Monday, August 31, 2009

IKEBE ENVY

So, some of you might not know what an Ikebe is, but let me inform you that an Ikebe is a big booty. Yes, ikebes are much prized in Nigerian culture and my whole life I never had one. Don't feel sorry for me, I was very happy not having one. Except when I wore my traditional buba and iro, a Yoruba outfit that seems to require a little bit of a backside to really look good in.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_H4G8wf8VqW8/RqiZffSH8GI/AAAAAAAAAgo/oUtOZ0rG7h4/s400/image8.jpg
Anyway, I digress. But, like I said, I have always been very content with the booty God gave me. Besides nobody ever complained except for someone who once teased me that it was convex in shape. Ko ni da fun! lol! Yes, I digress again, right? Forgive me. For what i wanted to tell you is that I never had ikebe envy (AKA big booty envy/BBE) until I went to a King Sunny Ade concert recently.

Husband and I went on a date and because we had to put our clients, TE, TK and Bomboy, to bed, we got to the concert late. Nevertheless, we were having a good time when my husband suddenly remarked,

"Interesting. There are no half naked women on stage."

I laughed and said, "Well, it isn't a Fela concert, so sorry you might not get to see much booty shaking."

No sooner had I uttered those words than did 2 women, and I mean grown women come on stage. They were twins and they knew how to shake what their mama gave them. I mean, they shook their backsides with abandon and those ikebes were toned. I mean, when they shook to the left, the backside went to the left. When they shook to the right, the backside quickly obeyed. Not like some backsides that just have way too much jiggle to them, you know. Reminds me of this one time at the mall when my daughter remarked, "Mommy why is her bum bum shaking so much?" as some random lady walked by. But the girl was right, the woman's butt was just flying all over the place. Some underwear could have helped with the jiggle, as could some firming exercises for the gluteus maximus, but what do I know....

But, yes, watching these women have complete control over their ikebes sparked a little envy. I wished I could go on stage and shake my own backside like that. I told hubby, and he kindly told me that my Ikebe might not be super, but it was just fine. =)

Its been a couple weeks, and I no longer worry about those women and their ikebes. I like mine. Its small but proportionate and it works for me. But, here is a video I found at The Afrobeat Blog that shows one lady shaking it at a Sunny Ade concert in Toronto, Canada. Not the best quality, but the best I could find. Nevertheless, pay close attention to our sister working that thing on the stage. Yes, can you see the control she has over her backside? Hmmm... *looking at my itty bitty booty* It's all good. =)


BTW, you can read old Ikebe Super comics right here. Remember those? Oh, and why does the name 'Bumtight' keep coming to mind? Aunty Bumight...

Friday, August 28, 2009

TTTEC: A THREESOME?

...Easier Crew..., I don't know how to write an introduction for today's issue. I have been discussing this issue with the reader for about 3 weeks now and well, my advice is limited. Hence, it is your turn to chime in. Again, because of the content, I will monitor comments and will remove any comments that are rude, obscene or hurtful. I apologize in advance if you find your comment deleted but due to the sensitive nature of today's discussion, I would like everyone to be as comfortable as possible.

Thanks for understanding.

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I am a junior in college and share a room with my roommate Andrea. Andrea and I only met last semester and so far things have been perfectly fine. She has a boyfriend, Franky, who spends far too much time in our room and sometimes, I have been forced to sleep at my friend's off-campus apartment when Franky and Andrea choose to have sex in our room. I do not understand why she doesn't go to his room, but because it has only happened 3 times, and she has apologized profusely, I have been able to deal with that. Franky walks around in black clothes, piercings everywhere and frankly, looks dirty. I do not know what she sees in him.

The other day, Andrea approached me while I was studying and started asking me funny questions. She wanted to know if I was a virgin. I told her no, that my boyfriend is in Nigeria and I see him every Christmas. She then started asking me if I have ever cheated on my boyfriend. Again, I said no. After beating around the bush, she finally asked me if I would consider being in a threesome. I could not believe what I was hearing and felt insulted. She noticed the look on my face and then she started to stammer. I asked her where all that was coming from and she said Franky finds me attractive and she was thinking that maybe we should have a threesome. We talked a little bit more and it turns out that Franky confessed that he found me attractive and has never had sex with a black girl, let alone an African. So, because his birthday is coming, she thought a threesome would be a good birthday present for him.

