Friday, February 27, 2009

OYA, MAKE UNA TELL ME....

Blogville is abuzz oh! Naija Blogville Awards has got people excited in a way I haven't seen in a long time! Even bloggers that were MIA have come out of hibernation. The only blogger that has refused to come back is Naija Fineboy. I cannot lie, Naija Fineboy is the original agbero of blogville oh! I know say Fineboy Agbero dey hia and I know say im get wife plenty (shame on all you girls for allowing that man to turn y'all out, lol!), but I cannot get over Baba Fineboy!

Naija Fineboy should get a 'Legend Award' for managing to bring incredible laughter, tears of joy and side cramps to so many of us bloggers that were fortunate to read his works! Ol' boy, just for you, I will go on Facebook to send you messages and bother you. =) If he was around, I think he would probably win the "I laugh in Japanese" Award in Category B. But, since he isn't....

Anyway, I need some recommendations on who to nominate for various categories. Really, there are so many blogs that I read, and I want to support as many people as possible. Who is the funniest blogger nowadays? I can't help but thisnk of Verastical the Rascal, but who else am I missing? Who has the best fashion blog, anyway? The only fashion blogger I know whould be Bella Naija, but is there someone I am missing? Oh yeah! Naijagal! I like her site. How about "Fire in my pants"? Shebi, Fineboy Agbero has plenty women? Oh, I forgot about Baroque. The Chairlady claims that the guy is fine, but has now 'dumped' him. I have had the fortune of seeing a pic of Naijadude and honay! the boy is model criteria, no kidding.

Who is going to win an award for bing furst? Afrobabe or Bumight? This is going to be a hard one, sha. Hmm, I think I won't be able to vote on that one. Well, if one of them pays for my vote, then I will vote for that person. By the way, anyone looking to get votes, mine are up for sale, lol!

So make we yarn, now. I know you guys are excited like I am, so tell me who are you nominating? What new bloggers are in the running? And please, nominate my politics blog oh! NigerianCuriosity.com (sorry for the shameless plug, but if I don't rep myself, na who go rep me nah?). When do nominations begin sef? Please support the ladies that have brought this event to life, they deserve it for all the hardwork they have put in to it!

Have a great weekend and stay safe!

PS: And when you have the time, swing by this site I found. It is too funny. Is called Jinxed.org and some of those stories from people will crack you up!

Monday, February 23, 2009

A HAPPY WIFE = A HAPPY EXISTENCE

The garage door stalled as it struggled to rise.

He sighed in absolute frustration. "I need to get this fixed!" He muttered under his breath and remembered his wife's constant complaints about the same uncooperative garage door. He swore to fix it without her knowledge.

"Finally!"

The garage door opened and he slid his Detroit built automobile next to his wife's import.

He entered his house, relieved to be in the warm home, inhaling the spicy aromas that came from the kitchen. He willed his noisy tummy to calm down.

"Hey baby," he said to his wife who was typing furiously at her computer and planted a kiss on her.

She smiled and asked him how his day went, but before he could answer, she said, "Husband, take a look at this."

He looked at the computer screen and listened to her explain that it was time to buy a new computer desk and hutch. She then showed him a ladder-style bookshelf and insisted it would be a perfect addition to their living room.

He rubbed his eyes, and noted that his heart was racing and his palms were getting sweaty. He thought aloud, "Okay, I can do this."

"What?" she asked.

"After all, I have been married for 5 years and my wife has never bombarded the house with stuff. My friends complain about this all the time, but I never have. So, I can do this," he continued, speaking entirely to himself.

"What are you talking about?" She asked him, puzzled. "Sweetie, are you okay?"

"I am alright, darling. I'm just talking myself through this."

She sucked her teeth in the way he had come to learn that Nigerian wives do from Nollywood movies and from watching his mother-in-law in action. Her Nigerian accent deepened as she said, "Haba, stop exaggerating, it's not as if I am buying the store. It's just 2 items, we need them and..."

"You want them. Fine. What is my role in this, dear?"

His wife smiled and laughed. Then, she said, "The credit card dear."

He pulled it out, handed it dutifully to his wife and said, "If it will make you happy, please get whatever you want."

