Friday, November 28, 2008

TTTEC: UNGODLY ADDICTION PT. 2 UPDATED

First off, I must apologize for failing to respond to any comments from the last post. I have been busy with, amongst many things, talking with our reader from last week, Alice.

If you are not familiar with Alice's story, please read here. There is an easy link in that post to return to this post.

Alice has agreed to share some updates about their situation.

****************
Using the advice you gave me, I was able to have a discussion with my husband about the pictures I found on his computer. It was the most terrifying discussion I have ever had in my life and I know that I will never be the same. I asked my husband to tell me the truth about those photos and he didn't get upset, like you predicted. Instead, he burst into tears and was genuinely in pain for disappointing me and turning to those pictures for satisfaction. He almost seemed relieved to confess his addiction.

It was a very long conversation and he told me many things about his childhood that I never would have imagined. I find it hard to believe that such a thing could happen, but my husband has been the victim of sexual abuse.

Now I know that he was very young, around 6 or 7 years of age, the houseboy used to touch his private parts. It never went any further from there because the boy soon left the house. Unfortunately, things did not end for my husband there. Coming from a family of devout Catholics, he was very active in his church and was also victimized by a Priest. I heard about the scandal in the American Catholic churches when such allegations were made about the Priests, but I never ever thought such a thing was possible in Nigeria, and especially not in the Nigeria my husband and I were raised in. But, I guess I was wrong.

He swore to me that he has never touched a child and he has no idea where the idea to look at pictures of them came from. He deleted all of them in my presence and promised to not return to that behavior. My husband and I were up all night. When we could not find words, we cried instead.

I did not go to work the next day, as I was too tired to function and I needed time to myself. However, the more I thought about things, the more scared I became. What is going to happen to my marriage? I am very uncomfortable with change and worry that this new information has changed me forever and will change my marriage. Knowing that my husband did things with his Priest is very troubling and even disgusting to think about. I know he was a young boy and so was taken advantage of, but I asked him if he enjoyed any of it and although he said no, I know he was lying.

I do not know what the next step should be and I have no one to talk to. Please, what do you think I should do? Now that I know these things, my feelings are all over the place. I just wish things could go back to the way they were.
***********************

MY THOUGHTS
Many of us on bloNGville, have, over the years, read the testimony of many fellow bloggers who were molested by househelps, drivers, uncles, teachers and ever strangers. This issue should not be new to us anymore. I have congratulated Alice for talking to her husband, but what the message above does not share is that Alice is not sure whether she can stay in her marriage. She now feels that she no longer knows her husband.

What are your thoughts? I know this matter is very heavy, but she has no one to talk to.

UPDATE: Alice just informed me that her husband refuses to get counseling of any kind. He does not want to go to his Church or any other specialist.

Also, if you have an issue that you need to get off your chest and want either the Easier Crew or myself to help you with, please send an email using WWW.KONTACTR.COM/SOLOMONSYDELLE and we will try to do our best to be of some help to you.

See you guys on Monday for tales about the boys and the young girls who already need some advise and help from the Senior Babe Network!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

I hope that my American readers, who celebrated, had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day.

Give thanks!

MySpaceAnimations.com
MySpaceAnimations.com

Monday, November 24, 2008

NIGERIANS GAVE MY HUSBAND A HEADACHE!

When Nigerians get together, there is bound to be a sharp increase in the noise levels. I'm not sure why that is the case, but Nigerians, no matter their tribe or religion, are a very vibrant people so, our speech is extremely colorful and the conversations tend to be loud.

In contrast, Dominicans (from the Commonwealth of Dominica), are a more quiet bunch. They have lively conversations like anyone else, especially about cricket and politics, but their discussions, in general, do not reach the decibel levels of the average Nigerian 'shouting match'-posing as a conversation. I think because there are only about 70,000 of them on their island, versus the approximately 140 million Nigerians living in Nigeria, Dominicans just don't feel the need to talk as loudly as we Nigerians in order to be heard.

Anyway, that little preamble should help give you some context as I gist you over this weekend's events. On Saturday evening, a group of friends came over to hang out, eat and be merry. The kids ran around at break neck speed, taking very few breaks to catch a breath. The men huddled in front of the television set, downing Heineken beers while lamenting over the U.S. economy. We ladies, gathered in kitchen sipping delicious Pomegranate Martinis, Smirnoff Ice and Riesling, while I cooked.

