As usual, we have a reader who needs some help. Please offer your constructive advice. Thanks!
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My best friend was raped by someone we both considered to be an older brother. Ibrahim is a year ahead of us in university and his older brother is close friends with my oldest brother. He has always looked out for Miriam and I. He has a car so he takes us around when we need to get around.
The other Friday night, as usual, he picked me up from my dorm and then we got Miriam from her flat to go to a party. Everything was going well until Miriam got very, very drunk. She was puking in the bathroom. She usually does not drink but decided to have a few drinks. Anyway, we decided to leave and Ibrahim said he would drive us home.
I wanted to have Miriam come to my place but she refused and asked to be taken home. I was going to go stay with her and she said no that she would be okay. Since I live further away, they dropped me off first and then they left for Miriam's place.
The next day I called her several times, but I did not hear from her. It wasn't until I went to her flat on Sunday that I was able to see her. She told me that Ibrahim brought her home and had sex with her. She said she doesn't remember much, but remembers him taking off her underwear. She woke the next morning without panties and has not heard from Ibrahim since.
It has been a 2 weeks and neither of us have seen Ibrahim. I think he is feeling guilty and want to confront him but Miriam doesn't want that. She is very depressed but all I can do is be there for her. I really think that I should say something to Ibrahim at least. I mean, he raped her. This is someone that we have always trusted and I can't believe this happened.
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90 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
First!
This is truly horrible. Date rape is a serious matter. I don't know if the laws have caught up in Nigeria yet (and you didn't say if this happened in Nigeria or not), but it is a serious matter requiring serious attention. I suggest that she confronts him - the raped girl that is.
One of the standard advice given is that she should keep all evidences of the crime: underwear and stuff, just in case he denies it and she wants to press charges. I don't think that much consent can be given under intoxication, but I can't be sure of the position of the law.
if someone rapes me..i'd want him to rot in jail..friend or not.
Date rape is a crime, drunk or not. Especially in the UK. I don't know where you are but you can explore that option. It is a bit late since you left it for two weeks now and it would be hard to get evidence but you should not keep silent sha.
I hope the victim has been to the hospital for a thorough check up. If not, she should do so at once.
She wouldn't want to come out of this with an unwanted pregnancy or some disease.
i agree with SHE, that the victim should go to a hospital for some tests.
date rape is very traumatic and i think the other friend should find out where this ibrahim is and confront him.
To Friend: That's not cool at all!I'm not sure your age, but you might want to involve a trusted adult to ensure nobody gets taken the better off.
Drunk or not drunk, it is not acceptable. I could understand her wanting to be silent about the matter,but in truth,the effects of such an experience never rily does quieten in a person's mind.
P.s, To all that noticed the problem,i did change my url:
http://theaternotes-naija.blogspot.com/
HEY! easy guys! lets calm down & think this out! RAPE is the worst crime a woman never wishes her enemy! Let's analyse the issue;
She drank when she doesn't do that before? why?
She refused all gestures from her friend to assist her why?
Refused to pick her calls when her friend called why?
Ibrahim too disappeared why?
This is what i think happened;
There could had been a slight attraction/ chemistry btw the two without letting on & when Ibrahim drove mariam home, he must had helped her to settle in seeing the state she was. Who initiated the move, we don't know! Probably when she realized what was happening, she MIGHT had tried to stop him weakly, but the guy MIGHT had been in cloud 9 & refused to stop! The next morning, both SHAME & QUILT were worrying them both!
My advice, Ibrahim should be called to say his own version & it should be settled amicably without the police because it is always the girl that is MOCKED behind her back! Mariam, should go for a medical checkup.
i cant even imagine how traumatic this would be for her. hopefully she's done the most important thing: get medical attention.
and like nittygritty said, u cant be too sure of what really happened after they left, with her really drunk. alcohol does give u the courage to say and do things u normally do not have the guts to do, maybe she did come unto him strongly? anything could have happened.
this isnt justifying ibrahim, sex without consent (whether expressly stated or withdrawn at some point) is rape, thats how its defind. dont know about other countries but rape is one hard thing to prove: witnesses? evidence?
of cos ibrahim feels guilty about something, maybe thats why he's hiding but most importantly, i pray and hope she gets all the help she needs to get over this.
rape is terrible, but its not the end of one's life.
Some call it Rape! Some call it Sexual Assault! The key element here is the LACK of consent from one party (usually the woman).
As Miriam’s friend, you should have insisted that she stayed at your place, seeing the state she was. When someone is drunk, the person is NOT is control of his/her senses! In Miriam's case, I'd say she had a drink too many and Ibrahim capitalised on her weakness!
Be that as it may, Miriam should do the necessary medical tests. Thereafter, she should make a report to the Police (I am referring to the Police as seen in civilised Nations).
The likes of Ibrahim should not be left unpunished!
bloody opportunist. i think they shldnt just confront him but set the police on his heels, but then again...it's up to the raped not the friend.
OMO!! The guy no try at all
Wow. A part of me wants to say report to older ones and involve the police but the sad truth is that depending on where y'all are located that might make it worse.
If, unfortunately, u 3 are in nigeria or come from very strict homes then that might not be wise. They will blame u young girls for getting drunk and the guy might even claim that she asked for it. Unless u r ready to hire Festus Keyamo to make a lot of noise about it (which is totally justified sha).
I'm really confused about this one and I'm so sorry this happened to your friend. Ibrahim will meet his own in front that's for sure.
I am not sure what to advice
Your elders brother's friend brother
What are you going to say to Ibrahim
What kind of person is your brother, maybe you can tell him
Be careful though cos he has a story he is already probably spreading already.
Who is Miriam to you?
Went through the comments and i can hear the usual excuses, our culture silently supports the guy and the best of the best will give excuses, if you don't hire Festus Keyamo, forget about it. Go for a check up and get counselling from someone who doesn't cast blame.
@ "It was easier when i had only one" you could mail me @ tishasmith010@gmail.com
i can tell you a thing or two
she should definitely check herself 2 be sure she has contacted anything. if na naija dem dey, well reporting rape comes at a social risk to d woman. d blame will mostly be passed on her.
sha, d babe's actions is quite suspicious, if i may say so. first, she is drunk - why she no insist on being left alone with a man! i tell u, d thing get as e be o.
Before we bring out the tyres and petrol cans...a scenario similar to the one of nitty-gritty tales of a housewife (is there a short form to that name?), is probably what occured.
p.s why has everyone jumped immediately onto date rape. Havnt you ever done something where the repercussions were great, so when someone asks you what happened. You narrate the story, you leave out a bit, next time you say the story more comes to your attention, and so on and so forth.
This might be the first rendition of the event that occured, so dont jump the gun yet. p.s i dont condone rape on any level.
eya! pls Miriam should get checked out.
only ibrahim n Miriam know what went down. i hope the truth is revealed
@ TININU;u can say NITTY-GRITTY. lol
Read all comments & glad some reason along the same line like mine.
In Nigeria, the girl would be blamed especially in this case; That is the BITTER TRUTH!
One thing i know about Nigeria guys is that, if they don't like a girl or have a sisterly feeling & the babe open her SACRED CHAMBER at angle 90, his one-eyed snake no go wake up! Expect there is a slight attraction! Let her go for medical check up & let it be!
Let me understand. So, according to Nitty-Gritty if there was a "slight attraction" what he did is okay? I am confused.
Common sense must apply here. If somebody is DRUNK to the point where they are throwing up, only a STUPID (yes, I said STUPID) person would sleep with that person. Why? Because then stuff like this happens. If you are married (MAYBE it is okay, but that is still a MAYBE and only if you have a good spousal relationship). Outside of marriage, it doesn't matter whether you are dating the person, best friends, etc. once alcohol/drugs are involved all bets are off.
If they are in any of the "usual" foreign countries (UK, US, Canada, etc) this is rape. The police will say he took advantage of her while she was under the influence of alcohol. It wont matter whether or not she "remembers" saying "no". Add that to her "story" and if she goes to the police and charges him, he will now have the title of "date rapist" attached to his name.
Like I said, beyond stupidity. If someone is drunk it doesn't matter if they are BEGGING you to sleep with them. Just say no! Because in the morning, stories can change and what can you do/say when YOU were the sober one who was supposed to be thinking?
@ EDJ, What IBRAHIM did was WRONG! Please don't be confused! The friend is asking for advice & in our uncivilized society, MARIAM, would be made mockery of by the police themselves!If a gun was put to her head, or she was overpowered by a group of men, they would be sympathetic to her cause. BUT, she was DRUNK! Which is number offense! Refusing help from her friend who was not comfortable about she being on her own in that state is HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS! These are the points, a defense lawyer would use agaist her in the court of law!
