Happy Friday to everyone. I want to take the time to say thank you to everyone who participated in last week's installment. It appears that the tenor of that discussion was very good because I have received 2 emails from readers with advice and one with a personal story to share.
So, today, 'Priscilla' shares her story in the hopes that it will encourage someone to do the right thing for another person if and when the opportunity presents itself.
I hope all is well with you all. Have a blessed weekend!
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I am glad that I stumbled upon your blog. I was reading another blog and saw the title of your blogpost and after reading the comments, I knew I had to share my story.
I am the 4th of 9 children that my mother and father had. Daddy died when I was 14 and at first, we depended on relatives. But, soon, the burden was too much for my mother and I was sent at the age of 16 to live with a relative in Lagos.
Upon arrival, I immediately became the househelp for this family of 5. The 'madam' was a distant relative of my late father's and well, I was glad to be in Lagos and see flashy cars and wonderful things. However, things got ugly when my 'oga' started coming to my room at night. Like the story you shared of the girl who discovered her father with the housegirl, I was also warned to not make any noise or else I would be beaten. And yes, you can imagine, I became pregnant, at the age of 17. He insisted I have an abortion, and one day gave me some sort of concoction. It made me very sick. I thought I was dying. When 'madam' asked what was wrong with me, because I was vomiting everywhere, her husband offered to take me to a neighbor's house, as that neighbor was a doctor. It was late at night and luckily, the neighbor was there. They soon drove me to his clinic and well, I lost a lot of blood and the baby as well.
Believe it or not, I was abandoned at that clinic with nowhere to go. My 'oga' and 'madam' never came back for me. I was given transport money by one of the nurses and when I got back to their house, 'madam' told me to never come back. Just like that. No money. Nothing. I had no way to get back to Calabar.
For some days, I slept outside. A househelp in the area had pity on me, fed me and encouraged me to speak to the doctor that saved my life that night after that man tried to kill me in the name of abortion. I walked to their house and luckily, the doctor and his wife where there. I think they suspected what had happened even though their friend told them I was sleeping with maiguards in the area. Thank God for that family, because from that day, I stayed in their house with them and their children. They sent me to school and I managed to get my first certificate. I then went on to get a job as a secretary and soon met my husband at Church. Today, I am a mother and wife, and I still cannot believe what I went through to get to where I am today.
I chose to share my story (and I hope you will not reveal my name) because far too often, what happens to househelps is ignored. But, it is the kindness of absolute strangers that can make or break a human being. In my case, I was fortunate to be 'adopted' by a kind family and a man who literally saved my life so many years ago. Even though I ended up on my feet, my life is not a Nollywood film, I am just a simple woman who has seen extreme wickedness and extreme kindness. And just so you know, that same 'oga' that raped me, his son impregnated a neighbors housegirl. After living for months in shame in that neighborhood, the son's actions redeemed me in a way because from then on, many people treated me differently. They realized that something was wrong in that house and not with me. We in this country can be very, very wicked to those who are of a different level and I pray that anyone reading this will not turn a blind eye if they know of a girl being raped by a friend all because that girl is a housegirl. Please, I am begging.
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So, there you have it. I promised 'Priscilla' that I would share her story, and I have. DO you have any thoughts on the matter of househelps and sexual abuse? From last week's comments, it seems Lagos State has some facilities for victims, but I wonder if there are similar options in other states, or would a victim have to find an NGO? Anyway, I will read your comments and learn form you all. There are so many causes to support and champion in Nigeria - this issue should definitely be one of them. Thanks!
By the way, 'oga' refers to a boss, 'maiguard' is the word for a gateman, 'housegirl/househelp' refers to a live in maid.
23 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
So far, you have talked about househelps abused by 'Oga', but another angle I hear about far more frequently is the little girl abused by houseboy/driver/steward etc
In addition, if you talk to 10 Nigerian men, you are probably going to find 6 who in their teens, 'messed around' with their house help.
Blogging about this, is definitely a good first step in taking on the issue.
Like P said, her's is one of the lucky stories. I thank God for her life but she's right too, these things should not be swept under the carpet.
im happy that she met such kind people oh.na wa oh.
Okay I'm trying to be proactive here...is it possible to set up a fund or something for the househelp that was raped in part one?like if say 20 of us can chip in like say 10quid a month or whatever we can afford...to help this gal go to school...just an idea that came to me now o...
I'm glad someone was there to help Priscilla...I won't even dwell on man's inhumanity to woman...too draining!
Can you imagine such wickedness?
Thank God Priscilla's story had a good ending.
I'll still say the witness in part 1 should not keep quiet. If one woman is hurt then all women are hurt.
Thank God that Pris was able to survive such traumatic incident. Thank God. May the love of God continue to dwell with the family that "adopted" Pris. God Bless them.
But why are some "ogas" such animals? Can't they control their so called sexual urges? Why don't they find satisfaction in their wives?? Haba!
Pris, enjoy your life, your husband and your children! It is well with you and all that concerns you. Stay blessed!
