I got this email on Wednesday from someone who read the last TTTEC installment on Eniola and Uncle Ted, the Senator. I had to edit this email down but I think you will get the point being made by the writer.
What do you think?
*******************
My cousin and her friends are avid readers of your blog. She sent me the message from the girl considering sleeping with a Senator for money and a Jeep and I just had to contact you.
I do not understand why everyone is badmouthing that Eniola girl because she is choosing to think with her head and not her heart. She has a right to make her own decisions, whether we like it or not. It is clear that she does not truly love her boyfriend. Therefore, if she wants to get as much as possible from that Senator, that is her choice to make. That's how she will marry her boyfriend and end up disappointed and regretting that she didn't take advantage of the opportunities that came her way.
I am like a growing number of young Nigerian men who befriend older women. I have about 4 women that I am currently seeing. Each understands that I am not in a 'relationship' with them, but I treat them with the utmost respect and warmth any gentleman would. In return, I have been well rewarded. I own a large house in Lekki (completely paid), 3 luxury cars, I take frequent trips abroad and have a respectably sized bank account and have unbelievable connections. I support my parents and 2 younger sisters through uni and I do so with pride. I have also started my own businesses and employ a small group of people. Yes, I have sugar mommies. 2 of them are widows who sometimes enjoy companionship and are willing to pay for it. The other 2 are married to stupidly wealthy men who haven't paid them any attention in years. I doubt those men would even care.
Undoubtedly, if your readers get to see this, they will start with the judgmental conclusions. I've taken the time to look at your other discussions, and am sure some of them will rain fire, brimstone, and Biblical passages down on my head. Truth is, I do not care what anyone thinks. I am a well educated man who has figured out how to make money quickly and become successful without hurting anybody.
Or, would people rather I was a yahoo boy, scamming others of their money?
When people try to be holier than thou and chastise that Eniola girl for wanting good things, how many of them have considered what they would do in her situation? And, I mean if they were really in her situation? Many of Lagos's 'Big Girls' have done the same and gone on to become serious people. Forget what you have seen in Nollywood films. These girls have gone on to marry wealthy, connected men. They own businesses and are respected. Your readers might argue that they are not 'happy' but, let's be honest - nobody's life is perfect. And, personally, I rather be financially comfortable, than poor and blissful.
*********************
Hmmm. I respect this guy's honesty and his willingness to let me present his email to the larger body. And, he raises an interesting question - ashewo boy or yahoo boy? For the sake of this conversation, I will call him 'Gabriel' and you are free to share your thoughts if you have any. I'm not sure if Gabriel will read them though... I really wonder what the male readers think as well. In fact, for this post, I might even allow anonymous comments ...
41 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
wow, i applaud Gabriel for his outright honesty. I am not going to judge or be opinionated cuz different things work for different people... Personally, im all about my morals and i would not do anything to compromise that. All in all, it depends on the principles you set for yourself. So if he thinks theres nothing wrong in all these, who am i to say otherwise?
Its his life and he can chose to live it that way. However, i will not compromise my morals or myself for any financial gain..... ashewo or yahoo? they r both the same
All i can say is that we all adults and are responsible for any decisions we chose to make.Only God is in the position to judge anyone.
The only thing I can say is everyone is entitled to their opinion and those of us who believe in God tend to back our opinions with passages from the bible because that is where most of our values and opinions are based on. Here is my take I can say that I don't agree with his lifestyle and even bring out as many bible verses as I like but what he and anybody else does is a matter for God and them.
As for the matter of whether it is better to be ashewo or yahoo I will look to the bible that says a sin is a sin, if you are doing wrong you are doing wrong. A rapist can not think they are better than a child molester. A con man can not think himself better than a serial killer. They are still crimes you still end in Jail.
