Monday, July 28, 2008

ALL SORTS OF STUNTS

My people, my boys are at it and they have seemingly tag-teamed against me in a way I never thought possible. God give me strength to deal with the stunts these boys are executing!

TK'S STUNTS
So, last week was TTTEC Week and while that was going on, my boys were up to pure mischief. As you all know, potty training TK has been such an adventure that I had to dedicate 2 posts to the enterprise - Potty Training The King and Potty Training The King 2. Well, as if all that wasn't enough the guy pulled some major stunts last week.

TK Stunt #1: When told to go use the potty, TK (who was having lunch with his siblings), pulled his 'wiener' out of his underpants and peed into his cup. He then poured the contents of his cup into his food and laughed while doing it!

TK Stunt #2: While the entire family was relaxing downstairs in the playroom, TK (who always disappears to do his 'dirt') went to my kitchen and landed one stinky igbe on my kitchen floor!!!! He then came downstairs, ran out to the backyard and played as if absolutely nothing was waiting for me upstairs.

TK Stunt #3: After a rewarding morning when I woke up early to accomplish many chores, I later discovered that TK woke up early as well. But, he woke up to undo my accomplishments, i.e. cleaning the bathroom, folding up and organizing the kids old clothes (which I plan to donate). TK, instead, found the clothes, rolled around in them and then went to the bathroom and threw their bathroom toys (e.g. floating rubber duckies, sharks and pigs) into the toilet bowl! And did I mention that he peed in the toilet bowl first, before throwing the toys in? Well, I can at least thank God for small mercies.

OFFICER BOMBOY'S STUNTS
Bomboy looks up to his older brother. Sometimes you see him studying TK almost as if he is taking mental notes on all the things he will do when he gets a tad bit bigger. Some of you are reading that and thinking "Aww, how cute." All I am thinking is "Cute ko, cute ni!" because i am suffering the consequence of brotherly adoration!!!!

Bomboy has decided that he also wants to potty train. He is only 15 months old! Nevertheless, he tries to put on his brother's underpants and follows TK to the toilet to watch him pee. Oh, and he now takes off his diaper whenever he deems fit!!!!

Well, last week, Bomboy decided to undo his brother's stunts as well. Here are a few of his stunts.

Bomboy Stunt #1: While I was doing his sister's hair, Bomboy decided to take off his diaper, go to the foyer's wooden floor, hold his penis and pee. He peed standing up, so at least I can be proud of that, but he completed his coup by dropping some seriously nasty poop on the floor for good measure!!! And, yes, I had to clean it up!

Bomboy Stunt #2: As I was chatting on the phone with my mom, Bomboy (who had asked me to pick him up) got upset, went to the bathroom and threw my combs and a hair brush into the toilet bowl. Thank God I am a suspicious mom, because I followed him and caught him trying to flush!!!!

Bomboy Stunt #3: After putting all the children to bed for their naps, I went to have a nap of my own on the sofa. In my deep and deserving slumber, I didn't realize that there was a serious ruckus in Bomboy's crib. I awoke to find TE out of her bed. The poor child was so afraid of the consequences and immediately told me that she was cleaning up Bomboy's mess. I followed her to their room and saw the sight of my life! Bomboy had pooped, removed his diaper, rolled in his poop, smeared it on his face, in his hair, and all over his crib. His poor sister was using her big girl wipes to clean him up!

I am exhausted just remembering all those stunts from last week!

So, whose outdid who with his stunts? Make una tell me, biko. And big shout out to TE for being a good girl all week!!!! And, I thank God that she has been disciplining her brothers for me. They actually listen, lol! Oh, wetin happen wey una never vote for my blog at the Blogger's Choice Awards website? This blog is nominated a few times as is my other blog Nigerian Curiosity. Abegi, amke una carry leg go vote. Thank you Uncle Tobenna and Aunty OfftheMap for your votes oh! I don't even know if a Nigerian blog has ever won one of those things? Anyone else nominated? Look at the right side bar and you will see the banners there. Make una go vote oh! And, BTW, why is there no equivalent for Nigerian/African blogs? It would be something exciting for us Nigerian bloggers now that Blogville Idols is over. Did y'all here Bomboy's submission to the closing performance? lol!

