Sunday, May 31, 2009

IT'S MY MOUTH, ISN'T IT?

Hey people, forgive me for going AWOL last week. It was a busy week and I needed a quick blogging break, as such I didn't put up any new posts. I apologize for depriving you of your 'Easier' fix, lol! The kids have been up to their usual shenanigans, so, lets get right into one episode, shall we? =)

Well, as you all know, spelling is a big deal in this house and everyday, the kids get a word of the day. So, when the National Spelling Bee was on television, we all sat down to cheer on all the young boys and girls who were competing to win the competition.

The kids enjoyed watching the competition, at least the 30 minutes they got to see (bed time was right around the corner, alas). And when it was time to go to bed, they decided to stall by giving me loads of kisses. I like getting hugs and kisses, so I was basking in the love and attention. Then Husband called them upstairs with his serious "Daddy is not joking"-voice and TE, and TK jumped up the stairs. Bomboy is a hard guy, so even the threat of a spanking by his father was far from his mind and he decided that he was not only not going upstairs, he was going to give me a kiss on my mouth.
http://images.quickblogcast.com/1/4/9/2/1/110591-112941/istockphoto_1859863_mouth_print_kiss.jpg
Now, like I said, I like kisses, but I pick and choose who gets to kiss me on my lips, lol! The boy's mouth was dirty from eating mangoes and grapefruits, so I cannot lie, my appetite for a kiss on the mouth from him was rather low, lol! Plus, he recently was fixated by a Sports illustrated cover and kept rubbing his hand over the picture of the bikini-clad cover model. One son that loves women too much is enough for me. To say I am concerned is an understatement. hahaha. Anyway, Bomboy obviously felt that he had a right to give me a sloppily wet kiss on my mouth and so the battle was on.

Oh my goodness! I wriggled and shifted my body in an effort to escape, for where? All that oatmeal, yam, plantain, goat meat and pasta and sausage has made the child super strong. I was laughing so hard I couldn't even breathe. I eventually got off the sofa and onto the floor, but the guy had my shirt in a death grip!!!! It was Husband who came back downstairs to find his missing child that managed to save me from that hulkalicious boy! And of course, he has been teasing me ever since for being "tackled" by a 2 year old. *rolls eyes*

Can you imagine? This is what I get for being gentle with that child. I didn't want to move too drastically because I didn't want him to fall off the sofa or hurt himself some other way. Now, instead of being seen as a conscientious mother, I am being accused of being a 'short' weakling. And no, I am not short, its just that Husband claims I will be the shortest in the house in no time. The way these children are eating and growing, he is definitely right. Besides, we can't forget the fact that I use my 'koboko' only because spanking with my hand hurts. hahahaha. My 'Naija momsy' reputation is suffering, right now.

But, none of that really matters, does it? At the end of the day, it is my mouth and I get to chose who gets to kiss it, right? Bomboy believes that he owns me for some reason and I am going to have to work on that because I don't want any wahala.

Come on back on Friday for a new TTTEC installment and remember if you have an issue you would like the Easier Crew to tackle for you, feel free to send me a message at kontactr.com/solomonsydelle. No matter how big or small, we all work hard to suggest practical remedies to your issues.

Okay, off to continue my blog hopping...

Monday, May 18, 2009

KIDS, LINGERIE & GOOD EXPLANATIONS

My people, see wetin come happen just now, now.

I was folding up a large pile of clean laundry. Per usual, all the kids help out by putting certain clothing items away. TK knows to put all the kids socks in the sock drawer in my bedside table (can't leave socks in their room or they will disappear). Bomboy's job is to take his daddy's socks and other things to his dad's bedside drawer (its great having his socks so close by, sha. In the middle of the night Husband doesn't have to go far to get my cold feet some socks =)).

TE's job is to help out with any other laundry needs and that usually includes putting away her panties and TK's underpants, making sure the boys don't run off with underwear on their head, which has happened far too many times to count, and generally, keeping us all organized. She is very good at cracking the whip, loL!

Well, today, she definitely was in form. She was helping me look in her dad's sock drawer for a pair of kid's socks, which I thought TK had mistakenly placed there when all of a sudden...

TE: "Hmmm... mom, what is this?"
Me: (not looking because I was folding) "Don't know dear, bring it, let me see."

Next thing, I was confronted with *ahem* some lingerie, as in um, uh, let's just call it fancy underwear. lol!

