Easier Crew, how una dey?
Okay, today's issue is not that complicated, but the wahala it has created is incredible.
Solly,
My friend Sola and I were recently joking about taking a pole dancing class after watching something on the news about how women are taking these classes to get their bodies in shape. We live in Atlanta which is technicall, the Stripper Capital of the World!
Anyway, we were on the phone with each other and we were watching various clips from YouTube that showed women dancing on poles when all of a sudden, my boyfriend, Akin, walked in. Well, he saw what I was watching and for no explainable reason, he started shouting at me. He called me an ashewo[1] and was complaining that only loose women did things like strip. I explained that I was not trying to strip but that I wanted to take a pole dancing class. He then told me he could never be in a relationship with or marry a prostitute, he then stormed out of my apartment.
We have not spoken on the phone in 2 weeks. We have sent text messages and emails back and forth and each time, he has managed to hurt my feelings and insult me even further. We have been dating for 8 months and I really love him, but I do not think I can take the insults anymore. And, now, he told my younger brother that I want to be a stripper. My brother and his big mouth told my sister who then told my mother and now, my entire family thinks I want to become a stripper.
All I wanted to do was take a pole dancing class. I don't understand why that is such a bad thing! My friend Nnenna said I should just apologize to everyone and get it over with, but I wonder if that is the right thing to do. This has been blown out of proportion and I do not think I am a bad person. What should I do?
********************
Alright folks, I don't think this issue is too complicated, but I leave it to you all to offer your advice, suggestions and recommendations.
Make una begin yarn and go check out pictures of Colin Powell dancing to 'Yahooze'.
[1] Ashewo - Yoruba/Pigin English term for a 'loose' woman or prostitute.
53 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
Apologize to all concerned and try to explain to them that you are not and do not (I hope) intend to be a stripper. That should settle it.
i think everyone has over-reacted - boyfie and family. you'll have to explain to ur family that u don't want to become a stripper.
i believe ur boyfriend should be able to explain his displeasure without resorting to insults. also, does it mean when u guys have problems, he'll tell family members about it? that's smthg u have to check if this is a trait he has and if you can condone it.
then u have to ask yourself - is the pole dancing worth "the ruckus you're currently having in the relationship"? there are other easier ways to exercise. if u really want to do it, then think about getting boyfie round to ur side, maybe he can accompany you if it is allowed.
I think Akin has issues. haba! ki la gbe, ki le ju. how did he go from pole dancing to prostitute?
Even if he doesn't like the idea of pole dancing, he can express it to her instead of insulting her and going to tell her whole family.
if he overreacts about this kinda small issue, i leave it to your imagination how he'll react to bigger issues.
I think the issue is not even really about your pole dancing class anymore. I think you should call him and talk to him, explain things to him maybe he'll see things your way.
Tell him to grow up… seriously …people have real problems and he is making a mountain with no molehill…is this the sort of madness you want to deal with in marriage?… jeez…the choice is yours o…all I think is that his attempt at emotional blackmail is silly beyond comprehension sha… I say take your pole dancing class and be fit, be healthy and be sexy for you!
exactly bumight...the guy has issues of trust and insecurity.she should explain and apologise to her family
can we say 8 months is too short to buold trust..?since the guy doesn't seem to be reasonable..she should let him go, this might just be a sign of things to come, i mean how can u open his mouth and call her a pr...**
APOLOGIZE!!! HELL NO!!! First off, you did nothing wrong by wanting to take a pole dancing class! My friends and I just talked about signing up for pole dancing classes last night…so does that make us strippers or hoes? It’s a form of exercise that increases your flexibility, and you get to learn some “skills” while you’re at it…hehehehehehehe…
Akin needs to get a life and he needs to realize that we’re in the 21st century. What does he mean by he can’t marry an ashewo? He’s not serious at all! And the fact that he’s still on your case about this just goes to show you what kind of man he really is. Do you want a man who won’t accept you for who you are, but will rather throw insults at you at the slightest mistake? And you didn’t even make a mistake, because you HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHNIG WRONG!
