...Easier Crew..., I don't know how to write an introduction for today's issue. I have been discussing this issue with the reader for about 3 weeks now and well, my advice is limited. Hence, it is your turn to chime in. Again, because of the content, I will monitor comments and will remove any comments that are rude, obscene or hurtful. I apologize in advance if you find your comment deleted but due to the sensitive nature of today's discussion, I would like everyone to be as comfortable as possible.
Thanks for understanding.
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I am a junior in college and share a room with my roommate Andrea. Andrea and I only met last semester and so far things have been perfectly fine. She has a boyfriend, Franky, who spends far too much time in our room and sometimes, I have been forced to sleep at my friend's off-campus apartment when Franky and Andrea choose to have sex in our room. I do not understand why she doesn't go to his room, but because it has only happened 3 times, and she has apologized profusely, I have been able to deal with that. Franky walks around in black clothes, piercings everywhere and frankly, looks dirty. I do not know what she sees in him.
The other day, Andrea approached me while I was studying and started asking me funny questions. She wanted to know if I was a virgin. I told her no, that my boyfriend is in Nigeria and I see him every Christmas. She then started asking me if I have ever cheated on my boyfriend. Again, I said no. After beating around the bush, she finally asked me if I would consider being in a threesome. I could not believe what I was hearing and felt insulted. She noticed the look on my face and then she started to stammer. I asked her where all that was coming from and she said Franky finds me attractive and she was thinking that maybe we should have a threesome. We talked a little bit more and it turns out that Franky confessed that he found me attractive and has never had sex with a black girl, let alone an African. So, because his birthday is coming, she thought a threesome would be a good birthday present for him.
First and foremost, I am upset that this boy is even looking at me in a sexual way. He is my roommate's boyfriend and I am absolutely not attracted to him. Secondly, I cannot believe that I live with a girl who thinks that the best way to keep her man is to agree to share him with somebody. I understand that I was raised very differently from Andrea but even in my wildest dreams, I never imagined someone would ask me such a thing.
I declined her suggestion and even though I told her I was not upset, I am really uncomfortable. And now, this week, Franky stopped me in the middle of the hallway and he put his hand on my arm and started asking me why I don't want to be in a threesome. Can you imagine! I don't think I am a prude by any means, but this is very upsetting. It will be hard for me to find a substitute room and I do not want to crash at a friend's place until the end of the semester. What can I do?
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41 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
This one pass me o! What cheek!!!!
Let me mark my territory, *wink* and I'll go think about it and post a comment later.
wat the crap!
God forbid o!
pple in this world really need Jesus o, cuz minds r rottening faster than food in the frige o!
lol...please change rooms, cut of ties....infact RUNAWAY from such scary pple dose ones wont lead u in the right direction o!
like seriously is there anything in finding another place?after telling her 3 times so the best she could come up with is a threesome??
Tufiakwa!!
please runnnnnnnnnnn!!
SS hey...The E-sermon is finally ready and has been uploaded on my blog, go nd be blessed!!
what...what really pissed me off is not that she asked but the fact that the rubbish byfriend had the guts to ask again...the babes seriously need to move out
Since its mid semester, it'll b hard to find a new place. I suggest u have to let her know how upset u are cuz u saying ur not will only make her feel u need more pressure.
Talk to both of them together and display some black anger. And if I were u, I'd threaten that if anything ever happened to me, God forbid! Rape cuz I don't trust d sound of franky, that d police r very aware of their proposition.
I know it may sound ridiculous but Andrea is bent on pleasing her man
You need to explain d meaning of boundaries to her and tell her u will like it if her man doesn't sleep over again
Girl, once d semester ends, change rooms!
All d best and my prayers r with u
First let me say that there has to be something in this boyfriend that he can even say to his GF that he's sexually attracted to another woman. If that was my man I know he wouldn't even be able to stutter out the first letter of his thoughts. Anyway...
I think you should take this moment like Funms said to speak to both of them and explain that your cultural/moral/religious convictions are just against the idea of a threesome. In this situation trying not to upset people is useless. Be firm, be vocal and drive the point home.
Then speak to Andrea a little bit more on her own about this relationship of hers with Franky not judging just ask questions trying to find out more what it is about this relationship she feels she needs to keep. Maybe you can help her see the light before this Franky convinces to do more than she is willing.
