TTTEC WEEK: MARITAL INFERTILITY

Alright Easier Crew, if you failed to read Marriage Regrets, please go join the conversation. Today's issue might be the toughest one of all. I have given this reader my own opinion and now it is your turn.

*********************
My wife, Emily, and I have been married for 5 years. During this time, we have been trying to have children. For years, Emily refused to see a speciallist about the problem. She always argued that she didn't want to involve anyone in the issue and stressed that God would provide our children at the right time. I am a peaceful man, and so, I agreed to let the issue be and continue doing what we could to get pregnant.

As time went on, she refused to talk to our pastor, and continued to refuse professional help. But, this year, I just couldn't take it anymore and insisted that we see one of London's best specialists while we were there for a quick trip. Well, when we went to hear the results of the tests, the doctor told us that we will never have children because my wife's womb is scarred beyond repair or something like that. I couldn't even take in what the man was saying but I know he told me that children are out of the question for us. Emily was simply quiet and said nothing to me all the way to the hotel room. Once there, she began weeping uncontrollably.

Then she got down on her knees and started begging me. I had no idea what was going on until she confessed that she had had some abortions in her younger days and that that was the reason why she could not bear children.

I was stunned and numb. I asked her when she knew of this and she told me she knew this even before she met me. Now, I have always made it clear from the beginning of our courtship that I want to be a father. I grew up in a family of 3 boys and one girl with parents that were very loving and encouraging. I have always wanted to provide the same structure for my own children. But now, this woman has cheated me of my dreams and my future! I feel like I have been 419ed into marrying someone who deliberately lied to me by making me believe that we would have children even though she knew that would be impossible. Had she not lied to me, things would be better. I have always loved Emily but this lie has shattered me to the chore.

My mother and father have refused to offer any advice on this matter other than to tell me to follow my heart and take it easy. I wonder how easy they would take it if they knew that Emily has now confessed to sleeping with anywhere between 35 to 40 men before meeting me. This, despite the fact that she once told me she had only slept with 2 men before me. I keep wondering what else I am going to find out about this woman and I cannot take it.

My older brother tells me to forgive her. But, that is easy for him to say. He has a wonderful wife that he trusts and 5 healthy children. He is the envy of everyone in the family and especially me. My older sister, on the otherhand, has expressly suggested that i get a divorce and start afresh. But, she never quite liked Emily at the beginning of our relationship and even though somedays I think she is right, I can't help but feel that she is overly biased.

I have done everything for Emily out of love and I have received deception and lies in return. I cannot figure out what to do. I don't want to adopt. Why should I adopt when I have perfectly fine sperm and my wife chose to destroy her own womb because she was loose! My father would never approve of me bringing another woman into the marriage and that would probably give my mother cause to kill me. But, I am seriously considering moving on with my life. Emily seems contrite, but can I actually believe her? Or is this just another lie on her part so as to keep me in her life.

I am very confused.
********************