Tuesday, January 30, 2007

IRONIC QUOTE OF THE MONTH

Presidential hopeful, Hillary Rodham Clinton was asked an important question over the weekend. An Iowan asked her how she would deal with "evil, greedy, rotten, power-hungry leaders ... like Osama bin Laden ... who happen to be men." In responding, she repeated the question. You know, a trick learned in Debating 101. Here's what she said while setting up her response,

"..[w]hat in my background equips me to deal with evil and bad men?"

Isn't it ironic!

SESAME STREET & STRIPPER POLES

So, this morning, I was happily watching Sesame Street with TE and TK, munching on a yummy sandwich and gulping my delicious glass of apple juice. It was a great morning, I must confess. My daughter's hair was looking pretty, my son was marching all over the place, content with his cup of juice and nibbling on my breakfast and I, well, all I'll say is that a shower, first thing in the morning, is enough to put a busy stay at home mom in an excellent mood.

Well, as I mentioned, I was watching Sesame Street and the number of the day was 17. 'Elmo's World' spotlighted firefighters and during the montage, a young boy was shown on a play ground sliding down a pole. This image was then followed by a firefighter sliding down the firehouse pole and of course other images illustrating the routines and bravery of firefighters were displayed.

Now, I tend to have random thoughts and say very random things all the time. Ask my poor husband, he suffers the brunt of it. Although I shouldn't be surprised, I had the most random thought ever while watching the firefighter montage. Who 'discovered' the stripper pole? What with all those images of firefighters sliding down poles, you can't blame me for thinking it, can you? So I came downstairs and put my extraordinary legal research skills to work (I went to law school and they constantly told us that the bread and butter of our profession was in research. They lied, it is in convincing others verbally and written. Anyway, we'll save that issue for another day). So sad that after all that time and money, this is what I use my law school training for - discovering the history of stripper poles!

I went to Google's home page and typed in 'STRIPPER POLE ORIGIN'. How's that for search terms! Low and behold, this mother of 2.5 kids found Beyond the Neon - a blog written and maintained by a self described "former strip club DJ/MC who used to love his blow, booze & babes." Mr. Johnny Wadd's entry - 'The Stripper Pole', not only educated me on who the first sugar daddy was, the biblical King Herod (who is either rolling over in his grave or calling himself a serious player), he also informed me that stripper poles originated in the circus. Of course, I wouldn't use his insight as a source for a term paper or anything you have to submit to someone else, but I must say, his entry made for interesting reading. He provided a serious essay on the art of stripping.

I stopped by one of many Wikipedia pages and discovered that some, forgive my bluntness, idiots, are trying to have pole dancing considered a sport! Oh God, give me strength! Upon reading further, the smirk on my face quickly disappeared because there was actually a 'Miss Pole Dance Competition' in 2005 and it was won by a Japanese lady. I guess all the girls from the rap videos haven't figured this one out yet. But, I am sure they will. Can't you just see an episode of MTV 'True Life' in the near future, focusing on this competition? Matter of fact, let me make a few phone calls, and make a documentary of the next competition, maybe I can make some 'coin.'

Anyway, to cut a long story short, it's amazing how a few minutes of Sesame Street can send a mother like me researching nonsense and figuring out a potential way to create a documentary. Have I learned anything today? Yes. Anything and everything is on the Internet and I am becoming more random as I grow older. Somebody help!!!! Oh, for your information, Ms. Pole Dance 2007 will happen in no other place but grand Amsterdam later this year! Good luck ladies!!!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

I WONDER WHAT GOD THINKS?

When I look at the way my children interact with each other and with me, I can only wonder how God manges to be 'father' to so many people. I can't hardly handle the constant bickering of my two toddlers!

Think about it. On a daily basis, God is bombarded with an infinite amount of pleas, requests and downright demands. Somehow, he still finds the time, I believe, to answer a significant number of them. I tend to black out when my daughter starts to make tiny, whining noises. I find it so infuriating even though I know this is a normal stage of her development. Considering my attitude, how does God listen to all of us whining about all our so-called problems (for those with so-called problems) and complaining about our real issues?

Well, I am eternally thankful God is nothing like me. If he got as frustrated as most mothers and fathers did, it would be fire and brimstone all up in here. So, please take the time today to breath and think of how much better things are when you try to be patient and kind! And, that is the word according to Solomonsydelle. Amin (yes, that is 'Amen', in my father's tongue. Thank you very much =).