My dear, dump the loser and find a man who will appreciate your “newly acquired skills”. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it jare!
I don't think this issue is complicated at all, but I am daring to say that the guy involved does not know how to cover the shame of his woman. Let's even say she was serious about being a stripper, why would he go about spreading the story to anyone else? Much less a member of her own family? He should have held himself and gently had a quiet conversation with his woman!
Yes, she loves him. But does he really love her? My advice is that she should make sure that she has the right foundation in her relationship...is she ready to date someone who has the tendency to blow things out of proportion in the future?
i m behind bumight'
This is funny. U take pole dancing excercise and somehow u're ashewo? Its like saying becos u wear g-string and fishnet tights- u're an ashewo. I've taken pole dancing classes and they're fun- but not for the light hearted- gave me new found resepct for professional (lol) strippers. Well i didnt last long.....it's hard plus my love for excercising isn't great.
This dude's reaction says a lot about him i reckon. its either the gf conforms to his way of thinking or she finds a new prince charming. If looking at clips on Youtube can cause so much drama, then God forbid if she falls down, hits her head, and actually does ashewo work- WAHALA!!!!
And 2 whole bloody weeks without talking to her? OMD!! do u really want to marry such a person? We are all human and will upset each other. Love is forgiving- u dont keep malice for 2 WHOLE weeks! Especially with your spouse or intended spouse. And a man who cant handle his home...and has to inform the whole world of what is going on = wahala!!! Stress!! Drama!!
Agree with jaycee, in life it's never really about what happens but how we respond to it. If her explanation does not seem to be enough for him, it seems there is some distrust somewhere. Love covers a multitude of sins. Joeseph thought Mary had committed adultery but we never heard him singing it on the rooftops...Thanks solomonsydelle for this TTEC, it really makes one think..
This is just a misunderstanding.
Akin is obviously old school, but thats not a bad thing. All you need do is explain to him.
Now this shouldnt be done over the phone oh, but face to face.
Explain to him why you were watching the videos, and what you thought pole dancing will do to your body.
He may understand, or he may still say he doesnt like the idea.
But you would have explained your case and both of you would have come to an understanding.
i think you need to tell your family what happened just like you just told us (not an apology just an explanation) and if they love you as they should they may not agree but they will see that Akin is being unnecessarily difficult. Actually, i think he protests too much. Think to yourself if you want to watch your step with this man for the rest of your life because from what i know from my mother telling me stuff about men, IT WILL COME UP AGAIN with that type of man.
So think deeply.
A persons character is not defined by the mistakes and problems he/she encounters but how he/she deals with them...Akin has failed miserably here.
She may love him but love and respect go hand in hand and his obvious display of disrespect about this situation should pin point certain realisations to her.
The real question here is this...considering that she did absolutely nothing wrong and he is being like this what if she actually did do something wrong in the future...What will happen then???
i think this issue has even gone beyond pole dancing....this is a prelude to what might happen anytime you have an issue...
Akin has to learn how to communicate to you without been disrespectful and without involving family members...ask yourself does he really love u?? does he respect u, does he accept u for who u are, will he protect u, the love you cherish, or will he bail out if things are not going according to how he wants.
i think u need to sort out your communication issues and answer the above before continuing with this relationship cuz men deeper issues will surely come up...and u both need to be mature to handle stuff.
all the best
u see wat these men that brought up pole dancing as exercise have caused.
seriously, the bobo get serious yams(issues) because going by whats been said, him no allow her talk wetin she dey do b4 all this him prostitute tantrum.
my kweshun, would it have been different if they were married and she considered it?
First of all, Good riddance to Akin, Please get rid of him, behavior like Akin is a recipe for a disastrous relationship. Calling her an Asewo for that! Regarding her parents, she should just explain what happened, but still knowing Nigerian parents - pole dancing class = Loose girl. I hope things works out for her.
