Monday, June 29, 2009

A CLEAN DIAPER...TO POOP IN

Why do my children wait until you change their diaper to poop?

This does not apply to TE because she is a big girl now and uses the toilet. It technically applies to TK because although he only wears diapers at nap time, that is exactly when he poops everyday! My sons have proven time and time again, that a clean diaper is only good to poop in! I just wish children would poop in their dirty diapers, so that once mothers changed their diaper, there would be little threat of having to change a soiled diaper in another 10 minutes.

And did I tell you that they have synchronized their poop, now? Oh yes, TK poops and then Bomboy poops. I don't know whether they plan it out or if it is just a coincidence, but it happens! I can't wait to have the boys fully potty trained. Poop needs to be in a toilet. Besides, if you see the "grown" poop that TK produces, even you would agree that his mature poop belongs in a toilet bowl and not a diaper.

But, for now, I am off to change more diapers. Yuck!

Lol!

Friday, June 26, 2009

TTTEC: A DIFFICULT QUESTION

My people, I recently went to a get-together hosted by some a single friend of mine. While there, we all got to gisting and as usual I was the last to know about all the latest gist from Lagos and Abuja. Before I knew it, a friend started talking about my blogging and whipped out a laptop and the group started reading many of the TTTEC stories. I never knew how much discussion and drama these issues could raise until that day. It was serious.

Later that evening, while I was on the porch enjoying the evening breeze, with a glass of Riesling in hand, one of the ladies came out to talk to me. She said she wanted my opinion and I told her that if I could give it, I would. This is the question she asked me -

"What should a woman do if she finds her husband in bed with multiple women?"
I guess the alcohol I was having made me a little slow because I assumed she meant that the mystery woman's husband had been in numerous affairs with various women. When I asked for clarification, she said,

"No. I mean the man was in bed with many women at the very same time!"
I went quiet for a while, and then, I said,

"Well, it is not for me to judge, but I daresay my response would depend on knowing additional information."

She looked at me funny, and I think because she realized I would rather think through the issue than rush to a conclusion,all of a sudden she relaxed. Well, the amount of alcohol that had been flowing since the afternoon might have contributed to the candor =), because she soon started to tell me an incredible story. This woman, who from what I could see was a wonderful lady, is married to a very wealthy man who has been rumored to have many girlfriends around town. She said her husband is well known at some of the local university campuses and she has had young girls outrightly tell her that they are sleeping with her husband.

One weekend, she came home early from a visit to her village only to walk into her house and discover her hubby in bed with 5 women. She didn't know what to do, so she walked out and went to her sister's house. Two days later, she was on a plane to Washington, D.C. She is staying in a house owned by her husband not far from where I live. She has not spoken to her husband in 3 weeks and he is threatening to come and take her back to Nigeria. She feels trapped and is definitely confused. She wants to know what her options are and how to achieve them.

I asked her if she didn't mind me putting this up as a TTTEC installment and she said she was intrigued to learn what you guys think as she had taken time to read some other TTTEC installments and comments while at the party. I know that many of you will be wondering what my suggestion was. I will wait to see whether anyone's comment comes close to mine and if so, I will admit it for the sake of fairness. If no one comes close to my suggestion, well, I will remain silent.

Anyway, please feel free to share your opinions and please, be brutally honest. This lady, lets call her Amina, can definitely handle honesty. But, I beg everyone to be as respectful as possible in expressing your thoughts.

Thanks so much guys and fire away...

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

ELMO WAHALA

Yes, Elmo.

That cute, red, little monster from Sesame Street is causing me some stress and is source of serious wahala in my home.
http://dailynewarker.com/w/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/no-elmo.png

Bomboy loves Elmo and will not go to bed unless Elmo is waiting in his bed. Now, that would not be a problem if Bomboy didn't keep leaving Elmo everywhere other than in his bed. So, I or my husband are constantly forced to go up and down 3 flights of stairs to find "elumo" as bomboy calls it.

