MY THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE

Arewa recently put up a post on marriage and relationships. My comment there became an epistle that I promised to expand upon here. And, here it goes...

E NO EASY
I am in no way an expert on marriage, but if there is one thing I have learned it is that marriage is not easy. Forget what you saw in the latest chick flick or romantic drama film, marriage is tough and couples need to get their issues out on the table pre-marriage. I blame Disney for the misconceptions that exist about marriage. People think that couples are kissing all the time and engaging in well, how do I put it - extracurricular bedroom activities. Marriage is a little bit more than that and involves worrying about bills, gas prices and annoying people at the job. This is why I encourage every couple to have a very long, very hard conversation or series of discussions before marriage. Couples can speak with the aid of a marriage counselor, a priest/pastor, a trusted and respected family member or friend. If it is decided that a third parties input/assistance is unwanted then the couple should set aside some time to talk about everything from whether or not they will go to Church, how many children they want and any other question that seems silly.

COMMUNICATION IS KEY
We always hear about the importance of communication in relationships and for good reason. Communication is essential to every healthy relationship. Couples must be willing to talk about problems and listen to each other's concerns in a respectful manner whether or not you agree. Failure to do so will breed discontent and contempt which will end a marriage. Marriage does not make your partner an automatic mind reader. Sometimes, I wish I could find Husbands reset button. lol! But, since he does not have one, and I do not have one either, we both have to take a deep breathe and express our concerns in a non-confrontational manner.

FIGHT FAIR
A couple I know, that have been married for 30 years once gave me a key piece of advise - never be mad at each other at the same time. I swear by this suggestion! In my marriage, I am typically the one 'boning' (upset about something). Thank god my husband doesn't pay me no mind. When I get upset because the man failed to do something, like, oh, I don't know, share a mango with me (he is so selfish about mangos, I swear!), the guy will give me a kiss and nibble on my ear. because I believe in fighting fair, I accept the kiss, and demand that he get another mango that he feeds to me! I don't go grab his mangos and fling them out the window, though I have wanted to! My point is, when you are upset with your mate, please keep in mind that there will be a time when you are no longer angry, so do not do anything overly malicious that could present a problem once you guys are lovey dovey again.

CARVE OUT TIME FOR EACH OTHER
That's self-explanatory right? Okay, make sure you guys find time to do what lovers do. That is an essential part of marriage and well, that's all I'll say. **wink, wink**

Well, I'm no expert on this stuff, but, I think these suggestions are helpful. There is no need to fear getting into relationships. As long as you get into a relationship with a kind person, conduct yourselves wisely and have respect for each other (number one on my list, actually), everything will be fine. That does not mean that there will be no bumps on the road, but it does mean that you will get over them with dignity and strength.

We'll be back to regular programming on Monday! Have a wonderful weekend! Oh, and please thank God for me. On Saturday, April 5th, Bomboy turns ONE!!! Party time, again!