This week's installment is a first for me to address. I am hoping that you guys will be able to give this young lady some solid advice.
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Tony and I have been in a serious relationship for one year and we are talking about marriage. I am very happy because I feel that for the first time, I am seeing a guy that likes me very much, is kind and truly is my best friend.
However, a recent incident has made me doubt my relationship. I took a trip from Boston to New York to visit my aunty and while there I went to a Naija party in Brooklyn. At the party, I met some guys, one of whom was attracted to me. I told him I have a boyfriend and he asked me who. I eventually told him Tony's name and he looked at me and said I could do so much better.
I was offended so I walked off. Later on the guy was talking to my cousin, Austin, and explained to him that he only said what he said because I seemed like a nice girl that did not know I was dating a yahoo boy. My cousin told me this on the ride to their house and I just couldn't believe it. I was so upset and called Tony immediately. When I told him what happened, he just laughed it off and told me not to worry about what people say. I later returned to Boston and never again thought about what happened at the party.
Two weeks ago, I got an email from my cousin Austin. He ran into another Naija guy who apparently was a Yahoo guy back in Naija and confirmed that he had done runs with Tony in the past. I confronted Tony who after a long time denying the accusations, eventually admitted to it. He said he only did it a couple times and that he doesn't do it anymore.
I am very shocked, because I didn't think Tony and I had any secrets and definitely nothing like this. We haven't talked in a week since I found out about his past and I honestly am not sure what to do. This is someone I wanted to marry but how can I marry someone that was a fraudster? My two best friends are not helping. Rachel keeps reminding me that Tony is loaded, takes good care of me and loves me, while Yetunde wants me to report him to the police immediately. Yetunde, by the way, has never liked Tony for some reason.
He keeps calling me and sending me flowers but I am not talking to him because I am too confused. There is no way I can bring him home to my father given his past, but I still love him.
Please what do I do.
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18 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
This is so not like me but i could not resist the temptation. I'll be back later to comment properly :)
I cannot believe it.
Number 2!!!
Wow. And #3.
Ok, I'll stop now.
Ummm, so, this is a toughie.
Yahoo boys repent, and are given an opportunity to change their ways. This seems to be what has happened with this guy. I think this lady should consider that. As long as she can confirm that he's definitely not doing it anymore...
Reminds me of the Chinedu and Iphey saga @ Cupid's Risk.
All the best my dear.
Oh, and SSD, I'm first, cos I wrote the 1st real comment. Abi?
What's going on with the template?
The past has to stay in the past...within reason.
The question is what is Tony doing now? "He's loaded" - is that through honest earnings or still yahoo?
Then there's the 2nd issue of trust. Why did he continue to lie about his past?
Personally I would walk away. I don't think this guy has changed...because of the lies. It makes you think: what else is he lying about?
*S-I-G-H*
This is ALL i have to say;
A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES IT'S SPOT & A DOG ALWAYS GOES BACK TO IT'S VOMIT!
This is really a tough one. Well honestly I don't think anyone on here can give her much of a solid advice. This is one of those things where you have to know him and maybe there's a reason he did it or maybe not. We don't know what kind of person he is. We also don't know what he is doing with his life now. I think she needs to make this decision on her own but not be so blindsided with love. At the same time, trust your instincts. Good luck to her.
I think he's being economical with the truth and i'm not so sure this is all in the past. A year is a long time to hide info like that and the fact that he had to be pushed to confirm the stories you heard make me suspicious. You definitely need to find out more before deciding to stay with him. I think you should end it if he's still involved in questionable dealings. His money or whatever else is not a good enough a reason to continue the relationship. Ask him and if he refuses to talk, you have at least 2 sources you can go to. Good luck
My opinion? This is a tough one but I would think to make him tell me EVERYTHING I need to know. If i am going to marry someone, I need to know the good, the bad and the ugly. Secondly, if he is no longer doing this, then forgive him. Make sure he is no longer a fraudster. Make sure he is employed and doing well without the yahoo business. Make sure that he keeps no yahoo friend because it is easy to get sucked into the old ways. I say forgive him. And watch him like a hawk so that the FBI dont come knocking down your door.
like it's already been said..she's the one that knows him..what does he do for a living? Who are his friends? how long was he involved in this stuff? how come he was so popular from it? it couldnt have been a once or twice thing..
abov all, he lied abt it for a year..
personally, i would step but then again, you know him better..if it seems like you don't, find out and make a decision..it looks like you are dealing with a fraudster here
Well the answer is quite simple. You need to know him BETTER. I personally think that one year is just NOT enough to start thinking about marraige. One yr? You surely can not know another human being so well when you do not live with him...thats crazy...but thats just the way I see things.
I'd say get to know him better. Forget about all this "love and marraige" business and make a serious effort in getting to know this person.
Once you find out who he really is, then the decision would be clear to you.
Being "confused" about if he was once a 419 (or still is) is plain bullshit.
Go and find out first.
what does Tony do now...does it seem like he still has links to his 419 deeds?I think you should hold off marriage now and get to know this guy better.People do change and everyone deserves a second chance
this is a toughie.
home based data entry
I don't think people change. "He did it once or twice" bah! But I understand that shit happens and man has to survive. You seem to really like this dude so I will be responsible today and actually give advice.
I support Yetunde but you need a game plan. If Tony has truly changed he should find a good lawyer discuss his options and turn himself in. I'm sure he can cut a deal with the prosecutors especially if he can show that he has been upright since he stopped, is willing to return the loot, and can provide info on other yahoo boys activities. He maybe charged with misdemeanor instead of felony or he may get very lucky and it might never go to court.
It will take time and commitment so you have to be sure this is the man for you and you would back him up all the way. This is the only way that you can ensure you marry a honest man and you guys will be able to put this completely behind you.
Big PS. I'm not a lawyer so don't take my word for it. Tony should find one and discuss his options thoroughly. Also you cannot make him do this. He has to be ready for it.
people change
do find out if he still is what he used to be
God's speed.........
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