First and foremost, I am upset that this boy is even looking at me in a sexual way. He is my roommate's boyfriend and I am absolutely not attracted to him. Secondly, I cannot believe that I live with a girl who thinks that the best way to keep her man is to agree to share him with somebody. I understand that I was raised very differently from Andrea but even in my wildest dreams, I never imagined someone would ask me such a thing.

I declined her suggestion and even though I told her I was not upset, I am really uncomfortable. And now, this week, Franky stopped me in the middle of the hallway and he put his hand on my arm and started asking me why I don't want to be in a threesome. Can you imagine! I don't think I am a prude by any means, but this is very upsetting. It will be hard for me to find a substitute room and I do not want to crash at a friend's place until the end of the semester. What can I do?
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Monday, August 24, 2009

MY MINI-ME GOES TO SCHOOL TODAY!

It seems like only yesterday when Husband and I found out we were pregnant. In no time, we gave birth to a little girl and before we knew it she was a big sister bossing her siblings around and helping me keep the men in our house in check.

Today, my mini-me, The Enforcer, goes off to kindergarten! I have a mix of emotions at this moment. I am nervous - I hope she will enjoy school and that she will make friends. I am excited - I can't wait to hear everything she has to say about her first day. And, Husband can't wait to help her with her homework.

This will be the first time since I became a mother that I can't just talk to my baby and won't know exactly what she is doing. This will also be the first time that Husband and I are not the primary influence on her. That is a little troubling because I can't help but wonder about other kids. I mean, my daughter doesn't even watch Hannah Montana, but now, she might come home wanting to know more about such things. Not that Hannah Montana is bad, per se, I don't watch the show and can't say much about it, but we try to keep the external stimuli and influences to a minimum, you know?

Here is a picture of her new bag and uniform. Did I mention she will be wearing a uniform? And, did I mention that that makes me very happy?
(forgive anything that looks unsightly. This is the kids play room)

After school she will be calling my in-laws in the Commonwealth of Dominica, my mommy and brother in Abuja, and a whole bunch of aunties and uncles all over the place. It is bound to be an interesting and busy day.

By the way, did I tell you that I will be a co-host on Vera's next radio show? Well, yes indeedy, we will be talking about Multicultural Love which include interracial relationships, inter tribal relationships, and frankly, any kind of relationship that you, the listeners want to talk about. Something tells me it is bound to be exciting! Vera's shows never disappoint and I am just thrilled I get to be a part of it. To prepare, feel free to watch this video I made about the issue. I interviewed a Nigerian married to a Zambian and their story is a good one. I am lucky, although I married a non-Nigerian, and non-African for that matter, I have not had any cultural complications. The only issue is that my hubby can't watch Nollywood films. He just doesn't understand why Nigerians are never happy and it is one wahala (problem) or another, lol! Can anyone suggest a happy or funny Nollywood film for my Husband? Oh, and he doesn't care too much for all the noise we Naija folks make. He has to deal with my own noise so he won't choose to watch a Naija film with lots of shouting. Is it even possible to find a Nollywood film with no shouting? Please, abeg, let me know so I can prove him wrong. =)

Okay, folks, those pics from the strip club debauchery came in and woooh!!!! I think I am going to have them included on the I ♥ The Easier Crew! group on Facebook. If you haven't joined then please do. My niece kindly created it for us and well, I am hoping to use it as a forum for us Easier Crew members to let our hair down, gist and be silly. So swing on by!

See you all on Friday for the next TTTEC installment.

Friday, August 21, 2009

TTTEC: MOTHER IN LAW FROM HELL

I know many of us have heard of a few MILs from hell, so I am sure people will be able to give some sound advice to Amina. Do take the time to read and share your thoughts. Thanks so much!
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My husband and I work in very intense fields and have been married for just over 2 years. We decided very early on to take our time having children. This has given us both the opportunity to enjoy each other, excel in our careers and live the kind of lifestyle we enjoy.

