Monday, June 30, 2008

GORIMAPA

This post was supposed to be about the fact that Officer Bomboy is now bald, and that his head is HUGE!!!!! But, I just came home from watching 'Wanted' and all I want to do is kick some butt! Okay, no not really. I am not jumping around my house imitating karate chops and kicks. Nor am I pretending to shoot a gun at some assailant.
The movie did remind me of the importance of doing the right thing at the right time and the significance of knowing how to whup some a--. lol! So that being said, I will encourage my neighborhood gym to bring in a Krav Maga expert in the near future as that is an art form I have wanted to learn for a long time. 
Secondly, despite the fact that I am hesitant to interpret the 2nd Amendment to mean that every American or U.S. resident (in good legal standing) should own and possess a gun, I am going to take shooting lessons this winter. Yes, I know, some of you are gasping in absolute shock and horror, but I have always thought that every woman should not only know how to protect herself but should also know how to handle and shoot a gun. In fact, there is a 19th century North African pistol that I have been eyeing since 2006. I almost bought it for myself as a 'push gift' but didn't want a gun, antique or not, in my home. It will be my present to myself for my next birthday.
Oh yeah, did I tell you Bomboy is now 'goris, goris' and that his head is humongous? lol! I love the boy, he is cute and those dimples of his make anything work for him. (He is so lucky). But, I have banned his father from ever 'barbering' my son's hair like that again!! Imagine! I didn't even recognize my son when I saw him immediately after his hair cut. The poor thing. =) Actually, I shouldn't feel sorry for him, this 'goris, goris' hair cut has only emboldened my son to take his Bomboyism to the next level. As in, the guy just slaps people in the face all the time. Even me! He slapped me hard yesterday. Husband and I were lying on the floor. I was dozing off to sleep. He was watching the West Indies cricket team play Australia. Bomboy was running around doing what he does best - scattering the room as much as possible. 
Anyway, next thing there was a loud sound - *GBOSA!* 
The left side of my face was stinging and throbbing.
I opened my eyes to see Husband's startled face which quickly developed into a grin interrupted by serious laughter.
My eyes kept moving and at my head was Bomboy, staring down at me and screaming baby gibberish at me.
All I could do was look at him, take a deep breath, close my eyes and try to get back to dozing. But, Bomboy and my laughing hubby had other plans for me because before I knew it there was another hard slap right smack in the middle of my face.
**GBOSA!**
This time, I come begin dey vex. Not at my son, of course. He is only 1 and I know that when he gets older I will have more than enough opportunity to get my revenge. hahaha.
No, I was pissed at my husband who chose to laugh his butt off before his chivalry gene kicked in and he began to protect me from the blows my son was raining on me. Please, someone tell me, what did I do to deserve that? I was just trying to get a well deserved nap in the middle of the day. I work hard, people, I deserve a nap once in a while!
Well, I have forgiven "Oga Gorimapa". He was probably just mad at me for letting his father mess up his 'fro. But that husband of mine...well, let's just say he is on punishment. And when I get my Krav Maga skills going, nobody in this house will mess with me again. =)
PS: Thanks for your suggestions in the latest Talk To The Easier Crew segment. I personally suggested option (b) with a little bit of (c) on the side. Not sure what i am talking about? Go check it out.... Oh, and by the way, next week's segment is truly interesting as I have no advise for this reader. So , please swing by on Friday to help out. Also, stop by Nigerian Curiosity. The question of the day is about betrayal and it's pretty juicy so go claim your spot. God bless!

Friday, June 27, 2008

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW: DILEMMA

Here is this week's installment...

What do you do when a friend's boyfriend wants you to introduce him to your sister as a potential mate?

Do you,

(a)    tell his girlfriend 
(b)    tell his girlfriend's close friend 
(c)    tell him to go 'frak off' (shout out to all BSG fans, lol!)
(d)    introduce him to your sister
(e)    (because no multiple choice question is complete without it) all of the above

Thursday, June 19, 2008

POTTY TRAINING THE KING PT. 2: DOODOO RAIN DANCE

CAUTION: The following image should not be viewed while eating amala with ewedu soup or any food if you have a queasy stomach.


Yes, those dark lumps are exactly what you think they are. lol! Apparently my son took off his diaper during his naptime and decided to do some kind of 'doodoo rain dance' around his room.

I mean really? Really? He had a diaper when he went to bed for nap time and when Husband discovered him, the boy had removed his diaper, pooped all over his bedroom, put poop in a couple toys (that had to be thrown away) and even smeared some of the stuff on his bed! My mom laughed and gave him a new nickname - $#!& master! no lie! lol!

