SOFT TOILET PAPER (UPDATED)

COMMENTS HAVE BEEN FIXED OH!

What has a girl got to do to get some cottony soft toilet paper over here?

God bless my Husband but no matter what I do, it appears that he does not understand how important it is for me to have soft, double ply toilet paper. He enjoys going to our local wholesale store to buy the things every family with small children needs in bulk - diapers, wipes, fruits, gallons of milk and sometimes, just sometimes, toilet paper.

Husband bought 36 rolls of toilet paper. They were double ply, alright, but my good Lord! Those things must be industrial grade! The thing was rough like sandpaper.

I woke the man up in the middle of the night in protest when I had to use some! It felt like I was using sand-paper to clean myself! Haba, na wetin! I try not to endorse or mention products at my blogs especially if I am not getting paid for them, but BJ's so called Premium Bath Tissue, which claims to be "Soft & Absorbent" sucks!!!! I have repeatedly warned my wonderful husband not to buy their toilet paper products, but if I don't specify a brand, he just picks up the first thing he sees. And now, I am suffering the consequence!

I woke him up around 1am this morning and complained. Yes, I woke him up. A wife has a right to soft toilet paper. You better believe it. I told him, "I know that you men don't use toilet paper, but you really have to buy me soft toilet rolls. This stuff is unacceptable."

The man opened one eye and asked in slight irritation, "Of course men use tissue paper, what you think we do, wipe our butts with our hands?"

At this point, the image his comment generated in my head cracked me up, but I had to remain serious so as not to dilute my issue. I immediately realized the problem, and the male readers can chip in to correct me if i am wrong. The issue is that men, unlike women, hardly have any soft bits to them (lol!). If they did, they would understand the significance of soft tissue on skin. Men use much less toilet paper than women, and they technically only use it on their butts which (no offense to my male readers) are rough as #&!!. Consequently, men cannot understand the need for soft tissue paper the way women can. I am considering buying my own special toilet paper, but that would be fruitless, because I would have to put it in one bathroom and use that bathroom only. Considering the way my life is, that makes no sense. I guess I could walk around the house with my own special toilet paper and simply take it where I go. I have to think of something or else I am stuck with 36, well, now 35 rolls of coarse, disgusting tissue paper from BJ's and that stuff can last for months!!!!!

UPDATE: Hallelujah! I have purchased double-ply, extra soft tissue paper to keep my 'soft bits' nice and happy.

What's a girl got to do?