You don't ever ever take advantage of someone drunk. That's just wrong. I think the need to talk to him.
first of all, her health - she should go to the hospital so they'll place her on prophylactics against HIV and stuff.
it's reather unfortunate that most rapes are perpetuated by male friends, cousin's friends, neighbour etc..men the girl knows..
she should've tackled it immediately but i can understand, given her state that night, she probably blames herself for getting drunk still, BUT SHE SHOULDN'T bcos no man has the right to do to your body what you don't want him to do..so let her still explore her options
ooh ohhh, this sounds like a muslim issue. that is even more complicated. if the girl Miriam is not married and she went out to a party and drank, she made herself "seem" more available to the guy Ibrahim. I know this is bad and the worst part is that if he ran away that purely leans to guilt.
she should go see a doctor to get a thorough check up. then the friends who were involved in the drinking incident, and the older brother should as a group confront this Ibrahim and ask him point blank if this is what happened. if it is they should demand he turn himself in to the police, and if not they should turn him in.
there is no friend in a rapist. if a woman is drunk, she cannot say yes because she is not of a sober state of mind. that is the law globally. drunk does not mean yes. he is a lousy person if he thinks it does.
rape is a crime, a violent act against a person who needs to see that they did nothing to cause it. this man should first apologize to the woman he raped, then he should and must make himself right with His God. the police will take care of societies debts when he turns himself in for the crime. being a rapist is something that a man never forgets. trust me, as a victim of date rape, they know they did wrong.
he should be happy that he is not being brought before a Secret FEMALE Sharia court who would certainly order another man to cut off his rape instrument for the crime.
@Solomonsydelle: I am sorry, I will have to be tough on this one, but feel free to delete my comment if you feel its too much. For real. Lots of love.
@ BIG SHAME TO ANY WOMAN WHO AT THIS DAY AND AGE CAN NOT STAND UP FOR THE RIGHTS OF HER FELLOW WOMEN! SHAME! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! IF THIS HAPPENENED TO YOU OR YOUR SISTER, OR EVEN YOUR MOTHER, I AM SURE YOU WILL NOT SIT THERE AND QUESTION HER MOTIVES.
BIG FACT: Any man that has sex with a woman who is so drunk that she does not remember her own name is a RAPIST. There is no way he can be sure if she is "agreeing" or not. Apart from that, he was like an older brother to them, he is supposed to take care of his sisters. If I left any of my friends with my brother, I would expect them to be well taken care of.
Yes, our society is this or that, nothing can be done, bla bla bla bla....
BUT WHAT IS RIGHT IS RIGHT.
We should always stand for the truth.
The girl was RAPED.
Women are their own worst enemies. Always quick to take sides with fools whose only weapon is their penis.
Nobody asked anybody to judge matter. They asked for advice on what to do. The deed has already been done.
When will we learn to stand by the side of the VICTIM?
She has already been raped once, should be raped again by society?
I am so sorry for the young woman. She needs to get help. I hope she has been to the hospital already. If not, she should do so immediately. Is there anywhere she can get some psychological counselling? Any non profit organisations that she can contact?
I can imagine this must be quite traumatic. I feel terrible for her. Something her friend (who has written in) can do, is to be there for her. Listen to her and make sure she knows that there is someone there for her.
Most women often feel alone and doubted when rapes of this nature occur. Its the same in almost every society. Its always the woman's fault. Why did she drink? why did she wear that short skirt? Why did she flirt? etc etc.
It is easier to deal with such superficial bullshit than deal with the evil of the crime.
I bet if she was stabbed, nobody would ask "why" cos a knife wound is much easier to "see" as a crime than rape. Nobody would ask if she was "asking to be" stabbed.
Please be a good friend to her at this time and give her all your love and support.
You are both brave.
As for the asshole, I implore you to do something about him. He might do the same thing to another woman if no consequence comes of his actions. If he is allowed to just go without any punishment, what signals are you giving him? That what he has done is okay? He has comitted a terrible crime and one way or the other, he needs to deal with the consequence. Jungle justice is also an option.
First she needs to get herself medically checked. That's important.
It is important that the victim feels empowered in this scenario. Empowerment means different things to different people. It's about what she wants do about the rape.
Rape is not just about a physical act, its about power and control. Psychologically, she's got to get that power back and stay in control of her life.
She may or may not feel reporting the perpetrator is the way forward for her. Still it's her decision and she has to do what she thinks it's best in order to move on.
We also cannot ignore the stigma of rape in Nigerian/African comunities and how this impacts on the victim's decision.
Still...it has to be her decision and her friend should support her in whatever decision she makes.
I certainly hope this would be my last comment on this issue; Alas! waffarian made a comment which i consider 'NOT-CALLED-FOR! I remembered that was how you joined issues with one particular commentator the first time i read this blog. Since the lady asked for ADVICE, why didn't you do that, instead of throwing MUD! Yes! women are their worst enemy as we are the greatest pretenders on earth! It was a woman that made GOD to send them out of the garden of Eden! It was a woman that caused a man to get a son from her slave which had caused a generational feud up to today! It was a woman that caused ASABA to be made a capital which led to massive killing! What about Joseph & the Pharaoh's wife? What about AFRICAN CHINA that was accused of rape by a white lady when he went abroad for a tour & spent months in jail for an offense he didn't commit? Luckily for him,a witness came forward to say it was a consensual sex because he overheard & saw them leave , IF NOT..... So waffi, if na my sister or relation, i go take am go hospital then look for the boy to ask how e take happen, then i go give them long lecture, but police na no go area, because i no want the whole street to hear our matter & spoil her chances from getting a serious guy in future to marry! CHIKENA!
NEVERTHELESS, RAPE IS THE GREATEST HARM TO BE DONE TO A WOMAN! IBRAHIM WAS WRONG TO HAVE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION.I rest my case & goodluck to other commentators!
@nitty gritty: I call anybody name? Na guilty conscience dey worry you, but since you on the other hand, mentioned my name...
"It was a woman that made GOD to send them out of the garden of Eden! It was a woman that caused a man to get a son from her slave which had caused a generational feud up to today! It was a woman that caused ASABA to be made a capital which led to massive killing! What about Joseph & the Pharaoh's wife? What about AFRICAN CHINA that was accused of rape by a white lady when he went abroad for a tour & spent months in jail for an offense he didn't commit? Luckily for him,a witness came forward to say it was a consensual sex because he overheard & saw them leave , IF NOT...."
huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?
I swear to God, I have no idea what you are going on about...
What exactly is your point? That women are the cause of evil in our society? and what, for the love of God has "African China" to do with this matter?(who is African China by the way? is he somebody I am supposed to know?)
As for this statement
"but police na no go area, because i no want the whole street to hear our matter & spoil her chances from getting a serious guy in future to marry!"
Are you saying that "marraige" and "reputation" is more important than justice? Do you realize that by allowing this man go unpunished other young ladies may be in danger?
However, since you said you shall not be leaving any more comments, I guess my questions shall remain unanswered.
As for "joining issues" with other commentators, I guess you knew already what you were getting into when you decided to start leaving comments on this blog.
As far as I am concerned, once you leave a comment on a public forum such as this, it is free to be commented on as well.
Anybody can "join issues" with anybody.
Welcome to blogville.
She should have gone to a hospital soon as she was sober......
there's no such thing as trusting a dick(Ibrahim)
She was drunk and choose to be alone with Ibrahim?????????
Ibrahim is an ass if he slept with her....but he could have been stupid enuff to be sooooooooo aroused he thought she was lucid enuff when she said yes.........if she said yes............
i'm also kinda worried-she doesnt remember much?how do you not remember a dick getting slammed into your pussy??????
she was drunk not drugged..........
Rape is rape. Once consent isn't given, rape has occurred. However, I agree with Nitty Gritty that being realistic, o good is going to come of going down the police route. The poor investigations, institutional chauvinism would just further traumatise the girl. The very further rape by society which waffarian was talking about might come about by dragging the matter to the police. That's if this happened in Naija o... If not, then hopefully, pursuing this criminally is more likely to have a positive result.
With all these being said, a medical check-up is expedient. Then, someone close to Ibrahim should be brought into this matter- maybe the brother or a relative so they can help the girls find Ibrahim. I can guarantee that if the girls are the ones reaching out to him, he will continue to avoid them either due to shame or guilt.
Other than this, I don't know what else to add o... This situation is quite serious and it's easy to advise patronisingly when one isn't directly affected.
Nitty-gritty - you are saying that she "had it coming" - what about the so called friend Ibrahim - what about his responsibility. What ever state she was in he was wrong to rape her. As for whether this would be blamed on the woman in Nigeria - maybe it would but that does not mean it is OK. It is not OK ever wherever and as long as Nigerian men and women take it so casually then of course it will remain a blame the woman game. Disgusted
Waffarian's comment really hit the nail on the head. There's also been some really good points made about holding on to evidence from the night and getting a medical exam done. I would say don't let him get away with it. Ideally you two would go to the police to launch an investigation but that may not be possible for the reasons others have mentioned. At least talk to people in his life that can confront him about this. Perhaps your brother and his might be helpful here.
