Saturday, January 26, 2008

I'M SORRY...

I unfortunately do not have a new post this week. I apologize greatly but my heart is quite heavy. I have avoided dealing with the passing of a cousin but can do so no longer. For that reason, this weeks post will come a little later than usual. Unlike my Nigerian Curiosity blog, I do not have any backlogged posts that I could simply share with you all.

The kids are well and mischievous as usual. In fact, Bomboy gave me a heart attack by climbing up 6 steps in an attempt to get bananas. (Long story, but remember that he is only 10 months old). Husband is fine and I will be better in no time. I simply tend to block out the pain from losing people, so even though it registers when I am told, it really takes about a week for me to really deal with it. So, I now have to deal with this loss.

Please, read this hilarious story that many of you never read because I wrote it last summer. Pay particular attention to what the old lady did to me and what part of my body she did it to.

A Series of Embarrassing Events


Thanks for your patience. Take care and thank you for the hug Omosewa.

Monday, January 21, 2008

DISCRIMINATION, PURE & SIMPLE....

It is incredible how much you can learn from watching children and interacting with them. For instance, I know what clear discrimination feels like, and can you imagine - at the hands of my own child!

Bomboy is a wonderful child that smiles and laughs all the time. However when it comes to his food, things can get very serious. Bomboy likes to chew chicken and rub his gums on a chicken bone. He also loves bananas and mango. And, dodo (fried plantain) has no become his passion. However, as he is only 9 months, he can only eat very tiny amount of these and other foods. So, he still drinks baby formula. When his father is feeding him, Bomboy will accept a bottle of formula. In fact, he will accept the bottle gratefully, smile and coo at his father and eat greedily.

Now, if I try to feed him formula in a bottle, that is another matter. The war that ensues, eh, na real wahala! The boy will twist and turn, jump up and down, shout, scream! Anything to register his great displeasure at the fact that I would DARE present him with such a thing. Why? The boy does not want anything other than A BOOBY from me! Ohhhh hoh...so, when daddy feeds him with a bottle, it is okay, but if mommy dares to offer him a bottle, I have committed a crime!

My people, I carried this boy for 9 months, wake up at night to feed, burp and change him, and will spend my whole life worrying about every little thing he does. But, yet, I am treated like a criminal when I try to bottle feed him! The boy shouts at me and only God knows what abuse he is heaping on me in 'baby talk' every time I try to bottle feed him. I have discovered that to appease him, I must present a booby as an offering! Ah, once he sees me lifting my shirt, he automatically calms down and starts to say "Eh, eh, eh" in anticipation. When he finally sees the booby, he gets excited very excited and acts like he has never eaten before. And, then once he gets what he wants, there is peace in my house.

But, why will he not accept a bottle from me? It is not fair! I never ever thought that I would face discrimination at the hands of one of my own children. And in such an overt manner. These are things that mothers go through.

Kai! E no good oh!

lol! I should make a t-shirt for him that says "Boobies only!" hahahahaha!

Friday, January 18, 2008

IT'S THE WEEKEND...

and I just discovered a new song. How many of you guys remember the song 'Flex' by Mad Cobra? It was such a hot song when I was growing up in Nigeria.

Anyway, some Naija guys have released a song based on Cobra's version and it is pretty nice. Warning, this video is not safe for work - NSFW - so please don't watch it around your kids either as I saw a half naked girl in the first minute. However, the song is nice and it reminded me of the older version and growing up in Lagos.

Have a great weekend and come back on Monday for a tale about Bomboy's discriminating ways!



Also, watch Multicultural Relationships: A Nigerian Perspective at Nigerian Curiosity TV. I also was a guestblogger for Omodudu.com and wrote about the upcoming Nation's Cup. Good luck Super Eagles!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

AAAAAHHHH

It is 1:45pm in Maryland, U.S.A. and 7:45pm in Abuja, Nigeria.

The following is an account of the last 10 minutes in my house.

1:35pm: TK pours half a container of baby formula on the living room floor.

1:36pm: I, SolomonSydelle, spank TK once on his backside for making a mess. TK says "Okay, mama" and runs off to play.

1:39pm: I am feeding Bomboy, who sat in a highchair for the first time today, when TE rushes up to me and says, "The toilet is being naughty, mama."

1:40pm: I stroll over to the powder room to discover that it has flooded and water is not in the living room. TE stuffed an entire roll of toilet paper in it, hence a flood scene.

1:41pm: I have a 'talk' with TE and spank her.

1:42pm: I take TE and TK upstairs for naptime.

1:43pm: Bomboy is screaming his head off because he threw up all over himself, the high chair and my kitchen floor which I just cleaned.

1:44pm: With, Bomboy on my back (wrapped him in my wrapper/cloth), I grab my salad, which has been waiting patiently for me for over 30 minutes) and decide to avoid the mess that is still waiting for me to clean. I begin to walk down to the first floor...

1:45pm: I discover a large pool of water that is dripping from the ceiling and making a nasty scene in my foyer by the front door. The flood in the powder room upstairs is making its way downstairs.

The time is now 1:53pm, my salad is almost finished, Bomboy is playing with toys, this is not a dream so, the house still needs to be cleaned and this post was hardly therapeutic. It simply was a stalling tactic.

Let this be a lesson to all you aspiring parents about how your house can become a war zone in under 15 minutes! lol!

Feel free to volunteer your cleaning services or cheering services. God knows I need both right now.

Wow, that just made me chuckle. This blogging stuff might just be therapeutic, after all. Nope, forget that, Bomboy is crying again.

Later....

