Dear Easier Crew:
I am really hoping that you guys can give me some good advise because I really need some help.
I have a great boyfriend. He is very kind and loving. He always makes me a priority and I am very happy. He has met my family and my father is just in love with him.
However, my mother wants me to break up with him.
My mother is convinced that because I am older than my boyfriend, he will not be ready to settle down and get married when I am ready. The difference in age between us is not exceptional but my mother does not care. Now, my boyfriend has never given me reason to worry and in fact, he has never given my mother reason to worry either. He likes my mother and other than the age issue, she likes him as well. I just cannot get her to stop worrying about this age issue and she says this is causing her "heartache". I think that my parents marriage, which like other marriages, is not perfect, is influencing her opinion on this matter.
My family is close knit and my mother's opinion is very important to me. I do not want a situation where we are not talking or she is mad at me as that has never been the case before. However, should I leave him because my mother wants me to? If that were to happen, I know I would be very sad, because my boyfriend has done nothing to force a breakup. He really is a wonderful guy.
What am I going to do? This is really stressing me out and my boyfriend keeps asking me what is wrong but I do not know whether I should tell him or even how. I seriously need some help.
Sincerely,
Do I have to choose?
*******************************
Okay Easier Crew, make una begin yarn....
And when you are through here, please chime in on a serious question presented by Mogaji here.
Um...Padosh is private now? Since when? na wa oh.
41 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
yepa am i first???
WOW i was first lol,
about the advice, i don't know o. Maybe you should talk to him about it, if it's love he shouldn't be scared off by drama...
second! haha this is my month
fourthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
off to read
gosh seriously i hate when parents do this and force you to choose side!!she is not God why will she tell u to end YOUR r/ship
can u get your dad to knock some sense into her?
Go to Dad. If that doesnt work, there are times in our lives that we must leave our parents house (obviously not literarily) and cleave unto our husbands (or potential husbands). If Momma no gree, beg am, if she no gree again, talk to Papa, if she still no gree, I beg cleave unto boyfie. It is well, Love! It is well. As long as one parent is in accord then the other one is easily persuaded. XOXO
your mothers opinion is important
and so is your dad
but where is God in this picture
Temite wetin happen? not FIIIIRRRRSST today?(sticking out my tongue)
Your Dad perhaps, but I think your mother will come around if your boyfriend really loves you and shows that he does. She will get over the age thing if she realises just how happy he makes you and one of the ways he can prove this is by sticking around which cancels out her worries 'newayz. Gosh, mothers and their need to live their unlived lives thru' their daughters. Life is not picture perfect I wonder when they'll get it.
talk to your dad. your mums opinion is important, but she is not the one who is going to live with him.
THis is quite tricky........ as u want to please both parties. I understand ur mum's concern. You need to let her see that age is not an issue in ur relationship. Tell her u understand ur concerns and she could just let u follow ur heart. I think u should talk to ur bf also, not outrightly tell him ur mum doesnt like u, but hear out his opinion on ur age issue.
does he ever think about it? etc
The good thing is that your Dad has no problem with this age issue. His opinion weighs much more than your mom's (that's what I think seeing as he is the head of the home) but that don't mean your mom's counts for nothing o!
What I mean is that you have an ally in him so he can plead your case with your mom.
Again he is your boyfriend and you haven't said anything about getting married- yet. So I'd say maybe you shouldn't worry too much till you get to that bridge.
If everyone is as close as you suggest, I am sure you can all talk and these issues can be resolved amicably. and like others have suggested, he is YOUR bf. if it is not an issue to you, it should not be to anyone else.
my mother did this to me...not cause of the age issue sha....ultmately you don't have to choose...although u your mother loves you no matter what...but listen to her concerns...she is voicing them for a reason...are they valid?
then look to the relationship you have with him and use the relationship you have with God to decide what your answer should be...
my own is: if it aint broke don't fix it!!!
Talk to both ur parents, make them know how unhappy they are making you by forcing you to choose...
you mother, of course. these guys are smarter than we are and have internal antennae which pick up things mere mortals cannot.
having said that, i support kafo in asking where God is in thie quest
If I understand this.. she hasn't really got a problem with your boyfriend.. Or his age..
She just thinks he might not be ready for marriage because of his age..
So the koko of the gist is.. where does guy-man stand on marriage issues with you?
Or you haven't discussed it yet..?
Try to convince them to see what type of person your boyfriend is. Parents can be difficult when it comes to matters of the heart. Pray too.
Goodluck!
Talk to your mother and make her realise how important this relationship is to you, you cannot determine the future and any relationship is a risk. His age is not what will make or break it.
