Talk To The Easier Crew Week is here! And, this title goes right to the point of today's question. Please read and offer your best suggestions.
I am engaged to a wonderful and loving man. I can't wait to be his wife and he can't wait to start a family with me. But there's an issue we have. He doesn't want sex anymore till after the wedding. He says it's a sin & he can't receive communion anymore because of it. Also, he's afraid i might get pregnant b4 the wedding. Bottom line: he definitely wants us to stop having premaritel sex. I, on the other hand, don't feel as though am committing any sin & it hurts me that he should feel this way about our time together. Besides, am not so strong. I've an ex-boyfriend who hangs around as a friend & am afraid all the time that in a moment of weakness, i'd sleep with him. It was easier when i knew i was getting it from my fiance, but now that i will no longer do so, the temptations are higher. Moreover, am afraid of what will happen after the marriage. What if he is a man who doesn't consider sex high priority? I know i can't cope with that. Right now, am trying hard not to be selfish & think of only what i want. I really thinking seriously about abstaining like he wants, but am totally unhappy about this development. Help!
Please share your thoughts and make sure you come back tomorrow for the next installment of TALK TO THE EASIER CREW WEEK. Thanks!
29 Easier Comments. Add Yours!:
hey, first time
just browsing
like what I read
will definitely have to drop by more
get the entire feel
and give hopefully more intelligible comment.
lol.
DB
aaaaaaaaargh!
I really thought i'd be first!
Be back to comment...............
2nd!!!
*choruses*
Things are getting better!!! X 2ce!
off to read!
*hiss...ooooooo
warris dis na...undacova dont spoil ma mojo o...
am tryna get ma mind off mourning here plz!
when you find the answer to this question, pls let me know!
Lol!
@ Chari...This mourning that you are taking out on all of us sef enh...Sorry ohh...
As per the girl in the gist. Now is the time to learn self control. After all, there are such things as sex toys. If he can't trust you before your wedding, who says you will be trusted after? You wouldn't expect him to "not be able to hold" himself when you're pregnant now, abi? Plus, sin is sin, no matter how we cut it. I'm not condemning you, but the truth must be told.
Ok, here's my penny's worth...
I think the fact that your boyfriend has already had sex with you despite his strongly held beliefs negates your fears about him not considering sex a high priority. It clearly is, but so also are his faith and his beliefs. In this case, he has chosen to allow his beliefs regarding premarital sex to prevail. I personally think that this commendable and you should respect that.
Also, in the spirit of beginning as you hope to carry on, i would say that since he has been honest enough to bare his soul to you on this, you should do the same. You have all these fears, so you should share them with him and work on a solution together.
Lastly, if you keep dwelling on the fact that you have an ex in your life who you might succumb to in a moment of weakness, i can tell you categorically that you WILL! It will become a self fulfilling prophecy and it's only a matter of time before it happens!
To conclude, if you truly love this guy and want to marry him and have a future with him, tell him how you feel, work on a solution together and maybe bring the wedding date forward....
@chari - sorry o...
top 10! will be back
*sigh*,i wish msemmotions would get here fast.
if d tables were turned and a guy was sounding like dis,we'd have crucified d guy to the last drop,now its one of "our own"
anywayz,as far as am concerned,she no get point,asides d moral point of view,asides religion,d man doesnt want her to get preg.as far as am concerned,she cant be trusted too much after marriage oh.what if d man gets posted outside their base for a job bla bla bla.....
Wow, ummm... Wow - All I can say is that's pretty unfair for him to do that... But if you're all about this guy then it should be worth the wait right? Why is he all of a sudden concerned about communion and whatnot? Maybe you should ask him and try an talk things through to balance things out a bit... Goodluck!
So what if she gets married to him and something happens that makes him impotent, what is she going to do? What if she has to go away on business for long periods of time, does that mean she'll start to cheat on him also?
I guess it's a good step that he has taken but I understand how it would be difficult since he's now with-holding something she was used to before. The best way to deal with the ex is to make sure both of you are not alone together. The good thing is that you've acknowledged that there is a problem. At this point I believe that if you let yourself 'fall into temptation' - you had it coming. Whenever you get the urge, go run on the treadmill or something. It would help you divert your energy, and you'll look fit on your wedding day.
i can see where her fiance is coming from and i am totally with him. infact i started that rule in my relationship a while back, it is not easy ooo...
it is better if you have not started than starting and stopping...this is coming from me
She should jejely commot herself from the ex boyfriends side...
and yes you are being selfish,,,
it doesnt mean that when you guys are married he is going to seize from sex, it is just that right now the spiritual implications for those who know, will realise that it is quite deep...so once again i understand where the guy is coming from
and to the babe- since you cannot hold your self now, so what happens when he travels or is posted somewhere else and you get to see him bout 6 times a year and you guys are married??
