low as to have words with her, or smack her behind or something. Husband has to be on the same page with you in deciding what to do to fix the situation. If he disagrees and doesn't want to 'threaten' her, (I'm sorry to be a Devil's advocate), that may signal an underlying problem. Maybe, he's been thinking about having children, and doesn't want to talk about it 'cause you're gung-ho about chilling a lil more?
There’s a saying that goes “Nigerians are all up in your business…!!!” and I add to it: Nigerians get all up in your business and make it theirs!
You don’t even need to go as far as calling immigration on her, the bureaucracy and putting yourself and husband out there would just prolong this affair
Just tell her explicitly what you ‘can’ do if she doesn’t stop harassing your husband. Tell her you would call ICE on her for violating immigration laws and approaching your husband with illegal schemes. She probably works so it's even worse for her. Make it clear that you know where she and her Aunt live…
Don’t worry, a very explicit threat would send her scurrying far far away. She probably would move state sef. With people in this situation, the fear of authorities is enough to scare the life out of them
Like others have mentioned, I am not sure why this issue should be causing such a serious rift btw the couple. They should be bonding in their common frustration with this chick from the devil. I agree with getting redstraining orders etc if not done already before the immigration services route. Gd luck ifeoma and keep us updated.
My first instinct would be to alert the authorities too.
Let "Amanda" come back home and contribute to Nigeria's GDP.
Don't warn her first o!...if you do,then you're placing your ace on the table...no way...don't talk to this loser of a goat!
Just do what you have to do!
Telling her reduces the power and value of the outcome!
If someone is out to ruin your marriage,harsh measures should be taken.
This sort of girl will go to wild lengths to get this man..i mean she will do anything possible.Seduce,drug,jazz(if it exists),plan to kill..
Heck, they are even asking him why he doesn't have kids..she can drug him up, bang him, get preggers and force his hand.
If it takes calling immigration on her,so be it.If she was just a misguided teenager,that would be fine but this is a woman who is plotting with her aunt on how to destroy a family.
She does not deserve pity.
Okwa iwu onye igbo? Ngwa tuturu phone gi ugbua piaaa ndi immigration and get her ass out of this country. Ihukwa nga nsi n'akpo nku! Enye mmadu allowance ha achowa allowances!
Arrant nonsense! And would be nice to get an update on this one as well
Na wa for some people oh! See how good samaritan-ship can backfire.
Some people did not just queue up when God was aportioning shame. Amanda and that aunt of hers are SHAMELESS!
These are the type of Nigerians that keep giving us a bad name all over the world.
Biko they should deport her, i'm sure there's plenty land in her village that she can cultivate!
Anu mpam!
i agree with u, don't even know why she didn't do that asap
wwooow..
na wa oh..
see how people reciprocate kindness
please do NOT Atell her that if she doesn't stop the harassment you'll call immigration,
you don't know how far people can go when they find out that their stay in the U.S will soon come to an end.
me i have seen with my two korokoro eyes oh
best thing to do in my opinion:
Call immigration!!
why would you pity her when she didn't think of your happiness as she was planning to ruin your marraige
biko act now before its too late.
people who want something badly will do everything they can to get it, the girl even sounds like she'll go the extra mile just to make sure she get what she wants.
do what you have to do and do not inform her about it before she does something drastic.
Oh My.. Desperate. she seems mentally ill if she cannot comprehend that Married means ONE in America. there is no multiple partner marriage system so she should have grasped that from the beginning. some people have too much time on their hands, and not enough thoughts in their minds. the auntee must be crazy as well because to think that they can talk to the husband and the wife won't know, and they are truly married ? crazy, absolutely crazy.
no real married couple I know would have this going on and not talk to one another to try to resolve the problem. they nicely asked the girl to stop her incessant stalking and she didn't so ins can take care of that, I'm sure they'll be glad to.
the girl will then have the singular pleasure of trying to buy herself a b.o.b. in the airport duty free (wink*wink). hopefully he will be Overproof and take D batteries.
^^^^^
U need to understand that this babe is not planning for a multiple partner system,she wants the man and im friggin sure she's not intending to share him with his wife!!
Do not try to attack her or even inform her that you will call immigration.This kinda girl can arrange people to make an 'accident' happen to you.Desperation can push people to extreme lengths.Remember she and her aunt may be mentally unstable.
I understand your marriage is strained cos maybe you feel your husband is not being as harsh as you want him to be or maybe he is being sympathetic..don't let unfounded suspicions cloud your mind.By fighting,you are letting Amanda win,she is there to put strife in your home and to make you paranoid.Why do you think she's texting him so much?
Try to work with your man and smooth things over,talk to him and tell him your fears,tell him you do not want to lose him,bla bla plus all the things women say to turn their husband's head.By the time you are done,he will be the one reporting to immigration.