My brain goes into overdrive. I am calm on the exterior but inside I am thinking hard about how to provide her with a decent answer that won't elicit a slew of further interrogatory questions.

Me: "uh...it's just my underwear, dear."
TE: "Oh. But why was it in daddy's drawer, mommy?"
Me: (Hiding the evidence under a heap of clothes) "Um, I don't know. Maybe I put it there by mistake when putting away the clothes."
TE: "Okay. 'Cos daddy doesn't need to wear your panties, right, mommy?"

At this point, I am dying inside!

Me: "No darling, daddy doesn't wear my underwear."
TE: "Yeah. It's too small anyway. Mommy?"
Me: "Yes, darling?"
TE: "Did you wear that panty when you were little? It's really tiny, don't you think?"
Me: "Yes, dear. Here, take these things and go put them where they belong."
TE: "Okay. But, Mommy, are they torn?"
Me: (With a serious Nigerian accent) "My friend, didn't I tell you to go put those things away?"

hahahahaha.

I had to give the babe some work to do in order to get her off my case. lol! It was too funny. Damn those crotchless panties panties, lol! I told that man to hide them because his children enjoy going through my drawers and thought they wouldn't find it amongst Husband's things in a million years! So much for that, huh? Lesson of the day, ladies and gentlemen, hide your lingerie very well when you have kids in your house and have a really good explanation for what they are. lol!

Just had to share this with my "computer friends".

THE WORD OF THE DAY IS....

As you all know, the kids get a new word to learn almost every day.This morning, they requested a specific word - "Cake". I had to oblige. Here are my artistic stylings. Good, eh? loL!

TE asked me to draw her so I did. The boys didn't seem to care, but I chose to throw them on there. Bomboy is wearing green shorts and TK is wearing yellow shorts. I don't know why the kids love this picture. I think they just like it because it is a drawing of cake. =)

Hope everyone has a great week and BTW, does anyone have suggestions of any 3 - 4 letter words to teach the kids? Eh, no naughty suggestions oh! See you guys on Friday!

Friday, May 15, 2009

TTTEC: DECISION TIME 2

There have been updates on Adanma's story. Please read and share your opinion. Thanks. If you are unfamiliar with the first part of this situation, please feel free to read it here. There is a link leading you back here easily.

****************
Solly:

My bestfriend was convinced that Obinna was not telling me everything about the mother of his child. So, I know you won't like this but my bff and I checked his email and found his correspondence with her. Her name is Kisha and I sent her a message. It took 2 days but she responded and agreed to meet me for coffee.

She was a little late but we managed to have a good meeting and I learned a lot. According to her, she and Obinna had more than a 'fling' and their relationship, which was emotional and sexual, started before he asked me out and well after I returned from my 2 month trip to Nigeria. She said that the relationship ended abruptly when he stopped calling her and things just fizzled to an end from there.

I asked her why she waited until now to inform him that he has a child who is already a toddler and her excuse was flimsy. She said that things had become tough and that she needed the help. But, I got the impression that this is more than a financial issue. I think that she wants him back, and this is based on looking at the email communication between herself and Obinna. Can you believe that she started emailing him almost 4 months ago? I cannot believe it took him all that time to finally tell me about this.

Well, I thanked her for taking the time to meet with me and tried to be as graceful as possible, but I am still very confused. Obinna got very angry when I told him I met with Kisha. He started complaining about me checking his email and whatnot. I told him I had to do it, because I needed to know more to figure out whether or not marriage is still an option. When I said that, he broke down and began to plead with me. He does not want his family to know about this child. He said he is worried because he promised his father that he would not have a child out of wedlock and his mother would "die" (his words), when she learns of Kisha's heritage.*

I feel sorry for Obinna, and I cannot lie, I still love him, though I am very mad that he put me in this situation. He clearly is sorry for messing up. But now that I have learned that he not only lied about the nature and length of his relationship with Kisha, but also waited almost 4 months to finally tell me about it, I don't know if I could ever trust him. What else has he lied about? What else is he hiding? And, now, my mother has sensed that something is wrong and she keeps calling me. We talked recently and she asked if the wedding was still on. I didn't know what to say so I told her yes and that everything was fine. She was relieved and said that she would kill herself if things didn't work out because she would be too ashamed to face everyone. My mother has always been very dramatic and has been talking so much about the wedding to everyone and anyone. Now the family wants us to come home in August for some kind of ceremony and party for us, at which point I will have to meet with the wedding planner picked by my mom. This is far too much pressure and I do not know what to do.