Something so simple and trivial...lol, first please please please do not apologize to anyone and men!!!! Akin has MAJOR ISSUES,HABA! how does pole dancing relate to prostitution? resemblance i can see is that they both start with 'P'. so point is Akin has a character that should not be overlooked, or should i say he's showing his real colours and he had the nerve to even spread malicious words to your family. In my opinion he need to do the Apologising and please get him off your life, cos next he might say something worse to an even greater audience.
I wonder how he would have reacted if he had caught her watching porn. Would he have accused her of wanting to go into that business? I think he is being silly.
The guy just blew everything out of proportion. I really think he is just showing his true color and if anyone should apologize, it shld be he. I think she shld try to explain things to her family but I don't think she owes anyone an apology.
apolo-kini? no o! she only owes it to her family. and all she has to do is explain and apologise for the trouble caused but not for wanting to take the class..
which kain guy be dt one sef? ahn ahn...prostitute lohun lohun...too far! He needs to relax and if this is what he does now, with a minor issue like this, chic, rethink una relationship!
cest fini!
Haba! Wetin! Its obvious that the Man has issues and needs to get over himself but my beef is with your family. How can they believe that you would want to be a stripper? seriously?!! I mean dont they know the kind of person you are. I am so angry on your behalf!! Haha, that is so not cool. I am not going to tell you to break up wif him over this but I will ask you to try and find out why he is freaking out so much, you may get to know a part of him that you didnt before. Goodluck and XOXO.
Aunty SS, have a great weekend.
I personally think her boyfriend is acting like a complete and utter idioT! (sorry, it's almost 6pm on a friday and it's been a long week!).
It's a subtle way of trying to control her actions and if she gives in by apologising (excuse me, what has she done wrong anyway) , or even by not going to pole-dancing class as she initially intended, then that will just be the beginning of the end.
Of course relationships are give and take, but in this case, no one is being hurt i.e. its not a matter of life and death therefore, she should not change herself by trying to tone down the the curious, adventurous streak she clearly has. As i said before, changing who you are, to suit someone else's interpretation of who you should be, is the begining of the end!!!
im with Jaycee on this issue
somehow i don't think this is about poledancing anymore
yes you have invested 8 months with this guy but does he really know you and what you are capable of
does he trust you and believe what you say
these are crucial issues that need to be considered before a lifelong commitment is made
Akin has a point about the pole dancing thing but he did not communicate it well...I think he may be imagining what his friends/family would think if this lady he respects is a pole dancer...it spells bad rep.
My issue here is how his deep concern was communicated - with insults and adjectives. Beneath these words I suspect a quick temper. Is this what she wants? A woman does not need someone who will make her feel any less than the greatness she is.
I am a Christian and I am intrigued by pole dancing. But since I know it does not glorify God, I do not bother with it.
She should communicate with Akin that this is something she really likes but she may not pursue it if she can understand why he is against it...we don't always win...
Her family, who have known her for a long time, should be able to hear her out, trust her and stand by her.
Ahnahn...I am surprised no one has seen through all this yet...this guy has a hidden agenda....he wants to leave and he doesnt know how to...ahnahn like bumight said..ki la gbe ki le ju??? See...I am a guy and I KNOW he was jus looking for a loophole and a way out...now he has it he wants to fraustrate her into leaving him...NONSENSE!!!!
LMAO @ Chari.
Akin is annoying me o. whish kain rubbish be that. why's he insulting you? You explained what you were watching the video for. If he's not listening, maybe it's an issue of trust. or like Charibobo said, he's looking for an out.
Apologise wetin? Hissssssssssssss!
Abeg, just explain to your family exactly as you explained here. Finito.
As for the bobo, which kain aproko man be dat self? haba! me, I no like men wey dey do aproko, dem worse pass market woman. Which kain yarns be that? So, na so una go dey judge matter for family anyhow? Mba, baby girl, think this thing well well.
Then, unto the pole dancing. So he does not "approve", okay, very well. But why the drama? Couldn't he have just expressed his displeasure in a matured and respectful way?
I have nothing more to add, everybody has made very good points.