When the food was ready, everyone made their way to the kitchen where we ate, fed various children and cracked jokes about everything under the sun. And then, it happened, the Nigerian folks (all 4 of us) began to yarn about Nigeria and the opportunities back home. In fact, it all started when I shared that my cousins in Nigeria chided me for asserting that my dream car is a Mercedes Benz GL 450. My cousins laughed at me and told me to aspire for more, since GL 450s are as popular as okada in Lagos! So, the melee began. A group of Nigerians talking shouting at each other to get their points across, drinking, laughing, shouting some more and talking about the price of land and houses. During this exciting conversation, my Husband (God bless his heart) somehow slipped out of the kitchen and made his way to the relative quiet of the kid's playroom, downstairs.

Guests started asking, "Where is your husband?" I, in turn, asked TE (she isn't The Enforcer for nothing!) and she informed us all that her father "went downstairs for some peace and quiet!" Well, once our guests had later made their way to the respective homes, I asked Husband why he disappeared, and was told that the Nigerian dialogue gave him "a headache." And, accused me of being the chief noise maker. =)
http://www.theophostic.com/uploads/media/Man%20with%20a%20headache%20uid.jpg
What headache? Now, mind you, my hubby has been to Nigeria, has a good amount of Nigerian friends, is married to a self-confessed loud Nigerians (um, yeah, me) and has loud children who have been diagnosed by all that know them to be more Nigerian than Dominican due to their ability, since birth, to shout like Nigerians and move with the smooth swagger that is Naija!

So, where is this headache complaint coming from? lol!


I guess I never looked at it from the outside but when I think about it, I can understand why a non-Nigerian would think we Nigerians were nuts. My old housemate in law school, a Malawian, always asked why we Nigerians talked to each other as if we were mortal enemies fighting each other. We don't do it with non-Nigerians, but when you get us Nigerians together, our general mode of conversation can be considered very combative even though we are all extremely friendly and are simply having a good time. My husband told me that he likes all the friends we had over, which I know he does, but he couldn't handle the decibels and so he went downstairs to listen to some smooth reggae.

Na wa oh! I told him he had been naughty. I am still tickled that even after all these years of marriage to a Nigerian, my poor husband still cannot handle the noise levels. But now, I am on a quest to Naija-sensitize my husband without overdoing it. lol! Any tips?

And congrats to all the winners of the MTV Africa awards in Abuja over the weekend.

When are we bloggers going to have our own glitzy awards? When we do, please give my husband a Nigerian-loudness-induced-headache award. lol. He'd deserve it. =P

Friday, November 21, 2008

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW: UNGODLY ADDICTION

Hey, Easier family. This week's issue is quite heavy. It involves a sensitive subject and although I have expressed my own concerns and suggestions to the reader, it is your turn to chime in. Please give this reader your advice, suggestions and support. She is going through a very difficult time.

***************
My husband and I have been married for 6 years and we have a 2 year old daughter. Recently, I used my husband's computer and discovered that he has a dark secret.

While using his computer, I came upon some funny pictures of very young children. Many of them were naked and most of them were boys. I do not know why my husband would have such photographs on the home computer, but there are many of them and I am very confused. We have had a good marriage and I always thought we were a happy family. We are devout Christians and play leadership roles in our church. Why is this happening?

What am I supposed to do? I have no one to talk to and I cannot tell anyone I know about this because of the shame and embarassment it would bring to our family. I know he would never do anything to harm our daughter, but I do not feel comfortable leaving him with her anymore.

Please, help me.
*****************

I shall repeat my general stance on child pornography so that there is no confusion. As child pornography is a crime, I believe that people who partake in that vice should spend their time in jail. Now, I know that this reader is loathe to turn her husband in to the cops, but, unless she is willing to confront him (which she refuses to do) and help him change his ways (if possible), I do not see what other options there are.

The reader (let's call her Alice) is unsure whether to leave her husband over this issue. I have encouraged her to make a quick decision about what she is going to do, not just for herself and her daughter, but for any future children that could be victims. This is a serious issue, so please tread gently as you offer your opinions.

Thanks and God bless.


UPDATE: Based on the comments below, it appears that a few have used "pedophilia" to describe Alice's husband's 'condition'. I just have to remind us all that there is no evidence of pedophilia. Alice only found pictures of young boys on the computer.

UPDATE 2: There is now more information on this situation and can be found here.

