Monday, April 28, 2008

BOMBOY-ISM

My people, how una dey? Oh, for the pidgin challenged among us, that simply means "how are ya?"lol!

The weekend was too short and action packed. It was spent running around with husband and kids doing errands. But, I was kept entertained by the colorful suggestions so many of you gave to "Fatou" about her "ancient toasters" problem. Thank you all for taking the time to offer her advice.

But, back to the matter for today. The topic of discussion is "Bomboy-ism". "Bomboy-ism" is defined in the Dictionary of All Things SolomonSydelle (which is coming to a fine bookstore near you) as,
Bomboyism (v) behavior that falls short of bullying, "ogboju"
behavior would be considered wickedness if not because the actor is a small, bossy child
Yes, my baby son, who just turned 1 a few weeks ago, has been throwing his weight around in my house. He does not realize that he is the youngest person here. He crawls up to his sister and pulls her hair if she won't share some of her naan with him or he smacks his big brother on the head when TK takes a toy away from him. His temper is meteoric and his bravado or, rather, bomboyism stunts are beginning to 'whip' his siblings into line. lol!

Primary Example: Lunchtime in the backyard
Whenever we have nice warm weather, I allow the kids to run around the backyard and eat lunch outside on their Spongebob Squarepants table set. Bomboy is allowed to sit and eat on my lap as I sit on the back steps having lunch with the older kids. Well, on Saturday afternoon, TK and TE were eating creamy macaroni and cheese with yummy chicken.

Bomboy went outside and held the table to keep himself standing. He moved over to his sister's side and tried to grab a piece of chicken. TE shouted "No!" Bomboy gave her 'the look' and within 2 seconds, TE picked up the chicken and gave it to Bomboy saying, "Okay, baby brother here's some chicken." Bomboy accepted her offering and said "Da kum" (he says that whenever he is happy).

Bomboy, still holding until the table, moved over to TK's side of the table. Unlike TE, TK had eaten his chicken first and so, only had macaroni and cheese in his bowl. Bomboy looked at the bowl and reached his hand to grab some macaroni and cheese. TK shouted, "No, baby! No, mac and cheese for youuuuuu."

Big mistake. Bomboy looked at his older brother. He watched TK fill his mouth with macaroni and cheese. He watched the creamy cheese dribble down the side of TK's mouth, slide down his chin and unto his shirt. He watched TK pick up his cup and take a swig of refreshing and glistening cold water and say, "Ah...."

All of a sudden, time went still. From my position in the backyard, where I was watering the corn TE is growing, I saw Bomboy's left hand rise up oh, so slowly. TK was busy giggling with his sister TE, oblivious to the coming disaster. Bomboy's hand, nonetheless, continued to rise and I dropped the water can and started to move towards the table. But, as is the case when the world goes into slow motion, I was not quick enough to stem the action that I knew was coming once I saw Bomboy's determined look.

Bomboy flung his hand, hard, into TK's bowl. Macaroni and cheese flew violently in every direction. Bomboy then grabbed the bowl, crawled off onto the cottony soft grass that his father has been grooming in preparation for summer barbecues in the backyard, and settled into stuffing his 4-teeth filled mouth with as much mac and cheese as possible!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The fallout was incredible! TK started screaming "Mama" in protest. TE's eyes widened in shock and she watched her baby brother zoom past her with a bowl in one hand. I was still running towards the scene of the bomboyism. And, Officer Bomboy? Well, he looked at his brother through the corner of his eye and spoke, with a full mouth, saying, "bedada ga baba!!!!" (which in Bomboy lingo means, "you should have given me a little bit in the first place!").

As I was too busy trying to control my laughter, I simply calmed TK down and went into the kitchen to get him some more chicken. I then walked over to Bomboy, picked him up, took him to his brother, told him to say sorry, which he did, and then took him back to his position in the yard to enjoy his ill-gotten mac and cheese.