Nawa-o! They say college is where you learn...everything. I hope she is able to finagle her way out of the situation with dignity; somehow, I believe she will.
I understand how you feel. Is there anyone you can report them to if they strat getting nasty or you feel threatened in any way? Find out.
Have a candid converstaion with Andrea that you find the whole episode uncomfortable. If she or her boyfriend does not desist, then make a report.
na wa o. this one no give me mouth! honestly, i don't know wot to say. let me pick my jaw off the floor first.
for u i am scared ooooo
u need to find out if u can be switched out of that room and u also have to report it to someone
bcuz if u don't tell someone and they grab u and rape u, no one will believe u.
this is serious,especially being that he has invaded ur personal space in the hall by touching u
they have access to your room and know your schedule
i don't want to sound like an alarmist but this is real
so find a footballer defense linebacker and make him your friend so that they are scared ooooo
i think
take it easy
Nna na wa o
Things happen.
If you are the confrontational type, I agree with Funms-the rebirth on this.
I also think you should make a formal report ahead to whatever authorities incharge of your hostel.
Since they are not threatening you, I suggest you discuss with them both,and let both of them be clear that if anything happens to you, they would be held responsible.
You should also state categorically that the Franky guy should not sleep in your room again.
and need to tell you that you should change room fasssssssssssssst as soon as you can or at the semester.
All the best
IMO it is bordering on sexual harrasment when the silly boy shas the guts to ask you why you do not want to be in a threesome, is he high? I suggest that you talk to your R.A. if they bug you about it one more time, it's not like you didn't say no.
hmmm orisirisi like shubby doo will say. I think you should report them to higher authorities or better still change rooms...
Honestly don't be upset...would never want to share my man but each to their own...I am actually suprised u talked it thru instead of shutting her down straight away when the topic came up...
so ok I didn't find any of this disturbing until franky stopped u to ask u why not.
what should u do? Well I would have slapped franky but then I'm just me. Besides that would have u at his mercyby claiming assault...so stand tall and ignore their ish.
Go to the accommodation office and say that your room mate's boyfriend is pestering for sex and you r genuinely scared that he might take advantage without consent. Get it written down officially. They'll change your room.
People are funny in college so to avoid jumping from frying pan to fire... ask for a dorm u do not have to share or ask to share with someone u know...worst case ask them to release u from your lease so u can live by yourself.
I don't see what the big dilemma is here. They asked her, she said no. At this point, the only thing i see wrong is that the dude is starting to harass her, and she needs to put a firm stop to that, ASAP! Sharp, sharp!
Some people are just twisted. I don't understand all this threesome business. It's almost like Sodom and Gomorrah around here, these days. I'm sorry, it's ridiculous. As liberal as i am, i don't know if i can actually stomach that.
Whoa!!! That is crazy...this is a tough one. The only solution that I can think of it to go and talk to your RA or whom ever is in charge of housing and tell them that you're not comfortable sharing a room with your roommate without going in to too much detail and see if that works, because that's honestly not a healthy living situation.
Or tell your roommate that you're uncomfortable with her bf in your room...you're paying for it as well. Set rules and regulations!
If the guy is already approaching you with such boldness, there's no telling what can happen next. Now it's about safety...good luck!
I will be honest, even though it hurts me like shit to be.
The best way to do a threesome is to be the guest star.
What this means is, if you're going to have a threesome, you MUST NOT have any kind of relationship with the other two people that you're having the threesome with.
It would have been fine for her to have a threesome with Frankie since she has nothing to do with him, but she is also roommates with Andrea, which effectively constitutes a relationship.
In other words, this is a really, really, really, bad idea.
They are going to have the threesome, Frankie is going to CONTINUE to be attracted to the writer, and Andrea is going to go insane with jealousy and pretty soon there'll be a fight in the room and someone will be forced to move out.
Don't do it. If the circumstances were different, maybe, but right now the mix of people is wrong for a threesome. Trust me, I got the formula wrong and it fucked me over.
What disturbs me the most is that he approached you in the hall way. Tell your roommate, to tell her man to back off!!
The truth is if u let people push you over once, the'll continue to do so.and it all started when u started sleeping outside ur room cos they were having sex
You need to sit down and have a frank (no pun intended)discussion with ur roommate. You guys are paying equally for the room so u shouldn't be made to feel like a guest in ur room.