God bless!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW WEEK

Well, a week has flown by and so many have come by to share their thoughts on real-life issues submitted by other readers. I just want to express my thanks to all of you who took of your time to participate in Talk To The Easier Crew Week. Mehn, writing that stuff is too long. Let's just call it TTTEC Week, why don't we?

Because there were 5 distinct posts, there were 5 distinct top spot winners. I must acknowledge them all at this particular time -
  1. DB
  2. SHUBBY DOO
  3. SIMI SPEAKS
  4. UNDACOVASISTA
  5. TININU




Now, I can't forget those of you who actually left comments. Even though you guys didn't claim the top spot, you all deserve some serious recognition. So, here we go and in no particular order...
  1. STANDTALL
  2. ISHA
  3. LG
  4. IWALEWA MCDANIELS
  5. SPREZATURA
  6. SMARAGD
  7. TOLUWA LASE
  8. NAIJA LINES
  9. MS. O
  10. QMONEY (everytime I see this name I literally start shouting 'Qmoney' like I'm some southern gangsta rapper)
  11. MS. SULA
  12. OLUWADEE
  13. PRINCESA
  14. ALLIED
  15. BUMIGHT (I've got that sugar daddy if you need one oh!)
  16. FREE-FLOWING FLORIDA
  17. STING (This babe does not like lol oh!)
  18. NAIJA IDOL
  19. UZEZI
  20. AFROBABE
  21. JARRAI
  22. ZEPHI FAHRENHEIT
  23. NAIJALETA
  24. NAIJALINES
  25. LADY KOKO
  26. NAIJA SUTRA
  27. LIGHTY
  28. PAMELA
  29. BEYOND
  30. NIKKISAB
  31. BOLA
  32. ZENA
  33. WRITEFREAK
  34. MINEEXCLUSIVELY
  35. BADDERCHIC
  36. BOOKIE19
  37. SHONAVIXEN
  38. BUNNMY
  39. ZARA
  40. JAYCEE
  41. YANKEENAIJA
  42. NIGERIANDRAMAQUEEN
  43. CHARI
  44. ARCHIWIZ
  45. NOGO
  46. EVERYONE LOVES A NAIJA GIRL
  47. IBILUV
  48. LASGIDI/NY
  49. NINE
If for any reason your name is not on this list, please let me know as I probably made the list before you left your comment or became crosseyed from staring at my computer screen. =P

Again, I thank you all for helping me with this project. If any of you have issues you would like tackled, send them to me via KONTACTR. You can specify whether you would like your issue featured or if you just want one-on-one advice from me.

Thanks everyone and swing by on Monday morning for more tales of the incredible naughtiness I am dealing with. And, all I'll say is that it involves my boys!!!

Friday, July 25, 2008

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW WEEK: PRESSURE

This is the last installment in Talk To The Easier Crew Week. As always, let us strive to offer encouraging advice and steer away from foul language. Please remember that my kids will hopefully read the comments left by their blogville aunties and uncles someday, so let's keep it family friendly even though some of these topics are heady. Thanks so much for understanding and thanks immensely for all your time. Come back on Saturday for a wonderful 'Thank You' to all of you who have stopped by this week and of course come back on Monday for regular posts on the exploits of the kids because believe you me, there are incredible stories to tell!!!!

