Thanks for coming by to read this second post from Talk To The Easier Crew Week. If you did not read the last post, To Tell The Truth or Not?, please read it and participate in the conversation.
And now for today's issue....
Solly:
I feel so horrible right now. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 8 years and became boyfriend and girlfriend in secondary school. he now lives and works in England, but comes home frequently, so I see him often. We have had a good relationship although at one point we broke up for a brief period of 7 months and during that time he dated this girl at his school, Bisi. Since then, Bisi has never neglected an opportunity to remind me that herself and Ranti were in a relationship. She is even friends with him on Facebook. Whenever she comes home, she always spreads mean rumors about me that always get back to me. And, she always finds her way to visit Ranti, and if he isn't in the country, she will go visit his siblings (Ranti's big sister was her school mother in boarding house).
Not too long ago, my best friend called me to tell me that I should go on Facebook. She refused to tell me why but I was able to find out soon enough. Ranti's status no longer said "In a Relationship" with me. I was devastated. We had talked a few days earlier, and we had an argument because he said he would not be coming home for Christmas as originally planned and he told me that I should not travel to Jand because he was going to be busy. But, there was no indication that we were breaking up. Well, I signed into Facebook using Ranti's password (yes, I have the password and have had it for a long time) and the things I saw were disgusting! First of all, she has been sending him sexy messages asking him when he will visit her room. Secondly, a look at Bisi's FB page showed that she is "In a relationship" and her status said, "Can't wait to be with you again Big R."
I am soooo angry! This ugly girl is chasing my boyfriend and Ranti has refused to talk to me. I have called him, and emailed him, but he will not answer my questions. It has been 2 weeks so far. I am so angry, I wanted to buy my ticket and go find him in London, but now, his sister told my best friend that he is coming home next week. Why did he lie to me, and tell me he wasn't coming home for xmas? Is he cheating on me with Bisi? I want to go wait for him at the airport and abuse him for the idiot he is. I am feeling very hurt and confused, because I really though that I would marry him someday. I love him and he has told me he loves me and I believed him. Please give me some advice.
32 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
FIRST!
Would give advice but I have come to realize that nobody has the answer. 3 months ago i'll have been like dump the motherfucker. two weeks ago i'll have said love will find a way. today i'm too exhausted to try. if you are not then good for you, give it another try.
Only advice I could give you would involve a baseball bat, plane ticket to where ever Bisi is at and money to get out of jail.
"Is he cheating on me with Bisi?"
YES HE IS!!!(like duhhhh!!!no pun intended!)
Talk to him about your relationship when he gets to Nigeria...if your instinct tells you to dump him...please do...all the best
Why bother going to the airport to abuse Ranti?
The best abuse is to move on with your life. There will be someone better waiting for you in the nearest future. Be happy that you didn't get married to someone who does not have any potential to love and be with just one woman. Most importantly, be happy...because he didn't love you...and you don't want to waste a lifetime finding that out!
MOVE ON!
There's no need to embarass yourself or give the childish female the opportunity to disgrace you. Try and find other things to occupy your time and mind and praise God that you aren't married to him. A grown man involving himself in facebook relationship drama needs to grow up!
Both of them deserve each other and she seems like one of those unpleasant girls that will give him a lifetime headache.
The last laugh wil be yours so be strong.
I fully agree with Jaycee and kk. Better a broken 8 year relationship than marriage, if he is already misbehaving now, thank God for opening your eyes.
Hey! you need a lifetime.........and 8 years cannot be compared to that, chuck all the memories down the trash, as hard as it is.........the world is so much more than you think it is, Rant who? Please girl, you are way better than that
Ps: I walked out of 6 1/2 yrs and believe me when i say....I have NEVER regretted it!
My dears, please don't let someone play with your heart, it is too precious for that. Yes confront him about the issue...think about it and decide on what to do. Your boyfriend is a willing participant in this whole episode, the other woman is not forcing him to be with her.
Ask yourself is that the kind of man you want to be with....goodluck.
Don't bother going to meet him at the airport.
Dont bother thinking of ways to get back @ him.
