Friday, August 29, 2008

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW: MISTRESS INSECURITIES

We have a new issue to discuss and as you can tell from the title, it will be interesting. Given some of the issues that occurred during TTEC Week, I would like to stress that "me, I no like wahala". Meaning, I don't want us to have any drama amongst ourselves in the process of discussing this issue. We will all have our individual opinions and sometimes we will not agree. When that happens, please try to express yourself without demeaning or insulting anyone else. The goal is to share our knowledge and help someone who is seeking our opinion.

So, with that being said, let's start the show....

I am a 28 year old Igbo female. I have a good job, own my home and have the blessing of wonderful family and excellent friends. I thank God for being good to me and those around me.


I am in a relationship with a 42 year old Yoruba man. He is a widow, with 2 teenage children. Ladipo* is a highly accomplished surgeon and I met him at a conference. He chased me aggressively for almost 4 months before I agreed to enter into a relationship with him. He is loving and extremely kind to everyone he meets.


However, in our 14 months of dating, I have come to learn that while he was married to his late wife, (their marriage lasted 12 years and she has been gone for 6 years), he had a mistress. His friend's wife, Shalewa*, (who has now become a good friend), confided in me that he had his mistress for over 5 years and in fact, it was only because his wife fell ill and eventually passed (she died of breast cancer) that he broke up with the mistress.


Now, Ladipo is talking marriage. He loves me greatly and my feelings for him are strong. But, I am very nervous about marrying him. My friends all discourage the union because he has children, but I love his children and they are the most incredible young girls anyone would meet. I am very close to them and do not see them as a problem in our relationship. My problem is I cannot resolve within myself the fact that Ladipo had a mistress and for that long. Furthermore, his oldest daughter is scarred by the affair and even once hinted about the fights it caused and the pain her mother felt. It is hard for me to believe that someone so loving and kind could hurt his first wife like that and in turn cause pain to his children.


I am from a Catholic Igbo family and such behavior is not tolerated. I have never heard of my father having a mistress. In fact, I have never heard of my uncle's having mistresses. I know no one is perfect, but my grandmother is warning me that Yoruba people are different from us. She stresses that Yoruba culture condones and expects a man to have a wife or wives and one or more mistresses. She is not against the marriage but she is concerned that I don't know what I am getting into. I haven't even told her about the mistress Ladipo had.

I am really confused. I am getting tired of being single and would like to start my life with someone that loves me. But, I don't know if marrying Ladipo would be a mistake, given his history. Please help me.

* - Name has been changed.


In case any of you were wondering, the lady, let's call her 'Patience', lives in the United States. Thanks ina dvance for sharing your polite thoughts on this complicated issue.

Monday, August 25, 2008

WHO'S THE SHORTEST OF THEM ALL?

There is nothing like watching your babies throw up numerous times in the day, and cleaning up diarrhea-filed diapers. Oh, there's nothing like taking two children to the emergency room then nursing their father who has a fever, as well. And, of course, there is absolutely nothing like getting everyone back to their normal selves and then you falling ill yourself.

That has been my life over the last few weeks and hence my absence from this site. However, I thank God for the experience because it has only endeared my children and husband to me even more, if that was even ever possible. =) My children are some of the most rambunctious children I have ever spent time with. So when they get unwell, it is disheartening to see my usually naughty children weak and sad.

But, now, they are back to normal and driving me nuts, as usual!!!! It is as if they are trying to make up for their downtime by turning up the heat around here. But, the one incident that stands out the most is the cheekiness of my daughter, The Enforcer. She has been telling her father and aunts that I, her mother, need to eat more vegetables so I can grow to be tall and strong some day. That way, I will stop bothering her father to use his height to bring down containers and the blender, amongst many things, that are stashed away in our pretty high kitchen cabinets.

See me see trouble oh? Me, short? I don't blame TE. It is her father that I blame for this cheekiness! From when the girl was a baby, her father would hold her on his shoulders and would tell me that I am the shortest in the family. They would both laugh and I would simply give them a mock stare. But, now, this is ridiculous. I have never felt short and in fact I don't, but their continued attack on me for being 'short' is quite silly, no? I mean, TE is only 4 years old, TK is almost 3 and Bomboy will be 15 months in September. I do not need to impress on you how little all these people are. But their father insists that his children will be tall just like him and not short like "their mother's people." Na wa oh! My father was over 6 feet, but my husband wants to act like I come from a family of midgets. Silly man!!!!!

Anyway, I hope everyone is well and I thank you all for checking on us. This Friday, I will put up a question that came in this morning from a reader who would like to know what you guys think about a situation. So, please come back on Friday for a new installment in the Talk To The Easier Crew Series. The following Monday, I will be back to regular blogging about the naughtiness I have experienced at the hands of not-so-innocent Bomboy. Again, thanks to you guys and have a blessed week!

Monday, August 4, 2008

COUP PLOTTERS & A BONE CRUSHER

Why did I wake up this morning to tales of a household coup? Yes, I heard my children, complaining and threatening while playing in Bomboy's room.

"Mommy will never ever tell me to go use the potty again!!!"
"Yeah!!!!!"
"Mommy will never spank me again!"
"Yeah!!!!!"
"Mommy is very naughty!"
"Yeah!!!!!"

The only person who was smart eough to not put their mouth in the plotting was Officer Bomboy and quite frankly I am relieved because if you see what the boy has been doing to chicken bones as of recent, you for fear the pickin as well!!!!

But, back to the coup plotters, I calmly walked into the room and looked at all of them. TE was shocked to see me, TK was shocked to see me as well but that was because he was doing something naughty as usual, and no, I can't share what the boy was doing, lol! Anyway, the only person that smiled at me was Bomboy. He said "Mama!!!" and put his arms out to me so I could lift him out of his crib (aha, that's why he was so nice - he needed me to bring him out of his crib!!!). Well, TE immediately began to lecture me about not spanking them anymore and that what she says is correct and that I should stop being naughty. Of course, her sidekick and the protector of all my children, TK, was there and started spanking me.

Na wa oh!!!! See how I dey suffer? They would never try me like that if their father was home. I must step up my mommy-game and stop being so nice to these children, I swear!!!! =)

And yes, on to the Bone Crusher story. Isn't there some sort of rapper called Bone Crusher? Well, trust me he ain't got nothing on my own personal Bone Crusher!!!! Imagine, I used to beg his father to share chicken bones with him, but now, Bomboy has advanced to the point that he demands "Shiken" and can transform a chicken bone from this -

to this -

all with a total of 6 teeth!!!!! Now you see why I am glad he wasn't an active coup plotter, eh? Imagine if he chose to use those sharp 6 teeth of his on my precious skin? I dey fear!!!!

Hope all is well with you all. Feel free to offer some suggestions on how to adequately deal with my coup plotters!