This is what all of you aspiring parents have to look forward to! lol! Okay, well maybe not. But, I will say that TK is serious about not pooping in his diaper because the day after the above happened, he pooped again but in his pants. Mind you, he had taken off his pants, removed his diaper, put his pants back on and then, pooped. There is a serious method to my son's poop-madness. =) His poop managed to collect at his left ankle. ALL OF IT. I calmly instructed him to go to his granny for a nice clean up and warm bath. Can you believe the woman was happy to clean him up? That is absolutely the difference between a parent and a grandparent, lol!

By the way, my mom got to read your well wishes that you sent her on her birthday and she is praying for all of you. However, she finds it weird that she can't pray for you guys using your real names, hahaha. Aunty Afrobabe, she wanted to see your blog, but I used 'style' to not show it to her. I might find your pics funny, but I know for a fact that one look at one of your pics and she will be claiming the blood of Jesus on all of us bloggers. lol! Oh, and, my people have you read Naijaleta's post on Nigerian bloggers? He writes about what he imagines bloggers like Nigeriandramaqueen, Bumight and Afrobabe are like. If you haven't been to this guys site, swing by an drop him a line. We have to encourage new bloggers, right?

My ...Easier... fam, it is 1:30 am, I am under orders to call my egbon (big brother) at 6 am London time which means I must stay up for another 30 minutes. The things we do for family... And talking about the things we do, this Friday there is actually a Talk To The Easier Crew question. A friend has a dilemma and there are a couple options on what she can do. I suggested we ask you guys and she is curious to know what my "internet padis"[1] think, so stop by on Friday for the newest Talk To The Easier Crew installment.

God bless and make sure you don't do the 'doodoo rain dance' on a carpeted floor, oh!



[1] internet friends

Monday, June 16, 2008

POTTY TRAINING THE KING

Who said being a parent wasn't hard work? Well, I say it isn't when you isolate the challenge of potty training a boy. Anything I have experienced as a parent up until this moment has been a piece of cake.

TK was introduced to the fine art of using the potty the minute he turned 2. Yes, I put him on the potty his sister used when she was learning to use the toilet, but my son is a chief and so his sister's old potty just didn't work for him.

No problem, I put one of those toilet 'donuts' on the toilet seat so he could sit on an actual toilet.
Soft Potty Seat
That seemed to work for a while, but he soon lost interest in using it. So, I decided to give the little man a break and simply watch him to see when he is ready to return to potty training.

Well, it took a while, but 3 weeks ago, TK woke up without having peed in his diaper overnight. I thought, "Aha! my boy is ready to use the toilet." I thought that just like his big sister, it would be smooth sailing from that point forward.

But, TK had other plans for me. lol!

"TK, sit on the toilet."

"Owkayy, mamaaaa!"

The boy would sit on the toilet, but nothing would come out. Instead, he would tell me "I'm done", get off the toilet seat, run to a corner and pee! For a full week, I ran around my house constantly mopping up pee! Oh, and yes, I cleaned up a couple of em, uh, how do I put it delicately? I cleaned up a few 'accidents' as well, if you know what I mean. lol!

But, then something clicked to TK and all of a sudden, he realized that it is cool to pee in the toilet. And, now, he runs to pee in the toilet all the time. He is so proud oh himself and always announces "I did it!!!!" whenever he is done! This announcement always results in the entire family clapping for him and singing his praises. His baby brother Bomboy is so impressed with TK's potty skills that he walks over to watch the wonder of his brother on the toilet. Hahahaha.

However, I still have to get the boy to learn two things. First, that unlike his father, he is not tall enough to pee standing up and thus does not need to always lift the toilet seat before peeing. And, second, it makes my life easier if he would simply poop in the toilet. I am so tired of cleaning doodoo diapers and cleaning both TK and Bomboy is quite much because well, poop stinks!

So to all those who are potty training their kids, more grease to your elbows. To those of you reading this post who are presumably well potty trained, please call your parents and thank them for the special effort they put into teaching you how to use the toilet. And, to myself, I must remember that no matter how tough potty training TK is, it will never be as bad as this -

At least, I hope not!

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to read Thunder & Lightening and to the many who sent me personal email messages offering congratulations, and meaningful suggestions. It was my first serious attempt into writing fiction and dark fiction at that. I have even more respect for those that weave entertaining stories and on a regular basis. It just can't be easy. My story was not understood by some, but if you have questions, send me a line (my Contact button at Nigerian Curiosity or my Kontactr page will suffice). I will send you your answers over the course of the week.

The same goes for those that are still asking for clarification about the Senior Babe Announcement of 2 weeks ago. I have received quite a few questions from readers and have responded to many as well as I can. But, I will simply quote the brilliantly simple comment left by Kpakpando - SHINE YA EYE! I will merely amend her eloquent statement by saying SHINE YA EYE, WELL, WELL. I have been informed that my post ruffled a few feathers. My simple intention was to make sure that we blogville ladies look out for one another and don't turn a blind eye to the wolf's continuous manipulation of young ladies to their detriment.