And, this is just one of many incidents where Bomboy has shown his siblings who is the boss. God, please help me. Help me teach this boy to know that he cannot just 'step up' to people that are bigger than him. Thank you Lord for his brave streak, though! Help Husband and I keep the peace in this house, because Bomboyism is serious!

Friday, April 25, 2008

TALK TO THE EASIER CREW: SUITORS

PS- I know "Fatou Djiallo" is not a 'Nigerian' name (to my knowledge). But the reader wanted to remain anonymous and that was the name that came to mind while illustrating her story. =)

As someone that was constantly chased by older men, all I can say to you, "Fatou", is that you are probably a very mature young lady that attracts the attention, unwanted as it may be, of older men. Also, the fact that in our email correspondence you expressed that you are extremely blessed with 'boobage' and 'backside' suggests to me that these men cannot help themselves. lol! I'm sorry, guys will chase you based on that, my sista. Don't know what to tell you about that.

Also, I never had "ancient toasters", so to that, I have no words. Anyway, my Easier fam, what do you guys think?

Oya, make una begin yarn....

Monday, April 21, 2008

DISCIPLINING THE KING

How many of you know what a koboko is? Come on, put your hands up so I can see properly. Eh hehn. Good. lol!

Koboko is a whip/tree branch/twig that is used to discipline/flog/terrorize people in Nigeria. Teachers will actually ask their students to come to class with their own koboko and prepare for a serious lashing. Soldiers used to use it to 'lash' civilians during one of the older military dictatorships (was that Buhari's? I think so).

Anyway, in my house, my children's stubbornness has forced me to resort to a 'koboko'. Yes, my people! I know you are supposed to talk to your children and help them understand things, but by God who made me, I have 3 rambunctious children and sometimes the only way to get my children to focus, particularly my boys, is by breaking out my 'koboko'.

The 'koboko' I use is not the average twig many of you might remember from your student days. Oh, no, my 'koboko' is fancy. In fact, it came from my husband's country, the Commonwealth of Dominica, an island in the Caribbean (big shout out to Wai'tukubili!). It is called a 'wife leader'. Yup, you read right, but you can read it out loud to yourself just to make doubly sure.
a 'wife leader' from the Commonwealth of Dominica

The original inhabitants of Dominica were Carib Indians (Dominica's original name was Wai'tukubuli, hence the shout out above) and part of their tradition was for a husband to put a wife leader on his wife. He would then lead her around as he went about his business. Well, I didn't see anyone leading their wife on a wife leader when i went to Dominica in 2007, but people do give wife leaders as presents to new brides.
it is attached to the pinky finger

Anyway, in my house, 'wife leader' has become 'koboko'. It is used judiciously to spank TK. Yes, him. The guy refuses to sleep at nap time and instead looks out his window shouting at people below! Don't worry, the window is always closed. But his fascination with looking out his window has led him to break the blinds not once, but twice! And, this is where the 'wife leader'/koboko comes in handy. Whenever he refuses to sleep, I simply come into his room holding the 'wife leader'. Mehn, you should see the way the guy flies into his bed. If I make the mistake of coming into his room without the 'wife leader', the guy just looks at me and smiles with a look that says "I know you're not going to spank me. Sucker!" So you see why I need it? In fact, the wife leader's permanent residence is right on top of TK's bedroom door, see?
the wife leader's permanent residence

Although, I have a new technique that works when TK is having a tantrum (he's in that terrible 2 stage, you know). I simply walk over to him and whisper a stern warning in his ear. Can you believe that it works? You have no idea how nice it is to see my son go from level 10 to level 1 in 3 seconds flat! The guy knows now that if does not cooperate, i will not hesitate to break out my koboko.

And, if you are wondering why we have a 'wife leader' in my house, it is because my husband thought it would be funny. He insisted on buying it as a reminder to me on how good I've got it. After all, in his mind, I could be one of those women being led by her mate around town. I laughed then and laugh now. Oga dey forget say i be proper Nija babe. Before then put that kain thing for my finger I go just were/craze/act crazy for them. I would remove my gele and my earrings and pull some Oshodi/Balogun market woman stunts! hahaha. They would have to kill me first. Walahi! lol! And, I'll confess, I bought one for a couple of my girlfriends, sha.