* Kisha is African American

**********************
Just so you guys know, her checking his email was spurred by a couple of the comments which suggested that she investigate further, because it is weird that a doctor would have sex with a fling, without protection. She has asked Obinna to get a DNA test which he says he will get. For the sake of full disclosure, I have told Adanma that the ultimate choice is hers. My role is simply to help her think through her options so she can ultimately make her own choice. Honestly, I think she wants to marry him (and have told her this, already), but is afraid that doing so will end up being a mistake. As we all know, Naija folks don't really condone divorce and she comes from a Catholic family, so once she gets into this...

Anyway, let me stop here. Please feel free to offer advice, sugestions, simply comment, or whatever you can to Adanma. Thanks so much for your time and have a blessed weekend.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

TTTEC: DECISION TIME

*******************
I have been dating my boyfriend, Obinna, for a long time. We met 4 years ago and were friends for almost a year. One day when I was waiting at the airport to fly home, he came to the airport to see me off and started telling me about how he cares about me. He then asked me to be his girlfriend. It was just the sweetest thing and while in Nigeria, we spoke at least twice a week until I returned to the States.

Since then, we have had a very good relationship. No arguments. No fights. We disagree on things from time to time, but nothing ever gets out of hand. He is going through his residency in New York, which is about 2 hours away from me and we spend every weekend with each other except for during exams. Now that I graduated and he is working in a hospital in Maryland, I moved to Maryland to be closer to him.

Anyway, Obinna recently told me he wanted to marry me. I insisted that his family follow tradition and seek my parent's approval. Both our grandfathers were members of the same society, his aunt and my mother went to primary school together and his father and my father worked in the same ministry. All those ties made it easy for my parents to agree and Obinna gave me the most incredible engagement ring. Our families are ecstatic and can't wait for us to come home and get married.

However, a couple weeks ago, while attending a friend's wedding in Houston, Obinna called me to say he needed to talk to me. He told me that a week after he asked me out, he slept with some girl who was a nurse at the hospital he was working in at the time. I got him to confess that they were sleeping with each other the entire 2 months that I was in Nigeria visiting my family. The girl had just told him that he was the father of her child and wants child support.

I am very crushed and do not know what to think, say or do. I was a virgin when I met him and thought I could trust him enough to lose my virginity to him. Obinna is very apologetic and says he is willing to do anything to gain my trust again. He says that was the only time he cheated on me and that he regrets it. Although I love him very much, I do not know whether or not the wedding should go on. I wonder if Obi only told me about this indiscretion because the girl is threatening to sue him for child support. I asked him if he has known about this child for a long time and he says no, but what if he is lying to me? My best friend wants me to dump him, but my older sister (who has been married for 8 years) is encouraging me to stick it out. So many people are invested in this engagement - from our parents to his friends and family members. I don't know who else to turn to. I am so confused and need to make a decision because our parents are preparing to spend a lot of money on this wedding and I don't want to waste anybody's time. But, I love him and can't make a decision.

Please help me.

*************************

Hey everyone, please give this reader, 'Adanma' the best advice and support you can. She really needs it. Thanks so much and have a blessed and safe weekend.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

THE DRIVE BY GANGSTER

Bomboy is only 2 but he is such a character. You would think I would be used to him by now, but the boy never ceases to amaze me!
http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/3141027/2/istockphoto_3141027-happy-baby-thief.jpg
The other day, I made some pasta with Italian sausage for lunch. Since I knew I had some writing to do, I allowed the kids to have their lunch in the playroom right by the back door. This way they could enjoy the lovely breeze from outside, I could keep an eye on them and we could spend some time together, like I wanted.

Sounds like a good idea, right?

Wrong!

I gave everyone their bowl of pasta and watched as Bomboy gobbled his up. I mean, he practically inhaled the thing. When he was done, he brought me his bowl saying "I'm done, mommy." Knowing that the boy has an ever growing appetite, I dutifully gave him the rest of my own food and filled my belly with water.

The boy quickly finished his second helping and asked for more. Being that his brother and sister were too busy playing to eat all their food, I asked each of them if they would give up some pasta to their brother. Both agreed and I managed to put some more pasta in the boy's bowl.