Dont bother thinking of ways to Kill Bisi.
Rather, pray about things and let God lead u.
first things first, DONT go to to the airport. typical dude will embarass u on it trust me. I agree wih oluwadee, dont think about Bisi. Talk to ur bf when he gets home and if he doesnt get in touch to let u know he's around, then it only means one thing, try to move on. If he's man enough, and worthy of u he'd talk things thru with u.
It's sad that the dude did not bother communicating to her about his feeling/plans in terms of breaking up.
This situation sucks, and i would be mad as hell if it was me. She shouldn't bother about Bisi. She needs to find a way to talk to the dude and find if he's done with the relationship.
I wouldn't advise anyone to pursue a relationship in which one person already checked out. 8yrs in a relationship is long, but it shouldn't make anyone continue to be in a relationship that is no longer healthy.
Remember, it's not how far but how well.
Bisi cannot --I repeat, CANNOT -- take him away from you; he willingly left to be with her. Doesn't make you less of a young woman; you're worth much more. If he is that fickle, then it's much better to find out now before you're married with kids and home to deal with.
Take it from me: 10 years from now, you'll hardly remember his name (or hers)...
If i were in ur shoes. I will just move on. i dont have strength to fight over anything how much more a guy.
Like others have said, I would move on, and thank God that you are not married to him.
As hard as it must be after 8 years, you have to look at the big picture — do you really want to spend the rest of your life with somebody who is lying to you and clearly involved with another woman? No you don't!
It takes two people to be unfaithful, and I have always believed that people tend to see the "other person" as being either the only one at fault or more at fault when their partner is equally so. You are not dating a brainless man: if there is cheating going on, he's just as guilty as the woman he's cheating on you with.
Anyway, what I'd suggest you do in order to get some closure is send him an email or call him and tell him that you would like to know once and for all what is going on. Once he tells you that it's over, preserve your dignity by responding calmly and then let go. I'm not saying it'll be easy but hopefully with prayer and time, you will emerge stronger than before.
Good Naija Girl
My 2 cents on what I read is move on! Take a good
Look @ yourself in the mirror... If u went out with youirself for
6 montjs to a year, won't you honor yourself and marry you?
For him to 'date' you for 8 years and not making a wife out of you is wrong on ALL levels.
Time to move on...
hey, i understand its not easy to move on after 8 years in a relationship, but if he didnt have the balls to tell you, i dont know what to say.
you know ur man, and im sure deep down you'll know when its over. there's no need to waste ur time going to meet him at the airport.
am sorry but i dont think any man u r not yet married to is worth fighting for. 8 years and he has not proposed yet...pls girl move on fast fast..
it is painful but 8 years compared to a lifetime of heartache is nothing o
it is well
i concur with aloted....8 yrs and no engagement ring...u shld av dumped him a long time ago! And he is obviously cheating...Bisi is chasing him, but ur hubby is also letting her.
So sweetheart, move on. it will hurt like hell, but better now than after the "I DO's".
I dont have any advice love, all I have is compassion. A great big HUG for you darling! Be strong sweetheart. You will make the best decision for you. I will be devastated if I were you but I know that I will also be strong. So that is the only thing I have to tell you. PLease be strong with whatever you choose to do. Goodluck dear!
sorry for my typos earlier oh. was trying to post comment from new blackberry - still haven't mastered the keypad yet! sigh..
But basically what I was saying is, 8 years is a loooooooong time for someone to be promising marriage. If the lady loves herself and values herself, she should look at her reflection in the mirror and think "if I went out with me for 6 months, won't I marry me?"
and no need to beat anyone up or curse anyone out.. sometimes, as hard as it seems, walking away is the best thing to do. I hope God helps you make the best decision for you.
God bless
I need to get a tight rein on my toungue or fingers before I comment here.
I'm quickly realising no amount of time spent reining in my tongue is going to soften the blow, so prepare yourself. I am going to tell you exactly the way I told a girlfriend of mine who went through a very similar situation.