"I am a 29 year old female. My parents both live in Abuja while I, my 2 brothers and younger sister all school in America. I have a good job, friends and am happy. However, despite my academic (a Masters and recently completed PHD) or career accomplishments, my mother is making my life a living hell!!!
I love my mother, so this is not an attack of her as a person, but why is it that Nigerians make you feel as if you are nothing if you are not married with a billion children or at least have a man that will eventually marry you? When I went home for Christmas hols, she would always point to girls younger than me who were married and pregnant or that had children already. Whenever anyone 'asked' me about marriage (because Nigerians don't ask, they just tell you their mind and order you to do things), my mother would never even allow me to finish. She would shout about how all  know is book and that no man would marry a woman with too much education. When my mother heard of my plans to get a Masters, rather than encourage me, she asked how this would affect my plans to start a family. When I wanted to get a PHD she flat out refused to give me her blessings. She told me instead that all her friends had 2 or 3 grandchildren and that it was my duty as her first born to put her in the same situation. None of my siblings have any children, but even they realize that she doesn't put as much pressure on them to settle down.
I spoke to my younger sister who is in Naija for summer hols and she gave me some devastating news. Apparently, my mother has decided to visit someone to 'pray' for me to find a man and marry. My sister is not sure, but this person does not sound Christian. Also, my mother has twisted my quiet father's arm into requiring that when I come home this Christmas, I must spend some days with Mrs. N who is apparently renowned at finding husbands "for girls with my problem". Apparently she observes you for a week and after that she can figure out exactly who you are to marry. It sounds like madness to me and this woman charges an arm and a leg for her fees. I didn't even know they did such things!!! My mom would love to force me into an arranged marriage.

It just seems as if she would only respect me if I was married and pregnant. How do I get her to calm down? I honestly don't even think I ever want to have kids to tell you the truth. Its not that I don't like kids but I don't think I have the personality to do motherhood. Why can't that be fine? After all, my siblings can give my mother as many grandchildren as she wants. She just wants to be able to show off in Church and everywhere else that she has grandchildren.Plus, I am dating an African American (for almost 2 years) but I cannot tell anyone for fear that my mother will hear because she has sworn to hang herself if I dare bring an "outsider" into the family. This is too stressful for me."



Oya, let the yarning begin....

Don't forget to check out the other 4 installments of TTEC Week and also participate in the pools at the left hand side of the page. Thanks so much!!!!
  1. Talk To The Easier Crew Week: Sexual Feelings... 
  2. Talk To The Easier Crew Week: Religion
  3. Talk To The Easier Crew Week: Marital Problems
  4. Talk To The Easier Crew Week: Homosexuality

Thursday, July 24, 2008

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW WEEK: HOMOSEXUALITY

Okay, this one is a tad bit heavy, please read and provide encouraging advise....

"My brother and I have been best friends my whole life. He is 18 months older than me and we have done almost everything together since we were in nappies.

Well, I just moved to the city he lives in to get my Masters. It has been excellent. After classes, I get to hang with him and do fun things. He is very outgoing, much more than me and he knows everyone here, I swear. It has been a comfortable transition for me.

Except that the other night, my brother got drunk at a house party we attended and, I don't know how to say this, but I saw him with another guy and the whole thing was funny. We took a taxi home and I couldn't even look at him. I was going to walk back to my dorm room but he stopped me and told me he wanted to talk to me.

He then started telling me that I should not tell our parents, especially popsy, but he is gay!!!! He then started talking about Sunday, our driver when we were 6. The guy touched him somewhere or something like that. How does that make him gay? Or was he already gay and that is why Sunday did those things to him?

I never knew he was gay. Never. There were no signs. He used to catch more babes that i ever could. Matter of fact, na im wey show me how for catch babes, no offense (i know you are a woman). How can he be gay? Abi is this some phase? You know how people come to America and all of a sudden they become gay. I am so confused. If I didn't know this, what else is there that I do not know about my brother? And, he doesn't want me to tell our parents. My father would kill him. Literally. My father is a strict born again, if he even knew we were drinking, baba would fly from Nija straight!!!! So, for my bro to be gay, it could tear my family apart.

I don't know if I can trust him. How could I not know? He only told me because I happened to see the real him in a moment of weakness. I don't think things can ever be the same. How can i not tell my mother? She keeps asking what is wrong, and sooner or later I will give in. I am not returning my bros calls for now. I am too confused. I read that this stuff can be genetic. Mehn, I just need to make sense of this. I miss my brother, but can things ever be the way they were?

Help me please.

Yours,
sorrowfully lost"



Please, let us offer this man sensitive and encouraging advice. I am hearing back from the readers who sent in these questions and most have found this exercise helpful. Thank you all so much for all your help!!!