Amanda for villa!!! yeeehaaaa!!! lol
i dont know why shes even bringing this to TTTEC. hell she should have called immigration straight up! what the hell???
I agree that she should inform ICE immediately, no need to threaten th e girl and maybe set the girl loose on herself.
And yeah, she should stop quarreling with the husband ASAP.
It was a sound advise you gave her SSD...hope she follows up without telling her hubby who might discourage her.Weldone
Amanda is scary not because she's nuts, she's clearly not. She is scary because she has no moral boundries, therein lies a sociopath.
Ifeoma the anger you feel is that of someone who feels powerless, but you don't need to feel that way.
Your power is what you already have and she wants; your marriage, your husband, and your immigration status.
You only need to look at the popular extremes of covetous women in films like Fatal Attraction or Obsessed to know that if you lose it, you lose out.
Keep your dignity, keep your calm and keep your man.
I would say leave immigration to the last resort, block her number, stay away from her and if she persists, call the police, they will discover all they need to know and she can only blame herself.
WHAT????????
her aunty has shown that they are all fools in their family by that stupid and outrageous request!!!
SSD,you have truly given her d best advice ever..
my sister
call ICE now now now oh
have u called them
*hands on waist* am waiting oh
ok uve called them
good
let them bring her ass back to her village
mscheeew
nonsense
next step
make sure u settle with hubby
very important love
don't let this spoil ur marriage
Do not fight with your husband over this issue. He did not ask for this woman to force herself into your lives. In fact do not discuss it with anyone, just 'anonymously' tip off immigration and call it a day. Don't even feel bad about it, she doesn't feel bad about ruining your life.
this made me soo soo soo soo annoyed eh.i just feel like catching that amanda girl and beating her black and blue.please dont argue with your husband, you can block her calls and text messages,if possible change your number.talk to your husband,dont shout.talk to him and make sure he understands how you are feeling.and your decision not to have kids yet should be talked about just incase he has been thinking of having kids but doesnt want to bring it up with you.
i really do hope something is done soon. and in as much as being good is good, just because someone speaks your language doesnt mean you guys have to be friends.just saying.
I dont think there is any debate abt this.
Call Immigration ASAP!
My thoughts exactly! She should call immigration ASAP!
Trouble that has no end if that lady keeps on being 'around'.
She shouldn't confront the said Amanda, cause that girl looks capable of anything..
She also shouldn't ruin the relationship she has with her husband out of morbidity, suspicion and paranoia.
Trust, understanding and patience and wisdom are the key play here o..
I'm so sorry..
which kain wahala be this?!!! that's why sometimes being nice to random nigerians abroad can put somebody in trouble!!!
pls o...call immigration fast!!! u don't need this unnecessary stress in your life.
Ify should sort her out. She should be beaten black and blue and when she wakes up from the coma she should be beated again till she turns purple. What rubbish?!
call immigration!!!!
My dear call immigration asap.
Someone who has no respect for you in your own home in such manner is an enemy. Treat her as such.
Well...if I EVER heard such a thing in my own home, I would not say a word to anybody, not even to my husband. The very next day, I would report to the authorities, both immigration and police. Finish. All is fair in love and war.
However, I think this lady has already shown enough patience. She should not fight with her husband. If I were her, I would not even tell him what I would do, since this is obviously an issue for him...does he really need to know? Abeg, just get rid of the girl, and live happily.
Umm wow lol I would not have called ICE on the girl..
People are desperate and want papers to stay..
Maybe they went about it the wrong way
First - both of them should get new phones.
Secondly - cut off all contact, even if it means moving to another place.
Third - get family members you know and trust involved because it seems like this will soon become "he said, she said." You need to get your own army of supporters for this nonsensical girl.
wahala dey! i don't want to say ifeoma should report her to immigration. but certainly contacting the police works here.
dat babe aunty must be ashawo! yes! how can she shamelessly tell another woman's husband to marry her niece. infact, both she & amanda na ashawo joo
na me o. Flourishingflorida (fmr FFF, fmr everything!). am not @ www.flourishingflorida.net. no mind d treenity15 una dey see 4 hia. na miskate!
I didn't read over the comments first so I might be repeating something that's been said. But since the people involved all live in the USA and are presumably bound by the laws of that country, can't he simply tell her that he can't marry her because he is already married and has no intention of divorcing his wife to marry another woman so she can get her papers?
He can block her number or even get a new cell phone number if she insists on pestering him. As far as I can tell, this girl hasn't taken to camping on his doorstep or following him so I think he could and should do more to keep her from reaching him. And if she does in fact resort to what I have mentioned, what about a restraining order? She will surely turn her eyes on another guy if all these measures are put into place.
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