So if you go to the airport, what are you going to achieve? You are only going to go there to go and disgrace yourself. Not only will Bisi beat the living daylights out of you, you would have stooped down to her level by going to the airport in the first place, to confront the guy. Second, I don't think you need Jesus or some alufa to come and tell you this guy doesn't give a rat's ass about u. He's shown you, he's 'told' not only you but the whole freaking world about it on FB, but will you see the light? No! So do whatever it is you think is best. I believe every human has a pain threshold, the point where you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, where you are tired of crying, tired of your heart breaking. I only pray you reach that point before you make a fool of yourself, and realise he's not worth it. All the best!
Sorry. I usually have nice, encouraging words, but right now, I'm hella pissed at this chic's naivete!
"...This ugly girl is chasing my boyfriend and Ranti has refused to talk to me. I have called him, and emailed him, but he will not answer my questions. It has been 2 weeks so far..." OH FOR PETE'S SAKE! I am shaking with rage right now!
First of all, there is no need bothering with the Bisi girl. It's always a bad move to go after the girl. She is a only the tip of the problem. If it wasn't her, it could've been someone else...so its more about your boyfriend.
Second of all, 8 years is a hell of a long time for things to still be undefined between y'all. After 3 years, it is time to sit down and talk about where your relationship is heading and when...if not it becomes a waste of time.
Finally, it seems that your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend is no longer interested. Never put yourself in the vulnerable spot by chasing after a guy who is not interested...it aint worth it.
I say keep your cool and see what happens...or better yet, move on.
i agree with those who say no need to go after Bisi...never attack the girl!and well i suggest that you talk to ur guy if you're able to, if not start weaning yourself from this relationship...
Why fight Bisi cos of a guy? besides, u r not even sure of what happened yet. Bisi could also have his password, she might have even changed his relationship status on FB (I noticed u didn't mention that u saw replies from him to her). You don't know what happened or what is really going on so at least hold on till he comes home. If he avoids u then, u know it's truly over, then please move on.
I would advise against doing anything childish like waiting for him at the airport, or going to London to look for him. please have nothing to do with Bisi. If he dumped u for her, then that's his problem and they deserve each other.
What I dont understand is why women seem to always insult and go after the other girl. Is your man not the person you should be talking to?. What she needs to do is count her losses, dust her shoulders, keep her chin up and move on. You win some you lose some. She should learn from this and improve herself. It might be difficult but it is do-able.
with Darkelcee.......no strength to fight
if he wants to be an asswipe and cant tell u its over-pls try to forget his sorry ass.....
Please, don't stoop soo low to their level by even attempting to fight them back or turning up at the airport. You just have to try your best to move on. Eight years is such a looooooong time to be in a relationship. I feel really bad for you that this is happening to you but the truth is that it could happen to anybody. Please move on. Im sure its a painful experince for anyone to go through, but like someone said earlier, in a few years time, you'd barely even remember their names. you deserve to be happy. And you will be.
You want to battle that demonic traffic in Lagos to wait for him at the airport ke? Airport that can take up to 4 hours to get to (unless you're one of those lucky few who happen to live in Ikeja, and in that case only 1 hour.)LMAO. Tufiakwa!
I've been in your shoes so many times before, and while it might seem like your heart has shattered, in the grand scheme of things, little ish like this doesn't matter. One day, hopefully soon, you'll realize how foolish you were. You've been freed from the bobo, take this time to develop yourself and grow into the woman you want to be in.
Facebook sha na bastard.
Facebook ke? Hisssssssssssss
abeg, leave that matter jare. If he wants to see you, he will. He has made it clear that he does not.
Your issue is with him not with the Bisi chick.
As far as I am concerned, he needs to be a man and tell you straight up what his issue is. Changing status on facebook does not count. Tell him to be a man. Nonsense!
I agree wit kkk.
Dont go to the airport. Dont call him. Dont bother with the girl. I even think he'd been dating Bisi alongside since sef. He is a coward to end an 8 yr relatinoship like that!
Babe, move on abeg. The man is obviously not worth you at all. And take time to love yourself and enjoy life. God has saved you a lot of heartache and bedtime tears - you should be thankful!
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