TTTEC: A JEALOUS BOYFRIEND
Friday, October 30, 2009
Hey everyone. I hope you are getting ready for the weekend. This latest installment is from a young lady who could do with some sound advice. I hope you can give it to her.
Stay well!
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I met my current boyfriend 2 and a half years ago while we were in school. All was fine while in school although he cheated on me a lot. He comes from a very good family and his father is a politician, but he is also very jealous. Anytime a guy calls me, my boyfriend makes sure I get a new sim card immediately. I overlooked all this.
Whenever I go to visit him, he doesn't take me anywhere and he says a woman should stay at home. When I complain that this is not what my parents believe, he says that this is how he was raised. He says I know I am a beautiful girl and that men will be after me, so he cannot trust me. He complains that I am not close to his mom, but I am do not believe in forcing people to like me. Also, he is from Benin and I am Yoruba. My father does not like Benin people.
My major problem is that even if he doesn't want me to go out, he should at least take me out, just the two of us. He should not just spend all his time with his friends. To make matters worse, I have lost all my friends because of him. I am tired and want to leave, but I am scared of being alone and wonder if it would be worth it.
I need your advise and don't know why he is doesn't take me out. I am pretty, fair in complexion, a little bit on the plump size, of average height but it is my color that makes people turn. Is it because I added weight recently that he doesn't take me out or is he just a bit insecure?
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![[twit12.jpg]](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_OFh1WWXWCHM/SWzGxTEpk5I/AAAAAAAAC1U/uqdhsKd74do/s1600/twit12.jpg)
October 30, 2009 1:08 AM
first
October 30, 2009 1:12 AM
"I am tired and want to leave, but I am scared of being alone"
Is that so? What an Olodo girl. na because of him dem born you? Well then, good for her. May he continue to mistreat her.
October 30, 2009 1:12 AM
to mii it is quite simple
he is alienating you and controlling you. These are negative signs that must not be dismissed. Too many women start out like this and then end up in an abusive relationship.
I am NOT saying that he will hit you but abuse comes in various forms and restricting your movement is just one of them.
The bible says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers and remove religious beliefs out of it i think that the two of you are unequally yoked when it comes to family lifestyles, upbringing and expectations and this can only cause future problems unless you decide to change who you are and become a submissive lady who likes to stay at home and loves her mother in law.
so yeah
talk to him about it to understand exactly all his view points and beliefs in regards to a woman's role and if they differ form yours say goodbye to wahala kia kia.
October 30, 2009 1:14 AM
The solution is simple. She needs to leave because this guy is not going to give her what she wants. She's just listed all of the things that are wrong with him and their relationship and all of the things she's given up for him, yet she's attempting to defend his (in)actions and blame them on her weight/his insecurity? No. He's a close-minded individual, simple. Unless she wants to invest the rest of her life in opening his mind, staying will do her no good. There is nothing wrong with being single. Why is she scared of being alone or whether it'll be worth it? If you're going to be miserable, at least let it be on your own terms.
October 30, 2009 1:34 AM
The best advice I can give to this lady is to break of this relationship ASAP. Why would you want to be with someone so insecure with himself that he has you change your sim card anytime a guy calls you? someone whom you admitted cheated on you several times? plus you lost all your friends? haba!
You deserve much better.
October 30, 2009 3:05 AM
Ahn Ahn! Oluwaseun that was a bit harsh....lol.
Young lady all I have to say is OUT OUT OUT! Walk out, infact,run out of there and DONT look back.
Im with miss.fab on this, there is nothing wrong with being single;rather be single than let some creature reduce ur self-esteem-making u feel less of a person.
Please, I dont even think you should talk it over with him, just WALK.
U didnt say anything about love but I want to assume that u do love him and it's not because of the comforts he or his father can afford that u r still with him.
From ur description, u r a beautiful woman, y let some '£$^&#' walk all over you?
The solution is simple so just do it(NIKE)...lol.
P.S Lovely blog
October 30, 2009 3:31 AM
This is a one sided relationship and a very unhealthy one.
If he does not trust you, then what is he doing with you? A relationship is based on trust.
