A HAPPY WIFE = A HAPPY EXISTENCE

The garage door stalled as it struggled to rise.

He sighed in absolute frustration. "I need to get this fixed!" He muttered under his breath and remembered his wife's constant complaints about the same uncooperative garage door. He swore to fix it without her knowledge.

"Finally!"

The garage door opened and he slid his Detroit built automobile next to his wife's import.

He entered his house, relieved to be in the warm home, inhaling the spicy aromas that came from the kitchen. He willed his noisy tummy to calm down.

"Hey baby," he said to his wife who was typing furiously at her computer and planted a kiss on her.

She smiled and asked him how his day went, but before he could answer, she said, "Husband, take a look at this."

He looked at the computer screen and listened to her explain that it was time to buy a new computer desk and hutch. She then showed him a ladder-style bookshelf and insisted it would be a perfect addition to their living room.

He rubbed his eyes, and noted that his heart was racing and his palms were getting sweaty. He thought aloud, "Okay, I can do this."

"What?" she asked.

"After all, I have been married for 5 years and my wife has never bombarded the house with stuff. My friends complain about this all the time, but I never have. So, I can do this," he continued, speaking entirely to himself.

"What are you talking about?" She asked him, puzzled. "Sweetie, are you okay?"

"I am alright, darling. I'm just talking myself through this."

She sucked her teeth in the way he had come to learn that Nigerian wives do from Nollywood movies and from watching his mother-in-law in action. Her Nigerian accent deepened as she said, "Haba, stop exaggerating, it's not as if I am buying the store. It's just 2 items, we need them and..."

"You want them. Fine. What is my role in this, dear?"

His wife smiled and laughed. Then, she said, "The credit card dear."

He pulled it out, handed it dutifully to his wife and said, "If it will make you happy, please get whatever you want."

His wife took the credit card, gave him a kiss, told him dinner would be on the table in 10 minutes and returned to her online furniture purchasing.

He walked up the stairs to his room, repeating a simple phrase over and over to himself.

"A happy wife means a happy existence."


AFTERWORD: I plead the fifth, the same way I did after "Saturday Morning". However, I will add the following just in case. My husband and I buy large ticket items with a specific credit card. I am married to a a man who believes less is more and prefers to only spend on what is necessary. I live in a house that I have been decorating for 3 years. Also, I chose to not respond to the message I wrote about in the last TTTEC installment. Thank you all for your advice and for understanding my annoyance. And, Sting has set up a Nigerian Bloggers Award blog that will definitely be exciting. Please swing by and support the cause. Can you believe she didn't even put up any of my blogs on the list of Naija blogs. Tsk, tsk...