His wife took the credit card, gave him a kiss, told him dinner would be on the table in 10 minutes and returned to her online furniture purchasing.

He walked up the stairs to his room, repeating a simple phrase over and over to himself.

"A happy wife means a happy existence."


AFTERWORD: I plead the fifth, the same way I did after "Saturday Morning". However, I will add the following just in case. My husband and I buy large ticket items with a specific credit card. I am married to a a man who believes less is more and prefers to only spend on what is necessary. I live in a house that I have been decorating for 3 years. Also, I chose to not respond to the message I wrote about in the last TTTEC installment. Thank you all for your advice and for understanding my annoyance. And, Sting has set up a Nigerian Bloggers Award blog that will definitely be exciting. Please swing by and support the cause. Can you believe she didn't even put up any of my blogs on the list of Naija blogs. Tsk, tsk...

Friday, February 20, 2009

TTTEC: FACEBOOK WAHALA

People, this week's Talk To The Easier Crew installment involves an issue from no one other than myself.

Yes, I am coming to you good people for some assistance on a situation that is driving me nuts.

Many of you are friends of mine on Facebook. We chat sometimes and send each other silly pictures, videos or even stories. That is fine. However, something happened to me on Tuesday that almost made me jump through my computer and whup somebody's behind on Facebook!

Let me give you some context, sha. In November 2008, I created a Facebook group called FREE NIGERIAN BLOGGER, JONATHAN ELENDU. The objective was to raise awareness about the arrest of Nigerian bloggers by the SSS and encourage others to do what they can to support our constitutional freedoms. Anyway, I recently sent the group an update message, informing them that another previously arrested blogger, Emmanuel Emeka Asiwe, had finally left Nigeria and was in England.

The following is a communication that ensued between myself and one of the group's members who I will refer to as 'Individual'. Please be aware that everything you see below is 'as is' - no editing or anything - its all straight from my Facebook 'inbox'.

Individual: was very happy when i heard this news.
SolomonSydelle: It is good news indeed. Hope all is well with you and yours.

Clearly it was a mistake for me to be polite, because he then sent me this crap...

Individual: yeah im very kool over here, just dat i can wait to be in ur arms. make sure u dont do wat i wont do. luv yah always! [sic]

????????????????????????????????

WHAT IN THE G-SHOCK HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

Please, excuse my language, but the steams drifting from my head are enough to grill suya.
Firstly, I do not know this character. He isn't even a 'friend' of mine on FB. Na wetin be dis?

Secondly, at what point did he get the impression that he is supposed to be 'familiar' with me? What rubbish!
http://homepage.mac.com/rmansfield/thislamp/files/page0_blog_entry613_1.jpg

This is exactly why I have always had a problem with FB and believe that facebook is the devil! People overstepping their limits. I believe in respecting people, and have learned never to abuse boundaries. This cat has clearly been "sipping on the kool aid" as my homegirl says. I was simply going to send him a one sentence response saying, "Um, excuse me?" but something tells me that the Easier Crew will have a much better solution for me.

So, my people, what am I supposed to do with this character, because something most definitely has to be done. I don't think I will even be able to keep still and not 'G-check' this fella before I get some good suggestions, but as a mother of plenty pikins, I have learned patience and will definitely employ it.

Now you all understand why I stay anonymous and don't even have a 'real' FB page. Imagine someone I don't know, some person in a group I am a member of, sending me lewd and crude messages? God help me! And now, even Facebook's creators and administrators are beginning to show themselves by asserting that they can use your name, image and pictures for whatever they choose.

The devil is a liar!!!!

Lord, please give me strength.

Anyway, fire away...

Monday, February 16, 2009

WHAT VALENTINE'S DAY?

People, how are you all doing? I hope you all enjoyed your Valentine's day. What did you do? What did you give? What did you get? For those of you that did not have sweethearts to make your heart's melt, how did you spend the day?
http://images.quickblogcast.com/110818-103566/valentines_day.jpg
Well, my valentine's day started with me sleeping in! It was glorious! Husband ran out to play some golf and while he was gone, the kids and I drew Valentine's hearts and the kids wrote sweet "I love you, Daddy" messages for him. When he returned, he told me he was taking myself and the kids out to a restaurant of my choice and a trip to a *ahem ahem* lingerie store.