My advice is that you should walk away while you still can.
October 30, 2009 4:11 AM
I know it is easier said than done
But been there, done that and still have the t-shirt to proove it she should ditch the wanker.
when a man truly love you he does compromise your happiness for any thing
October 30, 2009 4:45 AM
Leave. U won't be alone...cos there is someone better for u but u will be very lonely and isolated if u stay. Leave.
October 30, 2009 4:48 AM
Simply put, what are you doing with this dude?
October 30, 2009 5:27 AM
I believe when you get into a relationship as a matured person, you are thinking long term - marriage.
Do you want a husband that does not value you? I know men who take have wives that the world may not categorize as beautiful. But the men value their wives. By the time the men talk about how good their wives are, all around begin to respect and value the woman and begin to see beauty in her.
Do you want a husband with whom you do not have a relationship with? This is my deduction because if he sees you as a companion, he will want you with him everywhere as often as possible (though a man should have time for himself).
Did you say he is a bit insecure? Not just a bit, he is insecure. You will see worse than just getting a new sim card if you want to continue in this relationship with him.
You say he cheated alot on you when you were in school? Why do you want to settle for less? Do you know you can be in a relationship where the man adores you, loves you and cannot think of cheating on you whether you are slim or fat?
My words to you:
1. You need to take out time to love and appreciate yourself. There is a level of pride and self-love a woman needs to have. Once she has that, she will be treated with the corresponding respect.
2. Take out time to review what you truly want from a relationship. If this relationship is not giving it to you, there is no point hanging in there. Believe me, you can have much better.
3. Make changes to your lifestyle that will attract the kind of people you want.
4. Take out time to look good for yourself. If you need to gym, please do so. Women are very self-conscious people and we can reduce our self esteem by simply imagining that we are not looking good.
Once again i will say, you can have much better than your current boyfriend. If I haven't passed through a similar situation, I would not be this convinced in the words I say to you.
Take care.
October 30, 2009 6:28 AM
please, whoever this is, DUMP HIS SORRY ASS! if he doesn't think you are good enough to show you off to the rest of the world, then he does not deserve to have a beautiful girlfriend! please o! I am begging you! GET OUT OF THERE BEFORE YOU GET STUCK! trust me, I grew up watching this kind of relationship, and it is not a pretty sight!
Best of luck though.
October 30, 2009 6:33 AM
Am I missing something here? Sweetie, why are you with him? You've listed too many things that simply can not be overlooked. Get out as fast as you can!
October 30, 2009 6:48 AM
very simple: LEAVE! being single for a while is not a disease and u wont know ur worth until u give someone else a try.
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE!!! i will help u get someone else sef.
October 30, 2009 7:00 AM
I think this person knows exactly what to do, she doesnt need advice. All she needs is her inner strength to do the right thing..Keep your head up babe!
October 30, 2009 8:33 AM
You know what to do, you know how to do it, you're scared(for God knows what reason). Being alone isnt bad and as long as you're with pompous prick(my nickname for ur boyfriend), the one who won't treat you like crap will never come your way. Im pretty sure he'll soon graduate to hitting(i see a trend)
Saddest of all, ladies like you never leave. they marry pricks, wonder how they got there, and end up staying 'for the kids' sigh. You need prayers...and support from those friends you've lost.
You know what to do....leave
October 30, 2009 8:45 AM
There's a lot of "red flags" here...First of all, he's cheated on her multiple times...he believes that a woman should stay at home = controlling/probably has something to hide, his mom doesn't like her, her dad doesn't like him....and she wants to leave but she's afraid of being alone...
If not wanting to be alone is the only thing that's stopping her, I'll suggest she just walks away...I'll rather her be alone then mistreated by this guy...he's obvious taking advantage of her...she said it herself, she's a beautiful girl, so I'm sure that her "alone" time won't last long..
October 30, 2009 8:45 AM
There's a lot of "red flags" here...First of all, he's cheated on her multiple times...he believes that a woman should stay at home = controlling/probably has something to hide, his mom doesn't like her, her dad doesn't like him....and she wants to leave but she's afraid of being alone...