Bomboy acts as if he has a monopoly on Elmo in this house. Nobody is allowed to touch Elmo without his permission. Even look at Elmo the wrong way and you get a torrent of abuse in gibberish. The other day, I wanted to wash Elmo and the fight that ensued was of epic proportions!!! I won in the end though and I give all glory to God for helping me win that battle, lol!!!! Elmo was filthy!!!!
http://smartcanucks.ca/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/laundry-day-canada.jpg

Let me show you the actual Elmo in question -


Now, can I tell you something? I bought this Elmo in 1996 at a Kmart in Poughkeepsie, NY. This Elmo belonged to me at one point and now, my son has usurped possession of the toy. Don't ask why I bought it, loL! I used to love sleeping with stuffed animals. My husband put the kabash to that. lol!

But, the one funny thing that Elmo has produced is that husband is not allowed to put Bomboy to bed without giving Elmo a big sloppy kiss! lol! As in, if Bomboy is not satisfied with his father's goodnight kissing skills, Bomboy throws a minor fit and demands a re-kiss. =) Oh my goodness!!!!!! These children are just too much.

And can you believe, there is even an International I Hate Elmo Week?

Friday, June 19, 2009

TTTEC: IMPOTENCY

Okay people, hope your Friday is a wonderful day. Please take the time to offer some advice to this reader. She definitely needs it.

Thanks.

*******************
SSD:

I am a born again Christian and met my now-husband, Emmanuel, at church. We dated within the Church and when he told me he wanted to marry me, I was very happy. He is a kind and loving man. Unlike me, he is very quiet, but once you get to know him, he can be very funny.

We got married 5 months ago. I was a virgin when we met, as was he. Due to our inexperience, we decided that we would take things slowly. But, I have always believed that once I got married, I could have sex with my husband all the time. 

I think Emmanuel is impotent. His 'member' has a hard time getting hard and when he gets hard, it goes soft quickly.  I have not been able to have a satisfactory encounter with him. 

Now, I am worried about whether or not we will be able to have children. I have always wanted o be a mother and when I read your blog about your kids all I do is cry. I have always wanted a big family with a house of at least 5 children running around. I feel as if I will never have that dream. I don't know what my options are. Divorce is not an option, and Emmanuel refuses to talk to a doctor. He won't even talk to me about the issue any further.

Please help me.
***********************

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

DEM DON SHOW ME PEPPER!

I just got home from taking the kids to their weekly book reading at my local bookstore and right now, it is the special grace of God that is allowing me the fortitude to type this up. These children no go kill me oh!!!!!

At the book reading, Bomboy decided to go into full on tantrum mode! Now, I have dealt with 2 other children who have exhibited their tantrum-abilities during the age of 2. Somehow, I managed to deal with it efficiently and got that out of them. Bomboy has decided that no matter what I say, do or threaten, whenever he is at the book reading, and only at the book reading, he will throw a series of tantrums.

And because he could see the look in my eye, he knew not to come near me. As a result, he ran to the sweet lady who reads to them every Wednesday, Ms. Dominique (who if I may say, is absolutely fabulous!!). Now, Ms. Dominique is a self-confessed Bomboy-addict. She is also a self-confessed TK-addict and spoils them mercilessly, lol! Anyway, Bomboy didn't like the way I spoke to him and as we were leaving the bookstore, he made a bee-line for Ms. Dominique. Mind you he was quiet oh, but once he got close to her and knew that the threat that is me, his mother, was at a safe distance, the boy began to WAIL! As in, he was crying as if somebody had beaten him or something. Did I mention that I woke up before 5 am today so that I could start all my errands and get things done? Well, all that wailing, plus the tantrums and the fact that I was getting hungry started to drive me NUTS! For 5 minutes, Ms. Dominique, (God bless her), cooed to Bomboy, TK (who is such a sweetie!) hugged me and gave me kisses so I could have a time-out from Bomboy. I wish I could have one right now, actually because as I type, Bomboy is upstairs screaming away instead of eating the Indomie Noodles, carrots and chicken that is in front of him. But that is a battle to be waged when this post is done.