Me, I no like man wey dey cry anyhow, wetin?
Hahahaha, what rubbish? my babe don jam kasala be this. Wow...talk about something being blown waaaaaay outta proportion. Yikes...
1. Akin the Boyfriend started shouting the moment he saw you watching the video.
IMPLICATION: He thinks you are a child and cannot be free to watch what you want.
2. Akin the Boyfriend called you an Ashawo for wanting to poledance.
IMPLICATION: Do you really want to marry someone so uptight it seems he's got a rod *ahem* pole up his ass?
3. Akin the Boyfriend broadcasted to your family.
IMPLICATION: I beg you dump the man in the 18th century where he belongs and find you a stud that can't wait to try out your poledancing skills with you.
its not that complicated but i swear this post got me laughing real hard. just see how the rumour spread.
That guy must have some kind of issue that he's been trying to bring up and just had an excuse with the pole dancing thing.
what kind of guy blows up about such trival issue and refuse to listen to the explanation?
and u have apologised and he still keeps on with the insult?
then what will he do if you joke with him and say 'yes, i want to be a stripper'? kill himself?
anyway, u guys should just talk it over. and i hope he isn't angry because he thinks you might go stripping at the club he frequents, so hindering him.
like i said talk again, but please try and understand that kind of anger. cant be normal
@ rita- i am a christian too, and i am intrigued by pole dancing, wouldn't mind learning it. u don't have to be naked or wearing just thongs to dance with the pole. If it is good for keeping fit, then i like it more, as long as my motives are sincere, i wouldn't think i am doing something wrong.
sugarbelly, i like ur analysis.
the issue has gone past pole dancing, the xter of the Akin guy has now come into play.
so, he doesnt like the idea of pole dancing, he really doesnt have to like it, its his choice but Ashewo?! Report to family?! kila gbe, ki lo ju?! on top wetin?
so when they have a real issue (real being the operative word), he will go to NTA to show his displeasure? shioooo!!!!!!
a simple "Sweetie, dont u think u can find some other fun and exciting way to exercise instead of pole dancing?" (although am sure fun and exciting to Mr. Akin will mean "do sit ups in ur bedroom, not where people will see ur body")
and Apologise for what?! To who? why? bcos u liked something? PUHLEASE!!!!!!!!
PS, if she wanted to become a stripper, she will not even explain to boyfie or anybody, Mr. Akin should grow up and act like a man!
LMAOOOO
i swear i'm rolling on the floor dancing!
tis simple u can never get along with someone ur not on the same wave length as! now its something as little and as fun as taking pole dancing classes...just for u to get into shape!!
imagine if its something more serious! what would happen then?
Two words: Ditch the loser
oh...three words.
One more phrase...take your pole dancing class, girl. Would be a good way to keep fit too.
I really think there's nothing wrong with you apologising to all concerned and if your BF doesn't want you pole-dancing and there is no compromise, you should find some other less controversial form of exercise. Look dear, everyone can give you what they think is the best advice, but you alone know the reall issues and whatto do bout them, buti'm an advocate for love and peace, if you BF loves you and you know it then know that he's doing all this outta love, ok?
Just hang on and be smart about the whole thing.
But come oh, you sef like wahala oh, you no see any other exercise, na pole-dancing.
Good luck dear.
I really think there's nothing wrong with you apologising to all concerned and if your BF doesn't want you pole-dancing and there is no compromise, you should find some other less controversial form of exercise. Look dear, everyone can give you what they think is the best advice, but you alone know the reall issues and whatto do bout them, buti'm an advocate for love and peace, if you BF loves you and you know it then know that he's doing all this outta love, ok?
Just hang on and be smart about the whole thing.
But come oh, you sef like wahala oh, you no see any other exercise, na pole-dancing.
Good luck dear.