So to end you can not compare your doings with another and say at least I am better because you are also judging someone who must feel that being a yahoo is better than ashewo and also we can not judge either of you because it is not our job to judge you.
yaaaaaaaaaaay, I made top 5... I'moving up! okay. back in a bit to comment properly oh. Hope you have had a good week. much love x
no comment
for real
this normally is about ppl who are in dilemnas
he, Gabriel obviously isn't
he has no qualms about the situation
he is proud of what he is doing
so yeah
no comment
@ Remi
you stole my position
i was supposed to be 4th oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
lol
na de same time we clock
how come u r first
-Ashewoism is sort of a victimless crime so I'd go with Ashewoism.
-As previously stated, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and to make their own choices.
-Let's not forget that people also marry for money, its not that different.
-I apologize for the disjointedness of my comment, I have a headache but just had to comment.
hehehehe.. kafo sorry naw... me sef I no know oh! How are you luv.
ditto to K... I agree. Sin is sin, big, small, white, black, blue or green. Believers in Jesus Christ, know that regardless your situation and regardless how hard things are (and I don't say this lightly, i have gone through some crazy things from sleeping out on the street to numerous people's couches), it does not give excuse to engage in the ways of the world to make things right. Because after all, all the gentleman was talking about are "things" the bible says we should not be consumed by things oh. Abi we will now loose our soul, because of house and car? Anyway, that said, everyone is responsible for their behaviour, and what they do. It is between them and Almighty Baba oh. We can only advice from our point of view... I pray God takes the scale from our eyes... Amin
Much Love x
kafo, just seen that.. that is just strange.. the time was the same! lol..... x
Na wa ohh... Upon my staying up this late. Okay I sha am Number 7...
Interesting note from Gabriel. He has made his choice and is ready to deal with it. Rationalizing the rightness or wrongness however, is not necessary.
From Eniola's ttec post, I gathered that she was trying to decide between something that she wanted(which glittered like gold) and something that she expected(marriage to her bf). So the people who responded responded based on that.
Thirdly, as you know Gabriel, forunately or unfortunately at this point in time in Nigeria the rules differ for men and women. I have personally witnessed a relationship such as yours (the guy was a childhood friend) but the person who was berated and had her name dragged in the mud was the woman. It didn't matter that she was a widow, had no other man, or even anything else. She was insulted, and people kept going to talk to her. The guy on the other hand, was "advised" to drop her when the time was right and he was ready to marry.
I personally don't subscribe to this way of making money, but to each his own. You have raised a very true point that many people can't tell what they would do in times of desperation.
I love this blog. Really, mummy can I be your P. A?
Ok really, to go the religion way at the risk of sounding holier than thou, sin is sin. Ashewo and yahoo, all na the same.
On the other hand, Gabriel is very correct. Our hearts and mind seek what is comfortable for us, not what is good for us. Those that gossip about others are no better than an ashewo. So really we can't judge him nor Eniola.
Hello,
The difference between Eniola and Gbariel should not be lost.
Eniola, was about to get into a liaison with the hope that someone she seems to be bethrothed to would not find out.
Gabriel is not playing games, at least it does not say he is playing his girlfriend or wife against his sugarmommies.
If Eniola had decided to ditch Dotun and gone for Uncle Ted and honestly let Dotun go, there would have been no dilemma.
She wanted the treasures of Uncle Ted, the love of Dotun and an unkeepable secret of infidelity, that is why the badmouthing resulted.
Everyone is entitled to get on with whatever they want to do, what is unacceptable is to rope in unsuspecting victims whose lives would get upturned if the truth is revealed.
So there is no way in which Gabriel's story and Eniola's dilemma are the same.
Regards,
Akin
I agree with Archiwiz.
Nothing more.
Whoa...ok
I'm going to stand up and admit I was never raised in any religion at all, yet I have a very strong set of core principles. I say this because Gabriel seem to think that the people who would be against this is Christians who would 'Rain biblical passages down on my head'. One doesn't have to be a Born-Again to realise that this is wrong. I commend him for coming out and telling his story and he has many good points, one of them being that no one's life is perfect. But I agree with what most said here - wrong is wrong no matter how you sugarcoat it.
