Hey everyone, this is the very first TTTEC of 2009. Hope you are ready to provide some good advice.
Easier Crew:
The last time my mom was in town, she dragged me to a Nigerian church. I had to go because I hadn't been to church in a long time and well, I was tired of her nagging.
Anyway, at the church, we met this lady who apparently is the sister of one of my mom's 'owambe' (party/society) friends in Lagos. Once the lady found out that I was a gynecologist, she was quick to ask for my contact information. My mother, of course, gave it to her.
The lady from the church (let us call her Mrs. N.) called me recently. She told me she is pregnant and would like to get a medical check up. She also told me some long story on the phone about how she is short on cash and cannot afford a regular OB/GYN. She then asked me for advice on how to get Medicare to pay for all her pregnancy related bills.
Now, mind you, when I saw this lady, her husband and her were rolling in a Mercedes Benz GL320 truck, I believe. The reason why I remembered their car is because I thought it was so beautiful. However, I am a new doctor and with student loans to pay back, I will probably never be able to afford that car. Additionally, she was walking around church flaunting her Louis Vuitton bag, fancy gele (headdress) and nice clothes.
I am shocked that such a flashy woman would start asking my advice on how to cheat her way into getting free pregnancy services. I asked her how far along she was and she told me 4 months. She also told me her husband owns a business and that they have medical insurance, but her family members have used Medicare in the past to pay for their medical expenses and they want her to do the same. Why can they not just do things like everyone else? Use their money to cover whatever medical insurance does not cover? After all, they look like they can afford it.
I told Mrs. N that I would ask around and get back to her with answers, but the truth is, I am disgusted and there is no way I can 'help' her. Why would this woman want to involve me in her scheme? How do I tell her the next time we talk that I cannot help her? I just want to scream at her everytime she calls for an update and I can only tell her I am busy. She calls all the time and at all hours with little regard for my busy schedule. And to imagine, my mother is also encouraging me to find a way to help her!
I am a simple person, but I cannot stand someone who lives their life flashily trying to rip off the system and somehow drag me into their irresponsible and very illegal behavior. Please tell me how to get this woman off my back. Also, how can I explain to my mother that I just cannot help this woman in defrauding Medicare? My mother feels like it would be embarrassing if I am of no help because she has promised Mrs. N's sister that I will surely help the lady out. And, believe me, I have one of those mothers that can never take 'No' for an answer. But, I do not want to compromise my principles.
Please help me,
Conflicted Doctor
PS: For those that don't know, MEDICARE is a government run program in the US that helps cover medical expenses for those that are below certain income levels and meet other specific criteria. From what 'Conflicted Doctor' has said, Mrs. N. would not ordinarily qualify for Medicare and hence she is trying to get 'Conflicted Doctor' to help her. Okay, just wanted to clarify that for anyone that couldn't follow.
So, fire away....
44 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
Our naija people sha....I think the conflicted doctor should put her foot down and pretend not to be experienced enough to be able to help. If not, they'll soon turn her into a provider of illegal services for people who have little morals and who have their priorities upside down. These types of people are the reason why Nigeria is so messed up.
@Conflicted Doctor - You absolutely cannot HELP her at all even of she weerent rich and flashy. You took an oath remember. Hust tell your Moms that you took an oath of office and it will not be good for your career if you were caught and the Americans DONT play with FRAUD especially if you are of NIGERIAN descent. SO if your moms and this aunty agbaya dont want you to lose ya job then they should seize and destist...or something like that. Seriously people like this are the one giving us all awful reputations in this country. GEEZ. Temite walks out slightly irritated. just slightly tho.
Babe you have to stand by your principle. Trust me if u get caught, thee woman and her husband aint even gonna look at you twice. She's looking out for her self(save money and buy more LV perhaps), i suggest you look out for yourself too.
Iya Bomboy! How are you hon? E ku weekend o.
I no know for this Naija woman o. She's one of the people that would make Oprah say that all Nigerians are fraudulent, or was it corrupt she said.
Anyways, Conflicted Doctor, two things:
1. Sit your mother down, and explain to her all the repercursions of getting caught for doing something like that. You know, scare her a little.