I don't like the idea that her behaviour was suspicious. She had no particular reason to be afraid of Ibrahim so unless we're saying that we should be suspicious of all guys, i don't see how her choosing to go home without her friend is relevant to what happened. Also, rape is a big deal. It's not a convenient story that she would throw out there just because of regret especially not when she has so much to lose in this situation.
I was not going to jump into this, but whatever.
@NittyGritty: From your first comment I was ready to take off my shoe and beat you.
Why? Because your position is ridiculous. If someone either says "No, I do not want to have sex with you" or does NOT SAY 'yes, I want to have sex with you' then it is RAPE.
I don't CARE what other factors are involved. In case you don't know, attraction between the two parties is IRRELEVANT. Husbands have RAPED their wives. Boyfriends have RAPED their girlfriends. I CANNOT even believe that you would go there.
I HATE, and let me repeat, I HATE, and DESPISE, and WANT TO BREAK THE HEADS of Nigerian women that continue to be their own worst enemy by implying that somehow it was the girl's fault. I'm sorry but here's a big FUCK YOU to any woman that tries to justify the actions of a rapist just because the victim felt some sort of attraction to her attacker.
Also, have I not said that people need to stop using the Bible to justify shit?
NEWSFLASH: You are not from Israel!!! To the best of my knowledge, none of us bloggers here, nor the rapist, the victim nor her friend are from Israel so forgive my language but quotes from the Bible don't justify shit when it comes to Nigerians.
Common sense and logic yes, but for the love all things good and yummy can you not use quotes about Iron Age FOREIGN mythological history to back up your ridiculous stance on the victim blaming rape culture in NIGERIA??? Thanks. In case you failed to understand the entire Bible is based on JEWISH/ISRAELI/ARAB culture, religion, behaviour, attitudes, and perceptions. In other words there is probably nothing more IRRELEVANT when it comes to dissecting the socio-cultural mores of NIGERIANS and this is coming from me a Catholic.
Back to my point. Victim blaming Nigerian women disgust me. You hear that? DISGUST ME!!!!!
Nothing, and I repeat, NOTHING justifies rape. Rape is NEVER and WILL NEVER be justified. I don't care if she was naked. I don't care if her legs were open and in your face. If she says no or does not say yes then the onus is on YOU to WALK AWAY.
A woman can't force a man to have sex with her without help from artificial means (restraint, inserting rods into the penis to make it rigid, etc). Without any kind of outside or manmade help it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to force a flaccid penis to penetrate you, therefore there is NO EXCUSE that any man who rapes a woman can give that I want to hear.
And what is more disgusting are women who feel the need to back such men up.
SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!!
SHAME ON YOU!!!
SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEEE!!!!!
It's so easy for Nigerian women to open their mouths and cast aspersions on rape victims, people who have suffered a terrible crime and a horrendous violation. So easy. Until you're the one who is raped.
It's very easy if you have never been raped or never been almost raped to sit on your high horse of morality and pass down judgment and use Bible quotes and other nonsense to try and back yourself up.
Give me a fucking break okay? I wouldn't wish the experience on you, but I cannot believe that you would even for a second attempt to defend a man that had sex with a woman that was so clearly drunk and not in a position to make any kind of decisions for herself.
A big shame on you and Tinu. Your admittance that what he did was wrong does not make you any less guilty of victim blaming and victim shaming.
Go sit in a corner and have a good long think about what would be the Christian thing to do in this case since you're so all up in the Bible and all.
Rubbish.
And you know what? We need to stop this bullshit of "Don't report rape because noone will want to marry you"
There is nothing more STUPID nor more IRRITATING than the Nigerian idea that a woman is only worth whether or not she is married or a woman is always judged in relation to man, husband, or whatever.
For God's sake!! Were women born attached to men? Were we born with a sign on our heads saying "servant of man"??
Why is it that a rape won't affect the chances of a RAPIST getting married but it will affect the chances of his victim?
This is RUBBISH we need to stop thinking like cave animals. People are so stupid fa. So just because someone was raped against their will you now think it's a good idea to shun them even more?
Fuck that, if you've been raped and a stupid Nigerian man doesn't wan't to marry you, call me and I'll fucking marry you myself. Stupid Nigerian attitudes to rape make me ill.
If this happened to me or anybody i know WE SHALL BE FIGHTING FOR JUSTICE...who cares if the neighbors know? If we want stigmatization of any kind to end we have to stand up for our rights and let the change start in our minds, our homes and our situations..BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE...No one is going to change the way women are treated but women.
As far as i am concerned, Ibrahim was a friend and she had no reason to be afraid of him. If she is certain he raped her,she should speak up. Even if nothing comes out of it the idiot called Ibrahim will know that somebody was ready to take action against him. Who knows, Ibrahim may have raped someone else prior to this incident..the girl probably took the advice of her aunties, sisters and friends and swept it under the rug like nothing happened...
@ Nitty Gritty i disagree with you saying it should be settled amicably...when he was raping her did he do it amicably?
You are right though "it is always the girl that is MOCKED behind her back" ...
yes in Nigeria it is the girl that is mocked, she is called a slut and people even question what she was wearing on the day she was raped.....but what do we do about this? Keep quiet and let the fools who do this hold their head up high in public?I don't think so, Silence is sometimes interpreted as consent...so we have to speak up when things like this happen.
Well,am back because i love challenges & Edo babe no de take last sam! sam! First, wetin sugabelly & Waffarin de yarn na PURE OPATA! Since am not a pagan, it is the bible i can get my quotes! P-L-E-A-SE! HUSBAND RAPE WIFE? Na for oyibo country that nonsense fit happen! Make una stop to disturb una sef with JUSTICE because she is not getting any in 9ja! waffi & suga, make una reach 40 & never marry then you go see how your married friends & your mama & society go de behave towards una! I still believe there is more that MEET THE EYES! COME ON GALS, BRING IT ON! AM WAITING WITH EXCITEMENT! UNA NEVER JAM!
"Since am not a pagan, it is the bible i can get my quotes! P-L-E-A-SE! HUSBAND RAPE WIFE? Na for oyibo country that nonsense fit happen! Make una stop to disturb una sef with JUSTICE because she is not getting any in 9ja! waffi & suga, make una reach 40 & never marry then you go see how your married friends & your mama & society go de behave towards una"
Women like you are the reason Nigerian men have the audacity to behave like animals. You ENABLE them.
Clap for yourself.
And as for your pagan comment, what is that supposed to mean? This is not a religious matter, it is a social one, and not only is it a social matter but it is primarily a NIGERIAN matter which makes your quotation of foreign religious texts doubly irrelevant.
Also, since the events in the Bible (and consequently the people in the Bible) have never been verified as FACT I cannot understand how you can think that basing your arguments on mythical (until proven otherwise) scenarios is a remotely good idea.
If you were basing your arguments on observable human behaviour, it would totally fly, but you kinda need to understand that since not every human being on this planet is Christian, then using Christianity as a yardstick for measuring social issues among a varied population of people is the height of irrelevancy.
Also, is it just me or does anyone else notice that these people that use the Bible to justify every possible unrelated thing seem generally impervious to logic???
@nittygritty: I no even know which English I suppose write self wey go make you understand, but I go try.
First of all, nobody is saying that the Nigerian society is not the way you have described it. What we are saying is that that does NOT MAKE IT RIGHT.
Is the Nigerian society corrupt? Yes. Does that make it right? NO. Do armed robbers rob and kill in Nigeria? Yes. Does that make it right? No.
Do husbands rape wives? Yes. Does that make it right? No.
It does not matter where you live and how your society works. The important thing is that you should stand for the TRUTH and live your life as honestly as you can.
I would think that is also what the BIble preaches.
Yes, if I remain unmarried at the age of 40, perhaps society will shun me, perhaps I will have no friends, perhaps my "worth" as a woman will decrease. All these may indeed happen,
Does that make it right?
NO.
It does not matter if I live in Warri or Helsinki, for me, my integrity as a human being and a woman shall not be compromised by a shallow reason such as "reputation".
Our society is indeed as you have described it. However what I am hoping for, and praying for, is that women such as you, would understand that we can make a change. We can change our society, one attitude at a time.
I will be willing to continue this discussion with you, if it meant you are open to other ways of viewing women in our society.
However, if you are not open to any other way of seeing the worth of a woman apart from those ways you have described, then it will be a serious waste of my valuable time and energy.
If you believe that a woman's worth "can" be more than what the Nigerian society says it is, if there is even the slightest possibility of you accepting that fact, then this discussion might be worth continuing.