Whatever you do is between you and God and it's not for anyone to judge. However, I can't help but feel that Gabriel seem like a very cynical and calculated person who is only out for himself and money. What will you end up in the end, is what I am wondering. There is nothing substantial in all this material wealth. You measure success solely based on money obviously, but a lot of people would not view your pursuits as "success" when you are basically selling yourself to get unnecessarily rich while other people are walking hungry.
You also seem to think that all this material wealth is what gives you, and others respect. I think you got it all wrong. Just because Nigeria is a corrupt country with poverty, therefore people respect those with money, does not mean that that is TRUE respect. That is just desperation. Personally what I respect is someone who works their ass off to get out of the gutter in an honest way and has respect for themself and others.
I also personally don't understand how people can feel so happy abotu things that someone else just gave them that they didn't work for..but everyone is on their own and I guess other people are totally cool with that. Gabriel states in the last sentence that
'I rather be financially comfortable than poor and blissful' - fine if that is what he wants..but he should consider if he wants to be old, financially comfortable and a lonely soul later in his life. Not every year is going to be as golden in spite of having all the money in the world. I rest my case..
Daniel, my prayer for u is may your sons and daughters take up your lifestyle when they get to your age, and then come back & let's reevaluate. in fact, why r we going far. Daniel, wen u get stupidly rich from the proceeds of other men, may your wife dash out their money to their boy-toys & den come back & let us reevaluate. nonsense!
young people look 4 ways to justify their bad behaviours, but it is in their old age that they will think back & say 'maybe i shouldn't have done that'.
Am very upset by this post. Where is this man's mother? Is she collecting money from him without asking him where they come from? Is she turning a blind eye to his lifestyle because he is furnishing her with cash. Mothers, train up your children in the ways they will go and when thy r grown, they will not depart from it!!!!!
This silly man will proudly open his mouth & talk utter rubbish. Other men r toiling day & night, acquiring virtues in the process. u r there, whoring yourself & feeling proud of it. Lazy man! Tomorrow now, some silly girl will marry u - impressed by money - thinking she has married a man. Look Mr Daniel, what u sow, u will reap. Prepare for it. Nonsense!!!!
solo, please don't delete my comment. i want that Daniel to read it & hear me loud & clear. Everyday is not for being diplomatic, & today i chose not to be. Nonsense!!!!!!
i completely agree with Akin..
the two are completely diff..
gabriel isnt hurting anyone but she is planning to sleep with her fiances uncle and still marry him, she wants to eat her cake and have it..
as for gabriel.. to every man hes own..
Forget Eniola for a minute, if she thinks her fiancée would never find out that she slept with HIS OWN UNCLE that she is in denial.
Reading Gabriel's email made me so sad, he sounds all cold adult and man on a mission but the whole thing made me so so sad. Won't he want a special someone one day? He has his own business now, can't he stand alone? How long will he have sugar mommies for? No one's life is perfect true, but his sounds hollow.
Gabriel seems to have it all figured out, he isnt asking for opinions or advice so i'll just comment.
No matter how much we try to justify the things we do, wrong will forever be wrong, even in the 30th century. and u dont av to be a xtian or anything to have strong morals.
yahooing and ashewoing are both sins, and if u like, wrongs. there are still honest things one can do to make good money. yes people involved will say "u dont know how hard it is or u dont know what i've been thru" as excuses for their acts, but usually, i've found out that pride and laziness make them do it. they feel exalted over those who do "cheap" but honest jobs to stay alive. they cant do anything degrading. who put them on that high horse?! they put themselves their and thats why they look for "easier" ways to make plenty money.
and i totally agree with FFF. if he can honestly tell me he'll be happy that his kids or sibblings are ashewoing with whoever, then i honestly do not have a problem with him.
there's such a thing as nemesis and kharma, it truly catches up with people, ur own day of reckonning can come e.g, the day u mess up with ur "madams" and they deal with u, pity, u wont be able to tell us about it, the story wont be captivating and interesting like this one u told us so intelligently and brilliantly.
It looks to me like Gabriel's case is very different from Eniola's.
Her sole motivation appears to be greed, while he befriends these rich women as a means of livelihood. I don't mean to be nasty, but there is very little difference between this guy and the prostitutes who do it for a living. If it pleases him, and it suits the women, then good for them all!