2. If your mum is still around, arrange for lunch or something with this woman and your momma, and give to her straight, nicely tho - cos I know how Nigerians are with making everything you say against their logic sound rude. But basically, explain to her that as much as you feel for her and all that BS she's talking about, you cannot have anything to do with her 'schemes'. It's a very bold thing to do, but that's why I'm saying you should have your Mom (or someone older) there for moral support.
All the best o, but do everything possible to get yourself out of this.
Madame Doc
Do not help her, your principles, job and intergrity are far more important than "helping" this woman. Tell it to her straight, no beating about the bush in these situations.
Tell your mother that you cannot help as its beyond your own means.
Hope you don't compromise your stand on this. Goodluck
DO NOT HELP HER! i am infact disgusted already. there are lots of people out there of course who am sure need this medicare more than her and here she is trying to get it for her self. fact is she is not defrauding the government, she's stealing from a poor person somewhere who would not get it.
dr should talk to her mother, explain to her, her point of view of the whole thing,whoever said her mom had to understand, she just has to know that her daughter isnt going to do it and she would have to tell her friend, that its not happening.
she doesnt owe the woman any explanation, all she needs do is refer her back to her mother, afterall she was the one who brought them together in the first place. let the mother do the explaining.
condoc. pls pls pls and pls dnt compromise ur stand. wht rubbish!eyan buruku lo ba eyan rere je.(na bad pple dey spoil good pple's image)
I am inclined to go with Isha! If you are however uncomfortable with going that way for whatever reasons... simply sit your mom down and explain to her why you will NEVER help that woman with her schemes. Tell your mom this as respectfully as possible, massage her ego by telling her she has raised a highly principled and worthy daughter.
Then call the woman and tell her it is not as if you don't want to help oh but you can't because you have neither the links nor the authority to do so. Besides you may lose your job if you keep asking around about such things...
You need to close this quickly and stop posting the woman oh or she'll keep on calling you at odd hours.
Don't be afraid to stand by what you believe.
If i were you though I would've told the woman off ONE TIME! My mother knows me, she'll understand.
conflicted doc, just tell her in the politest way possible that u have asked around and there is no way u can help her. also tell her that even if the way exists, u are a new resident and there is no way the system can allow u 2 do it as u r not an attending . end of story
in this case u have to be tactful esp with ur mom involved.
God i hate ppl like this...they are so led by greed, unbelievable.
Tell this woman that you CANNOT help her in anyway shape or form. She obviously lacks morals and will drop you in it if you get found out...you have a lot to lose, she on the other hand is here only to gain. If you help HER...think PANDORA'S box...you will get sucked in for EVER.
Bottom line, you owe her nothing so tell her to vamoose!
thanks for expalining the medicare thingy cuz i didn't know hat it was
Anyway i thing Dr should absolutely NOT help this woman. becasue once she does no doubt word will go round that she did it for the woman and then others will follow suuit and it will be much harder to say no.
I think its just best to explain to ur mum in the best way you can and also tell the lady that you will not be able to help her
don't get pressured into what you feel is wrong
Hmmm I suggest that Conflicted Doctor tells this woman that she can't help this woman...typical of us African people wanting to cheat our way through the system, and its usually the ones who can afford it too...smh in shame...tut, tut...
Nway howz my lil nephew Bomboy???
i concur with bumight. my first reaction would have been tell her off but i think u shld just call her and tell her u have asked around and there is nothing you can do. this is the time to be affirmative...whatever she says keep repeating the same thing to her "madam, i am sorry, i am a new resident and there is little the system will allow me to do" if she goes can you ask your colleagues...repeat the same answer and stick with it..cuz once u change ur answer she will find something to ask again. this woman is annoying me sef.
if she persists pls stop picking her calls...
also pls tell your momma somehow that there is nothing u can do and that she should pls stop referring you to fradulent people as you have your career at stake. Ask her if she want to see her darling daughter in jail.
I hate opportunists!!! but oh well they always come by... anyway... be straight!!! tell her you cannot help her! thats the easiest n honest thing you can do period! Your mom is not you... we love our mothers bless them!
Dear Conflicted Doctor, there is nothing to be worried about. Firstly, let your Mom, know the legal implications of perfecting Mrs. N's request. No Mother would let any friend of hers come between her and any child of hers!