Monday, November 17, 2008

A WEEKEND FULL OF LOVING!

Yes, I had a wonderful weekend, my people. The weather was crappy, so the family stayed in and did what families do - play, watch cartoons, eat lots of food (because I did a lot of cooking), break up fights between the boys (yes, TE and Bomboy don dey fight oh!) and get loads of rest.

Oh, and I got lots of kisses from everyone. The kids kept giving me kisses. Hubby kept giving me kisses. I felt really loved oh! You would have thought it was my birthday or something. lol! That is what I call "jollof rice induced - loving", it is when your family is filed with good food and they have no choice but to shower you with affection and do everything you want. ladies, take a cue! hahahaha

Anyway, there was only one sour spot this weekend. Well, maybe 2 but one was less sour than the other. For one thing, I didn't get to go watch Quantum of Solace as originally planned. What with all the love I was receiving, it was hard to leave the comfort of my warm home and head out in the rain even though I do love my friends.

Secondly, and by far the most important sour spot of them all, was the treatment I received from Officer Bomboy. Oh, yes, he gave me loads of kisses and hugs all weekend, but all that stopped when he got upset, which was often. right now, you are asking yourself, "What could make that sweet baby with the dimpled smile upset?"

The answer is - WHENEVER BOMBOY SAW MY HUSBAND COME NEXT TO ME.

And since it was a "jollof rice loving" filled weekend, that was often, oh!

My people, see me see trouble. You know Bomboy got the 'Officer' part of his name because in the past he started 'blocking' his father's access to me. That was in february, but over time, the Officer focused on other things and Husband and I were no longer under his watchful gaze. But, this weekend, the Officer was in full force. If Husband came to give me a hug, Bomboy would run up to us and spank only me. Wonderinf why I was the only one getting spanked, even though it was his father that came near me, my hubby responded that the boy was trying to "protect my chastity."

LAWL!!!!!!

As a mother of 3 children that has been married for almost 5 years, I have to say my chastity went missing *ahem, ahem* some time ago. lol! But its kind of cute, emphasis on "kind of" that my baby wants to protect it.

Anyway, Bomboy's 'blocking' stunts did not stop there. He'd be in the living room playing with his siblings and when he heard hubby and I laughing in th kitchen, the bobo would sprint, Usain Bolt style, into the kitchen and shout "NNNNNAAAAH!!!" at us, grab my pants and drag me out of the kitchen so he could keep an eye on me! No joke!!!!

His father gave me a kiss while the kids were sitting at the table and you should have seen the evil eye Bomboy gave me from his high chair. I swear, if he could jump out of that high chair, he would have dunked on my head! The boy was so angry! His older sister and brother just thought hubby and I were silly. They only said, "Mommy, Daddy, stop kissing!", but Officer Bomboy, na wex wey im take vex! I think his father got some satisfaction out of making Bomboy upset because after a point, it seemed as if he just wanted totaunt the little boy by coming close to me repeatedly!

lol!

Anyway, that was my jollof-rice loving weekedn oh. And, I am still trying to get Bomboy to not be angry with me. I will give him some rice, I know he likes that, maybe then he will stop gicing me the evil eye. Silly little boy!

Friday, November 14, 2008

CAPITALISM...AT ITS WORST?

So, some people believe that it is a good thing to not only make money off of infidelity and adultery, but to encourage cheating.

This is NSFW!



Um, really? I'm trying to wrap my head around this...

What do you think?

Monday, November 10, 2008

WHEN CHILDREN TELL THE TRUTH

Over time, my kids have gone from being truthful children to being kids that tell an occasional fib to avoid being disciplined. Well, I am not one to entertain lying, so anytime anyone lies, they get into serious trouble and that has discouraged them, especially TE and TK, from saying anything other than the truth and the whole truth.

Well, I thank God that they have learned the benefits of telling the truth but, sometimes it is very funny, you know. For TE, if you ask her a simple question, she goes into a treatise on everything. So, I have learned not to tell her anything that I don't want the world to know. I have heard of couples who have spoken badly abut others, only to have their young children repeat the sentiment in public. I cannot imagine the embarrassment but I know I never want to be in that situation. God forbid bad thing.

But, recently, TK made us laugh so hard in his quest to always tell the truth. He told the truth about a situation and it was just too funny. When asked by an aunty if he had been a good boy, my son bold facedly replied,"No!"

!!!!!!!

