TTTEC: FALLING FOR AN ILLUSION

Hey Easier family, how are you all? Today's TTTEC installment is about relationships and I believe that you guys will be helpful in offering advice to this guy, let's call him Folu.

Enjoy.
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My first love was my high school sweetheart, Ajike. We were inseparable and at the time, we both believed that marriage was inevitable.

One holiday, my parents sent me to visit my aunty in the US and soon decided that I should stay here for school. I never knew of my parents plans, and so, although I said good bye to Ajike when I left Nigeria, I always assumed that I would go back to see her. Alas, that would not be.

Well, years went by and while I was in a relationship, all of a sudden I got an email message from Ajike. We soon connected on Facebook and started chatting on a daily basis. It turned out that she was working in Canada and after about 3 months of communicating, I decided I wanted to go visit her. I told my girlfriend I was going to visit some old friends and took off.

The visit was wonderful. All those emotions I had for Ajike came flooding back and when I got back to the US, I broke up with my girlfriend, Cynthia. I just couldn't stay in a relationship with her, knowing that I also had strong feelings for someone else. The breakup was very difficult for both of us, as she kept asking if it was something she did. I couldn't tell her about Ajike, but I did tell her that I needed to take a break to figure some things out. And, like that, my 2 year relationship with Cynthia came to an end.

I went back to Canada to visit Ajike again and this time, I stayed with her. She cooked, she cleaned, and took such great care of me and even though I was unsure of my break up with Cynthia, I quickly believed that the choice was well made and that Cynthia and I would have a wonderful relationship. As we were now boyfriend and girlfriend, I did my part to take care of her and her son (whom she had from a failed relationship) whenever she needed money.

However, things soon turned sour. Right before a planned trip for her to come visit my family and I, she called asking for some money to help a friend of hers. At the time, I didn't have the money due to some unexpected expenses and told her so. She said she understood and soon arrived to visit me. While here, however, she was rude and nasty to my mother, my aunt and other family members. My mother complained about her and when I talked to Ajike she just cried and said my family was picking on her because she had an illegitimate child and because they preferred my ex. I managed to calm the situation before she left, but my mother made it clear in no uncertain terms that if I opted to marry Ajike, she would not give me her permission.

Two weeks later, I flew to Canada to visit her. During those 2 weeks, our conversations were strained and she kept asking for money. Again I didn't have any but told her that when I arrived in Canada, I would take a good look at her finances and help her come up with a suitable budget so she wouldn't run out of money each month. When I finally arrived in Canada, I waited at the airport for 2 hours before Ajike showed up. In the car, she hardly answered any questions and during that weekend, she spent her time at work. I tried to find out what was wrong, but she kept saying "nothing". However, I overheard her talking to her sister and saying that she couldn't wait for me to live. As such, I moved up my flight and left as quickly as possible.

We soon broke up and all I can think of is Cynthia. I truly feel horrible for risking a relationship with a very good woman who treated me with nothing but love and respect. I know she probably would never take me back, but I wonder what if anything I can do just to even apologize for causing her any confusion or pain. Or, should I just let things go and hope for the best in my next relationship?

Thanks for your help.
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