My mother-in-law, however, can not appreciate our choice and has made that known on many occasions. She wants us to have children now, in fact, yesterday, frankly. She complains that my husband is the eldest son and that his younger siblings are already having children. Anytime she comes from Nigeria, she makes my life miserable. The last time she came, while I was serving drinks to her friend who came to visit, she said, in my presence, "This one never wants to hear word. Me, I always listened to my husband's mother." To which, her friend looked me up and down and said "Don't mind her."

All this in my presence! Had something happened before this conversation, maybe I could understand, but I don't even know what it was she was complaining about and to then diminish me in the presence of a complete stranger? I have told my husband and he has spoken to her on several occasions. She always says that she will try to do better but I feel things just keep getting worse.

She has only been here for a week and already she is causing me stress. After church on Sunday, she was talking with a group of her fellow "Nigerian grandmothers" and when I walked up to tell her it was time to go, she said, verbatim, "Ah, Mama Ebuka, I would be like you with many grandchildren but this one doesn't like children." Again, I was standing right in front of her and again, one of her busy body friends had something to say. As I turned to leave, her friend said, "If she doesn't like children nko? She should not deprive you of your blessings oh!"

I am tired and frustrated and have had it. I am tempted to give her a piece of my mind, but know it will solve nothing. I am trying to be patient and simply wait until she leaves in 6 weeks, but God knows, I need some advice. What can I do? I don't think it is this woman's business what I do with my body, especially as my husband and I agree that we are not yet ready for children. And, it is not as if she does not have grandchildren already. She clearly does not respect me and sometimes, I think it is because I am Hausa and she is Igbo. I am tired of being referred to as "this one" and being disrespected in my own home.

Please help!
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All I can say is that it is not necessary to 'haze' or mistreat a new member of the family and thank God my in-laws have always treated me well.

Over to you guys...

PS: Please take the time to share your thoughts on a post I wrote about 9ice, the musician, and beggars, when you are done here. Thanks!

Sunday, August 16, 2009

STRIP CLUB DEBAUCHERY

I went to New York City to have a weekend of bachelorette celebration and fun. First off, I had a good time. I hung out with good friends, made new friends, saw friends from college and even managed to bump into a friend from high school while reminiscing on 6th Avenue. Second off, I know that I like to keep this blog family friendly, but this is a post I couldn't avoid writing and I hope it will be a learning opportunity if my kids ever read it, i.e. children don't read this before the age of 16 and don't ever waste your money at strip clubs. Mommy says so!

Okay, now that that is out of the way, let me admit that I have been to a strip club before. It was in Atlanta, years ago and I went with some college friends, one of whom really wanted to know what it would be like. That experience was tame - the stripper danced on the stage and made his way over to my friend, lets call her Antonia. She giggled like a little school girl, and it was over.

But, what I saw on Saturday night at a place called Duvet in NYC, was far from tame. It was PURE DEBAUCHERY and even for me that's saying something, lol! Listen, there were women screaming in delight, there were women writhing in ecstasy (yes, you read right - ecstasy) and some, the particularly drunk ones, were either face flat on the floor or screaming that they wanted, 'sexual relations' with the source of their entertainment. That is no exaggeration,my people.
http://www.lasvegasarea51vip.com/las_vegas_nightclubs/las_vegas_male_strip_club.jpg
Now, I'm a "live and let live person" and I don't have the energy to judge most people. I'm too busy potty training my boys and getting my daughter ready for school. Besides, I'm like anyone else - I've made silly decisions and considering what I know now, would do certain things differently, like .... we don't need to go there. Nonetheless, these women at the club made my friends and I feel like old prudes. And,may I just say that we are no angels. Yet, we were there,  mouth agape, covering our eyes (one guy was swinging his 'package' in some happy lady's face) and frankly, impressed at the strength of some of the entertainers, I mean some of them worked super hard for their money, lifting women in heavy looking chairs and all.