All I could do was laugh! The boy was telling the truth, sha. That day, he had led his baby brother, Bomboy, to scatter tissue paper all over the play room. Plus, they had put my hair combs and brushes in the toilet to see if they could float!

His aunty was laughing again and repeated her question,

Aunty: "TK, dear, have you been a good boy today?"
TK: "I said no, Aunty! I was not a good boy."
Aunty: "Why, TK? What hgappened?"
TK: "I was naughty. Mommy beat me" (lol!!!! I am not a child abuser oh!)
Aunty: "OK, TK, next time if you are a good boy, mommy won't spank you, ok"
TK: "Mmm hm"

The boy was telling the truth and although it was funny, I was thankful that the guy is learning to tell the truth. Maybe he is becoming a big boy after all. And now that Obama is President, maybe my sons and/or daughter could achieve the same feat. Ah, let me get that out of my head, their father has already said he hopes they didn't get my passion for politics. He can only handle one passionate political junky and wants his kids to do something they like that will make them lots of money. Na wa oh!

Anyway, tell me what kind of trouble you got into for lying. I can't wait to hear it.


Have a great week!

Friday, November 7, 2008

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW: REVENGE (UPDATED)

THE COMMENTS PROBLEM HAS BEEN SOLVED.

By now, I am sure you heard of Uzoma Okere who was beaten senseless by Naval Officers in Victoria Island, Lagos. You can watch the video of her violent beating here.
Now, onto this week's installment.

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Dear Solly:

My name is Mary and I really need some advise. I have been friends with a co-worker, Sheila, for over a year now. She has been my confidant and friend and all was well until I got promoted over her 4 months ago.

Once that happened, things between us got very bad. Instead of congratulating me, she stopped talking to me and sent me nasty text messages. She then started spreading rumors about me at the office. Now, that she must report to me, she does everything she can to frustrate me, sometimes in front of other son our team.

When we were friends, I confided in her that I liked another co-worker, Brandon. Brandon and I attend the same church and his mother is a Deacon at our church that likes me very much. Anyway, Brandon and I started to get closer about 6 weeks ago and began spending a lot of time together outside of work. I was careful to not let our coworkers know but somehow, Sheila found out or guessed somehow. For the last 2 weeks, anytime she sees Brandon and I together, she must come jiggle her breasts in front of him. The other day, I saw them laughing in the hallway and when I asked Brandon about it later, he said it was just a silly joke but refused to share it with me.

Well, late Friday, our team went out for drinks after work at a local bar. I had to leave early because I needed to babysit my uncle's children. On Saturday morning, I was wakened by several text messages fro other friends informing me that the group drank a lot and while playing some drinking games, Sheila and Brandon kissed many times. One coworker called to gist me and although she doesn't know about Brandon and I, she told me that he "took Sheree home."

The next day at church, Brandon, who usually sits with me, didn't come any where near me. He didn't even look me in the eye. This last week has been torture, because at work, he has acted as if there had never been anything between us and Sheila has been giving me these little smiles as if she won some kind of battle.

I am so mad!!!!!! I want revenge against Sheila. I cannot believe that she would hurt and disrespect me like that. She is the first African American I have ever been close to even though people warned me to not get too friendly. I just want revenge.

What do I do?
*********************************
I can't help but add some koko to this matter. Me, I want to know why Madame Revenge (if I may call her such) is only looking for revenge from Sheila. Anyway, do you think she should get revenge from either Sheila or Brandon? If so, how should she go about it? This kain office politics na wa!

Monday, November 3, 2008

A LOMG POST FROM A TIRED MOTHER OF 3

Na wa oh! first of all, let me say thanks to all of you for the warm blogville love you sent towards TK and I over the weekend. I am slowly responding to my FaceBook messages and cathing up with the phone calls I missed, but I have to say that the kind words are humbling, especially as I do not know the majority of you guys. Thank you so very much.

Okay, on to the gist around these parts.


INFLUENZA!!!
Come on, say it with me people! INFLUENZA!

Ehen, una do well. I spent last week, cleaning up cattarh from 3 children's nostrils and my own. It was not easy. When your baby wakes up congested in the middle of the night and crying, your heart just bleeds, you know. That happened a couple times with Bomboy who is not used to this sort of wahala. TK just did what he always does, get fussy because he feels unwell and chop his own snot whenever the opportunity presented itself , which was plenty. Ewwww!. I also spent considerable time running around trying to get some international attention for an arrested Nigerian blogger, Jonathan Elendu (thank God, he is no longer in custody. We are waiting for SSS to give him his passport so he can high tail it back to his family in the States, but now another blogger has been arrested). Oh, and I was there watching you guys vote that I needed to have a party for TK and me. 71% voted that I needed to have my own special fete. Thanks guys.