Oya, speak on it...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW WEEK: MARITAL PROBLEMS

I had to edit this question because it is quite long. Please be sensitive and understanding in giving this man your opinions. Remember, he just wants a little advice....

"My wife and i have been married for 20 months but we are already on the rocks. We are currently going for marital counseling to help my wife resolve her issues. We first went for counseling at our church out hre in San Francisco. But, the moment my wife was told the exact same things I had been telling her, by a Church Deacon (who has been married for over 30 years), she determined that he was not qualified to counsel us and chose to seek professional counseling.

Anyway, I attend marital counseling with her once a week. It is quite expensive but I believe my wife is happy because this "specialist" seems to take her side. Well, I recently got a job in Dubai that will pay me twice what I make right now. I want to go but my wife is telling me not to. I took the job anyway, because I know that it is the right step for me career-wise and financially. Additionally, it will allow us to be much closer to my ailing parents in Nigeria. She can get a better job there, herself and if not, I am willing as always to give her the seed money to begin a business. I have explained all this to her, but she doesn't believe that it is a good decision. She argues that Dubai is not a good place for women. I point out that Dubai is not Saudi Arabia - women are quite free there, technically. She says she wouldn't want to be there. Her parents have advised her to move to Dubai. My parents have advised the same. I am moving without her, whatever the case.

But the bombshell came recently when during an argument over Dubai, she told me that she wasn't sure whether we should have kids. Her argument was that we are having problems and that quite frankly, she doesn't believe she wants to be a mother. Now, before we got married, she told me that she could not wait to have children of her own and went on and on about how she loves children. I equally made it clear that I needed to have children. Due to unforseen circumstances, my parents only have 1 grandchild and believe me, they need more. I want to have as many children as God grants me and I believed that my wife and I were in agreement on that point.

I am frustrated and very angry. Over the course of 6 months, I have learned so much about my wife and now believe that she and her entire family made a concerted effort to deceive me. They made me believe things were one way when in fact, it is not the case. My father warned me to marry a good woman, I thought I had, but I am increasingly believing that I failed that task...

So, here is the deal, I have already committed to a 3 year contract in Dubai, so I am going. My wife is fine with it and believes that we can fly back and forth. I, however, know for a fact that the love I had is quickly going away. I feel that if I meet someone over there that I mesh with, I will go ahead and start a new relationship because I am fed up with this one. I don't want to file for a divorce. My parents have been married for 65 years and to divorce would be devastating to them. I have done everything for this woman. I paid for her to go to business school when no one would give her a loan due to her extremely bad credit. I bought her a brand new BMW when we got engaged. I currently pay for her mortgage, plus the 4 bedroom home I purchased when we got married. I pay for everything, all she pays for is the water bill. It is frustrating that i can be so successful at so many other things but not in my love life, not in my marriage. I don't want to cheat, but I will, because I do not feel appreciated. And now, I see that her ex boyfriend is calling and texting her. This has been a point of contention between us, since even before we married.

What are your recommendations? I have no one to talk to. Everyone knows us and this would be seen as a failure. I can't risk that, but I need to talk to someone and the counselor is of no use. He just flirts with my wife and makes her feel that she is right and I am wrong."

Let the yarning begin...

Com back tomorrow for the next installment in Talk To The easier Crew Week and check out the last two issues - SEXUAL FEELINGS and RELIGION.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW WEEK: RELIGION

Today's installment deals with an issue that is potentially sensitive - religion and relationships. Please give this young sister some good advise and respect others religious or cultural differences.


Dear SolomonSydelle:

I read your blog often and appreciate the light hearted nature of your posts. Your readers are very funny too. Anyway, I have a bit of a problem and hope you can help me with it.

My father is Igbo and I have been raised Catholic. However, my boyfriend of 7 months is Hausa and a practising Muslim. Our relationship has been wonderful. He is funny, cute and makes me very happy. All our friends think we make a great couple, and I tend to agree. lol

Well, not too long ago my good friend Lape and I werediscussing our boyfriends. When I told her how happy I was she smirked and told me that my relationship with Ahmen had no future. I was very hurt by her comment. She explained that Ahmed would never marry a Christian, let alone an Igbo girl and that in fact, I should just break up with him right now because our relationship is headed nowhere.