I have to share a couple of my observations post-strip club and I have chosen to speak to many of the ladies that were in attendance at Duvet the night I was there (I should have walked on stage and taken the microphone to say the following):

  1. Ladies, calm down. It is just a strip club. You don't get any prizes.
  2. Ladies, the strippers are there to work for their money. Please do not follow them around the club, waving dollar bills in their face to get your attention. They want your money.
  3. Ladies, if the girls you come with allow you to put your hand down a stranger's member or allow that stranger to put his head up your dress, those girls are not your true friend, or you are all um, well, I did say I wouldn't judge, right?
  4. Ladies, all those acrobatics you do with strippers in front of a crowd of strangers should at least be repeated at home with your man. And, if you don't have one, well, fine, I guess you are doing 'practicals' to improve your skills.
  5. Ladies, drinking vodka straight from the bottle is not ladylike and while you might want to "wild out", consider that the possible consequence is you, face down on a disgusting New York City street (and believe me, NY streets are DISGUSTING). Ewwww.
  6. Ladies, strippers are a waste of money. Think about it.
And, I know you are wondering what my friends and I were doing all this while, right? Well, we sat on a bed in the back of the club. I will confess that my drink was made with cheap champagne and gave me a headache. I had to get another one. Anyway, a couple of the strippers came by, one gave my friend and TK's Godmother (what kind of example are you setting girlfriend? =)), the bachelorette a lap dance. Another asked me why my friends and I were so "stuck up" and he was lucky to escape a 6 inch beatdown!

I do not have a problem with strippers, be they male or female. To each his/her own. Grown people are allowed to do grown things. That is between them and their maker. But, I could not believe that I was capable of being shocked by human beings. And in the future, I will only be in the presence of strippers for the sake of a very, very, very good friend. Good, thing that was the case this weekend because, despite the debauchery, I had a great time.


PS: I really think that too much alcohol brings out the worst in some people.

PPS: Yes, there are pictures, but I didn't take them and so have to wait until they are sent to me, before I can share some of them here. But, if they are NSFW, I likely won't put them up. Either way, keep an eye for an update!

Stay well.

Friday, August 14, 2009

TTTEC: FALLING FOR AN ILLUSION

Hey Easier family, how are you all? Today's TTTEC installment is about relationships and I believe that you guys will be helpful in offering advice to this guy, let's call him Folu.

Enjoy.
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My first love was my high school sweetheart, Ajike. We were inseparable and at the time, we both believed that marriage was inevitable.

One holiday, my parents sent me to visit my aunty in the US and soon decided that I should stay here for school. I never knew of my parents plans, and so, although I said good bye to Ajike when I left Nigeria, I always assumed that I would go back to see her. Alas, that would not be.

Well, years went by and while I was in a relationship, all of a sudden I got an email message from Ajike. We soon connected on Facebook and started chatting on a daily basis. It turned out that she was working in Canada and after about 3 months of communicating, I decided I wanted to go visit her. I told my girlfriend I was going to visit some old friends and took off.

The visit was wonderful. All those emotions I had for Ajike came flooding back and when I got back to the US, I broke up with my girlfriend, Cynthia. I just couldn't stay in a relationship with her, knowing that I also had strong feelings for someone else. The breakup was very difficult for both of us, as she kept asking if it was something she did. I couldn't tell her about Ajike, but I did tell her that I needed to take a break to figure some things out. And, like that, my 2 year relationship with Cynthia came to an end.

I went back to Canada to visit Ajike again and this time, I stayed with her. She cooked, she cleaned, and took such great care of me and even though I was unsure of my break up with Cynthia, I quickly believed that the choice was well made and that Cynthia and I would have a wonderful relationship. As we were now boyfriend and girlfriend, I did my part to take care of her and her son (whom she had from a failed relationship) whenever she needed money.

However, things soon turned sour. Right before a planned trip for her to come visit my family and I, she called asking for some money to help a friend of hers. At the time, I didn't have the money due to some unexpected expenses and told her so. She said she understood and soon arrived to visit me. While here, however, she was rude and nasty to my mother, my aunt and other family members. My mother complained about her and when I talked to Ajike she just cried and said my family was picking on her because she had an illegitimate child and because they preferred my ex. I managed to calm the situation before she left, but my mother made it clear in no uncertain terms that if I opted to marry Ajike, she would not give me her permission.