Unfortunately, due to the kids flu, I had to cancel TK's birthday party. (Abeg no curse me oh!!!) really, they were in no condition to have friends over. Can you imagine them giving their friends the flu? The hate mail I would have received from my friends and the moms of their friends would have been dangerous. Even I was in no condition to parry!

So, on TK's bday, Friday, we took him to his favorite Indian restaurant in our area, Sapphire. He ate loads of Chicken tikka, rice, naan, desert, Mango Lassi and other "assorted" meals. =P Once done, he made his way into the kitchen, where apparently, everyone knows him, and returned to the table with an armful of candy, a wide grin and the refrain "It's my brithday!!!!" The guy was too happy all day, talking to his grannies and aunts and uncles, going out, playing everywher, eating candy and sipping on "wine" (cranberry juice, lol!)

With all that, by my birthday, Saturday, I was pooped. I woke up to a lovely day however and my husband kicked me out of the house, so I went for a stroll. I spent most of my stroll talking to family in Nigeria and promising to send cake. How come, Naija folk do not understand that when you have the flu, sound congested and just want to lie down in bed, that is not the time for parties or even cake? Nobody listened to my pleas. I told people that I just wanted to rest and constantly got,

"Rest ke? Iru oshi ni yen?[1] My friend, have a last minute party o jare!"

Nigerians and the need to party under any condition! lol!


A BIRTHDAY DINNER
Somehow, this sentiment must have inflicted my girlfriends. My best buds convinced me to go out that evening and took me to a favorite restaurant of mine, Acadiana. I could not refuse oh! The food is scrumptious. Yum! **Licking my lips just thinking about the food** In fact, when hubby heard about the plans, he kicked me out of the house, again, insisting that I see my friends. So, off I went for dinner. The chef brought me a lovely cake with a scoop of ice cream. I was forced to make a wish and blow a candle (I cannot remember the last time I did that). We then walked over to another nearby favorite of mine, Oya, and had drinks and more desert. They have a warm bread pudding that makes me dance everytime! Again, the staff came out with my requested desert and another birthday candle. I have never had to blow that many candles in one day since I was a child, I swear!

I got home just on time to sneak some kisses on my sleeping kids and snuggle up with Husband. All in all, I think TK and I had great birthdays, but I have promised his Godmother that he will have a proper birthday party sometime in December. So, Bumight, Catwalq, Jola Naibi and who knows who else can be there, for sure! lol!


AN INTERVIEW
BTW, make una beg Standtall beg me oh! I know sey she dey vex, say I neva come comment on my interview. Standtall, I take God beg you, but how I go dey comment on my own interview nah? I took the time to read it and even saw the comments. I thank you greatly for taking the time to ask me some questions. Especially as Verastical had demmed that every Thursday would be Verastic day at that your blog. I know the guts it took to squeeze me in there, considering the fact that Verasstic has connections with "awon boys". I just don't know what to say other than "Thanks" to you and everyone for the kind words. Okay, abeg, my people, make una thank Standtall and everybody for me oh! This week, i have a lot of thanks to share with everyone. Funnily enough, on my birthday, I awoke and prayed,telling God thanks for the blessings in my life. I was shocked at how many when I started to think of them. I just am praying that God will send some sausage rolls my way. That is the only thing i desperately want. That, and the Speedy 40. lol!

God bless and forgive the long post. It is 2 am in the morning, I am tired and feeling loopy. =) Yes, I confess.  I have been drinking. It is was my brithday weekend, after all. Besides, I am getting ready for Novermber 4th, election day. I already have a bottle of bubbly in the fridge. Pierre Jouet Brut to be exact. If that guy with the funny name wins, I will be popping. If he loses, I will "pour some liquor" to the ancestors and then swallow the rest. hahahaha. ** laughing alone with husband looking at me funny**

Good night/good morning/have a blessed week/see you on Friday for another TTTEC instalment. Oh, I told Kehinde to chill and stop hating on Rebecca who is clearly "getting her groove back". lawl!

God bless!

Go Democrats!