Thank God it ended well with her.
I think one step should be a determination to be that "good" family that helps people like Pris out. Her story would have ended sadly if no one was there to pick her up from the dung. Hers would have been another sad sad story.
This is hard tho, cos sometimes u help some people who turn out to be "demons" in ur home but we should never get weary of doing good.
As for such ogas, i have no idea what can be done about them. guess its to keep praying that our men stay contented with their wives and stop looking for whatever from house maids.
OK..the "oga" and "madam" are just very cruel...
We need to speak up about this issue
Insane story. In my opinion it doesn't matter if the rapist is the boss or the hired-hand, keep your stuff in your freakin' pants for God's sake!!!!!! It surprises me how low some men will sink even with a wife and children who look up to them. Smh it's sad, just sad.
Priscilla's one lucky lady. I'm sure the kind doctor never regretted what he did for her.
:)
xoxo
You know this is part of why I really hate that song Ekeatte. I've said somewhere else that the song makes it seem like housegirls are seductresses who woo the men, when I believe that most of the househelps who end up pregnant are sexual assault victims.
Priscilla's story is touching & I wish it were the common one, but I know its not. Shame on our society that chooses to heap shame on victims of sexual violence instead of embracing them with help & healing.
As far as the facilities in Lagos State for rape/sexual abuse victims, are their services really utilized? How do people get referred to their agency or find out about them? We still live in a society that would rather hide that a child got raped to save face, than help them seek the help they desperately need.
I am happy her story turned out well. It's really sad the stuff people do.
these househelp raping incidences are extremely scary
Wow, what a story. Thank God things worked out well for Priscilla in the end after such a horrible experience. It's hard to imagine that some human beings are so wicked that they would abuse and discard another person just like that. The depths some people sink to...
God bless the kind doctor and his family who looked after her. What she said is true: she has seen extreme wickedness and extreme kindness.
I pray that our society will wake up and see the evils going on around us and we would do something to protect the innocent victims of such abuse.
Makes you wonder how the wives of these men can still stand to live with them. If that had happened in my house, my father would have heard nweh!
rape is rape regardless of if it happens in Lagos or London. Rape is an act of violence against another person. the rapist is doing theis because they feel powerful and want to crush their victim. the victim must reempower themselves by not allowing the rapist to get away with the crime.
the problem with rape in most societies is that the legal system is written by and for men; not women. when women stand there they are seen as less than the man who raped them.
until the crime is recognized as a crime against humanity it will continue to crush us. africa is where it is used as a tool to destroy women and families. this is wrong and must stop. if someone rapes someone they must be brought to justice because they are raping the whole of society, not just that one person.
rape is wrong, regardless.
priscilla is right for standing up for herself and getting her life back. she is proof that the darkness can only hold secrets for a short while.
This story is sad, the whole message behind it is soo sad. Thank God that the lady in question was able to pick her life and move on with the helpful family
Thunder fire that woman and her family. How can you do something like that to a human being such as yourself and live happily afterwards?? See why I said hell fire will not see me?? tufiaaaaaaaa
Thanks for sharing this. I'm happy that people are speaking up about this issue because the extent of abuse of househelps/relatives etc is disgraceful. There's also the endless beating and humiliation that many domestic staff experience. I didn't comment on the first part because i just didn't know what to say. It's so sad to think about the lack of protection for those who are weak or vulnerable in our society. You can't even rely on the police or government to defend them. Thank God for people like the family that helped Priscilla.
she was lucky
mad oga.........
This is an example of something that is deeply engrained in Nigerian culture. There is this mentality that those who help us (houseboy, housegirls, maiguardy, washermen etc) are less than us; the oga, the madam, the oga's children e.t.c. Just because by chance a person was not born into middle-class priviledge does not mean they have less human dignity than their middle-class & upper-middle class counterparts.
This Priscilla girl was also someone's daughter. So the fact that this Oga & Madam thought they could use her & then easily do away with her shows how inconsiderate people can be!
SO sad! I guess its happening the world over.
There's a lot of noise in Pakistan now over a 12year old maid who died from supposed injuries inflicted by her Rich 'oga'. Nobody expects anything to come out of it as Justice is skewed towards the rich! The point is this is something thats been happening for ages but finally has come to light and generated discussions in the public place.
Such discourse needs to start here! (Or continue here)
Anyaposh's comments reflects my state of mind..really? these are people's children too..y r people so inhuman..why would a woman show such wickedness towards a child just to stay married to a man who she most likely knows will keep exhibiting such xteristics..
but if anything of that sort shd happen to her daughter she will rain fire and brimstone..that housegirl no be person pikin...
like the Holy Book says..'do unto others....'
i thank God for the DR's family that took Priscilla in and saved her life, their children and children's children shall reap of their good deeds.
Thank-you so much for this post as it relates to part of my research for my doctorate. I believe this sexual (as well as physical and psychological abuse) is deeply ingrained in our society and something that we need to start paying more attention and making more public in order to fix.
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