Apologies settles a whole lot of stuff...pride sometimes binds us to the fact but its true. If apologies don't settle this,maybe akin aint worth the trouble.I don't even dig his reaction anyway
ok then, she could just apologise to everyone for the sake of peace, but that boyfriend of hers ehn? he was just looking for a fight, there's no need for him to trip like that. ahn ahn, every normal boyfriend would be happy that his woman can pole dance.
Forget the Pole dancing, why should her so-called-man address her in such a demeaning way?
After that issue is resolved then we can talk pole dancing.
Asper her family, she should explain to them the mis communication btw her and boyfriend.
Awww Hell Nawww...he didnt call her ashewo because of a video of pole dancing???I really dont think she should apologise for it becoz he went on assumption and we all know assumption is biggest f*ck up ever, so she just needs to talk to her family explain what's going on..and as for boyfi, he has some real issues!! I started my pole dancing classes and am loving it and i aint no stripper!!
Wow!
I see someone has some big trust issues, actually he may have all types of issues!
Wanting to take a class does not make you a prostitute, the fact that he would jump to this conclusion and spread this horrid lie means he has no trust or respect for her.
I have read that pole dancing and belly dancing are the new wave of full body exercise, maybe he should read more...
hmm, she should explain to all concerned about her reasons. i am pretty sure her family will accept her warts and all. but if dude still insist on formin activity, she should take a walk.....abi wetin remain again
Well said everyone. This is a tip of what is to come if she continues with the guy. She needs to get out of that relationship. What happened to discussion? So he had to resort to reporting to her brother. What is she a child?
Abeg make she carrygo with the pole dancing classes jare.
I think she should let the relationship go. If her boyfriend is not enlightened to knw the difference between taking classes and actually doing it or civil and matured enough to know how to handle issues then he may not be worth being with. MY TAKE
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Hell Nooo!!! he did not!!! Forget the fact that he is quite silly wen other guys would get an instant hard on at the thought of their girlfriend knowing how to pole dance he is acting up? minus that even he now goes o tell ur pple? it has be for him, i cant believe this.
The only thing i think you need to d is cal lur pple and explain to them that u wanted to take a dancing class to lose weight and not to become a stripper as for ur boyfriend i advise you find a means to deal with him and put him in his place besides even if u wanted to become a stripper e consin am? U guys are not married and he is acting like controlling this i wonder if ul be able to wear trouser sef id yall eventually get married.
Umm Akin's reaction strikes me as someone who's repressing a part of his sexuality... I wouldn't be surprised if upon all his noise making and dust raising that he spends time with strippers and all sorts of other adult entertainer, and will do all freaky deaky ish with them and limit you to missionary and knowledge.
Maybe I watch too much Oxygen, but I know someone who married her "Akin" in that Atlanta sef and she's not enjoying it one bit, due to multiple factors including what "respectable" women do sexually with their husbands.
Sorry, I know we've moved on from this, but i have a question for those suggesting she apologizes...For what, exactly?!
sweetheart,u wont apologies 4 anything.these days men buy and mount poles in their bedroom and there is absolutely nothing wrong in a man being entertained by his wifey or fiancee.his he frigid?damn!this is so crappy.nice blog anyway.
I think Akin wanted to leave the relationship... he just found an excuse...
and you don't want to be with a man like that... c-riously..
just clear the air with your family and 4get him...
p/s: am not yet married but i look forward to taking poledancing and burlesque classes,cos i look 4ward to stripping for my husband.there's nothing wrong with it. we'll be married.
p/s: i attend mountain of fire and miracles ministries...lol...
apologize??? sorry o me i just read this and i have been wanting to take pole dancing lessons since i was 16 and i will!! in fact i will take stripper 101 lessons too and no that does not make me a prostitute!! and that boo of yours is so disrespectful!! he needs to be bitchslapped upside the face!! (lol) so if u learn d pole dancing he wnt allow u dance for him?? mmmmm!! pls do not apologize to anybody o!!! reporter reporter is he in kindergaten that he is now reporting to everybody... just explain to your family that you want to take dance classes and u really do not noe hw that makes you a stripper and please when you do start taking lessons, let me know where i can learn myself!!
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