Thursday, January 25, 2007

ICE CREAM - THE CURE FOR A MOTHER'S ACHES & PAINS

This pregnancy (#3), I have been plagued with several headaches, several times a week. At my latest visit to the OB/GYN, I specifically mentioned that I had been having more headaches than normal. The nurse practitioner, laughed and looked at my other two children and said, "These two, huh?"

I have always joked around about how my kids cause my headaches, but my discussion with the NP, confirmed that to be the case. She pointed out that I wasn't imagining things when I thought that my head feels like a blender every time my 2 year throws a tantrum, which is all the time.

Well, she told me a little bit of caffeine should help alleviate the tension or a tylenol. I told her I would treat myself with mocha flavored ice cream. Thank God for that because I found some delicious Breyers Light ice cream that is mocha flavored. Yum! Just thinking about it makes me want to run upstairs to the kitchen and dive into the container. It's chock full of chocolate chips and vanilla swirls. I tend to top it off with some chocolate sauce and caramel fudge. Absolutely heavenly!!! Is it too early to have desert? It's only 11:39 am. Is having ice cream kind of like having a cocktail? Am I a disgusting lush for filling my face with ice cream before a certain time of the day? I keep thinking about all the jokes about alcoholics who start drinking at any time of the day because, after all, "It's 5pm somewhere."


Don't want to be a hopeless lush, even for ice cream so I'll save my ice cream treat for when my headache gets stronger, which it will undoubtedly become later in the day.

Friday, January 19, 2007

BUT, IT'S LOUIS ....

So, I purchased a Louis Vuitton bag several months ago and was ecstatic to have it. I'd lost the baby weight and thought that a new, classy bag could help me look less like a frumpy mom of two and more like a stylishly fabulous mother of two.

My excitement with the purchase lasted for quite a while, until I started to notice certain things. Most important was that my baby son, The King, found my bag to be very tasty. I couldn't put it anywhere within his reach without it quickly entering his mouth. He loved every piece of it, especially the leather handles which he constantly used as a teether. I know I should have stopped him, but I couldn't bring myself to separate my child from an item that got him through his teething difficulties.

I convinced myself, mistakenly of course, that his fascination with my Louis Vuitton Manhattan GM would abate in no time. How wrong I was. Now that TK can walk and run, his ability to access my beloved bag is better than ever. I keep my bag on a kitchen counter which technically he shouldn't reach. Well, my son continues to impress and stun me. The young man has developed the ability to use his tiny little finger to tug at any little corner of my bag until it reaches him on the floor. He then takes to chewing the leather, licking the canvas and biting at all the metal parts. His love for the metal parts on my bag got so bad that not too long ago, I noticed that one of the metal screw came off. I figured I should simply dismantle the leather piece it was holding up. But, I never got to do it. My son completed the job for me. So, now, my once adorable and completely chic LV bag now looks dejected and sad. It is no longer the highlighted accessory of my outfits. How discouraging.

Of course, my son will never understand the damage he has done and, in fact, even if I ever bother to tell him of this, something tells me he wouldn't care. He's like his dad in that sense, after all, it's still just a bag. However, to me, it was a lot more than 'just a bag'. It's my Louis...

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

ALL I WANT ARE EARPLUGS

I've always had a very active imagination and I have always cherished that imagination for making me quite creative. Thus, when it became clear that my husband and I were going to start a family, I imagined cooing sounds, sweet voices and lullaby singing. All these thoughts were blissful and peaceful. My mind took me to a place were the sounds of children were soothing. However, the actual sounds of parenthood have been nothing short of deafening. If anyone wants to send me a gift, please make it earplugs!

It started with our first child, The Enforcer, AKA "TE". No cooing sounds ever! Once she became capable of expressing herself verbally, she chose to speak to me with an authoritative voice that constantly made clear her wants even when she knew no words. On one occasion, she woke up in the middle of the night and I chose to feed her a yogurt. Her father offered to feed her, but he had been up all night watching a cricket match so I figured I'd let him enjoy his game. Well, my daughter disagreed with the feeding arrangement and refused to be fed. I finally got frustrated and took her to her father. I complained that she was not eating and that I was tired. As my husband placed himself between us, a grown woman in her mid-20s and a little infant of 7 or 8 months, my daughter uttered a guttural sounding insult. No words of course, just a venomous and seriously dangerous set of sounds with a look in her eyes that made it clear to me that she was 'cussing me out.' I promptly apologized, because she looked like she was ready to knock me out!