Well, enjoy the rest of your week. Make sure you read the last mini-post from Saturday called 'Thanks'. On Friday, we have a new question that will require your assistance. A young lady needs help with the sort of suitors she attracts. I will not pose the question to the kids as the subject matter is a little heavy but hope you guys will have some creative ideas to help the lady. Don't forget to send in your questions for the 'Talk to the Easier Crew' segments. Also, are there any questions that you would like to ask me about anything - me, the kids, life, Nigeria, whatever? If so, feel free to contact me.

Finally, I know I am late, but I just discovered this Ghanaian musician, Kwabena Kwabena. He has this song called 'Aso', that I cannot get out of my head. I am quite disappointed that he does not have a video for this song online even though it came out in 2006 or 2007. Kwabena, if you happen to read this, "bra" - come and give us a video nah, chale! I hope that my Ghanaian crew (yes, oh, I have Ghanaian family and friends) will appreciate this song on the blog and please forgive this Youtube clip, but it was the only one I could find. And, the guy who made it tried, even though I clueless to the computer game it depicts, I thank him for making it. Let me know your thoughts on the song, especially you, Nogo...



And, yay! Catwalq Academie is back!!!!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

THANKS

Since Zena asked for it, here is a mini-post. I typically do not post until Mondays, but thought, this could be something to help her until then. lol!

No, really, it is just a thanks from me to you guys for your constant support and the excellent blogs you have from which I gather much inspiration. Especially for my 'work of fiction' Saturday Morning.

Have a wonderful weekend and don't forget t submit your questions for the next 'Talk To the Easier Crew' Segment.

PS. sorry the camera's flash affected some of the shots. I think I will put up a picture of our dog, Popcorn...

Sunday, April 13, 2008

SATURDAY MORNING

Soft sun rays filtered in through the plantation shutters and Larry's eyes fluttered open. He was awake. He looked straight up at the ceiling and was forced to look at the swathes of see-through fabric that covered the posts of the king size canopy bed his wife called her "Princess bed".

He sighed and turned his head to look at his sleeping wife. She lay there beside him, eyes closed, lips slightly apart. The sun's rays lit up her face and she glowed in the early morning light. He kissed her gently on her forehead. Her eyes remained closed but her lips broadened in a bright smile.

"Hey, baby." she said, in a soft, husky voice that made him melt.
"Good morning, sunshine." he said and kissed her fully on her lips.
"Mmmm," she exclaimed. "What a way to wake up on a Saturday morning. You must do this more often."
"What?" he chuckled.
"You know. Wake me up with kisses and stuff. Best way to rise and shine, in my opinion."

He laughed heartily. His wife had a way of bringing out laughter from him that no other person could.

"Shhh." she said.
"Okay, okay, okay" he said through gasps of laughter, struggling to make less noise.
"Come here." she said.

He moved closer to his wife and held her. As they began to kiss, she pulled her head away from him and asked quickly, "Is it locked?"
"Mm hmm." He mumbled as he started to remove her nightie.
"You sure?"
"Mm hmm. Stop worrying."

Larry and his wife became enwrapped in their world and very soon reached the point of no return. She grabbed him and he closed his eyes in expectant pleasure.

But, Larry was soon disappointed as their bedroom door burst open and the couple's 2 year old son ran into the room screaming, "Goo mohny..."

Larry flew off his wife and ran towards his son. Half in an attempt to throw the boy out of the room and half in an attempt to shield him from seeing things that his 2 year old mind probably would not be able to deal with. His wife scurried under the sheets.

"Goo mohny, daddy!" their son said, looking up at his father.
"Uh, Bode, uh, yes, uh, good morning, son." Larry stuttered, reality dawning on him that his good times were over for the morning.