He says nothing about a girlfriend, but I doubt if there is one, which makes his case better to imagine. Besides, his "sugar mommies" are not close family members of anyone he is intending to marry, therefore there is no talk of betrayal.
He really wants to know whether he isn't better than the Yahoo boys? let him check the law of his country. What consequences exist for making older women "happy" and getting paid in return? on the other hand, what consequences await the scammers if they are caught?
That is one angle from which one can consider his position.
Gabriel has chosen prostitution as his profession, what's the beef?
Gabriel is a man loaning his body for money..it’s his body, so he has prerogative. This is a career for some people after all and its been around from the dawn of time.
However actions always comes with consequences, he seems to have made his bed so who are we to not let him live in it? Abeg, let him do his thing, today all is well, whatever tomorrow brings he just has to live with it too. A man can only be judged by his maker so I will not judge Gabriel. However I hope if he has a daughter/son/sister/brother etc etc someday doing the same thing he will exercise his understanding persona with them.
lol@nanijoe!!! abi oo..
ROTFL @ this post! Mr Gabriel, I applaud ur ignorance. You don't strike me as a young man, and that tells me you are stuck in your ways. I don't know why everyone is telling you that it's wrong because you have told us that you don't care. I don't argue with grown men who 'know' what they are doing. It's a waste of my brain cells as far as i'm concerned. BTW, do not confuse me with some holier than thou, bible wielding, no earring wearing sister.
My advice to you is to continue on the path of your ignorance (or selective ignorance) I'm pretty sure it'll pay off in the end. When you raise your female children, make sure you teach them all these things that you have done. They will not depart from it in Jesus name, Amen!
WOW.
I can't believe...
Actually, just WOW.
ok, I'm a bit dumbfounded right now, but I agree with K and Akin...
Hmm...I agree with Akin thru and thru (also wordmerchant)- their situations are not the same at all. As for Gabriel, let him continue in his vice - you reap what you sow (and that is not found only in the Bible o!). When he marries, someone else will 'give his wife good companionship' and his wife will be willing to pay his hardearned money for it. I wonder what sort of morals he will teach his children when and if he has any later, because its the upbringing that guides a person in setting priniciples for himself or herself.
No one needs to be Christians to tell this man that his attitude is just that - his. He should not justify it with Eniola because their situations are not the same at all. Unless he wants to play 'Devil's Advocate' and try to lure her. The fact that Eniola is having doubts is enough to show that she has some qualms about what she wants to do - obviously if he were in her shoes he wont have even blinked twice!
For you Gabriel, happiness is wealth - never mind that some years from now, the so called respect you feel you have now will turn against you (tis the way of society so don't think am cursing you o!). the people you trust and build up are the same people that will tell anyone who wants to listen that, 'See that guy? Na ashawo he use to make money o. Na sharp guy! Na correct gigolo!' Plus its the same sugar mommies that built you that will destroy you for something trivial or petty.
Another word for Gabriel - your views and outlook are yours alone. Pls if someone else with Eniola's kind of issue approaches you, abeg don't give them this kind of advice because it will be held against you on Judgment day o!
Gabriel keh…how can you name him after an angel??
Nigga, we've all been there done that and got the tee shirt…we who have done it know there is nothing in it which is why we are advising Eniola differently..I also don’t think she loves her boyfriend but then hey…as you said no one is perfect..
I respect you for what you do but would I respect you if you were my brother doing the same thing…NO!
yes.i agree with omotee..101%
this guy is all about making money and living the good life..and he's on top of his game..thats great..
cos i always admire people at the top of their game...after that we can now talk about the type of game and if it all boils down to having a heart that is still pumping blood....then we now have to wonder what happens to the star player after the game..
luv ajins take
Its all relative and it depends on whose view is it. Do I agree with Gabriel?? Completely!!! Its one's life and an adult is responsible for what they choose to do with their lives and how they choose to lead it.