Talk to your dad too..maybe he can fight your coner with your mum and lessen the pressure from her side
Ultimately, its your decision, not hers.
Cry to daddy...that might help!
Once you continue to be with your man and show her he's with you and staying with you...she will come to understand someday. You don't have to choose.
3 things I know:-
1. God gave us parents to guide us and as long as they want what is really good for us (based on God's standards), they cannot give us wrong advice. What they see sitting down, we cannot see on top of a palm tree.
2. Age is nothing but a number.
3. You cannot please everybody.
Give yourself a little more time to evaluate the relationship.
Some questions you could ask yourself
1. Is your boyfriend committed to taking the relationship further?
2. Does he have the means to support you (when the time comes) despite the age difference?
3. Is he concerned about the age difference?
Your mother's concern is more than the age difference. It is how committed he will be when it is time for you to get married. If she thinks your mates are already getting married, then her fears are natural. The only thing that can calm her down is if your boyfriend can show that he is ready for you ie financial readiness and maturity.
And do not forget that there is God whom you could talk to. HE gives wisdom liberally... [From the Bible, James 1:5].
first, pray, pray hard, God will give u directions.
i can understand ur mum's concerns, she (like all mothers) wants the best for u and dont want u to make repeat some of the mistakes they made, forgetting that we have our lives to live.
just be patient with her, talk to her and with time, i guess she will see that u guys love each other and are ready to stick things thru in spite of the age thingy (which is no big deal). who says an older man will make u happier? i know enough old men who know no better than my kid bro!
however, u have to be careful and observant. hope boyfie is on the same frequency with u? i mean, is he talking marriage? and is he talking about getting married to u? u know how some boys can be. it will cost u nothing to be careful and shine ya eyes!
all da best
hmmm dis is kinda difficult but take in to the Lord in prayers. Pray abt it.
hmmm dis is kinda difficult but take in to the Lord in prayers. Pray abt it.
no stress. u dont have to choose. ur mother will come around with time. keep praying. at least every other person in ur family is ok with it. let them join you in bringing mummy over to your side
This is one of the most common issues in relationships- Parents (especially mothers) having to interfere in the choice of the partners of their children. Your mom needs to understand that being your mom does not mean she could decide your future . . . But then being headstrong would only make you and your mom enemies. My advice at the moment is - PRAY and talk things over with your mom. Make her see reason why you would be happy to settle with this guy. You could even discuss this with your dad (if he’s available) or some elderly person in the family that has a good rapport with your mom and would be able to talk to her. If all that fails then . . . In short, let’s stay positive here.
in fact, i no know wetin to talk. can't imagine myself n dis sort of situation. i know once my mom was so against someone, cos he isn't Igbo. i was really upset with her, cos i felt she ddnt have a concrete reason. anyways, long story short, dude showed his true colours!
sometimes, parents r wrong. sometimes, they r right. or maybe they turn right, not exactly 4 d same reason as they were opposing a union. but i dunno. it's really all up 2 her. one thing i knew i wasn't ever going to do was marry against my mom's wishes. cos i saw d way my dad's pple treated her wen she got separated from my dad. it was her family dat stood up 4 her. dat just showed me dat no matter what, i will not be swayed by 'love' & end up with a man my family disapprove of.
Your mum has genuine concerns cos for people of her age, dating a younger man is a NO NO but then age ain't nothing but a number really
Do you see the guy wanting to take the relationship further at the right time? Do you see him being able to meet both your needs? If yes, then relax and put it in God's hands.
Try and talk to your mum about it, tell her why you want to be with this guy and maybe talk to your dad so you guys can resolve the issue.
It's important for you to know where the guy stands because there's no point going through an emotional drama if he is just going to be a boyfriend!
Lastly, i'd like to say you don't honestly have to share every detail about your partner to your parents, what they don't know won't hurt them, so long as it is not against the will of God and not something that'll hurt you in the future
If you have a relationship with God, go to him about it, He's interested in the minutest details of our life! All the best!
Just stopped by to show some love since i have been MIA for soo long. I miss reading your posts. How are you and your family doing. I TRUST THAT ALL IS WELL WITH U. X X
ok now heres my comment......
I know the feeling sooooo well. Our parents can be very overprotective. Mums and sometimes dad's will always find a fault with whoever you bring home because no guy will ever be perfect enuff for her baby girl. But if you feel very strongly about this guy then you need to have a heart to heart with your mum and let her know how much this is upsetting you. If that fails get your dad involved. And if ur mum's feeling remain the same then you have to do some serious soul searching, build up some courage and let your mum understand that you have made your choice and are prepared to stick to it no matter what. It aint easy but its got to be done. All the best. x x x
Just stopped by to show some love since i have been MIA for soo long. I miss reading your posts. How are you and your family doing. I TRUST THAT ALL IS WELL WITH U. X X
ok now heres my comment......
