Friday, June 29, 2007

A DIRTY JOKE I HEARD IN BARBADOS...

A guy walked into a bar and ordered a stiff drink.
He took a gulp, swirled it around in his mouth and spat it out.
"He was a good driver," he said as he spat out the alcohol.
"Give me another one." He said to the bartender.
He got his drink and repeated the process.

After doing this several times, a fellow patron could no longer resist his curiosity and asked the guy what he was doing.

"I was in a cab and the driver was going very fast." He started.
"Next thing we knew, there was an old man trying to cross the street." He continued,"I told the taxi driver "If you don't hit him, I'll suck your #[email protected]%...."'


Have a great weekend!

BARBADOS, BABY!

The family and I are now in Barbados! So far, the island is lovely, very well developed and I can't wait to get into some trouble here.

How are you guys doing? I hope you are all being good little boys and girls......

Friday, June 22, 2007

A SERIES OF EMBARRASSING EVENTS

I am not easily embarrassed. However, this trip to Dominica has caused me to discover a hidden side to myself.

We took a trip to the Sulfur Springs in Wotten Waven and settled on Rainforest Shangri La as our location to bath in the warm spring baths. We walked down some nature trails and finally arrived at our destination. A set of spa-like baths surrounded by a breathtaking cold lake. We were in the middle of nowhere and so I started to feel brave. I, thus, told my husband that I would soak naked.

So brave me, took off my clothes, dipped my lovely and well manicured toes into the bath. The temperature was perfect. In no time, I submerged myself in the lovely enveloping water. Aaaah - Nirvana! I even had my kids strip down and jump in. They splashed around and we all had a jolly good time. Until.... a group of American tourists came down the steps - they were loud, so it was easy to determine their nationality.

There I was in a bath - butt naked!!!!! Or, bucket naked, as some say. Luckily for me I was able to put some clothes on while in the pool. A little dicey. I think one of the American guys saw my boobies. Oh well!

So, on to embarrassing moment number 2. This was the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. I swear. The family went to visit some lady that attended my Husband's childhood church. As we approached her home, Husband showed me a few plants - dashin is what it is called. As he showed me the plant a woman called out to us in patois/creole. Husband translated that the woman was admonishing us for attempting to steal the plant. Anyway, we finally established that we were not thieves and that in fact Husband was an old friend and we began friendly conversation. As they talked the woman asked for me to come closer so she can see me. (She is 72 years old). I took a few steps closer to her and then it happened. The old lady grabbed my crotch and sais "This here belong to Husband, eh?"

I didn't know what to say or do. I mean, how does one respond to your crotch being grabbed by some old woman you don't know, at all? I stood there looking shell shocked. However, the woman was not done. She did it again, she grabbed my crotch and asked the same question again. This time, her voice suggested that I must answer. I smiled stupidly and slinked back as far away from her hands as possible. I wasn't sure what she would do next. At least she said I was pretty and congratulated my husband on finding himself a 'belle femme'.

As we left, the woman said "Mmmh, make sure you don't crush the girl, boy!"

I'll leave you to figure that out!

Sunday, June 17, 2007

COOKOOROOCOO EXTRAVAGANZA

Our first day in Dominica was exciting. As I mentioned in my last post, I became acquainted with their incredibly narrow roads (small Japanese cars with powerful engines are the rage), happy people, beautiful ocean views, majestic mountains and lovely fruit trees everywhere. A trip to my brother-in-law's house and then to our final destination, my mother-in-law's were safe and fun.

Well, by bedtime, the entire family was exhausted and we all crashed with hopes of extremely sweet dreams. Unknown to us, our night was about to get very interesting. Around 3 am, we heard a loud wail,

"WAAAAAH, WAAAAAH. MOMMY...."

I was disoriented and tapped Husband as the screaming started again.

"AAAH, MAMA....WAAAAH."

This was followed by more wailing and some serious sobbing. Husband flew out of bed and went to the Kid's room. The following is what I overheard.

"TE what's wrong?" Husband asked, sleepily.

"Booo hooo. Daddy!!!" The Enforcer cried.

"What's wrong?" Husband asked, again.

"There is a chicken in my room!"

"A what?!"

"A chicken.... it woke me up...."

Next thing we all hear "Cookooroocoo.." over and over and over. A couple of chickens were having a jam session behind the kid's room. After all, it was Saturday night. The call and response mash up was so loud that my poor baby was frightened awake and thought the chicken party was going on in her room. Oh, by the way, The King didn't stir during all this.