1. Even though she apologizes, make it clear that u won't tolerate it if it happens again
2. Tell her to keep her bf in check- it has nothing to do with being prude
Wow
Just make it clear to both of them that you are not interested
And throw in that the sex in the room thing is rude!!
He hasn't been with a black girl or an African?
Wow.
First, tell your roommate that you no longer want her boyfriend (or male friends) in your dorm room at any time. If they want to visit her or you, they're common areas available in most dorms for them to socialize. It's not about not liking him, but think about your personal safety at this point. Has she already started letting him enter/stay in the room without her there? If she hasn't yet, what happens when that happens? Aren't you entitled to feeling comfortable in the room you pay room &board for? What if he becomes even more sexually aggressive? Talk to your roommate and have her agree to this. There's no need to talk to her boyfriend, that's her responsibility.
While you're doing this, cover your ass by filing a complaint. I'm sure your school has a policy against sexual harassment, look up the school's code of conduct and find out how to file a formal complaint. Trust me, once you start the official process, a new room will be found for you immediately. Talk to your RA, find out what they say. If your RA can't give you the right answers, go to the Housing Director/Dean of Students, follow the right chain of command. Don't let anyone talk you out of filing a formal complaint, even if they claim "it will ruin" someone else's life, you can't worry about anyone but yourself.
Good luck
GOD HAVE MERCY!
Such a decent girl should not be found in any messy situation! Please lay a complaint with the appropriate school authority and then move out of that room ASAP!
It is well.
it's amazing as i was reading this the first thing that came to my mind was "this one pass me o!" and the first comment from Marin reads exactly the same...lol..
ok! but really this one pass me...which can jagbajagba be this. Me i dunno wat to tell u o..but for ur roommate and mr frank abi wetin be his name to have the nerve to ask u such...hmmm...e get as e be. cuz e go hard before someone fit ask me that kind of nonsense..cuz they will know my stances on such issues from day 1.
Maybe u shld tell ur boyfy and get him to call ur roommate and boyfy to leave u alone. not sure if that can help. if na me o..na HolyGhost fire i go use pursue both of them.
Or better still...CHANGE YOUR ROOM BY HOOK OR BY CROOK. where there is a will there is a way
let me go read what others have written
Sweetie,
There are times when pretending not to be bothered/angry is okay. This happens to not be one of those times. You need to tell Andrea and her queer boyfriend that "come and visit me" is not the same thing as "come and live with me." In other words, just because you have let this foolish show of horny affection go, it doesn't mean you will hesitate to report the matter to a higher authority.
Look, people are very strange. If he looks and acts strange, he's probably strange. When it comes to your safety, please don't play with it. These days, mad people don't necessarily walk the streets naked. They live with us (and in the case of Andrea, they even sleep with us).
Take care of him before he takes care of you.
na wa oh...i dont even know what to say sef.
You dont want to , you dont want to.
Stand your ground and tell your roommate to tell her man to BACK the eFF OFF!!
She needs to find somewhere else for her extracurricular activites anyways... u both paid for the room abi??
IMO - next time, tell him if he does not take his hands off you, you will slap him fine-fine. No means No. While you are at it, talk to your RA and ask for a transfer if you don't feel safe and secure in your own room. Cheers! - Rosie
What nonsense! Other people go to the shops to buy presents. Andrea wants to package and present you on a platter to her boyfriend instead. And if Franky wants an 'African' so much, why can't he board a plane to Africa? As if you were specially delivered to the US for him. Foolish idiots both of them!!
Now that's off my chest, i'll move on to practical options for dealing with this. You can confront her about it and tell her you don't want Franky in your room anymore. If you can't say it face to face, write her a detailed note and keep a copy of it. There's no need to be rude about it, just make sure you let her know how you feel. And stop vacating your room for them. Let them find somewhere else to go.
Residences usually have a senior student (3rd year or grad) to report to. Make them aware of the situation. If nothing happens, go to your residence manager or the Dean of Students. If either Andrea or Franky bring up the issue again, report them for sexual harassment because that's what it is. Schools usually take such complaints seriously and will make an effort to solve it. She might be moved to a different room or asked to leave if it is not possible to find you alternative accommodation.