I know the feeling sooooo well. Our parents can be very overprotective. Mums and sometimes dad's will always find a fault with whoever you bring home because no guy will ever be perfect enuff for her baby girl. But if you feel very strongly about this guy then you need to have a heart to heart with your mum and let her know how much this is upsetting you. If that fails get your dad involved. And if ur mum's feeling remain the same then you have to do some serious soul searching, build up some courage and let your mum understand that you have made your choice and are prepared to stick to it no matter what. It aint easy but its got to be done. All the best. x x x
Mehn....RocNaija always seems to know what's on my mind..maybe we should d deal on blogsville eh Rockie? what do u say? lol.
Ok, bt really have you and boyfie discussed marriage yet?? and parents always have that intuition, so u should weigh her two cents with a pinch of salt ( I had to give my own spin on the joint, buit u catch my drift se?)
I think time will sort this one out. Not going to tell you to brush your mom off, or to break up with your BF. But with time, she will either warm up to the idea or she will not and you both will have a clearer understanding of what is at stake and whether or not to break up on account of that. Above all, pray.
Congrats to you ms wordsmith!! :)
To the matter at hand, I think mothers have an "idea of whom their daughters should marry". I had somewhat a similar issue with my mother. In retrospect, I think I dated a lot of guys that were not me because in the back of my mind I had this image of the guy I was "supposed to be with". And of course, he was to be older because my mom thinks I am very "mature" and only an older guy will be rather suited.
The problem with this is that, despite them having the best intentions, they are not the ones in the relationship and they don't know how you feel or what's going on.
My mother was not an early supporter of my fiance not at all. He just seemed too young (he's about a year older than I am), too "immature" for her girl.
It turns out once I made up my mind, she could only follow what I had decided. We never really disccussed it again (after her initial reticence) and I just put her in front of the facts that it was happening.
You can avoid having that particular convo with your mom until it's really needed. Once he proposes or something along those lines. He's just your boyfriend so she shouldn't trip too much about it now. When you guys decide to move forward, you will have to let her understand that it is your decision. Normally, she shouldn't give you too much grief over it.
Good Luck!
I BELIEVE YOU SHOULD LET YOUR MUMC KNOW YOUR STAND AND DON'T ARGUE WITH HER. LET HER SEE REASONS WITH YOU. WORDS CAN GO A LONG WAY TO CHANGE INDIVIDUAL PERSPECTIVES DEPENDS ON HOW WE PRESENT OUR THOUGHTS. TRY IT, WITH TIME SHE WILL SUCCUMB. PRESENTLY, I CANT MARRY THE PERSON I LIKE BECAUSE OF TRIBE STUFF BUT I AM STILL AT THE PERSUADING STAGE. I BELIEVE I WILL SCALE THROUGH AND YOU WILL TOO,JUST BELIEVE! GOOD LUCK
What has not been said already? - God, talk things out, try talking with your dad etc etc: which I 100% agree with.
But I hate to confuse you the more however, what if your mom is right? She might very well be using the age thing to masquerade a gut feeling that there is somethin about this nice dude just aint right... You know they say, mummy radar is powerful? And I hope for your sake that she is not. PRAY HARD girl!
Aww, why do parents do this? I was just on the phone to a friend who's just broken up with her man cos her mum doesn't approve for no good reason.
I think if she loves her man, not too fussed about getting married soonest then she should make her mum see reasons. If he mum would still rather kick up a storm then she should carry on seeing her man. Her mum would back down at some point.
And yes o Padosh don bounce me o. I no fit read her blog no more.
i agree with Rita's point. meanwhile have u and ur boyfriend discussed marriage or the future at least? would be good for u to know if u two are on the same page or not
u know why i cant even say anything about this? cuz i'm afraid i'm going to have to face this same issue soon!
story for another post.
that said, if there is no other issue besides ur mum's hesitance about his age, and she even likes him, i dont see why u shld break up o.
(sigh) i have a close friend who's going through a similar situation. all i can say is just keep trying to convince you mama. afterall, she does love you and wants the best for you. talk to your bf too.
Maybe your mom has a more concrete reason for discouraging the relationship that she's not disclosing to you, like her mother's intuition is telling her that in the long run this guy will waste your time. You should talk to your mom and find out if there's something more to her discouraging the relationship. At the end of the day, most mothers want the best for their children and you should know that your mom is objecting now because she believes that's the best for you.
Hiss!!!!! You've been served!
im so vexed, i thought iclinched the number one spot....
oh well
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