Where was I again? Oh yes, I had a Bomboy-time out. We finally said our goodbyes to Ms. Dominique and then we left for the car. While we were walking, in the rain, to the car, my lovely daughter (who was pissed off that she couldn't go to "one more store" because of her naughty little brother) started to do the pee pee dance. You know it, don't you? That's when a kid holds their crotch and starts hopping from foot to foot.
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/56/172340155_ab252e4007.jpg
TI doing the pee pee dance
We were a few paces away from the car and all I wanted to do was get out of the rain, play some calming Bob Marley for them and make my way home to some beans and corn with fried plantain. Instead, we had to trek back to the bookstore, in the rain, to ensure that the princess used the potty.

Well, thanks be to God we finally made it home. Bomboy is still talking instead of eating and his older siblings are giggling with glee as they are seriously entertained by their little brother. Personally, I want to them to go to bed so I can get a little bit of peace to do the millions of things that still need to be done today.

Aaahhhh. Deep breath.

Motherhood is fun. But, motherhood on an empty stomach after 4.5 or maybe 5 hours of sleep can be challenging. Dem no go kill me!

And that, my dear computer friends (pronounced 'compurrah friends'), is my rant for the week.

See ya!


PS: These kids really showed me something today because I actually published this at Nigerian Curiosity by mistake. lol!


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Monday, June 15, 2009

SOFT TOILET PAPER (UPDATED)

COMMENTS HAVE BEEN FIXED OH!

What has a girl got to do to get some cottony soft toilet paper over here?

God bless my Husband but no matter what I do, it appears that he does not understand how important it is for me to have soft, double ply toilet paper. He enjoys going to our local wholesale store to buy the things every family with small children needs in bulk - diapers, wipes, fruits, gallons of milk and sometimes, just sometimes, toilet paper.

Husband bought 36 rolls of toilet paper. They were double ply, alright, but my good Lord! Those things must be industrial grade! The thing was rough like sandpaper.
http://mountaincatgeology.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/chuck_norris_toilet_paper.jpg
I woke the man up in the middle of the night in protest when I had to use some! It felt like I was using sand-paper to clean myself! Haba, na wetin! I try not to endorse or mention products at my blogs especially if I am not getting paid for them, but BJ's so called Premium Bath Tissue, which claims to be "Soft & Absorbent" sucks!!!! I have repeatedly warned my wonderful husband not to buy their toilet paper products, but if I don't specify a brand, he just picks up the first thing he sees. And now, I am suffering the consequence!

I woke him up around 1am this morning and complained. Yes, I woke him up. A wife has a right to soft toilet paper. You better believe it. I told him, "I know that you men don't use toilet paper, but you really have to buy me soft toilet rolls. This stuff is unacceptable."

The man opened one eye and asked in slight irritation, "Of course men use tissue paper, what you think we do, wipe our butts with our hands?"

At this point, the image his comment generated in my head cracked me up, but I had to remain serious so as not to dilute my issue. I immediately realized the problem, and the male readers can chip in to correct me if i am wrong. The issue is that men, unlike women, hardly have any soft bits to them (lol!). If they did, they would understand the significance of soft tissue on skin. Men use much less toilet paper than women, and they technically only use it on their butts which (no offense to my male readers) are rough as #&!!. Consequently, men cannot understand the need for soft tissue paper the way women can. I am considering buying my own special toilet paper, but that would be fruitless, because I would have to put it in one bathroom and use that bathroom only. Considering the way my life is, that makes no sense. I guess I could walk around the house with my own special toilet paper and simply take it where I go. I have to think of something or else I am stuck with 36, well, now 35 rolls of coarse, disgusting tissue paper from BJ's and that stuff can last for months!!!!!

UPDATE: Hallelujah! I have purchased double-ply, extra soft tissue paper to keep my 'soft bits' nice and happy.

What's a girl got to do?

Friday, June 12, 2009

TTTEC: SUGARMOMMIES

I got this email on Wednesday from someone who read the last TTTEC installment on Eniola and Uncle Ted, the Senator. I had to edit this email down but I think you will get the point being made by the writer.

What do you think?
*******************
My cousin and her friends are avid readers of your blog. She sent me the message from the girl considering sleeping with a Senator for money and a Jeep and I just had to contact you.