Two weeks later, I flew to Canada to visit her. During those 2 weeks, our conversations were strained and she kept asking for money. Again I didn't have any but told her that when I arrived in Canada, I would take a good look at her finances and help her come up with a suitable budget so she wouldn't run out of money each month. When I finally arrived in Canada, I waited at the airport for 2 hours before Ajike showed up. In the car, she hardly answered any questions and during that weekend, she spent her time at work. I tried to find out what was wrong, but she kept saying "nothing". However, I overheard her talking to her sister and saying that she couldn't wait for me to live. As such, I moved up my flight and left as quickly as possible.

We soon broke up and all I can think of is Cynthia. I truly feel horrible for risking a relationship with a very good woman who treated me with nothing but love and respect. I know she probably would never take me back, but I wonder what if anything I can do just to even apologize for causing her any confusion or pain. Or, should I just let things go and hope for the best in my next relationship?

Thanks for your help.
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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

1 DOWN, 1 TO GO & DOODOO BONDAGE

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST DISCUSSES POOP. IT ALSO CONTAINS IMAGES OF POOP. READ, LOOK & COMMENT AT YOUR OWN RISK. =)

TK has pooped in the potty 2 days in a row!!!!! Yay!!!! Woohoo!!!! I am super excited!!!! Many of you single boys and gals might not understand why I am so happy but believe me, the joy I feel is well deserved!

For those of you that have been following, you know that potty training TK has been a challenge. Remember the pic from DooDoo Rain Dance? Just in case you have forgotten let me remind you.

What about my experience from Doodoo Retaliation? Now that I think about it, I have suffered! Yes, potty training TK has been difficult but he, and his poop, has now managed to actually make it to the potty twice. No more cleaning poop off the floor, no more finding used wipes around my side of the bed. Gosh! I feel so accomplished as a parent. So does Husband. You should have seen how we were congratulating ourselves. lol! When I was single, I never would have imagined that someday my family and I would be celebrating the potty training of a child, but after potty training TE and now TK, believe me, it has been nothing but jubilation over here!!!!

And now, that leaves Bomboy to join the land of fully potty trained boys. As you recall, he has left me in the past with this mess from Doodoo Deliveries -



Well, the boy has stepped his game up. I mean, really...This is what Bomboy left for his father and I to discover recently -

It was followed the next day by this -

Thank God I listened to my hubby when he discouraged my desire to paint the entire house earlier this year. He argued that with kids as small as ours, they were bound to do something exciting to the walls for a couple more years and if this pic is any indication, he was obviously right. Or maybe, Bomboy was protesting the lack of a more interesting wall color in his room - a clear example of bomboyism, don't you think? Husband found this 'masterpiece' before I did. I don't think I could have dealt with this. Now you understand why I am so giddy that TK can poop in the potty - one more child to potty train and Husband and I can be released from this life of diaper/doodoo bondage.

See you on Friday for TTTEC.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

TTTEC: MARITAL PRESSURES CAN RUIN LIVES

In 'Should You Get Married?', I discussed a cousin of mine that my mother and aunts were trying to convince to get married. If you recall, I stated that I didn't think my family should force some girl on my cousin. God bless him, but he is not the most responsible man and frankly is a leech. Why 'gbese' (jinx) some unsuspecting woman into marrying a man who, despite his age, is not ready for marriage and doesn't seem to be suffering because he is unmarried?

Well, after that post, I received a message from an anonymous person who wanted to share her family's experience. It turns out that Kate (not her real name) agreed that forcing a man, who clearly has little intention of getting married, is a mistake. Kate's opinion stemmed from her elder sister, Emily's, experience.

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Emily was 33, unmarried, and living at home with her parents. Being that she had no 'marital prospects', her mother insisted that she allow the family to find her a suitable mate. After months of nagging from her well meaning parents, she conceded. Eventually, her mother introduced her to an old family friend who had a 40 year old son, living and working in Europe.

Very quickly, plans were made for Isaac to come home and meet Emily. They eventually met and although Emily didn't feel the sparks she was looking for, her mother constantly reminded her that at 33, she had no more time for 'sparks' and instead, needed to have children before it was too late. So, within no time, Isaac's family was asking for Emily's hand and within 10 months of meeting and long distance courtship, a wedding took place.