His wife chuckled on the bed, looked at her husband and whispered, "Sorry, baby."
Her husband could not hide his pained disappointment. He looked at her, sighed and shook his head.

Larry took a deep breath. "Okay, son. Why don't you go wake up your big sister and little brother and then we'll all brush our teeth." he said to Bode.
"Okay daddy." Bode said and began to leave. He stopped and looked at his father, carefully. Something seemed different. The little boy cocked his head over to the side and developed a puzzled look.

On the bed watching the interaction between father and son, Larry's wife realized what was coming and began to laugh quietly.

"Daddy?"
"Yes, son?"
"What's that?"
"Huh?" Larry asked, bewildered.
"What is THAT?" Bode asked, pointing at his father.

Larry's wife could not help herself and began to laugh hysterically. Her tears sparkled in the bright morning sun like precious gemstones.

"Um. Uh. Don't worry about that. Just go wake up Sade and Wade for me."
"Okay daddy."

Between her fits of loud laughter, Larry's wife walked up to him, kissed him on the lips and said, "Happy Saturday morning, father of three."

She laughed and went off to brush her teeth leaving Larry looking out the plantation shutters, that his wife had spent hours picking, in utter disbelief.





This story is fictional and not based on any particular person's life. Okay, maybe I am lying just a little. Nontheless, I plead the fifth. So, please do not ask me any questions I cannot answer. Hahaha. Have a wonderful week!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

BOMBOY TURNED 1

Thanks be to God! My youngest son and resident officer became a one year old on Saturday! Thanks to so many of you that sent wonderful wishes to the guy. I tried reading some to him but, his interest lay in playing with a few toys. Sorry. I am sure when he gets older, he will appreciate the nice words. lol!

Anyway, the day was schizophrenic to say the least. From a friend calling to say that her son might have the flu, to calls coming in from Nigeria, Europe and the Caribbean from family and friends. The party was to start at 5pm but by 5pm every single child of mine was knocked out! Yes, your eyes are not playing tricks on you, my children were fast asleep, snoring away in their rooms exhausted from all the play and fan fare.

Here's why. Some aunties and kids came earlier in the day. For some reason, April 5th was the day when there were numerous baby showers, birthday parties and weddings. (I even bumped into a fellow Nigerian neighbor who was running around Target like a chicken looking for last minute baby shower gifts on Saturday morning, but that is another story, lol). So, on account of their packed schedules, and the fact that some of Bomboy's friends are babies like him who have tight nap time schedules, I had some people come by the house early. Ah, my kids ran around the house eating, drinking, playing. All this around 12 noon. Then more people come in at 1:30pm and it's more food, drinks and running around. Then more people come in at 2:45pm and its more of the same. By 4:15pm, Bomboy and TK got cranky and their dad took one look at them and carried all 3 of his children, at once, and took them up to bed. The guy, who had been at the golf course all day, walked in the house and could not handle all the hyper children (he hadn't even been there for 5 minutes).

So, off they went for a nap, leaving myself and a couple of my girlfriends to shoot the breeze while they ate Husband's ox-tail (yes, ladies, the man wasn't too pleased to find out that his beloved ox-tail rations had been minimized, hahahaha). After my girlfriends left, a couple more people trooped in and out and we were left with my lovely neighbors Aunty 'Maka (from the last post), her husband who the kids call Uncle Dodo (that's another story), Bomboy's 'paddy' (close friend and partner in crime), Baby A, Baby A's parents, my hubby, my kids, (who were forced awake for dinner at 7pm by their father), and the incredible Aunty Catwalq! We all sat in the kitchen, laughing about various kinds of food (Catwalq swore that water fufu/starch is made from the same starch that people use to stiffen their clothes), snacking on meat pie and sausage rolls, tiny cupcakes, some red wine (juice for the kids oh) and watching Bomboy and Baby A do what crawling boys do.