After you have cleared yourself with your Mummy, Mrs. N is the next. When next Mrs. N calls tell her in the most "diplomatic" way you can that you are not a fraudulent Doctor! If that would strain the relationship she has with your Mom, then so be it!
It is people like Mrs. N that go about spoiling our country Nigeria. Please don't feel bad about your actions.
Conflicted Doctor,
My tip, don't wait for her next call. Call her and tell her straight to her hearing that there is no way you could be of help.
You will waste your precious time if you try to give reasons, as such people will always have something to say back.
Also, you want her out of your life. As a typical 'owambe' 9ja woman, she will feel offended and temporarily avoid talking to you until her next big request.
You could also tell your mum the trouble her request would bring.
Good on you. Its a shame CNN will not carry this piece of news.
Have a nice w/end
im so proud of conflicted doctor as she's not willing to participate in such scams.. gosh, reasons i hate going to a Nigerian church.... Tell ur mum she will have to either help her child out or the woman and to help her child out, she'd do as u say. Tell her the risks involved for u if found out, which u should say is very very possible and im sure she doesnt want u to lose the license
Then politely tell the woman that uve asked around and since ur recently graduated, u dont know much about it and u cant help her......
Good luck
Mrs N shuldnt b HELPED AT ALL FOR NO REASON, if she can flaunt her L.V bag n all she shuld b able to pay her medicals. Y must nigerians always think abt cheating d system? cant anything b done legit?
Ehn ehn? But she can buy LV abi? Na yam abi na beans? Pls tell her to go and sell 2 tires off her Mercedes. Ole woman! I'm proud of you jare eniyan gidi...
On a more serious note tho, I absolutel agree with Jide Salu. Plus if she doesn't stop bugging you, just don't pick up her calls anymore. Make sure you make your mom understand the consequences. Good luck!
"Sometimes it's hard to face the truth, so we run" - Ruben Studdard.
Just face it and deal with it. Let her know your stance on this issue. Stop hiding. Stop running.
These are lessons from my past.Hope it helps.
Hi.
Mrs. N is one of those people who would rather spend their monies on luxury and want to rip off others. dont compromise at all
Haba!
Tell her to ask around because you paid for yours!
I am at full par with Nefertiti on this:
tell her to sell her LV and tyres of their "machine" then do the legit thing.
ok, not in those exact words, but next time she calls, tell her u have asked around and cant help, end of story (except u r ready to be quackie naija doc to another 50 naijas? no i didnt think so too).
tell mommy, u cant do it, as polite as u can, she wont force u, she'll only beef u for a while and get over it.
Conflicted Doc,
Just tell them you can't do it. They will both understand[perhaps not immediately] and they will never ask you for such favors again in the future.
If it were me, I would start screening her calls till she gets the message. When my mother asks me about it I'll say I'm usually very busy when she calls and when I called she didn't answer.... something along that lines. I KNOW that is not the right way to handle this situation but I cannot lie, That is EXACTLY what I would have done.
i have no advice
i really don't
i'm sorry
i mean if u don't help her then the whole naija community will be up in your grill and that is enough to make mii hibernate till summer
so do want will make it possible for u to sleep easy at night
you will just have to be true to yourself and tell her you dont have any information for her...period, you dont owe her jack...you can tell your mum you found no way around it either so the woman can go back to her relatives who've done it in the past and ask them for the information...
Absolutely ridiculous foolishness. Conflicted Doctor, this time you gosta say NO to your mother, try and make her see reason and if she refuses to, guilt trip her and let her know that it is against the medical code of ethics for you to assist in such rubbish. As for the woman, I would straight up tell her that aunty sorry o, I couldn't find a solution and after that if she chooses to blow up my phone, na her own wahala 'cos I'm straight going to be screening calls from then on. Shuooo...
I did not read the rest of the comments, so hope I aint repeating same thing.
Do you want to lose your license? Thats all you need to tell your mom. For the woman, just tell her, no you can not help her. Use the silent ringtone for her, so you'll never know when she is calling. Do not go to that church, ever again. After she has called like 10 times, she will get the message.
Mehn, I am probably more pissed off than you sef. Thats how this woman was getting free housing, upon making 80k per year. What is wrong with all these church-going idiots? They make me sick.