You would think that would have been enough, but Bomboy was in a gullible mood and once he finished his third helping, he decided to take the quest to find helping number 4 into his own hands. So he walked over to his sister and started asking her a question. Now, please keep in mind that Bomboy's speech is not as clear as an older child and most of the time, we all have to guess at what he is talking about. Anyway, as he spoke to his sister, she turned her head to look out the door, possibly pondering not just what her response would be, but what in God's good name the boy was saying.

And then the wahala began.

I heard TE ask, "Bomboy, did you touch my plate?"

I turned around to see what was going on and managed to see Bomboy, mouth full of something, jump up and run.

TE looked at me frowned and said, "Mama! Bomboy took some pasta from my plate."

I told her sorry and like any good Nigerian mother told her, "But, baby had you finished your food instead of playing, your brother wouldn't have been able to take your food!"

Then, I looked at Bomboy who had a naughty smirk on his face and told him to tell his sister sorry, which he did, and warned him to stop being mean.

Less than a minute later, I heard TE scream and burst into tears.

"MOMMY! BOMBOY STOLE MY PASTA!"

And, there was my son, running by me with a fistful of pasta, plus a mouth full of it, head high, knees high and body moving quicker than I have ever seen him run before. And, as someone who was a runner and continues to run, I can tell you that the boy's form was very good - he has a future as a sprinter!

I couldn't help but burst into laughter and update my Twitter friends with a quick message about my Pasta drive-by gangsta! I mean, you should have seen the shocked look on TK's face, who could only try to comfort his crying sister while I chuckled, updated twitter and then chased after my youngest son.

I will not tolerate such drive-by behavior and attitudes, in my house. The Bomboyis has to stop! lol!

Once I got Bomboy to apologize to his sister and give her a hug, I went to the kitchen and brought more pasta and sausage to appease my 'clients'.

I've got to keep the peace somehow, right?

UPDATE: Have you guys heard of the book tour currently going on in Naija? Our own 'Isi' is a part of it too! Check out Waffy's site as she has the details and hopefully I will do another post about this later in the week. Just wanted you all to know before I forget. If you are in any of the 9 cities this tour will visit, you must be there!

Friday, May 1, 2009

TTTEC: AFRICAN AMERICAN GIRLFRIEND

Hey Easier Crew! Hope all is well with you all. Here is this week's TTTEC installment. I hope you will have some good advice for this reader.

******************
I am an African American woman and I have been dating my Nigerian boyfriend, Segun (but i call him 'Gun') for 2 years. We have had a wonderful relationship, with the normal ups and downs. He does not have a lot of family members in our area, but when his uncle came to visit in 2008, I met him and had a wonderful time listening to his stories and tales. I know all his friends, Nigerian and non-Nigerian, and know that I am a part of his life.

Gun's mother and sister recently came to visit from Nigeria. I came over to visit them, but they were far from warm to me. I wondered if there was a communication problem and decided to simply be cordial and helpful. They needed to go do some shopping and so I volunteered to take them. I spent an entire Saturday driving them from mall to mall. I took them to lunch and bought his sister a Coach bag and wallet that she liked. Despite my efforts, these women hardly spoke to me and neither of them said thank you or hinted that they appreciated my time and money.

The next day, after church, I raised the issue with my boyfriend, who encouraged me to calm down but we got into a fight over things and while we were arguing, his mother barged into the room and started to shout in Yoruba, which I do not understand. At one point however, she looked at me and said "this useless girl" and no matter her accent, I understood immediately that she disapproved of me. I am not sure what else she said, but Gun kept trying to keep her calm and soon asked me to leave, promising that we would talk about things later.

It has been 2 weeks and we have not seen each other. His mother and sister are still in town and so I assume that he does not want to upset her. Gun and I are very committed to each other and have spoken about marriage and I know that he is exactly the sort of man I want to be with, but I wonder if his mother's irrational dislike of me will prevent that from happening. Why does she not like me? What can I do to make his mother realize that I love Gun greatly and need her to like me? I think I should just approach her and talk to her. Gun and I exchange texts and he keeps telling me to be patient but I am worried about things and don't want my relationship to fall apart. But, is this a battle I cannot win? I love him and I hope that he will not choose his mother over me. Please give me some advice on how to deal with this.
***********************