After the wedding, Isaac returned to Europe to prepare for Emily's arrival. During this time (4 and a half months), Emily's mother complained that 'people' were making fun of her old spinster daughter who was married but still living in her father's house. As such, a visa was obtained and Emily was shipped off to her husband's house. This, despite the fact that her husband insisted he was not ready for his wife to arrive and that his wife also didn't want to go to a country where she knew nobody.

Upon arriving, Emily learned that Isaac shared a small 2 bedroom apartment with a white guy (let's call him X). Isaac had always said he lived in a small flat, but never mentioned a flat mate. Emily learned to adjust, but the omission by Isaac made Emily nervous, and one day, her suspicion that something wasn't right, was justified. After an afternoon out, she returned to find her husband, Isaac, in a compromising position with his flat mate, X.
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Many things fail to shock me, but when I read Kate's initial email, I was stunned beyond belief. I have sat on this issue for almost a month because, I just didn't know how to present it to the Easier Crew. But, now that I have, I just want to say, people need to be as honest as possible because of what I have learned about Emily, her life has been completely changed. Lies can destroy lives. Yes, Emily understood that she was marrying a man she hardly knew and yes, she hoped that in time, love would find its way into the relationship. But, based on the things Isaac had said during their courtship, she could never have imagined that his heart truly lay elsewhere and particularly with someone that Emily cannot compete with.

Now, Emily is stuck far from home. She does not want to tell her parents and is afraid of causing her mother and father any "shame". This, despite the fact that she has nothing to be ashamed of, after all, she is the only victim in this tragedy. Isaac's parents wanted their eccentric and quiet son to get married. Emily's parents wanted their oldest daughter to marry into a good family and produce grandchildren they could gush over. Best intentions, yes. But, obviously, the end result cannot be described as the "best".

I don't know what else to say, but my heart aches for Emily and I thank Kate for sharing this story. Unfortunately, because I did not discuss with Emily directly, there is much to this story that I have chosen to leave out. However, let it be said, that for all those who just want to get married, or just want their daughters to get married, simply marrying into a 'good family' does not a good marriage make. And, even the best intentioned pressure to marry, can cause a world of pain and sadness.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME

...Since I took the time to write a proper post here. I have spent the last 5 weeks being a busy mother and wife. Well, much busier than usual, if one can imagine. I have been trying to get my daughter registered for school - thank God that mission was accomplished and my daughter will be a 'student' come August 24th. I have also spent time nursing vomiting children who had 'stomach viruses' at one point or the other over the last 5 weeks. Thankfully, each child only fell ill twice and for no more than 24 hours. But, seeing my normally boisterous babies unwell was very hard. They hardly fall ill, so when they aren't well, I tend to take it hard. Plus, having vomit all over you, scrubbing vomit off carpets and other surfaces was little fun. But, again, I am thankful that the kids are healthy and happy.

I am also busy with random projects and facing a conundrum - figuring out exactly what my next step is going to be and how that will be beneficial for my family and myself. I am bursting with ideas, hopes and dreams and even though I have put everything to prayer, I still feel a little, well, 'confuzled' (ha, that's my new favorite word). My whole life, I have always known exactly what to do next. For the first time, I lack the conviction that has always come to me so easily. And before I forget, my iPod shuffle eventually died just as Arewa prophesied. Got an upgrade on that though - a fancy iPod Touch which I am enjoying thoroughly.

So for now, I choose to just trudge on as usual. I will continue to deal with the serious doodoo incidents that, oddly enough, I am becoming very accustomed to what with potty training the boys. Having a daughter in school will likely transform my schedule, but I hope I will be able to keep up with blogville and all the new characters that join our midst as well. This is beginning to sound like a farewell post, isn't it? Well, honestly, I have considered taking a break, but I hope it won't come to that. Something tells me that the next break I take from blogville will likely be the last. Instead, I will simply open myself up to the best options that come my way, allow the ones that don't seem a good fit, slip by the wayside and bring along as many as possible.

Okay, this confessional should end right now, don't you think? Yes, I knew you would agree with me. Well, come on back on Friday for the promised TTTEC that stems from my 'Should You Get Married?' post from the beginning of July. A reader sent me some information about her family member that I have been wrestling with on the most respectful way to present it to the Easier Crew. I am very concerned that that post be one that is helpful, not just entertaining. Anyway, I will see you guys then.

Have a blessed week!