I changed the subject because I was too hurt to continue talking about it, but now, I wonder if she is right. Should I break up with Ahmed because our relationship is headed nowhere? I was not thinking about marriage. I am only 19. But, now that she has planted this seed, I sometimes wonder if he would ever marry me if we dated for a long time. Anyway, I really like Ahmed and enjoy having as a boyfriend, I also don't care who I marry as long as we love eachother and are happy, but there are all these little doubts in my head about my relationship. Please help me. Thank you very much.

'Ada'

Don't forget to come back tomorrow for another installment. Remember we are discussing 'HOT TOPICS' all this week. Also, did you read SEXUAL FEELINGS...? Better read that too when you are done leaving your suggestion for this issue.

Oya, make una yarn.....

Sunday, July 20, 2008

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW WEEK: SEXUAL FEELINGS...

Talk To The Easier Crew Week is here! And, this title goes right to the point of today's question. Please read and offer your best suggestions.


I am engaged to a wonderful and loving man. I can't wait to be his wife and he can't wait to start a family with me. But there's an issue we have. He doesn't want sex anymore till after the wedding. He says it's a sin & he can't receive communion anymore because of it. Also, he's afraid i might get pregnant b4 the wedding. Bottom line: he definitely wants us to stop having premaritel sex. I, on the other hand, don't feel as though am committing any sin & it hurts me that he should feel this way about our time together. Besides, am not so strong. I've an ex-boyfriend who hangs around as a friend & am afraid all the time that in a moment of weakness, i'd sleep with him. It was easier when i knew i was getting it from my fiance, but now that i will no longer do so, the temptations are higher. Moreover, am afraid of what will happen after the marriage. What if he is a man who doesn't consider sex high priority? I know i can't cope with that. Right now, am trying hard not to be selfish & think of only what i want. I really thinking seriously about abstaining like he wants, but am totally unhappy about this development. Help!

Please share your thoughts and make sure you come back tomorrow for the next installment of TALK TO THE EASIER CREW WEEK. Thanks!

Friday, July 18, 2008

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW: CONFUSION

This week's installment comes from a lovely reader and the question is simple, but of course, the answer(s) is not that easy. But, before you take on this week's issue, I would like to announce that all next week, we will have 5 days of Talk To The Easier Crew questions. I have decided to do this because there is a backlog of questions that I think you guys can obviously help readers with. So, please swing by each day next week for TALK TO THE EASIER CREW WEEK!!

Now, on to this week's issue -

"Basically, I want to know what you do when as a babe, you come into contact with a guy and you like his style and personality etc etc, and would like to get to know him better.  Not in a romantic way, but just cos you think he'd be a cool person to know.  But having said that, if he asked you out you probably wouldn't say no (i.e. at this point of knowing next to nothing about him). You don't move in the same circles at all, but could contact him if you wanted to. In fact, he's based in a different country altogether.

My real question is how do you achieve your goal of getting to know this person without them thinking that you are making moves on them.  Is this possible at all?  Right now i'm tempted to say no.

Help!"


Speak on it, my people and come back for TALK TO THE EASIER CREW WEEK.

Monday, July 14, 2008

FROM THE MOUTH OF BABES...

My children and their mouths, eh..... Remember when my kids let the entire changing room know that I had on pink underwear? Well, they've been at it again, my people.

We went to Marshall's the other day (I think I am seeing a trend here when it comes to my kids and the embarassing moments they generate), and we were walking around the store. I was looking to buy a new belt because TK destroyed my old belt which I had owned for almost 5 years. The boy simply separated the leather. How he did it, I have no idea.

Anyway, while in the store, I of course digressed and went towards the shoes. In the shoe section was an older lady who was trying on a pair of leather slippers. I smiled as we walked by, but should have actually began apologizing toher in advance because my son, The King, looked at the smiling older lady and screamed at the top of his lungs (which is becoming his normal speaking voice) and said, "MAMA, THE LADY HAS ENOUGH SHOES!!!!!"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. So, I looked at my son and said, "What did you say?"