My son, "The King", AKA "TK", has spoken with a deep low voice from the minute he discovered the sound of his voice. Nevertheless, he and his elder sister enjoy having screaming and spitting matches. Screaming matches can go on for at least 10 to 15 minutes. Nothing but high pitched madness and screeching. I promise you, once those begin, I simply prepare myself for an ear-splitting headache. The spitting matches are less painful, but as you can only imagine, they are quite disgusting. My son tends to win them most times. TE seems to run out of saliva after about 5 minutes.

Although I crave earplugs, I think that they would take away some of the joys of hanging out with my rugrats. Sounds crazy considering how badly my head hurts once the turbulence begins. But, I probably would get addicted to the earplugs once I got them and that could cause lots of problems. Some of the noise children make are not simply gratuitous but can be informative under various circumstances. Their sounds, no matter how blaring, can inform me as to whether they are in pain, hungry or tired. I would never want to not hear those sounds. Also, there are those times when TE tells me she loves me or when TK actually coos at me when he's tired and feeling lovey-dovey. I can't imagine missing those, no matter how bad my head hurts. That reminds me, didn't Oprah have a lady on her show who claimed she could decipher the sounds tiny infants make? Well, whether she's right or not, it's clear that God gave children the use of sound for good reason. One of them is possibly to drive their parents nuts.

Well, as I sit here typing, the screaming match has begun. And, I have now developed a headache. Not the first of the day and it is sure to not be the last. Looking at them, it is clear they are having a wonderful time and that makes me very happy. Nevertheless, I still wish I had those earplugs.

Monday, January 15, 2007

BEST ADVICE I'VE HEARD IN A LONG TIME ....

"...[i]t's amazing how much you can get if you quietly, clearly and authoritatively demand it."

- Ms. Meryl Streep, accepting her award for Best Actress, "The Devil Wears Prada", Golden Globe Awards, 01/15/2007

Sunday, January 14, 2007

WILL WE STILL BE FRIENDS?

My 2 year old, who will be 3 in March is driving me nuts. I love the girl but I have to find a better way to deal with her tantrums. Right now, I feel worn out and beaten down. My daughter, "The Enforcer", is a lovely child but can be a terrible diva from time to time. Taking care of her, her brother, "The King" and baby #3 (who I am still carrying) is a lot tougher than I could have ever imagined. Their father is so much better with them, I think. Very distressing, considering the fact that I carried them for 9 months, breastfed them and dealt with all the physical consequences of pregnancy. Oh well.

Well, despite the stress, I love them and am thankful that they are mine. Just wish I knew how to calm her down and keep her tantrums from escalating from whining to full-blown maddening episodes. For instance, today, she was playing with an electronic book. She then became upset when the book did not respond the way she wished, began to whine, then began to hit me while I tried to console her. I spanked her hand and it went to blazes after that. I calmly asked her to have a sip of water which she spat out all over the place. Couldn't take anymore, so I escorted both herself and her little brother to bed. I don't think I did anything wrong, but a part of me feels guilty, because I worry that in an effort to discipline her I might destroy the possibility of a friendship between us in the future. I really pray that does not happen because I definitely want to be a close friend to all my children and particularly my daughter.
My fear stems from the fact that although I love my mother dearly, when we are in close quarters with one another, we get on each other's nerves. This then always leads to us acting like spoilt brats, dishing out the silent treatment to each other. I personally think that my mother doesn't realize that she has to respect me even though I am her child. Disrespect is my biggest pet-peeve and always causes me to react badly, no matter who I am dealing with. That is unfortunate, because I have to find a better way to express my needs to my mother and of course hear and acknowledge her needs from me.
So, I just want to find a way to raise my daughter and sons in a way that teaches them to be God-fearing, respectful and responsible human beings without damaging my loving relationship with them now and in the future as they become tweens, teenagers and eventually adults. Don't quite know the magic formula, but believe me, I am working on it.
Nonetheless, I must say I am extremely proud of her progress with potty training. She only needs a diaper at bedtime and nap time or if we go out for walks or long rides. I feel like a genius every time she calmly announces "I want to go pee-pee in my potty" or "Mama, I'm gonna doo-doo in my potty." I definitely cannot wait to have The King ("TK") potty trained as well. But, presumably, that will take some time as I hear that it is tougher to teach boys how to use the porcelain god.