Anyway, I opted to go out for dinner because I knew the kids would love being out at night, and I suggested that our trip to the *ahem* lingerie store happen on Monday which is a public holiday.

And thus began a horrible day!!!!

Well, really, a horrible evening. After having some relaxing 'boo time' with Husband while the kids napped, we finally started to get ready for dinner around 5 pm. We left home at 6 only to get to our favorite Brazilian restaurant and it was PACKED!!!! 'Packed' does not fully express how crowded the place was. Even though I had called an hour earlier, they were unable to accommodate us and the line snaked outside the restaurant. We immediately left and sought a replacement restaurant. Can you believe that every place I called, (and believe me, as a foodie, I have numbers for too many restaurants in the Washington D.C. metro region, which means I called EVERYWHERE,) could not accommodate us? One place I went into was turning away people that had reservations because they were at capacity!

I know they say that there is a recession, and I know that not too long ago, the topic of discussion at this site was where I should hide money in case the banking system fails. But, on Valentine's Day, there was little indication that there is currently a global recession. Even IHOP, a diner with cheap food, was crowded when we drove by. Na wa oh!

So, there we were driving around Maryland looking for a decent place to eat. At one point, TK, who was tired of driving from restaurant to restaurant without seeing food, recommended that we pull into a McDonalds. lol! My poor kids. They would have loved having fries and chicken nuggets though, but what kind of meal would that be on Valentine's night? =) At the end of the night, we called our favorite local restaurant right up the street from us and simply placed an order for a large meal. We picked it up, drove home and had a feast in the privacy and comfort of our humble abode.

I guess it wasn't that bad after all and I will be shopping for unmentionables on Monday, lol! No, there will be no pictures of any unmentionables purchased. Sorry guys. But, I do want to know how your Val's Day went and I hope it was less complicated than mine. Ladies, what did you get? Where there any proposals? Gentlemen, what did you do to surprise the lady in your life? Single ladies and gents how did you guys enjoy/not enjoy the day? Let me know oh! And do not forget to watch the clip I posted on Saturday of a guy I interviewed sharing his thoughts on dating Nigerian women.  And, please thank God, oh (or whoever or whatever you believe in)! Emeka Asiwe, one of two Nigerian bloggers arrested last year has finally received his passport and has left Nigeria.

See you on Friday for another TTTEC installment.

Stay well!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

THISDAY/ARISE AFRICAN COLLECTIVE NEW YORK FASHION WEEK 2009

Sources: SeattlePI, gETTY iMAGES, nEWSDAY.COM

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! & NIGERIANS SHOWED AT NY FASHION WEEK!

So my friend's sister showed her fashions at New York Fashion Week as part of the ThisDay/Arise African Collective. She was part of a group of African designers showing their creations. I am so proud of all of them and wish them all continued success!

You can check out pictures here.The pictures belong to GETTY IMAGES, so I don't think I can publish them here. Sorry, folks!

The models on the catwalk included the fabulous Chanel Iman, Alek Wek, Nnenna (from Americas Top Model), Diandra (a beautiful albino model signed to Elite that is the newest, freshest face on the scene) and of course, my personal favorite, Liya Kebele. And oh my, I somehow forget to mention THE Naija model of them all - the incredible Oluchi!

Also, can someone tell me why Jinta is 'hating' on Val's Day? lol! Don't forget to say happy bday to Aloofar. He is a year older today.

Make sure to show some love to those you care for and enjoy this clip of a guy I recorded talking about dating Nigerian women. I think he makes some fair points.


What do you think?

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you!

See you on Monday!

Monday, February 9, 2009

I'M GOING INTO HIDING!!!!

Life is too funny. I have never been one to be easily embarrassed. But, my children have taught me the true meaning of the word 'embarrassing'. My kids, as lovely and wonderful as they are, have managed to make me hide my face in shame.

And now to the 'koko' of today's matter.

The other day, the kids and I went to one of our local bookstores for their Wednesday book reading. They have a wonderful lady (who my kids absolutely adore!) and she spends an hour reading children's books. My kids love it and are always so excited to go for the book reading.