I did not get to bed until way past 2am because hanging out with Catwalq is always an adventure in itself. After driving her home, we sat gisting in the car for over an hour, only for her to then tell me that people had just recently shot-up her dorm. When I heard that one, I kindly asked the babe to drop from my moto so I can retreat to the sanctity of my boring suburban village. hahahaha. Come to think of it, my 'boring' neighborhood is not that boring. Earlier on Saturday morning, an armed man robbed a nearby bank and lost his life in the process. All this happened outside my community about 2 miles away. The cops in my neighborhood do not play at all, at all.

Anyway, I am tired. Husband and I decided to pretend that we were adults and drank quite a bit last night. I had mojitos and he had Ponche Aruba, a thick liquor my girl brought as a gift from me from her recent trip to Aruba. I woke this morning with a headache. I still have a headache and TE is upstairs bossing her two brothers around, so, off I go to keep the peace.

God bless!

PS: Blogger has been giving me problems since Monday, so I am unable to put up the pic of Bomboy and Baby A that I wanted to share. Sorry!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

MY THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE

Arewa recently put up a post on marriage and relationships. My comment there became an epistle that I promised to expand upon here. And, here it goes...

E NO EASY
I am in no way an expert on marriage, but if there is one thing I have learned it is that marriage is not easy. Forget what you saw in the latest chick flick or romantic drama film, marriage is tough and couples need to get their issues out on the table pre-marriage. I blame Disney for the misconceptions that exist about marriage. People think that couples are kissing all the time and engaging in well, how do I put it - extracurricular bedroom activities. Marriage is a little bit more than that and involves worrying about bills, gas prices and annoying people at the job. This is why I encourage every couple to have a very long, very hard conversation or series of discussions before marriage. Couples can speak with the aid of a marriage counselor, a priest/pastor, a trusted and respected family member or friend. If it is decided that a third parties input/assistance is unwanted then the couple should set aside some time to talk about everything from whether or not they will go to Church, how many children they want and any other question that seems silly.

COMMUNICATION IS KEY
We always hear about the importance of communication in relationships and for good reason. Communication is essential to every healthy relationship. Couples must be willing to talk about problems and listen to each other's concerns in a respectful manner whether or not you agree. Failure to do so will breed discontent and contempt which will end a marriage. Marriage does not make your partner an automatic mind reader. Sometimes, I wish I could find Husbands reset button. lol! But, since he does not have one, and I do not have one either, we both have to take a deep breathe and express our concerns in a non-confrontational manner.

FIGHT FAIR
A couple I know, that have been married for 30 years once gave me a key piece of advise - never be mad at each other at the same time. I swear by this suggestion! In my marriage, I am typically the one 'boning' (upset about something). Thank god my husband doesn't pay me no mind. When I get upset because the man failed to do something, like, oh, I don't know, share a mango with me (he is so selfish about mangos, I swear!), the guy will give me a kiss and nibble on my ear. because I believe in fighting fair, I accept the kiss, and demand that he get another mango that he feeds to me! I don't go grab his mangos and fling them out the window, though I have wanted to! My point is, when you are upset with your mate, please keep in mind that there will be a time when you are no longer angry, so do not do anything overly malicious that could present a problem once you guys are lovey dovey again.

CARVE OUT TIME FOR EACH OTHER
That's self-explanatory right? Okay, make sure you guys find time to do what lovers do. That is an essential part of marriage and well, that's all I'll say. **wink, wink**

Well, I'm no expert on this stuff, but, I think these suggestions are helpful. There is no need to fear getting into relationships. As long as you get into a relationship with a kind person, conduct yourselves wisely and have respect for each other (number one on my list, actually), everything will be fine. That does not mean that there will be no bumps on the road, but it does mean that you will get over them with dignity and strength.

We'll be back to regular programming on Monday! Have a wonderful weekend! Oh, and please thank God for me. On Saturday, April 5th, Bomboy turns ONE!!! Party time, again!