"THE LADY HAS ENOUGH SHOES. SHE DOESN'T NEED ANYMORE!!!"

I couldn't help but giggle because my son sounded just like his father. It is exactly the kind of thing my husband would say to me if he saw me looking at shoes even on the computer. I didn't even have the nerve to look back at the lady. I simply grabbed my son by the back of his head and lead him down the aisle with a stern, "TK, allow the lady to shop in peace, please." TK continued to tell everyone in the store to stop shopping, my self included. Like father, like son, shebi?

But, my kids just continue to shock me, you know. When I tell TE to move, she will simply look at me, put her hands on her imaginary hips and tell me in a stern voice and manner very reminiscent of mine, "Mama, you don't say 'move' you say 'excuse me, please'. Then she will huff and move on to doing what she was doing in the first place.

Or, the other day on our camping trip when their father broke wind. I guess he was getting in touch with his wild, back to nature side or something, lol! Well, no sooner had the man farted than had both TE and TK shouted, "Daddy, what do you say?" Their father smiled and sheepishly said "Excuse me", which is what we have taught the kids to say whenever the fart around people.

I have learned not to do anything potentially 'naughty' around the kids because they will undoubtedly tell me, "Come on mom, stop being so naughty." Na wa for these pickin dem. lol!

I hope you are all well and in good health. I just checked my email and see that we have a question from a regular reader and wonderful blogger. Thus, the next Talk To The Easier Crew question will be up on Friday. I have an additional question that was supposed to be put up last week but wasn't able to do so. I will find the best time to put it up.

Take care people and see you all soon. 

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

BACK FROM THE WILDERNESS

Yes, please read that literally. I am trying to concentrate and write this post, but my kids and I are listening to the Blogville Idols sing and OmoIbadan is cracking me up. Doesn't he really seem like a true Ibadan boy? lol! I can't believe I missed the first round of the competition and elimination. I must tell all the participants that they are incredible for doing this! But, haba, na how you let them eliminate Fresh & Fab, nah? The babe try, sha. Sorry I wasn't available to vote for everyone.


Okay, back to serious talk - my husband carried me to the bush for over 48 hours. Yes, we went camping in the woods as they say over here. Tent, firewood, mosquitoes, and local wildlife - yes, the works! What can I say? I thank God that we are all back safe and sound and believe it or not, I had a great time. Well, not at night. Sleeping in the tent with all my children was tough. I love them dearly, but my boys are bad sleepers. They move themselves all over the place. I woke up several times with a foot in my face (TK's) and other times, with a bumbum in my face (Bomboy's). If there is one thing I have taken away from this experience, it is that I must teach my boys that if they love someone, they must never fart under the covers and expose the one they love to the stench that is their fart! And, in case you were wondering, that person they love is no one else but moi, their mama! =) Nevertheless, it was great sitting by the fire and cooking ribs, burgers and chicken. Oh, and Indomie Pepper soup which my mother brought (a full box) from Abuja recently.

Well, I couldn't believe how quickly my cute little boys became absolute pigs!!!! There was mud everywhere at the campsite and my boys could not keep themselves out of it. They jumped in it, they rolled in it and Bomboy even tried to eat the thing self! lol! It wasn't funny at the time because all I could do was think about al the clothes I had to wash and how I would get the mud off their clothing. Husband simply watched them smiling and encouraged them to rolla round some more, much to my chagrin. But what could i do? I sat there and watched them with my daughter by my side. Thank God for my Diva, she didn't come home with filthy clothes, unlike some people.

At the end of the day, the family had a great time and Husband got back to nature (he used to hike and camp outdoors all the time in his younger days). Unlike him, I was happy to return to 'Babylon' (what he calls the city) and my bed. Sleeping in that tent was not the best. But, I have definitely come away with a greater appreciation for the blessings in my life - family, kids, friends, electricity, not having to sleep with farting kids, you know, the important things in life, lol!

Take care and see you all next week.