Well, this day, the roads were covered in ice because of a serious snow storm from the day before, but I made sure to get them to their book reading. It turned out that we were the only ones there, and the kids loved it. The book for the day was about a dog that farts and there was an accompanying toy dog that farted, as well. It was used at various intervals during the story.

After the reading, my kids decided to play with the farting dog toy. TK asked if we could buy the toy and I, of course, said no. I also added, "Sweetie, we have enough farting going on in our house, no need for a farting toy as well."

That elicited laughter from the book reading lady and apparently, a smart comment from TE who said in the loudest voice possible and with as much gesticulation to get her point across,

"Yes mommy, because daddy farts all the time!"

I was so embarrassed, but even more embarrassed for my poor husband.
http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00026/no_farting_26869t.jpg
Actually, I take that back. I don't feel bad for husband because I have warned him a million times to stop his loud farting. He usually explains that he has the right to fart in his own house, and believe me I agree, somewhat. However, the kids began to think that it was fun to fart all over the place as long as they say "Excuse me", which is what their father taught them.

I always told him this day would come, that someday, his children would tell the whole world about his loud 'farting'. Clearly, that day has come, and me blogging about it doesn't help either. lol! Anyway, I still have to go into hiding for a little while. I am the one who takes the kids to the book reading. Husband gas has nothing to worry about, it's me that will be remembered as the lady whose kids 'outed' their father for farting.

How many of you did something similar to your parents? Tintin (guy) - I am sure you did. Something tells me that Kpakpando did as well. Oh, and Bumight - you look like a likely culprit. lol! And, I KNOW Catwalq was and is capable of such, hahaha!

Have a great week everyone and come on back on Friday.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

2 TRUTHS, 1 LIE & A NAUGHTY LIST

So, on Monday I participated in the 2 truths, 1 lie tag. Here are the options from which you guys had to determine which was a lie -
  1. I use the 'koboko' because my hands hurt when I spank the kids
  2. I was the youngest student in my law school class
  3. The day I saw my husband, I approached/spoke to him first
The most popular pick was #1. Many of you decided that I was either not capable of using a koboko or, well, I'm not sure what other reasons you had. Unfortunately, those of you who decided that #1 was the answer WERE WRONG!!!!!! I have indeed used the koboko on TK. And the reason? Because spanking him with my hand hurts like hell! No, I do not spank in anger, God forbid. My mother in law and husband have chastised me for being a flimsy spanker. My mother in law even told me that unless I can spank them like I mean it once, I should just give up on disciplining them (she was nice when she said it though, lol! I love my MIL).

There are some of you, not as many, who opted for #3 as the answer. Once again, THOSE OF YOU WHO PICKED #3, FAILED!!!!! Why is it so hard to believe (especially you Temite) that I would approach my hubby first? If I tell you guys the story, you would laugh too hard. But, suffice it to say, I spoke to the man that ultimately became my hubby and "baby daddy" first (gosh, I really hate "baby daddy"). =) Tem Tem, I have a clip I will be adding to my Youtube page this weekend just for you, because you talked about 'Naija woman shakara'. I think we will talk about this next Friday.