If this is the case, verify.
Blogville War!! Yipee!!!! It's been so long! Bring it on girls!
It is definetely happening here!!!
@ Nitty Gritty!No way!!!! Tufiakwa!!Are you for real? ah!!Nigeria we have a long way to go o!Nigerian Women, i weep for thee!My heart bleeds for thee.
@ FFF & Afrobabe, you guys are original aprokos..lol
Yep! this is a blogville war!. Y-E-S am for real PINKSATIN & i would ADVISE you not to get involved!My grouse is with SUGABELLY & WAFFARIN na think say na dem only know how to blow GRAMMAR! & QUOTE PEOPLE ABI? Suga, e b lik say u b proper BABALAWO PIKIN becox i no c why u de always attack THE BIBLE! U can make ur own quotations, afterall, it is a free country! Waffi, from all the grammar you blow, u say am not reasonable abi? NO WORRY, YOU & YOUR GIRLFRIENDS CAN START THE REVOLUTION ON WOMEN LIBERTY! Me, I go sddon watch, until una know say MAN NO DE CARRY BELLY! HA! suga, you made a statement about only an animal can......NO PROMBLEMO! IT TAKES IT'S OWN KIND TO KNOW ANOTHER! JUST TELL ME WHICH FAMILY YOU BELONG TO SO THAT I GO KNOW WHERE TO PLACE YOU! .....
PINKSATIN, wetin come b ur own now.... TROUBLE DEY SLEEP, YANGA COME WAKE AM! UNA NO FIT TALK UNA OWN WITHOUT RUBBISHING SOMEBODY? AFTERALL, EVERYBODY GET FREEDOM OF SPEECH & EXPRESSION!
WAFFI, SUGA, PINK, i was an undergraduate back in the 90's & there are rules when going to a party; GO IN NUMBERS BECAUSE IT IS SAFER, NEVER GO TO DARK SPOTS WITH A GUY UNLESS YOU ARE ASKING FOR IT, DON'T CONSUME ANY DRINKS YOU DON'T KNOW OR CAN'T SPELL IT'S NAME, & NEVER GET DRUNK!
You once asked if it was my sister or relation waffin abi? Let me put it this way, if it was u or suga the thing happen to, i go ask una how come you can not remember a log ramming into you,& you rotating your waist like a belly dancer & crying out in ecstasy? I would tell the doctor to treat you both for SELECTIVE AMNESIA! Since you can tell your friend not to follow you home & refused to stay in her room!
Since, i had been dubbed the defender of IBRAHIM[I GAVE MYSELF THAT TITLE SHA,HEHEHEHE, AM REALLY ENJOYING THIS GUYS! ]HAVE YOU GUYS EVER THOUGHT THAT ibrahim COULD HAD BEEN INTOXICATED ALSO WITHOUT LETTING ON?Remember booze plenty for waffi& suga to drink because na AWUFF! BY the time the poor guy wake up to see wetin happen, shame catch am! ONLY FOR WAFFI & SUGA TO COME DE CRY W-O-L-F! P-L-E-A-S-E!
@nittygritty
"i go ask una how come you can not remember a log ramming into you,& you rotating your waist like a belly dancer & crying out in ecstasy?"
Ah! I see where the problem is.
1)You have some serious issues with "SEX". From this statement, it is obvious that you have not had sex in ages, and if you have, you have definitely not been "crying out in ecstasy".
From all indications, I would say that you are jealous that somebody else had some sex, even in such a disgusting case as rape. You are angry and irritated over the fact that she got some and has the guts to "complain".
I would suggest that you see a therapist concerning these issues. These issues are not going to disappear, they only get worse. Get help.
2) I am not really sure where your defensive attitude over men "raping" women comes from. But, I would say that you are certainly in denial over something that probably happened in the past.Perhaps a male close to you has been involved in a case like this before?
As for this statement,
"Remember booze plenty for waffi& suga to drink because na AWUFF! BY the time the poor guy wake up to see wetin happen, shame catch am! ONLY FOR WAFFI & SUGA TO COME DE CRY W-O-L-F! P-L-E-A-S-E!"
I am not sure why it would be "AWUFF". When I do drink, I buy my own drinks.
I really tried to have some sort of reasonable discussion with you. But it seems you are just bent on having "war" or whatever.
A pity.
@nittygritty: I'm really sorry to say this, because it's so obvious that you're older than me, but you really are rather stupid.
I have to go to my International Marketing class right now so I can't leave a proper reply but you are utterly despicable for implying that rape victims enjoy being assaulted by their attackers or that being raped is enjoyable and for saying that rape victims were "asking for it"
I am sorry but I cannot forgive you for saying that. You are a heartless monster.
I'll be back after class.
TEACHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come and seperate dem oooooooooooo
Three fighting..................
LWKMD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With the names presented, if this is a Muslim issue, then this can be very serious for the girl. In some places a father will get so much shame for a dis-virgined daugther before marriage. In some places, they kill the daughter for bringing shame, even if she was raped. Stupid, yes I know. So she has to take this very seriously. Is her family understanding or not. If they are understanding, she should tell them (with always the background that they could show a different side of themselves that she never thought would be possible). If they are not understanding, then she will always go against her family if she talk's about thie issue in public. The choice will be take the risk of being true to oneself and be isolated from one's family or hold the violation (die silently inside) and have one's family. I personally would choose to loose the family. A life of holding on to such a situation is more painful. If a family is unwilling to accept that about me, then I know this is a miserable situation anyway. This is from my experience. But it takes a lot guts to do this and some people cannot handle this.
I'd suggest she really get some help. The fact that she doesn't want to talk to Ibrahim makes me think that she has some issues dealing with difficult situations. I personally would be ANGRY. I'd break his car, damage his house, I'd be yelling at him every chance I see him. However she seems to just revert, which is unhealthy. People are often confused when things like this happen and are not sure how to respond. So talking to a counselor would really help.
She may have also liked him and thought she was dreaming. I don't know. And now she has guilt because if she was aware she may not have made that choice. Regardless if this is true, he does not have the right to have sex with her in that state. If she was a virgin, this man is tripply in the dog house.
Evidence and tests. She needs to do that pronto.
Not sure if this helps at all...
- AZ via email
OUCH! waffin & suga really hit below the belt.This is to show that they are DESPERADOES!HEAR! HEAR! bloggers they were the first to call me names.
Alas! as a sign of maturity,i would refrain from calling them names because am older than the suckling babes who are yet to face the REALITY of living in 9ja!
S-S-H-H-O-O! waffin, u 4 becom sex therapist , e b lik say u b RUNS BABE , ABI NA ARISTO?
Suga, i de KAMPE when you com back from ur lecture!
@nittygritty:
I am YET to call you names. I doubt if I will though. Your comments do enough for you.
I am not a "runs babe/aristo".
I see you avoided the whole "SEX" topic. Please think about the following questions. You do not need to answer them here but do think about them.
1. Do you believe that husbands should be able to have sex with their wives regardless of their wives' feelings? Or, do you think it is the "man's right?"
2. Is sex an enjoyable act for you, or is it more like a duty? Or perhaps more like a "woman's duty"?
(Also, think about how often you have sex and if you ever have orgasms)
Anyway, like I said, these are not questions I expect you to answer on such a public forum, but you will do well to think about them.
P.S: I am not a "suckling" babe. You are not much older than I am, nitty gritty.You are right on one point though. My reality can never be limited to "9ja". My reality is much bigger than that. Hell, if my reality was such as you have described, damn...thats not much of a life now, is it?
@ Nitty Gritty...get involved with what exactly? Did you see me see write that i am joining to form voltron with anybody? Abi, i am not capable of dissecting and reacting to your arguments on my own?
Abeg if you want to act like an area tout be my guest
Be the change you want to see in the world- Mahatma Gandhi
Peace out!
Nope waffi! i didn't AVOID the topic SEX! Alas! any 9ja married woman knows the golden rule of not talking about course BEDMATICS 101 even to her best friend because that is DISRESPECTFUL to her husband. If i am all what you described, then i don't suppose, i would had been able to MARRRY my husband from the number of babes that SURROUND ME! The story is on 9ja babe abi? So i spoke as a 9ja living in 9ja! Since you are probably in oyibo land with THE VAST EXPOSURE YOU ARE IMPLYING , then common go tell you say you are just a TEMPORARY CITIZEN living in fear not to be deported at any slight offense, HENCE, you put you frustration on bloggers who make innocent comments! HEY! go check if your visa never expire O!
Pink satin, you are free to join o! 3 VS 1, KAI! I NO KNOW SAY I BE STRONG BABE! BLOGGERS, I beg make una CLAP for me jo! OYA! begin the dissection DR PINK SATIN! Am waiting for your REPORT MA!