Enjoy your week. I will do my blog rounds and catch up with as many of you as possible this week. I spent last week planning a birthday party for my mother, which thankfully went well. But, it cut into my blogging. Make una wish my mama happy belated birthday oh! lol! Take care people and God bless you all.

Monday, June 9, 2008

IT'S RAINING!

Since I no longer post new commercials at my COMMERCIAL MANIAC blog, I thought I would post one here. This is a commercial for Huggies Diapers that I saw recently. It cracked me up because a similar thing happened in my house. Watch the 30 second clip and read the rest below.



Well, when TK was a brand new baby we had a similar experience to what you just watched. From the minute he was born, TK would always have his pee shoot straight into the air during diaper change sessions. lol!!!! Fortunately, Husband was always the target. hahaha. Somehow, my son knew that his mother, who had carried him for 9 months, just did not deserve to be used for pee target practice!

Anyway, one day, Husband was about to change TK's diaper and sweet TE sauntered up to him and asked if she could help. You guys know that TE is the world's best little helper. Well, her father, knowing what he knew of his newborn son's pee target skills, still allowed his daughter to stand by his side while he changed his son's diaper on a changing table. I was seated on a sofa reading a book watching the three of them through the corner of my eye.

Husband slowly undid the first 'wing' on the diaper. Nothing happened. He then undid the second 'wing'. Again, nothing happened. His newborn son simply looked up at him and lay there peacefully waiting to be changed. His older sister, TE was busy chatting away about her new baby, how cute he was and how much she loved him. Her father, however, was in his own world, concerned about not becoming the target of a serious pee assault.

My lovely husband then took a deep breath and took the plunge - he lifted the diaper off my son's private parts and yup, you guessed it, TK's pee shot straight upwards! Husband, all 6 feet of him, ducked and avoided his son's urine. My sweet daughter, TE, wasn't so lucky. lol! She watched the pee rise and lifted her head only to see the same pee fall. RIGHT IN HER FACE.

"It's raining!!!" she said and squealed in absolute delight.

Hahahahaha.

We didn't have the heart to correct her. Would you?

UPDATE (06/11): My contribution to the 14th & Serenity project is now available to read at the site. It is titled "Thunder & Lightening". Please read it and take it easy on me with your comments. =)

Monday, June 2, 2008

SENIOR BABE NETWORK - BEWARE OF THE WOLF

Yes, there is indeed a Senior Babe Network. Thanks be to God, I was granted membership sometime ago and have managed to continuously remain a member.

What, do you ask, is the Senior Babe Network?

It is a simple coalition of women whose goal and responsibility it is to help their fellow sisters in whatever shape possible. Senior Babes don't do girl fights. Senior Babes don't fight each other over men. Senior Babes don't even fight each other over job promotions. Instead, they strategize and work together to ensure that all members get necessary promotions and salary bonuses.

Yes, you might not be aware of the Senior Babes Network, but if you are a woman, they are aware of you. Unfortunately, not all women will enter the golden halls of the Senior Babe Network's headquarters. That is because, not all women keep the interests of their fellow women folks at heart. But that being said, this is a Public Service Announcement to every female Nigerian blogger currently in blogville or that will join the wonderful Nigerian blogger community in the future. BEWARE OF THE WOLF!

As a card carrying member of Senior Babe Network, it is my duty to remind all my sisters (and brothers too) that like any community, blogville has its fair share of wolves who will take advantage of you. Please, people, stop allowing yourself to be fooled. Wolves have used their lyrical and poetical prowess to conquer the minds of many an intelligent blogger. The end result has been disastrous. For me to now discover that this has been the fate of many a blogville female is saddening. It was even more saddening to realize that most of these ladies could have averted the disaster if there was a closer network amongst bloggers. I just hope that all of us, regardless of our sex, tribe, religion or even inclinations, will try to look out for each other.

That being said, the Senior Babe Network would like to remind every member of the Nigerian blogville family that we only have each other to lean on. As such, we must treat ourselves well. So, ladies, do not fall prey to the wolf. And to the wolves out there, tread lightly, remember that what you do will always come back to haunt you one way or another. It is better to treat people well than to do otherwise and squander your reputation.

So ladies, play the game like a Senior babe and stay away from the wolves.

PS: Visit solomonsydelle.flux.com and become a member of SOLOMONSYDELLE'S FORUM! It is still under construction, but I am opening it up to the ...Easier... fam for your input to create a forum that is user friendly for us all. Also, thanks for participating in Nigerian Proclamation Day! Make sure you look out for my upcoming contribution to 14th & Serenity. It's coming on June 11th. And, make sure you go claim your spot in the Values discussion at Nigerian Curiosity.