If not wanting to be alone is the only thing that's stopping her, I'll suggest she just walks away...I'll rather her be alone then mistreated by this guy...he's obvious taking advantage of her...she said it herself, she's a beautiful girl, so I'm sure that her "alone" time won't last long..
October 30, 2009 9:47 AM
Wow.
October 30, 2009 9:53 AM
I completely agree with Ms O.
The young lady just needs the inner strength to do what is right.
I hope she does before it's too late.
October 30, 2009 10:29 AM
i'm gonna comment witout reading at other comments. Babe, if he's ashamed to pass u as a gurlfriend, i wonder how it will be when u get married! if all odds is against u being wit him (neva heard u mention about being in love) then my advice is get out! everyone is scared of being alone but if u dont try it, then u wont know the joys of being in a real relationship. beta vamoose and i mean quick b4 u get old in his hands.mcheew!
October 30, 2009 11:28 AM
i second everything Rita said....and btw u r never alone, cos u have God with u and if & when u forgive urself, ur friends will forgive u too - i pray u make d right decision - my mum has been divorced more years than she was married even after 4kids for my father who abused her physically and was very jealous - that will not be your portion in Jesus name - Amen
October 30, 2009 11:48 AM
I could say a lot. But I got nothing good to say. So I'll just keep it moving.
Human beings!!!!
October 30, 2009 11:55 AM
Indeed you need SOUND advice..
You never find boyfriend yet o..or husband for that matter. You haven't said ONE positive thing in this guy's light but na your choice sha...but I don't think you are tired yet. if you really are, you will leave him.
All da best.
October 30, 2009 12:03 PM
On a more gentler note- Please read and re-read what Rita said. She has said it all.
October 30, 2009 1:28 PM
girl, i don't know how to break this nicely to you, but you need to leave that guy as soon as possible. i am even shocked that you stood this for 2 years plus. ok, lets look at the facts
1. he cheats on you
2. he doesn't believe in treating you as a partner
3. he is overly possesive and jealous
4. he doesn't let you go out or takes you out
need i go on? trust me, it is better to be alone than to be miserable in the long run. so? after marriage, what next? life in hell? you better commot for there before he go kill you for your mama
October 30, 2009 2:25 PM
my dear..this is d easiest TTTEC ever...
very simple dump d guy fast...
he has all d traits of a TERRIBLE boyfriend..u didnt say one good thing about him...
girl being alone is better than this
October 30, 2009 2:56 PM
I'm posting this after reading the first two sentences:
I met my current boyfriend 2 and a half years ago while we were in school. All was fine while in school although he cheated on me a lot.
How can everything be fine if the guy was cheating on you "a lot"?
October 30, 2009 2:58 PM
I think Rita and Aloted has said it all and most of the comments echo this. Get out girl...
October 30, 2009 7:10 PM
One word: LEAVE!
October 30, 2009 8:14 PM
Hmmmmmmmmm...
October 30, 2009 8:38 PM
LOL!! Oh my days...just when i think i've heard it all.
THIS is the price you are willing to pay JUST BECAUSE you don't want to be alone?? I laugh!! Good luck to you oh, my dear!!
October 31, 2009 12:48 AM
Its obvious the guy is more of insecure than not wanting to take you out because you added a little bit of weight, I think at this stage you should weigh your options and see if its best for you to stay or leave the relationship. You sure do not want to end up doing something that would make you uncomfortable or cause regret for the rest of your life. As for being lonely, dont worry hun, you would get someone who loves you for who you are, and someone whom you are compatible with. I hope this helps, goodluck.
October 31, 2009 1:33 AM
This young lady eh...all the comments have said it all. Rita, Blowing Blessings and others have hit the nail on the head.
Plain and simple
Ol' boy does not take you out because he has other women or men(these days we never know) that he is dealing with.
Don't bring your weight into the issue, it has nothing to do with it.
He cheated on you multiple times. Sweetie, he isn't going to stop (atleast not with you)
He keeps you around cause he can control you.
Chunk up this relationship as a learning experience and move on.As someone here said, you know what to do...when you are tired of being mistreated you will pack your akpati and be gone.