Nope waffi! i didn't AVOID the topic SEX! Alas! any 9ja married woman knows the golden rule of not talking about course BEDMATICS 101 even to her best friend because that is DISRESPECTFUL to her husband. If i am all what you described, then i don't suppose, i would had been able to MARRRY my husband from the number of babes that SURROUND ME! The story is on 9ja babe abi? So i spoke as a 9ja living in 9ja! Since you are probably in oyibo land with THE VAST EXPOSURE YOU ARE IMPLYING , then common go tell you say you are just a TEMPORARY CITIZEN living in fear not to be deported at any slight offense, HENCE, you put you frustration on bloggers who make innocent comments! HEY! go check if your visa never expire O!
Pink satin, you are free to join o! 3 VS 1, KAI! I NO KNOW SAY I BE STRONG BABE! BLOGGERS, I beg make una CLAP for me jo! OYA! begin the dissection DR PINK SATIN! Am waiting for your REPORT MA!
Nope waffi! i didn't AVOID the topic SEX! Alas! any 9ja married woman knows the golden rule of not talking about course BEDMATICS 101 even to her best friend because that is DISRESPECTFUL to her husband. If i am all what you described, then i don't suppose, i would had been able to MARRRY my husband from the number of babes that SURROUND ME! The story is on 9ja babe abi? So i spoke as a 9ja living in 9ja! Since you are probably in oyibo land with THE VAST EXPOSURE YOU ARE IMPLYING , then common go tell you say you are just a TEMPORARY CITIZEN living in fear not to be deported at any slight offense, HENCE, you put you frustration on bloggers who make innocent comments! HEY! go check if your visa never expire O!
Pink satin, you are free to join o! 3 VS 1, KAI! I NO KNOW SAY I BE STRONG BABE! BLOGGERS, I beg make una CLAP for me jo! OYA! begin the dissection DR PINK SATIN! Am waiting for your REPORT MA!
@nitty gritty
You left the same comment three times? You may want to delete two of them.
Like I said, I did not expect you to answer the questions but at least they will be food for thought. It is important to think about WHY you are so defensive about this topic.
One can not just have ideas and opinions, it is also important to understand WHY you have such opinions.Living in Nigeria is not a good enough answer.
I am not a "temporary citizen" and I do not have a "VISA" for any reason.
It is not "3 VS 1". You have taken the title "defender of Ibrahim" (why anybody would want to defend such a human being is beyond my comprehension). I woud say you are enjoying yourself. Do not turn this into a pity party. Like you said, you are "strong", so be strong and stop asking for pity from bloggers.
Don't worry, you are not alone. I am sure there are many other women around the world that think exactly the same way.
@nitty gritty
And by the way, there was NOTHING that was "innocent" about ANY of the comments you have left on this topic so far.
If you call these comments of yours "innocent",then it will be very interesting indeed to see comments that you deem to be "malicious".
Sometimes though, we do not realize the full impact of our words on our environment.
You may want to look through your comments and reevaluate your notions on what is "innocent" for you.
EWo!!!!!
blogsville fight
why am i not surprised that sugabelly is involved u go girl
i support u 100%
am not surprised that she is a benin girl
they are always like that
especially the ones that stay in the town
they see marriage as the utmost goal of a womans life
i am planning to write a post on this
i had an interesting discussion with one of my aunts
the guy is to blame
full stop
he raped her full stop
no matter d reason
it was rape
and it should be reported
full stop
girls, girls!!!!!!!! abeg, make una take sofrey dey dusgrace unaselves here 4 blogville o. na wa o.
Very intriguing read and the comments have turned to be even more intriguing and interesting...
I somewhat agree with Nitty-Gritty on this. We were not there and we do not know what truly happened... What if it was a case that they were both tipsy??? Should Ibrahim be to blame still? I know of a chick that had seduced a guy when he was tipsy... should he also be screaming rape???
Why did she keep quiet for so long anyway? Even to her close friend? Let's not jump to conclusions here jo... It's always easy to blame the man! We women should also take responsibility for some of our actions... Afterall, did anyone force her to drink as well, to the point of getting drunk...long hisssssssssss.....
Well, it's sad what happened to her, but she should go get herself checked and learn from the experience! It's her word against Ibrahims and this na Nig... if she comes out, the shit would be much more worse for her... sad but true... Hopefully, she would be all the wiser and know when to say no to yet another drink!!!
@ "Fran"
How can one be responsible for another's actions?
The young lady is responsible for this action: getting drunk.
The man is responsible for this action: RAPING a woman.
As far as I know, only one of them is a CRIME.
@Fran: Do NOT even let me start with you.
I CANNOT believe the NERVE of you people. The fucking nerve. How dare you? Are you asking why she waited so long to report?
BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU! Because Nigeria is FULL of people like FRAN and NITTY GRITTY that will judge her and shame her and blame her even when there was nothing she could have done to change what happened. Because the Nigerian police force is full of stupid men that have the same attitudes as you two.
Who would want to report a rape in Nigeria when it's a country full of judgmental idiots that only know how to look the other way while the real criminals go scot free because they're so busy blaming the victim.
Omg, I freaking have homework to do and a test in like two hours. I should not even be here writing this comment but honestly it's becoming more and more apparent that there is a subsection of Nigeria's population that needs like a fucking brain transplant or at the very least we need to start holding COMPULSORY national seminars to EDUCATE people about the power dynamics of rape.
And you know what? I swear to God if I had anything to do with it, Nigerian legislation would prescribe a minimum of FORTY public LASHES by horsetail bulala for anyone that blames or shames a rape victim.
@ Waffarian - I will totally agree with you 100% if indeed he raped her... But, we don't know that for a fact...
I guess it can't even be proven medically in this case that it was rape as I guess (from the storyline) that it wasn't overly forcely... She remembered him taking her pants off...
The fact that they were really close friends could be the reason why he backed off... I mean, anyone will feel really awkward to meet up in person with a friend when such thing as sex as occured esp when unintended by both parties... I say unintended, because the dude could come tomorrow and say she saked for it... she doesn't have a total memory of what happened and so it's still her words against his...
Don't get me wrong, I do feel sorry for her, but men this is the real world! Shit happens! Sad that it has happened to her, men can be pigs and if indeed he raped her, he is an absolute pig! But, I wasn't there and I am not in a position to call him that...
Just like Tininu rightly put, as humans we sometimes change the storyline just a bit to appear more innocent...
I hope the war b/w you guys ends oh!!!! Let's all speak our minds and leave it there... We disgree to agree...
God Bless y'all xxx
@ sugabelly: I just got to see your post on my response... It's very obvious that you love a fight seeing from all the previous posts... I didn't want to commenet any further than what I have just added... but seeing as you are very dumb and immature from the way you try to make your stance... if you have to insult and fight others to make a point... you seriously need to wake up and face the real world!!!
I have no problem with the stance yourself or another other person makes here... Waffarians response was mature and to the point... no insults... you on the other hand feel it has to be worked out as a war... taking a second look at your pic... you really are as dumb as you look....
@ "Fran"
God bless you too, but if like you say we dont know what really happened then why make up all these stories?
(Like this one, you wrote, "the fact that they were really close friends could be the reason why he backed off... I mean, anyone will feel really awkward to meet up in person with a friend when such thing as sex as occured esp when unintended by both parties... I say unintended, because the dude could come tomorrow and say she saked for it... she doesn't have a total memory of what happened)
Why not just say you dont know what happened and not offer to "imagine" what you think might have happened?
If you are really as "neutral" to the incident as you claim to be, then where did that story come from?
At least, for me, I am ready to stand by the side of the victim's, and take the consequence of my actions. That is a risk I'd be willing to take.
How do we help victims if we all chose to adopt a neutral position? How do we help little girls who have been molested or raped?
How do we help children who have no one to turn to, if we are all neutral?
How does one help people if we do not BELIEVE them?
I sincerely believe that there is no way you can genuinely help another human being if you do not take a stand yourself on what you believe is right.
I think that we as human beings need to be braver and start stepping up.
Yes, sometimes, we may be wrong, but I'd rather take a risk and be on the VICTIM's side than take a risk and be on a RAPIST'S side.
That's the way I see things.
I choose to believe the young lady. If that comes back and bites me in the ass, thats okay. I'll take my chances with her.
I say report the bastard that did this, if you cannot report him to authority tell your brother and they need to confront Ibrahim. What he did is not okay, whether you were drunk or not he should not have done it. Rape is not okay. Rape has never been okay. Please attempt to get justice, you need it for closure. Her behavior after the rape is not abnormal. She was probably scared and didn’t know how to deal with it. For Pete fucking sake she had just been raped. Can you imagine the mix of emotions she was going through?