Husband managed to calm TE down and get her back to sleep. He climbed back into our bed, exhausted. We smiled at each other and attempted to go back to sleep. Next thing, we heard a loud chicken crow. That was immediately followed by another crow and another crow. There were a least 3 chickens simultaneously crowing at each other. For the next 2 hours, those useless fowls cookooroocoo-ed at each other. We couldn't sleep but at least we did a lot of laughing. These Dominican chickens don't crow at dawn like the chickens I'm used to. Dominican chickens crow ALL NIGHT LONG, baby!

Anyway, the next morning, Husband took TE and TK to a nearby river to hang out and on the way, they crossed paths with a chicken. Apparently, TE confronted the chicken (which probably was not the culprit from the night before).

Hands akimbo, she chastised, "Naughty chicken. Why did you wake me up?"

The falsely accused chicken responded with "Cookooroocoo..."

She turned to her father, smiled and said, "Okay daddy, let's go. Chicken said sorry."

Hilarity!

Oh, by the way - HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all the dads, soon to be dads and so on. We couldn't do it without you. Particularly the good ones amongst you all. Cheers!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

THE COMMONWEALTH OF DOMINICA

My people, sorry that ...Easier... (the blog) has been idle. I am currently travelling in the West Indies! Yay baby! It is absolutely beautiful out here! I spent a few days in Puerto Rico and am now in the beautiful Commonwealth of Dominica (my husband's country).

Everywhere you look are smiling people, rastafarians with their dreadlocks, and fruit, fruit and more fruit. I worry that Husband will not concentrate on his driving. The man is easily distracted by the hundreds of mango trees that litter the roads. He and his brothers are forever stopping to pluck mangos, cherries, bananas and many other delicious fruits. I am sure that by the time I leave here for our next destination, I will pack on the pounds. Damn!

Anyway, we landed on Saturday into absolute heat. But we were welcomed by a dreadlocked brother walking around the airport chanting Peter Tosh tunes - "No matter where you come from, as long as you are a black man, you are an African...." Classic! The drive to my in-laws house was spectacular. Everywhere you turn is a postcard waiting to be shot and printed. Rolling hills, lush country side, mountains covered by mist....

The one down side are the roads. My Lawd Gawd!!!!! Okay, I live in the U.S. which has large roads for large American cars. Even in Nigeria and the Ivory Coast (where I spent some years are nice paved (or potholed) roads that can take 2 cars going in either direction. Now, Dominica? That is a different matters. The roads look like they are for one car. We were speeding down twisting, winding roads when all of a sudden, a big pick up truck/lorry was coming towards us. My people, I screamed for Jesus! Can you believe that both vehicles managed to get by? I have never seen anything like this. I have told my husband that I would not mind retiring here. But the roads are enough to give me high blood pressure! Now Husband shouts 'Holy ghost fire' to mock me whenever a car is coming. Silly man.... LOL!

Anyway, back to the good stuff. We went to my husband's 'garden'. Over here they call 5 acres of lan a garden, if you can believe it! I ate star fruit, bananas, sugar cane, wild strawberries and saw cocoa, oranges, guava, bread fruit. Boy, I could go on, but I don't want to make you hungry or 'longa throat' a we Nigerians say. Oh my, look at the time! My children and Husband are waiting for me in the car so we can go to lunch at Guyava (a lovely restaurant in Rousseau - the capital). Besides a whole bunch of people just walked into the Internet cafe to use the computer.

Okay ...Easier... fam - y'all take care. I will post a hilarious story about my first night here. It involves chickens or fowls as my in-laws call them. Take care!

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

CHILDREN AND RACE

The last time my brother's children visited me, we spent a lot of time shopping. You know, the favorite Nigerian past time when they are abroad is to shop till they drop. lol!


Anyway, I noticed that my young nephew would walk up to the white mannequins in Macy's and stare at them. When asked why, he responded, "Because she's beautiful."


I walked him over to a black mannequin and asked "Isn't she beautiful, as well?"
My sweet nephew shook his head and said, "No. The other one is better."


I was troubled by this observation and vowed that when I had my children, I would do anything and everything I could to ensure that they understood that their beauty, though different, is in no way inferior to that of white people or people that are not black. I now am a mother of three beautiful children and I just never want my children to feel inferior in any way because of the color of their skin.


This is not to say that my brother's children felt inferior. They live in Nigeria where there are nothing but beautiful, Black people. Race can sometimes become an issue but in a way much different than in western countries. (Dont believe me? Read 'The Complexion Complex' or 'White Man's Magic'). However, I live in the U.S., where race spurs so many issues for children. Thus, I just want to acknowledge the issues and teach my children how to address them with grace, wisdom and strength.


So, considering that this has been a quest of mine, it was saddening to see the following short news clip. Thought I would share it with you guys. It gives one much to ponder. Simply click on the link to view the very short news story.


Young student's documentary leaving audiences stunned -

http://www.komotv.com/home/video/5001856.html?video=YHI