Please, prefer to be alone than deal with a man that does not regard you...it is not by force biko.
Our comment might come through harshly but this is a clean and clear situation. There is little deciphering that needs to be done. You will be ok, just leave this boy.
October 31, 2009 9:15 AM
i am thinking. insecure girl and insecure guy. infact, i don't even think the guy is insecure, he is just trying to play smart, and the girl should confront him, then live him. people even walk their dogs, not to talk of their girlfriends. why would a person refuse to go out with his girlfriend
October 31, 2009 10:59 AM
Hmn...
I don't think you need advice...you know what you should do and you just need validation.
Its easier to give advice than to take it...
And..all the self-proclaimed strong women that are lashing out advices...hmn..I don't have words 4 you.
Be strong girl...you don't want to live the rest of you house like this...get out now that you still have pple that are attracted to you. It will only get worse.
My thinking is he probably doesn't love you...he just loves the fact that he controls you. He must have ego shoes..
The cheating thing...it depends on you...and there is very little probability the next dude won't cheat too...
Then again..I don't know you..I don't know him.
Only you knows what is best for you..all the best.
October 31, 2009 11:02 AM
**rest of your life like this**
October 31, 2009 12:42 PM
dump him fast. guy has isolated u totally. now u get to depend on him alone. run fast. how can u say all was well then when he always cheats on u? what ever trash u take today, u ll be given tomorrow
October 31, 2009 1:46 PM
You should have left him long ago. I believe u know this already but u are scared to be alone. Being alone is far much better than staying with this guy or even marrying him cuz things will not get better, probably worse.
Who says you will be alone for ever??? other men will come along all you have to do id love yourself and develop your weak areas.
October 31, 2009 5:15 PM
Oh wow! I don't see any positive thing you said about this guy...
Why exactly are you still in this relationship? Have you had sex with him? Do you feel like your life can't go on without him?
Please for the sake of your peace of mind, dump this guy fast! And take your time before you go into another relationship.
You need to build your self esteem, love yourself and then you can commit to loving someone else and when you love and cherish yourself, trust me, the man who you meet will cherish you.
A yoruba proverb says, people will only help you call your calabash what you call it...selah!
October 31, 2009 5:41 PM
I'm not sure this lady is ready to face up to the reality of her relationship. She's asking for advice on how to make her isolation pass better while completely ignoring the bigger issue of why she is sticking with a boyfriend that would treat her like that in the first place.
I would advise her to leave him and not rush into another relationship. I think she needs to take the time to gain confidence in herself. It’s time to get rid of the idea that this kind of guy is the best she can hope for.
November 1, 2009 2:19 AM
you need to leave him
you need to be counselled
you need to build your self esteem
God's speed
November 1, 2009 2:54 AM
Eyaaaaaaaaa. Ndo.
That said, please, BE BRAVE. No penis is worth all that wahala. Why are you SUFFERING that way? As my dearly departed father used to tell his beautiful girls "I did not bring you into this world to suffer"...but he also used to say "na as you take pose na im dem go snap you". People will treat you the way you treat yourself. If you keep thinking thats all you deserve, my dear young lady, then thats all you are gonna get.
LEAVE TODAY. DON'T WAIT UNTIL TMRW. it is not going to get better than this. It only gets worse. What you have now, is as good as it gets...damn...what a life!
Delete his number, avoid him, move to mars. Do what you have to do to get rid of him.
November 1, 2009 10:13 PM
You know what to do. Its very obvious.
He will not take you out because he is cheating on you. He does not want you to have any friends because he believes you will do the same to him.
And was he taking you out before you started putting on weight?
What are you waiting for? Haba!!! The guy has no respect for you, his mom hates you, and you dad does not like him. Wetin remain? He himself is waiting for you to leave.
November 1, 2009 10:15 PM
the guy is not a good person at all,the lady should leave if she is not attracted to his money
November 4, 2009 11:31 PM
waw...girl. please, let him go. leave immediately.
November 10, 2009 1:16 AM
Really????????????? Not to sound inconsiderate or anything but she obviously has some self esteem issues. SMH!!!