Now to the block-headed, dimwitted and stupid nincompoops:
Idiot #1
Housewife called Nitty Gritty, you are a shame to womanhood. You are a big fucking fucking shame.Has anyone taken a look at her picture on her blog? I mean Nitty Gritty housewife? She is FUGLY. Fucking ass ugly old piece of crap. Usually people put decent pictures of themselves up on their blogs. but if this is your best face I can only imagine what you really look like. Who married you and put you in their house? Bloody local champion. The way you even write on your blog shows you are a lousy and angry person. Who writes blog posts in such font size? When your daughter is raped, feel free to give her all the advice you have thrown here. Don’t forget to ask her if she enjoyed and twisted her hips as the guy was grinding into her. They are your opinions but you are a despicable and dreadful human being for holding such views.
Idiot #2
Fran, so it was okay for him to rape her because she was drunk? So because she was drunk her punishment should be rape? Damn, the sanctimonious jerks we have in Nigeria.
You all need to have your head examined. It is because of people like you that rape victims in Nigeria remain the victims for life. It is because of numb skulls like you that they are stigmatized.
@ any rape survivor ( I call you survivor not victims), please know that it is not your fault and it is not OKAY. There are Nigerians like me, Waffarian, Sugar belly, , culture soup, pink satin & BBB that sympathize with you and will not judge you.
@ House wife AKA Nitty gritty, I just cannot get over your Stupidity.You really do think through your blasted ass hole.You are a horrible person and you deserve rape to happen to you. Yes I said it.
HABA WAFFI, EVEN FROM MY DESCRIPTION, A MORON WOULD KNOW AM SPEAKING FROM FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE!
SHO! U NEVA HEAR OF EDO BABES? AFTER CALABAR NA WE!
I BEG JO! CHHOSSE ANOTHER LIE OF DEFENSE 4 U R GETTING STALE! AM OFF 2 D MARKLET, I WUD B BAK SOON
I say report the bastard that did this, if you cannot report him to authority tell your brother and they need to confront Ibrahim. What he did is not okay, whether you were drunk or not he should not have done it. Rape is not okay. Rape has never been okay. Please attempt to get justice, you need it for closure. Her behavior after the rape is not abnormal. She was probably scared and didn’t know how to deal with it. For Pete fucking sake she had just been raped. Can you imagine the mix of emotions she was going through?
Now to the block-headed, dimwitted and stupid nincompoops:
Idiot #1
Housewife called Nitty Gritty, you are a shame to womanhood. You are a big fucking fucking shame.Has anyone taken a look at her picture on her blog? I mean Nitty Gritty housewife? She is FUGLY. Fucking ass ugly old piece of crap. Usually people put decent pictures of themselves up on their blogs. but if this is your best face I can only imagine what you really look like. Who married you and put you in their house? Bloody local champion. The way you even write on your blog shows you are a lousy and angry person. Who writes blog posts in such font size? When your daughter is raped, feel free to give her all the advice you have thrown here. Don’t forget to ask her if she enjoyed and twisted her hips as the guy was grinding into her. They are your opinions but you are a despicable and dreadful human being for holding such views.
Idiot #2
Fran, so it was okay for him to rape her because she was drunk? So because she was drunk her punishment should be rape? Damn, the sanctimonious jerks we have in Nigeria.
You all need to have your head examined. It is because of people like you that rape victims in Nigeria remain the victims for life. It is because of numb skulls like you that they are stigmatized.
@ any rape survivor ( I call you survivor not victims), please know that it is not your fault and it is not OKAY. There are Nigerians like me, Waffarian, Sugar belly, , culture soup, pink satin & BBB that sympathize with you and will not judge you.
@ House wife AKA Nitty gritty, I just cannot get over your Stupidity.You really do think through your blasted ass hole.You are a horrible person and you deserve rape to happen to you. Yes I said it.
@nitty gritty
"CHHOSSE ANOTHER LIE OF DEFENSE 4 U R GETTING STALE!"
What on earth are you on about now? huh?
You sure are good at "refraining" from calling people names. Indeed, a better "sign of maturity" (as you put it), I am yet to see.
@Fran: I never claimed to be mature. Just angry.
And you know what? Since you're so "MATURE" why don't you have the common sense to know that rape is the Rapist's fault?
Hmm??
Olodo.
Ok first of all, my heart goes out to the poor girl, she should be strong and stand up for her right, approach the son of a bitch. Since una say for naija justice won't be done so need for police, then damn! approach him gangster style let him know what he did was wrong. Tell ur parents or whom ever ya'll carry matters to as per naija no dey do police, abi? All in all, report him to a higher figure, let him pay one way or the other, let him be sorry for what he did.
@Waffarian n Sugabelly, Una no see that mumu name, "nitty gritty housewife" wetin u expect? hissssss.... no need acknowledging such pple.
@ Parakeet,
You left out what it should teach men.
Is it only women that should learn from this?
Before i begin my yabis to tope & annoymous who fear no let THEM put their name & pix, let me first greet beta beople jare!
@FRAN, A BIG THANK U O! Sorry for all the insults from those desperadoes! Let me brief u what happened o; I siddon my own, minding my own biz & comment say make dem never persecute Ibrahim yet until he is given a fair trial & i believe there is more to the story. I never said what he did was RIGHT, but to solve it amicably since it was more of a family thing.
Alas! na waffi give me the first GBOSA!, I humbly backed out because i no want Quarrel o! Only for sugabelly abi bitter belly come give me the 2nd GBOSA! KAI! wetin come be my offense i ask , na i throw my own missiles back. CHIKENA! ESE O! That is the end of my tori o! so make i yab tope & annoy-most!
@ TOPE! You certainly hit the JACKPOT! come on clap for yourself! Calling my hubby LOCAL CHAMPION CHEI? KAI! i wonder how your boyfriend be sha? Because if you are AGBANI DERAGO, by now you for don marry, but for FUGLY me i am married! by the way, why u no put ur pix ehn? HA! my blog; I bet you read all the comments sha? IF YES, IT SHOWS YOU ARE THE BIGGEST LIAR AMONG THE FOUR!
@ANNOY-MOST, my blog name pisses you off ehn? HABA! If you get beta name, i would be very glad to change it on the condition that you put your real name & pix on the blog. Abi, shame dey catch u? please be BOLD! Who write on wide font chei? Ha! na only me! because i dare to be DIFFERENT & BOLD! Abusing my child & husband is a NO-GO-AREA! this is to show, both of you are really pissed off & grasping at any object to throw at me! In every war, there is always RULES OF ENGAGEMENT!Abuse me, NO PROBLEMO BECAUSE I GET PLENTY SHOCK ABSORBER HMM! Well, since you BOTH started it; Your mothers were probably picked from the gutter , that is why u & annoy-most was born LOUSY-MOUTHED! OR are u both the product of rape ,hence you are freaking out?
HA! BBB, U MUST BE A FRIEND OF SUGABELLY OR BITTER BELLY, HENCE YOU SUPPORT AM 100% Haven't u learned not to get involved in fights that don't concern you! Surely, you must have noticed the other bloggers adopt the SIDDON-LOOK chei? YES O! Benin babes no they joke with marriage because whatever a woman becomes in life, marriage caps it all! Because that is the way it had be created!If not, you would not be seeing singles & dating agencies all over the place anyway thanks for being blunt!. So back to TOPE & ANNOY-MOST; THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO SAY TO YOU; *kiss my fugly-old-crap-ASS! I wouid be waiting for you so-called-reply masterpiece since MY BLOG IS NOTHING TO WRITE HOME ABOUT EHN? oh! b4 i forgot, that pix on my blog, is the best of the best, maybe OMOOBA the comedian could have made me THE PRESIDENT OF THE UGLIES CLUB INSTEAD OF OBASANJO CHEI?
Oh My!
This is all not very Christianlike now, is it?
Oh dear...
OMG!I wonder why you guy are wasting time exchanging insults with this mentally deranged woworicious Nitty Gritty creature.
Solomonsydelle where are you o?
@ waffi,; Chritain like? OH! waffi please don't go there! I don't like people asking me to turn the other cheek when i didn't start the trouble! I walked away when you made your first comment remember? Only for BITTER -BELLY [SHE NO SWEET AT ALL O! UPON THE EARRING SHE PUT FOR NOSE! SUCH ARE MEANT FOR PIGS!] to say she for take shoe beat me!