From my experience i think it's very important to speak up when you're having problems with your accommodation otherwise you are likely to suffer a miserable school year. Don't keep quiet and hope it will go away.
Just talk to them and tell them how you feel and make yourself very clear... Otherwise Tell them if they don't leave u alone you will sue them for sexual harassment.
Since the writer has no interest in having a threesome with her roomie and her boyfriend, she should sit down with both of them and tell them (together) that, and also tell them that she doesn't want to be asked about her reasons, nor does she want anyone to mention it to her again. If they persist, I would report them to the sexual harassment department. She should not have to put up with that kind of disrespect for her views (she already said no).
You just need to establish boundaries. Your paying rent and there is no reason why you should be uncomfortable in your own house. Sit her down and air out everything that has been making you uncomfortable.
And if all else fails, is there a way you can move out?
if i read this post last year i would have been mouthing off in anger but time in the U.S. has exposed me to their madness. It really is an awkward situation especially as you are roommates. Don't feel like a prude even for a second. Your roommate and Franky are the ones that are sick in the head. It's mid semester so finding a new roommate will be difficult. I suggest you sit ur roommate down and tell her how upset you are about the whole threesome thing. Let her know that you wish that subject is not mentioned again and that she can advice her boyfriend accordingly. Then spend as much time in your room. You shouldn't have to leave otherwise you will be the squatter before you know it. Anyway that's my two cents. Be firm but polite.
In my opinion the only "clean" way out of this situation is to file a complaint with some school authority and move out ASAP. It may not be pleasant or ideal, but trust me, this will not be the last she will hear about this if she doesn't move out immediately.
Na wa sha. This is one of those things you always hear about but never actually see happen... until it happens to you
stand your ground and talk to her. this time..you are not discussing the issue..you will be making plain your displeasure.it's really discomfiting that he came to talk to you about it and even touched you..make a report, that way they know you are serious also, in case they r having sinister plans.. and see if u can find alternative space..
**weirdos**
Wow this would definitely make you uncomfortable but the best way to go about is to state your case and keep it moving. Let them BOTH know you're not interested. Also if you don't have any other place to go ask your RA if you could make some changes...
Hope all goes well for you!
Lol @ all the comments... Aloted, holy ghost fire sha? ROTFL!
Ok. Now that I got that out my system. I think this issue can only get worse if you are silent about it.
First, DOCUMENT. I never lived in a dorm in the states, but I'm pretty sure you can tell somebody. If you act really freaked out, something's gonna give.
Second, do not try and have a sit down in a secluded area with the two of them (If it barks like a dog, looks like a dog, it prolly is a fracking dog) The frank dude could go ballistic on you. Keep it very public. Personally, i don't think you should have to confront the Frank dude unless he puts his hands on you in a public place. Instead, talk to ur roomie. But only after making sure it's documented.
My 2 cents. Goodluck, babes!
hOnestly, i don't know what to say....but i did suggest that u take the advice previously given n report her n try to get outta the room.
@Nefertiti- u dey laff abi..lol..
if nothing else works..me I know that will work o..Roomie and Franky will just be feeling fire burning them, they wont know how far!
The nerve of Frank. You know how some Oyinbo people dey fear we black people's attitude. I would suggest that she firmly let him know that she is not interested and that she will not appreciate any future propositions or else she will tell an RA (it can be a bluff but still)
Also buy a can of mace and sleep with one eye open just in case they try anything stupid. Oh, and tell someone just in case they attempt revenge and you end up up on CNN (God forbid) but we have too many crazies out there.
I need not add more to any of the advice given above. I hope it gets sorted out!
I think the lady in question is taking this whole thing really mildly.
Frank and Andrea think you're not upset but just 'uncomfortable'. So they'll keep being bold with their requests.
Are you scared of showing some anger at their brazen effrontery? Have you somehow given them reason to imagine that you may even be vaguely interested in their thing?
Some things are intolerable and if this is one of them for you, then please let them know in very clear terms. You both share the room and it's unfair that you should be left hanging like this. if they want to continue their rubbish, then they should take it somewhere else!
U should tell him to fuck off, no offense ma and you should have told both of them that immediately so the issue never repeats itself.....with that said, i need not add more to all that has been said....goodluck
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