Please Just tell the woman that you just started out and haven't heard about the ways to "help" her. If she is still pushy, talk to your mum and tell her the reasons why you cant and her in turn can tell the woman. I know you said Mumsi is one of those women who dont take no for an answer but, remind her that you stand to lose you license if caught and she wont be able to come here on vacay nomore. Hope this helps..:)
Conflicted Doctor,
I know it's hard to say no, especially to persistent people...but that's all you can do. Just tell her...or even text her if you must...and tell her your a new doctor and can't help her in that regard. I promise you, if you help her this time, she will be back for more help in the future. It's a shame how people misuse medicare and other forms of government assistance. I have college friends who get food stamps and stuff when they dont need em....Anyhoo, just toughen up and say NO!
there's nothin like mum doesn't take no for an answer in this matter...tell ur mum a big no way and she will in turn pass the "no" to her friend...
This na problem? I think say na serious matter self.
Oh, i forgot the advice wey i be wan give.
You just need to summon courage and make that phone call. No need to explain anything, just keep saying "I really wish I could help but I can't" and then wish her "good luck". Finish. Don't make a big deal out of it cos you are stressing yourself for shit that aint yours.
thats my naija for you. We are ready to flaunt the latest, be it original or shako mended, yet behind closed doors, we are eager to cut corners. Since you have decided on what to do, tell the lady you are still new to the business and dont know how to cut corners yet. If your mom insist as she may, tell her if she knows what to do, she should inform her friend. Your mom may not understand why you dont wanna help her friend. Of course, there may be talk of you being westernized for not trying to help, but then again, thats by the way
Dear Conflicted Doctor,
If I were the one, I would duly parrot the Post-Script of your post to the lady as a reminder.
Perhaps you may also want to make photostats for your mother... what do u think?
daz aiding & abetting crime! i think d doctor should stand her ground. d sooner she states dat, d better. so everyone will just rest. i know how to stand my ground wit my mom oh. dat one no dey even hard me.
Easy.. tell her U wish U could, but U just can't..
First of all, where are the priorities!!!! Health insurance should have been the top 10 things to get since her hubby is a business man...Oh come on, there are plenty of cheap/reasonable insurance plans that they can afford. Again, their priorities are jacked up!!!
ur license is on the line. if govt find out, she'll be quick to say, "it was an OBGYN doctor that advised me to do it" or next thing she'll want free full treatment/consultation. next thing she'll refer ppl to u for free consulting. u wasted time small sha, cos right then and there i'd have said no not happening.
honestly, i really do not care how she takes it. if its against ur principle/integrity/insert any big oyinbo here do not do it. it already sounds like its against what u stand for. just simply call her and without sugar coating, tell her u cant do it. or u dont kno how to get around the various medicare fraud filters.
What is so difficult about telling the woman that you cannot help her and telling your mom the same?
The longer you draw out telling her no or whatever excuse you give her, the more you open the door for her and her friends to come and ask you for more BS advice like this. As soon as you heard that, what you should have done was say, "ah madam, no o, I no fit." At this point this answer would still be valid, I wouldn't even do the I wish I could bit, because you're giving her an open door to ask for similar stuff.
As per your mother, tell her to mind herself o, that she wants all the hard work you put into school to pafuka because of ole? Tufiakwa, it can never be your portion! Seriously at this point, you're an adult, and you should be able to tell momsie why you cannot help, she cannot twist your arm, you're a grown ass woman with bills to pay.
Upon the church you met her in, she still wants to thief, gba kwo oku! Fake ass christians.
Dear conflicted Doctor,
this one is actually very easy: JUST SAY NO, I can’t help. Trust me, she’ll move on and look for the next person that’s willing to do the paper work.
She really can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.
Think about all the residency hours, patient hours and even the time you don’t have to have conflicted thoughts about this woman…look at it this way, she’s just pregnant! Not like she has a terminal disease or something, right?
Dee
p.s.
I think it's MEDICAID that Nigerians use for this nonsense, not Medicare.
Medicare is the Govt health insurance that is used for Seniors citizens (65 years and above) and people with disabilities. Medicaid is the insurance for defined low income individuals that meet certain criteria
Hi Conflicted Doctor, I believe u know what to do already..opportunists such as this woman shud be put in their place..
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