@ANNOY-MOST; CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE? IS THAT YOUR MASTER-PIECE REPLY? WHY CALLING FOR MAMA NOW? DIDN'T U NO WHAT U WERE GETTING IN WHEN YOU ALLOWED YOUR MOUTH TO RUN LIKE PERSON NA GET DIARRHEA OF THE MOUTH? YOU ABUSED MY FAMILY,HENCE , YOU HAD TOUCHED THE HEAD OF THE COBRA! IT IS YOUR MOTHER THAT IS MENTALLY DERANGED , HENCE SHE FOR TERMINATE YOUR USELESS LIFE WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT FOR YOU! NOW YOU CAN CALL S-O-L-O-M-O-N-D-Y-V-I-L-L-E!!!!!! DID YOU SEE ME, BUGABELLY & WAFFI ABUSE OUR FAMILY? FUCK YOU! *HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
ROTFL @ woworicious housewife, this thing don dey pain you sa. Kai!e don don enter your body.
@nitty gritty
Come on,lets be real here, you have not walked away since this discussion started.
I am not asking you turn the other cheek. I am just observing that your comments are not "Christianlike" since in one of your comments in the beginning of this discussion, you claimed to be a Christian and even used quotes from the Bible.
(to be specific, this is what you said: "Since am not a pagan, it is the bible i can get my quotes!")
It's just a simple observation worth bringing to light.
I am just wondering how these kind of comments go hand in hand with Christian values.
I am just bewildered, thats all.
and besides i am only anonymous 3:07pm and 4:08!
@ Housewife, what does this mean "HENCE SHE FOR TERMINATE YOUR USELESS LIFE WHEN SHE WAS PREGNANT FOR YOU"
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
@waffi; YEP! am a xtain with the knowledge of both the old [mosaic law]& new testament[Messianic law] The mosaic law teaches AN EYE FOR AN EYE while the messianic law teaches TURN THE OTHER CHEEK! Alas! i apply both laws depending on the situation! You seriously did not expect me to sit down & watch you & sugar belly dumping SHIT on me because i am a xtain? That is the mistake of many people who expects xtains to be MUMU/MUGU so that people no go talk! HEAR! HEAR! I AM ONLY ANSWERABLE TO GOD & NOT MAN!
@ ANNOY-MOST! as i nick-named you, you have annoyed me most with your jibes towards my family which i call a CHEAP SHOT! YEP! you pierced me! but as a SURVIVOR, am back on my feet !& ready to take you down! SO LET THE DIRTY WAR ON FAMILY BEGIN! HOPE YOU ARE READY DIARRHEA- MOUTH?
As i earlier said, maybe u are a product of RAPE. Your popsie & momsie must had been out of their mind not to have EVACUATE you when you were still TISSUES & BLOOD! OH! WAIT A MINUTE,.....I THINK I KNOW THE ANSWER, YOUR DAD PICKED UP YOUR MUM FROM THE GUTTERS & PROBABLY POLISHED HER OFF , ONLY FOR HER TO GIVE BIRTH TO A DEPERADO, LOUSY MOUTHED BITCH LIKE U! WHICH PROVE THE SAYING THAT A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES IT'S SPOT! NA FOR BLOOD E DE!
Okay so I just finished all my exams. I'm back.
@Parakeet: I think it is very unfair of you to say that the woman should learn a lesson from this. What about the man? Why doesn't he learn the lesson that raping people is wrong?
@NittyGritty:
I am not attacking you because you are a Christian.
Stop lying and playing the victim.
I am Catholic so me attacking for being Christian makes no sense.
I am attacking you however because you had the temerity to blame a rape victim for terrible injury that was done to her at the hands of a disgusting useless man.
THAT is why I am attacking you, nothing more and nothing less.
I am attacking you because not only do you not know better but you are REFUSING to correct yourself in spite of enlightenment and as a result you pose a very real threat to any Nigerian woman who has the misfortune to be raped within your immediate vicinity. Why? Because rather than offering help and support you will victimize them and cause them to suffer even greater mental anguish than they already have as a result of the rape.
THAT is why I am attacking you and everyone on this thread that thinks like you because as far as THIS issue is concerned, your way of thinking is much to dangerous and detrimental to society to be allowed to continue to exist. I LOVE my country and I'll be damned if I let people like you walk around in it and reduce the general common sense level.
Now, about my nose piercing. I don't know what pigs you've been befriending but I've never seen a pig with a nose piercing. Also, body modification is part and parcel of Nigeria's cultures so I make no apologies to you or to anyone else for enjoying the cultural mix I was privileged enough to be raised in.
Finally, keep deceiving yourself. You're not from Israel, and if you ever went there they would chase you out with a broom and a dustpan. All the Bibles quotations in the world will not stop Israeli racism from affecting you. Go and ask Ethiopians how they are suffering in Israel and your eye will open.
I laugh kpehe kpehe.
@ nitty gritty
I am begining to doubt if you ever really knew what this whole discussion was about.
The fact that you can insult a fellow human being as a "product of rape"...
For you, that is some kind of insult?
I have never met any human being in my entire life that would think in such a way.
I seriously doubt if you understand the serious implications of rape.
How sad.
(THIS IS TOPE A ONCE AGAIN. Due to the fact that the blog owner has limited commenting to bloggers alone, i will use my gmail to reply your idiotic comments)
Dear Aunty Agbaya aka housewife aka Nitty fucking Gritty. Chief Defender of the rapist,
"Whatever a woman becomes in life, marriage caps it all" HA!HA I laugh , you are a joker, a big fat ugly one at that. (Look at the rolls under your neck, you are morbidly obese girl, go get HELP.I am sure Jenny Craig will be happy to offer you advice). You must be suffering from dementia because there is no other explanation for your behavior. I feel sorry for the female offspring you have/yet to have. As I said earlier when they rape your daughter please feel free to defend the rapist, in fact invite him to dine with your family.
To answer your question, no I am not a product of rape. Are you? You can confide in us o. I am sure the owner of this blog will be willing to post your rape story here and we can all give you advice on how to salvage your already wretched existence.
You said were in university in the nineties (gosh, I was in primary school in the nineties), one would think you would at least have ONE bone of intelligence in your system. ALAS!!you are plain stupid and dense. Your age mates are thinking of ways to inspire young girls. They are teaching them to know that they can break out of these stupid gender barriers and there you are, in all your ugliness and foolishness talking crap and conjuring insults like you are in primary three. Agbaya oshi
1-800-Somebody call a psychiatrist .YOU NEED HELP
I hope this blogger leaves all these comments up. Rape survivors need to know that there are people who understand their plight and will fight for them. See ya, cash ya, lara, I am out.
@ SUGABELLY; welcome hope you did well, so that you would blame me for your performance as you & waffi are doing right now by turning the table against me all of a sudden! Play the victim?NA U SAY U GO TAKE SHOE BEAT ME!IF U DID NOT AGREE WITH MY WAY OF REASONING, YOU MAKE UR OWN COMMENT U 4 SAY;.....i totally disagree with what nitty-gritty or woworicious says. In my own opinion,..... THEN U CAN BLOW ALL THE GRAMMAR U LIKE!USAI! U &WAFFI WAN FORCE YOUR OPINION DOWN MY THROAT!
LISTEN TO THESE TRUE-LIFE SITUATION;
TORI ONE; During my undergraduate days, i& my friends decided to stroll into town to let off the stress of the final exam we just concluded & we followed the short -cut behind the hostel.We met a young girl standing by the path, who quickly walked towards us & said she would like to walk to town with us because there is a guy standing near the bush path with suspicious movement. According to her, she noticed the guy at her back & expected to walk faster than her since it was s sloppy &rocky terrain, guys tend to limp from rocks to rocks while gals maneuver gently not to end up with a sprain! Alas! the guy would slow down if she does deliberately to know what he was up to & when she noticed they were getting to the bush part, she quickly made a u-turn that took the guy by surprised & began walking back to the hostel thinking he would move away, only for her to look back & saw the guy fidgeting by the bush as if he wants to urinate when she then saw our group! Happily, we escorted her to her destination & she was not a student but a community gal of 17year old!
TORI no 2
I went to my friend's hostel & swa she & her roommate looking worried, only to be told that the roomate cousin had not been seen since morning & she was a freshman for sandwish course.Only for this babe to come in late in the evening with tales of woe! She met a TOASTER who promised to buy her a mattress & fan to furnish her room off capmus she planned to rent since her cousin was already squatting someone else. She went to the boys room in the hostel, & waited for him to do all the chores with the excuse that his money was with his friend that was staying off capmus. The babe went with him, only for the friend not be at home & they waited again!, & when he came back, the guys had a chit-chat out of her hearing, only for the friend to excuse them that he wanted to go & bring the money were he kept it for safety. While they waited in the room, he made advances to her, which she rebuffed & it then dawn on her that she was been tricked & left. IT WAS HER OWN COUSIN THAT PUNCHED HOLES INTO HER STORY & CALLED HER OJOKOKORO. SAYING IF THE BOY HAD HAD HIS WAY NKO?