I do not understand why everyone is badmouthing that Eniola girl because she is choosing to think with her head and not her heart. She has a right to make her own decisions, whether we like it or not. It is clear that she does not truly love her boyfriend. Therefore, if she wants to get as much as possible from that Senator, that is her choice to make. That's how she will marry her boyfriend and end up disappointed and regretting that she didn't take advantage of the opportunities that came her way.

I am like a growing number of young Nigerian men who befriend older women. I have about 4 women that I am currently seeing. Each understands that I am not in a 'relationship' with them, but I treat them with the utmost respect and warmth any gentleman would. In return, I have been well rewarded. I own a large house in Lekki (completely paid), 3 luxury cars, I take frequent trips abroad and have a respectably sized bank account and have unbelievable connections. I support my parents and 2 younger sisters through uni and I do so with pride. I have also started my own businesses and employ a small group of people. Yes, I have sugar mommies. 2 of them are widows who sometimes enjoy companionship and are willing to pay for it. The other 2 are married to stupidly wealthy men who haven't paid them any attention in years. I doubt those men would even care.

Undoubtedly, if your readers get to see this, they will start with the judgmental conclusions. I've taken the time to look at your other discussions, and am sure some of them will rain fire, brimstone, and Biblical passages down on my head. Truth is, I do not care what anyone thinks.  I am a well educated man who has figured out how to make money quickly and become successful without hurting anybody.

Or, would people rather I was a yahoo boy, scamming others of their money? 

When people try to be holier than thou and chastise that Eniola girl for wanting good things, how many of them have considered what they would do in her situation? And, I mean if they were really in her situation? Many of Lagos's 'Big Girls' have done the same and gone on to become serious people. Forget what you have seen in Nollywood films. These girls have gone on to marry wealthy, connected men. They own businesses and are respected. Your readers might argue that they are not 'happy' but, let's be honest - nobody's life is perfect. And, personally, I rather be financially comfortable, than poor and blissful.
*********************

Hmmm. I respect this guy's honesty and his willingness to let me present his email to the larger body. And, he raises an interesting question - ashewo boy or yahoo boy? For the sake of this conversation, I will call him 'Gabriel' and you are free to share your thoughts if you have any. I'm not sure if Gabriel will read them though... I really wonder what the male readers think as well. In fact, for this post, I might even allow anonymous comments ...

Monday, June 8, 2009

PEE...PEE...EVERYWHERE

The last time I went camping with husband and the kids, I told you about TK's new attitude towards peeing, right? Remember, he decided that since he was outside, there was little need to use a bathroom, and opted instead to whip out his penis and 'express' himself outdoors. Remember that he even almost peed on his little brother in my backyard, not too long after the camping trip?

Well, this urge to pee anywhere other than in a toilet is yet to be quelled, people. The other day, we went to visit Baby A, Bomboy's best friend, and we ended up on a play ground in his community. The kids ran around, slid down the slides, and had a wonderful time. As we were headed back to Baby A's house, TK shouted, "Mommy, I want to peepee."

I panicked. I knew it would take a little while to get him back to Baby A's apartment, but i remembered that his mommy had pointed out that the people who run the community have an office right next to the playground. As I turned to ask Baby A's mommy if we could run over to the offices, I noticed something strange in the corner of my eyes. TK pulled out his penis!!!!

My panic grew! We were outside surrounded by condominiums. People had paid good money to buy their homes and I was sure they didn't want to peer out their windows and see a little 3 year old peeing on their well-manicured grass and plants.

Me: "TK! What are you doing?"
TK: Smirk on his face, "But, I need to pee, mama!"

At that point I gave up. The boy is like his father. When he is determined to do something, you just have to settle in for the ride. And so, I had him come closer to me as there was a bush into which he could, em, 'express' himself. No sooner had he gotten to me, than did a whole bunch of pee come rushing out. I even had to jump back! The guy was not joking when he said he needed to pee, loL!

When he was done, we headed over to baby A, his mommy, Bomboy and TE and all I could do was sheepishly look around. Thankfully, there was nobody in sight, but I said as loudly as I could.

"So sorry, everybody. He's only 3."

=) I hope someone doesn't recognize me somewhere and say "Aren't you the mom whose kid peed outside at Chealsea Gardens?" If that ever happens, I think I would just pass out!