WHAT HAPPENS THEN?!!
if you seriously are in doubt of holding yourself then you should really reconsider the marriage
because when you faulter in a normal relationship you can get past that but when you faulter in a marriage, he is going to resent you. he might stop sleeping with you, he will use it against you constantly ( depending on the guy and how burnt he is) till the point you realise your trapped in something you dont wnt to be in...plus you will never be able to explain to the kids..the reason dad is always shouting and mummy is crying is that mummy was sleeping with another man while daddy was off trying to provide a better life for us
oh and lastly he will say this one day" how am i sure the child is even mine" and at the point you cannot hate him because you know it is your fault...
i am done!!!!
what tininu said...my worsd exactly
Lady! Wait! If you love him enough, and you think he is worth it, WAIT! Sex is not as important as being with someone who loves you. Don't let yourself be alone with your ex, and as Isha said, when you get the urge, get on the treadmill.
Trust me, Celibacy is sometimes good for the mind. And i totally understand where the guy is coming from spiritually.
If you cant do this now, rethink your decision to marry him, because if you cannot compromise your needs for him now, what will you do when you have to give up something just for your marriage to work. Its all about compromise sweetie!
I feel like everyone else has said it best. Makes you think because I know of a real life situation just like this...well not EXACTLY, but similar. But it's funny how friends and I only thought of it from the other side. But yeah...a really big thing with me is that if it has to do with the other person's conscience...then don't try to get in the way.
there are other ways to derive pleasure without coitus
and since the guys is her fiance,they can derive other ways
he's already shown he can do if not, she for no dey halla say she no want drought.....lol
hey babe...that *cough* is urs for life.....be patient.............*wink*
I agree with Tininu:
"If you seriously are in doubt of holding yourself then you should really reconsider the marriage"
You have different beliefs about sex before marriage...This is a source of friction that may well continue after you are married.
wow..this is soo wierd coz Normally its the girl that asks for such an arrangemnt. I commend the fiance very much. My babe just hold yourself and dont put yourself in a situation where you would cheat. Its not worth it..TRUST ME!!!.. and If you actually love and respect your man, this should not be a problem!!! ok thats my two Kobos
Tell him ur feelings, no one else can help u...
I think it is commendable that your fiance is able to hold himself back from premarital sex and you should be glad you have a man like that.Makes me think if he ever gets tempted to have extra marital affairs when you get married, he'll be able to overcome the temptation. I think you should be strong enough to tell ex boyfie to get out of your life for good and stop hanging around you, fill your time with productive things, you can have all the sex you want when you get married!
Ah! this na serious matter.
Both of u need 2 sit down n talk oh.
Abeg express ur feelings 2 d guy.
Y is it suddenly a sin 2 him? what happened? what did someone tell him?
If he wants u guys 2 be married 1st, abeg do d ceremony ASAP.
Pls get rid of the X boyfriend (If ur right hand will cause u to sin, abeg cut it off). In marriage u will have issues, n really u don't want 2 have an x hanging around at that time.
I totally agree with what everone has said BUT i have a question for the girl, while you guys where active was he very very passionate with you, and did he always want it , cos i have experienced that kind of thing and i can understand your fears. If the sex was great, as in great be4 he decided you should stop then ok i agree with him, if it wasn't and u happen to be the one that was always initiating it , o girl it will be worse after marriage.
The bible says that "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge".Heb 13:4
I think that sum it all.Even if you're not a xtian,i believe the muslims also do preach abstinence.
Self control is a virtue that all men and women must have.Face it, if after you get married either of you has an ailment and the docs advised staying off sex for a while,will you die for lack of it?
Sometimes i wonder what is wrong with our generation,but i want to believe you are an EXTREMIST, it is better you change now!
Tininu has said it all
Avoid the ex.And other sources of temptation.It's gonna be hard enough without him clouding issues.
firstly, i'm totally down with undercova sista on dis one + i'm kinda surprised dat its d lady dat wants to get it,..i thot it was d oda way round..and i must say u nrrd to get real..life is much more than all dis sex thing, i know its powerful so u need to get a grip..
I hope ole gurl got herself a vibrator & a dildo...because this is too much!! LOL..but abeg, stay away from the ex-man. There's a reason he is the ex, don't fall into temptation with him.
If all fails & you're desperate, try seducing your fiance. If that doesn't work, just know that you're on your own!
Post a Comment