Monday, January 14, 2008

"NO! NO DAEEEPAH!!"

Una see me see trouble oh! TK is now giving me orders! The boy is running around the playroom in a soiled diaper and when I tell him to come for a diaper change, he screams, "No daeepah!" at me and runs off! Can someone tell this boy that this is not a cat and mouse game? And, can someone tell me why he chose to poop IMMEDIATELY AFTER I put a new diaper on him? (Why do kids always do that?)

This wouldn't be that much of a problem if not for the fact that every time he runs by me I get an incredibly strong whiff of his stinkiness and my people, if only I could package it and make it a link that you could click on and smell... Pheeeewwww! In fact, Bomboy is now reacting to the stench with uncontrollable crying and flight from the source. No lie!!! (Husband is watching all this in amusement.) TE is screaming, "Stinky!" And, when I got up to grab the boy a few seconds ago, the boy saw me through the corner of his eyes and ran!

I don't understand how these small people, scratch that, how TK, can produce such deadly poop! Alright, I lied, I know how. His aunt, Billie Paige warned me about feeding my son yam, goat meat, ogbono soup, and moin moin. But what am I supposed to do? My children are Nigerian children and must eat Nigerian food, shebi? They cannot live on pasta and macaroni & cheese alone, shay?

As I finish this post, I realize that I have been abandoned. Husband and Bomboy have fled the scene, TE has her hands over her nose and is going upstairs and TK is just looking at me from the other side of the room with that look on his face. It says, "Catch me if you dare." Na wa oh! Let me go start running behind this boy. Wish me luck!


BTW, Bomboy clapped for the first time on Friday! yay!. Alright, now, I'm off for doodoo battle!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

SILENT BUT DEADLY

My people, the new year is off to a raucous start in my house, but we are thankful for healthy and rambunctious children! Thanks for all the well-wishes. God's blessings to you all!

Well, on to gist. I'm not sure if I have ever shared this interesting fact about my gang and I, but I live in a house of farters! Yes, I'll admit that freely - no body is perfect and as my Husband says all the time, "It is better to get that stuff out, than keep it in..." Despite this, I have always tried to be the voice of reason, discouraging the loud and obnoxious farting competitions. TK will fart, and literally inhale his gas to make sure it meets his sensory approval and then laugh really hard. TE, will fart loudly but will at least say "Excuse me," (thank God for that girl).

My issue with the whole thing is that they all fart so loud. I cannot believe that people do not know how to fart silently, after all, I do. As for the kids, they always farted silently until recently when their daddy farted loudly a few times to make them laugh. Now, I am living in a house of loud-farting monsters!

I have now learned that farting loudly means nothing when it comes to farts that are silent but deadly. Not too long ago, my husband insisted on taking us out for dinner. I was naturally excited and my mind began wandering towards the incredible delectable possibilities. Before I knew it, however, we were in front of a fast-food, Southern Style barbecue joint called 'KBQ'. My heart dropped, but I looked around the car and TE, TK, Bomboy and Husband were giddy with joy, so I pretended to be happy as well. After all, I should at least try this barbecue food before writing it off to the dogs, right?

When my order of beef brisket with jalapeño/cheese cornbread arrived, I will not lie, I again realized that I did not like barbecue food and knew that I would not like my food. But, I soldiered on, I tried to be brave. I ate my food like a champion! And, I suffered the consequences.

I soon began to feel bloated. So, I decided to go to the gym and work-off the nastiness that I had ingested. At the gym, I hopped on a tread climber, feeling like some-kind of Olympic athlete. As I worked out, I farted. It took a while, but once the stench hit me, I throughly stumbled, and almost fell of the exercise machine! Haba! That nasty food was having a bad reaction in my usually sensible stomach. I couldn't believe it! I usually can eat anything, after all I am a Nigerian and I went to boarding school where Iya Tinuke's nasty sweat (and who knows what else) frequently ended up in the eba are other 'delicacies' that we, boarders, were constantly served. Not once did my kongi-stomach ever falter me.

So, it was hard for me to believe that some oyingbo-barbecue food was going to cause a problem. Anyway, I began to freak out about the smell of my flatulence. lol! I looked around me and was relieved that the gym was relatively empty. I made a mental note to not break wind anymore and for a while, my people, I was able to keep things under control.

Then, some lady climbed onto the machine next to me. Knowing what I knew about the intense nastiness of my gas, I became a little nervous. What if I farted. I encouraged myself to simply focus on my workout. But, I started to sweat big buckets of sweat. It might have been the work out, but I seriously doubt that. "Okay, don't fart. Don't fart" was all I could think, over and over again. I started to get distracted. All that pressure got to me and well, yes, you guessed it, I let it rip. The gas that came out of my system was so foul, even I had to shake my head in disbelief! I quietly prayed to God for forgiveness for unleashing a beast around the poor lady that was diligently exercising beside me. Oh, how embarassing.

I couldn't even breathe! It was sooooo nasty!!!!!! I could just imagine what the lady was thinking. As there was no one else close by, I couldn't pretend that someone else had farted. There I was, on a tread climber at the gym, feeling naked and throughly embarrassed! I thought that the children's antics at the Department store and that TK's scud missiles on the plane had been bad. Oh, no, I finally discovered what it means to be embarrassed! As for the lady in the gym. She stayed on her machine for another 20 minutes, got off and walked away. Have I seen her since? The answer is no and I don't plan to see that poor lady again. But, just in case she is reading - "Sorry!"

As for the rest of the family, everyone, except for Bomboy, spent the following day releasing deadly vapors! There's were loud, while mine remained silent but deadly.

Hahahaha.