Friday, June 5, 2009

TTTEC: ONE NIGHT OR FOREVER?

Hey folks, as usual, please take the time to read the following TTTEC installment and offer your advice, suggestions, criticisms and mere comments as respectfully as possible. Something tells me that a lot of you will have something to say to this young lady.

Thanks so much.

******************
Dear Aunty Solly:


I am a 21 years old and come from a good home with kind, loving parents. My boyfriend, Dotun, is incredible. We have been boyfriend and girlfriend for 2 years and he has told me that he wants to marry me. I really love him.



But there is a serious problem. Dotun has an uncle who is a Senator (Uncle Ted) and every time he comes to Lagos, he finds some excuse to come and visit me or he calls me on my phone. He is always giving me money and gifts from his trips. At first, I thought it was just him being a kind family member looking in on a potential daughter in law, but now, I know things are much different.


Uncle Ted invited me to lunch at one of the most expensive restaurants in Lagos. I was shopping nearby when he called and was hungry, so I thought that I might as well get to eat for free. As soon as our food was served, he began to tell me about how he likes me and that he likes the fact that I am a half-caste. He soon told me that I should forget Dotun, because he, Uncle Ted, is a Senator and can give me a house, a car, trips to London and Dubai and anything else I want.


I was so shocked at how direct he was and told him so. He laughed and brushed it off, but kept insisting. When he could see that I wasn't interested, he then switched tactic. He told me that he would give me a Range Rover Sport for my upcoming 22nd birthday. As I still did not give in, he then upped the ante. He then said he would give me the car, and N2 million up front and that all he wants in return is one night with me. At this point, I told him I had to go and when he demanded an answer, I promised that I would call him in 2 weeks with my answer.


The truth is, I really want that car and I can't help but think that for one night, maybe it would be worth it to just sleep with the man. Many people I know have done the same or worse with lots of men and they all have houses, cars and nice clothes. Plus, the guy is offering N2 million, which is a lot of money. Dotun does not have to know. I am confused and do not know what to do. Please help.
******************

Some additional information: this reader, let's call her Eniola, truly does not believe that Dotun will find out about any indiscretion with Uncle Ted. I have reminded her that it is a possibility and asked her point blank how she thinks Dotun would feel because of the betrayal. Anyway, now, it is up to you guys to chime in on this issue.

Thanks.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW/TTTEC LIST

Dear readers:

I just realized that there was no easy way to access the TTTEC series. As many of you know, there have been a lot of issues discussed in the series and I appreciate those who send in the questions for discussion, as well as those who take time from their schedules to help us all provide solutions to these problems.

Below is a list of all the Easier Crew installments. Unfortunately, 2 have been removed from the site because the lady involved in those discussions lost her pregnancy and felt that the issues remaining on the site would be a constant reminder of her pain. In respect for her wishes, I took her instalments down, but I know you guys will understand.

Talk To The Easier Crew Fridays:
  1. Dilemma
  2. Suitors
  3. Forgiveness
  4. Bathrooms
  5. A Mistake?
  6. Mistress Insecurities
  7. What To Do?
  8. An Abortion
  9. Pole Dancing
  10. Revenge
  11. Jonathan Elendu
  12. UnGodly Addiction
  13. UnGodly Addiction Pt 2
  14. Marital Infertility
  15. Conflicted
  16. Facebook Wahala
  17. My Mother Or My Boyfriend?
  18. Sex, Marriage & God
  19. Caustic Nigerian In-Laws
  20. Black Sheep
  21. Porn
  22. African American Girlfriend
  23. Decision Time
  24. Decision Time 2
  25. One Night or Forever
I will be adding to this list consistently from now on.

Below are the Talk To The Easier Crew Week installments as well. Expect another one to happen in  the next couple of months.

Talk To The Easier Crew Week 1:
  1. Sexual Feelings...
  2. Religion
  3. Marital Problems
  4. Homosexuality
  5. Pressure
Talk To The Easier Crew Week 2:
  1. To Tell The Truth Or Not?
  2. Dumped on Facebook
  3. Marriage Regrets
  4. Marital Infertility
  5. What Do You Think?