TORI NO3
My brother friend badged into his female course mate room, since they were a reading group. Alas! he met her walking naked out of the bathroom. There was a few seconds pause out of shock & he dashed out! He apologised profusely when he came back. Only for this babe to ask him to come & assit her with her homework. He got there & saw the other 2 roomates,whom sheshares a self contain with. To his suprise, he was asked tostrip naked or else.... What was his offense? Since he had seen her nakedness, he must chop! Alas! this guy made love to the three babes until they were satisfied! When he told his friends, he was patted on the back & many tried to beg him to create the same scenerio for them. Anytime the babes & him jam for road, they would laugh at their secret joke!
U go de think say what has thatgot to do with what we are saying abi?
Simple; TREAT EVERY CASE WITH IT'S OWN PECULIARITIES! EVERY STORY IS NOT CUT & DRY OR BLACK & WHITE! The first gal was saved due to her alertness.The second gal na ojokokoro for land am for trouble. The third case is that of a PLEASANT RAPE & JOKE AMONG THEM! SO sugabelly & waffi, i go read unacomment tommorrow because it is already past midnight & i need my beauty abi na woworicious sleep!
@ geek gal! see what younhave done now! i was off to bed when your reply came in.YEP! am P.H.A.T! AFter paying to the labour room 4 times, i don't mind to be called OBESE! The rings under my neck, is a sign of good living! HA! you are really a suckling baby o! That is why you mouth they drive rough! i UDERSTAND BECAUSE NA FISH BRAIN u get & e be like say na only cow milk ur mama feed you on , hence common sense no day!
HYPOCRITE THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE SHOUTING FOR IBRAHIM HEAD! BECAUSE IN YOUR SECRET OF SECRET CHAMBER, YOU WOULD BE QUESTIONING THE GAL ACTION! NA LIE I TALK! U WAN LOOK & SOUND GOOD FOR THE BLOG!
I talk the KOKO na de happen for 9ja, na this hypocrite na just finish sucking cow milk na no get nafdac number sef dey argue with me! HABA! you can add woworicious to the ALIAS! i would had it to my blog since you & annoy-most say it is nothing to write about! ABAYA, WOWORICIOUS, FLUGY -OLD CRAP WAN GO SLEEP SINCE IT IS 30MINS PAST MIDNIGHT! I KNOW SHA! I NO OLD & FAT PASS YOUR MAMA !*H-I-S-SSSSSSSSSSS SEE U TOM 4 ROUND 2! PREPARE UR MISSLES! MAKE I SHOW U ,MAD WOMAN LAUGH SINCE UNA DE SAY MAKE I GO SEE SHRINK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHHHHHAHAHHAHAHHAAAHHAHAHAHAHHAHH..........................
@NittyGritty and everyone else:
Actually, EVERY SINGLE RAPE CASE is Black and White (provided the man was not intoxicated or under some other influence)
The point is:
If you proposition someone for sex (whether verbally or otherwise) and they REFUSE (whether verbally, or otherwise e.g. by pushing you away)
and you GO AHEAD in spite of this refusal to penetrate them with your penis, fingers, or tongue then you are GUILTY OF RAPE.
Your relationship with that person is irrelevant.
Did they agree to have sex with you? No. End of story. Case closed.
Yes, every rape case has different surrounding circumstances but as long as what happened was that one person did not want the sexual act and the other person went ahead and did it anyway, it is a case of rape.
Everything else is just extra gist.
And rape is ALWAYS wrong.
JUST STOP IT!
All of you, just stop!!
I'm a 'silent' visitor to the blogs of many of you - I've never commented.. These last few days between facebook and blogspot, Nigerians have resorted to market woman-type attacks..
We've forgotten the reason why the post was put up in the first place.. Somewhere in this world, two young girls are afraid and confused and they need constructive advice.. Not mockery, not second-guessing..
I'm hoping we can put our egos aside and return to the issue at hand..
I think it would be fair for the friend (not the victim) to meet Ibrahim in a safe and public place and ask him to tell her what happened without revealing that she suspects him of rape.. And then tell him that herself and victim were planning on going to the police (if they are outside Nigeria)..
Two key points:
1. I don't believe that the victim should be doubted because it took her 'forever' to tell anyone.. This is a normal response of victims of rape and similar crimes..
2. If a woman is sober or drunk and says yes to sex and they both get naked and seconds away from penetration she remembers that her father will kill her if he finds out, she has a right to say NO.. He may ask her to reconsider but she has a right to stop it whenever she no longer feels comfortable.. True, it may be unfair to the man and irresponsible to get into the situation in the first place but that doesn't strip her of her right to decide who does what to her body..
@nitty gritty
and if any of these women had been raped, that would quite simply been the case. RAPE.
If the young girl in your first story had been raped, then what? Lets say she thought the man had finally gone off and she continued her journey. Would it have been her fault because she was not "alert" enough?
If because of "long throat" the second girl had been raped, then what? Would it have been her fault because she wanted "awuff" (as you call it)?
And the last story..."pleasant rape?" Did the girls hold him down in anyway? Did he say NO? This story is quite confusing. If he was raped, then that is what happened. There is no such thing as a "pleasant rape".
My problem with these examples is that you are putting all the responsibility on the woman.
What about the men? Do they not have a responsibility to control themselves? Do they not have a responsibility to behave like civilised human beings? Do they not have a responsibility to uphold the laws of the land?
Good night.
Also, let me just add this:
If two people are ALREADY having sex, and one person tells the other person to stop or that they don't want it anymore, and the other person continues to have sex with the first person against their wishes and in spite of their pleas, IT IS STILL RAPE.
If two people have just had sex consensually, and one of them wants to have sex again, and the other person says no but the first person still goes ahead and forcefully penetrates the other person against their wishes, it is STILL RAPE.
It does not matter if the person that raped you is someone that you have sex with on a regular basis. IT IS STILL RAPE.
Noone, and I repeat, NOONE has the right to invade your body against your wishes. It is not their body, it is YOURS. And if you say NO or refuse in any other non-verbal manner and they go ahead and still do it anyway, it is RAPE.
But of course, people like Nitty Gritty are unable to arrive at this conclusion.
*shaking my damn head*
Nitty Gritty I'm really really sad for you.
I am not wishing this on you, and God Forbid o!!! But if at any time in the future any of your daughters should be raped (again, God Forbid o!) I truly pity them and I wonder if you will say everything you have said here to them: That it was their fault, that they are sluts, that they must have enjoyed it and so on.
I really wonder since you are here parading the fact that you are married and a mother of four with impunity.
On the other hand, if you have any sons, let me just say that women like you make me the maddest of all because WOMEN LIKE YOU RAISE RAPISTS.
I don't know your children. I don't know anything about their personalities and I am sure they are perfectly sweet children like any other kids around, but if any of them are boys they will one day grow up. And I can only wonder what atrocities your sons will LEARN to accept as normal after hearing from their mother that girls that get raped deserve it.
This is not just a matter of opinion. It is also a matter of conscience. So tell us NittyGritty, are you raising future rapists in your household? This is not an affront on your children but it is a warning to you of how a parent's approach to certain matters can be the determinant in whether their child becomes a well adjusted adult in society or whether their child turns into a monster.
Disregarding what might actually be true for right now, I am very much inclined to think that should I have daughters in the future, I would not want Nitty Gritty's sons anywhere near them. Why? Because I cannot trust the sons of such an irresponsible woman to be responsible for their own penises and respect the sovereignty of other people's bodies. In fact, based on everything you have said here, I would fully expect all males from your household to be potential rapists since you have basically given them the go ahead to go forth and seize the bodies of any women that catch their fancy for their own selfish pleasure because you know women are all wanton promiscuous sluts and we're all begging for it anyway since we deserve it
In this aspect I really do feel sorry for your children. They may have a wonderful upbringing otherwise (and I don't know so I'm definitely not knocking that or saying anything about it) but all the wonderful upbringings in the world do not make up for the terrible misfortune of having a Rape-Apologist/Defender for a mother.
@ Housewife aka Nitty Fool,It is clear for everyone to see who has fish brain
What was all that irrelevant story about...one girl was climbing up the hill and then one guy was stalking her and then Mr Tortoise said what? I have never seen such incoherent jargon in my life.
Girl, Obesity is a sickness( there are so many diseases linked to it) it is not a sign of good living o.Dont let anyone deceive you oh.
Anyway i rest my case here.Solomonsydelle sorry I had to take things this far on your blog but i am very passionate about rape and the way Nigerians treat it.
Last word: Rape is Rape.NO means NO
ALRIGHT FOLKS. I have been sick and taking care of TK who has an ear infection, only to get numerous messages about the madness going on here. I tried not to believe it could be as crazy as they said it was, but after reading a few comments, I can't believe what I am seeing.
Haba!
E don do. No further comments will be allowed on this post. I believe all have said as much as can possibly be said.
The one weekend I do not monitor comments, see what happens....
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