On a moral standing, if you can justify your actions no matter the opposition and how someone else might want to view it, you can always defend it and make it plausible enough for comprehension, which is what Gabriel did by comparing ashewo to yahoo.... Lets incorporate the bible: "a sin is a sin, no matter how small"
What he is doing is simply being creative and being innovative. He is taking advantage of the service he thinks he could best deliver without hurting anyone.. Now someone wants to point an hypocritical hand and say he is doing a bad thing?? Nope, that cant be tolerated...
Can I do that?? I dunno but who cares..
OMG I really have to go think about my comment and come back so i don't insult / swear for him.
How can a man belittle the efforts of other hardworking people like that in the name of fast money.
Kai gone are the days when God would just strike people dead. Body for swim for that Nigeria.
He can now open his mouth and act like he works hard, Ole oshi, Lazy man
Pls let me stop, I am just too angry
Gabriel i hope u r very ok with your kids following in ur footsteps of ashewoism.
Hmmmm.
I'll commend Gabriel for being completely honest. It's not easy saying it as it is, knowing a lot of people (many, pretentious) will devour you. That being said, I don't think that sleeping with sugar mommies is the best way to make money, but I am also aware that Nigeria is a tough place. It's not as easy as graduating from school, getting a job, and working hard to be what you wanna be. Naija frustrates people to do things they never wished to do.
I have never slept with a man for money, but then, I have never had to sleep with a man for money. I'd like to say I'll never, ever do it, but one never knows how desperate he/she will get.
I can only hope in God that I never have to make that decision.
Look lets take Religion out of this- to be honest perosnally i think more grease to ur elbow- i see nothing wrong with what u're doing. But u cant compare ur situation with this Eniola babe. Uncle Ted is Eniola's bf's uncle for goodness sake. The fact that she's with a guy who wants to marry her is bad enof. talk less shagging the dude's uncle. now if she was single and folks were bitching- i myself wld have told them to hush up. At least she's collecting range rover and 2 milla for nukie which many of us dash out freely.
So no comparison me dear.
Hmm...on second thots, solomonsydelle, can you link these two people up? I think they fit, so whenever Eniola feels the urge to enjoy her new boyfriend (Gabriel) wont see anything wrong in it even if he finds out cos its not an issue with him. why, she doesnt even need to keep it secret sef - they can plan to get more from the mugu! Which equates them to yahoo people!
The young woman ASKED for our advice and we gave. You on the other hand, are trying to justify your reasons for being a male prostitute. Did any of us ask you not to fuck old women? If say you dey ask for help or advice, na another thing. But you come dey make long epistle about ur lucrative job...hisssssssssssssss....abeg! make we hear word.
and why the hell would you assume that many of us have not been in that situation before? No be naija?
My dear, most women that grew up in Nigeria have been in such situations and many of them have survived without opening nyash.
and you self, fit survive but as you no wan carry cement for head so, ehen, na to open nyash na...
Everybody get choice for life...choices full ground remain...you don make your own choice.
Congrats.
That does not mean its the best or that there are no alternatives. It just means that that is what you think is right for YOU.
As for me, I am sure there are a THOUSAND and one ways of surviving, including house girl job and if person ask me, I go open mouth talk.
And if you self, ask me, I for direct you go carry sand or stone. Construction job dey plenty.
His case is totally different than Aniela's case for the simple matter that ALL the women KNOW they are not in a relationship with him. Like he so cleverly stated, nobody is being harmed/hurt.
If Aniela decides to inform her boyfriend of her choice and he still marries her then all is fair.
Personally, I don't even consider sleeping with different people a problem... or getting money from them the problem either. THERE IS A PROBLEM HOWEVER WHEN IT IS DONE IN DECEIT!! If it's a contract all parties are aware of and willing to partake in, then shoot, do you my friend!
LOL @ Ashewo boy or yahoo boy!
hahahahaa. ahhh, una no go kill me
@FFF---I duff cap for you jare. I like that prayer
LMPAO at nanijoe's comment:
//Gabriel has chosen prostitution as his profession, what's the beef?//
Right. It's his life. Hmmm.
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