Therefore, the following is a list of Easier Offenders
  1. LG (whose "furst" declaration qualifies as picking #1 in my opinion),
  2. unserious ~Sirius~ (Tem Tem's words not mine),
  3. PoeticallyTinted,
  4. ShonaVixen (even though you managed to pick 2 answers, na wa oh!)
  5. Ibiluv (AKA "you dont have the heart to spank them kids", HAH!)
  6. Ms. Isha (I guess I'm mean, huh?)
  7. Marin
  8. Shubby Doo
  9. Dee! (you asked who give me :liver: eh? Make I catch you, you go see liver!)
  10. Aloted
  11. Standtall
  12. Toluwa
  13. Bumight
  14. GoodNaijaGirl
  15. Rita (but, clearly you are a good person despite this mistake because of the way you organized your answer so neatly, unlike some people!)
  16. CaramelD
  17. Clnmike
  18. Writefreak
  19. Funms
  20. Temite
  21. NigerianDramaQueen
  22. Nefertiti
  23. SHE
  24. Aloofar (even though you were"so sure" lol!)
  25. Jarrai (follow, follow e no good oh! See what hapens when you happen someone called Aloof and Afar?)
  26. Afrobabe (lol! You are too funny - "as a true naija u can spank 10 kids with ur hand and still chop firewood...")
  27. Zara (abeg, never bet your life like that again oh!)
  28. Lolia (um, you should have stuck with MissDefinitelyMaybe, loL!)
  29. Ms. O
  30. Inmyhead...
  31. OluwaDee
  32. JideSalu
  33. Simplegal
  34. Dee (I CANNOT BELIEVE U GOT THIS WRONG? BABE, FOR REAL? Unless you are someone else, you SHOULS have gotten this right. Who are you? Where is the Dee I know and love?)
  35. Buttercup
  36. The Team (sorry to disappoint you, but I promise I only spank the hand, most of the time, lol!)
  37. Princesa
  38. Confessionsinscarlet
  39. Spicytee (even though your answer was "all of the above". Stop cheating!)
  40. Olufinke
  41. Naijadude
Yes, all of you failed!!!! Line up in the order above to chop your koboko, because I cannot spank you with my hands, sorry.

Alas, #2 WAS CORRECT!!!! I was the 2nd youngest in my law school class by about 4 months or so, lol! Kafo was right on the money and thus, gets the EASIER AUNTY AWARD for the month of February! Kafo, your check is in the mail, lol! I wish I could have come up with a more extravagant lie but unfortunately, my mind just doesn't work that way. I leave that to the fiction writers amongst us.

Therefore, the following wonderful Easier Crew members got the assignment right - WOOHOO!
  1. FFF (my babe!)
  2. Kpakpando (my personal person)
  3. Original Mbeke (go 'head!)
  4. Kafo (even your reasoning was impressive)
  5. Angelika (hey gurrrl! How you do that?)
  6. MissDefinitelyMaybe (you were cocky about this, but you definitely had reason to be, my sista)
  7. Avartsy (even though you gave up, you were right, girl! yay!)
  8. Enkay (a new comer to the club and yet got it right. Kai! I'm impressed)
  9. Simeone (I was shocked but impressed that you got this one, my guy)
Please clap or these good people oh! They all get the Easier Award for just being correct and trusting their instinct.

Okay, this post is way too long. So, enjoy your weekend and I will see you guys on Monday, right? TE said something seriously funny the other day. And in public. God help me, these children will not force me into hiding. And no worries, the Naughty Easier Uncle and Aunty list is still on the way. I just need to finish this post right now.

Take care!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

SOMETHING FOR THE EASIER CREW

Baba Jide Salu is on my case about providing answers to the 2 truths, 1 lie post, but I promised to reveal the answers on Friday and that is what I must do.

As such, here is a picture of The Enforcer (in pink), The King (in the red jacket) and Officer Bomboy (in the blue jacket) playing outside during our very first snowstorm of 2009.

Enjoy and please return on Friday for not just the answers to the 2 truths, 1 lie post, but also the Naughty Easier Aunties & Uncles list. Are you on it?


Monday, February 2, 2009

2 TRUTHS, 1 LIE

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_261KjguBrO0/RdKVkvn7scI/AAAAAAAAACw/QwOJy0fXJYc/s400/Truth%26Lies2.jpg

So Sugabelly tagged me and I shall definitely oblige.

  1. I use the 'koboko' because my hands hurt when I spank the kids
  2. I was the youngest student in my law school class
  3. The day I saw my husband, I approached/spoke to him first
Okay, you all have the wonderful task of figurng out which of these is false. Best of luck to all of you!

Come back on Friday for the answers and I also have a list of the Naughty ...Easier... Uncles and Aunties. Yes, I had to create a list because some of you are on the naughty list and your naughtiness goes back a long way.  So, the list has been created and you can come by on Friday to collect your bulala! Shikena!

'Conflicted Doctor' spoke to her mother over the weekend and explained the possible consequences of what Mrs. N was asking for. She says her mother finally saw reason and spoke to her friend, Ms. N. There has been no fallout yet, but Conflicted Doctor understands that it may come and she thanks you all for your suggestions.

Okay, now tell me what I am lying about.