SHOULD YOU GET MARRIED?
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
I am convinced that marriage is not for everyone. There are gals and guys that have little business entering that sort of partnership. Not because they are bad people, but because that specific relationship is just not conducive to their temperament and or attitude.
For instance, I have a cousin. Let's call him - Inyang. The guy is my blood relative, as in his mother and my mother are sisters. Despite that, he is a classic example of a lowlife. Harsh, I know, but no worries. He has known that I never liked him since I was 5 or 6. God bless him, but none of this will be news to him. Anyway, Inyang is the sort of person that will live in your house, eat all your rice and garri[1], use up your telephone and not contribute a dime. Or, more appropriately, a kobo[2]. He did that frequently to my mother who would constantly complain. Being that it is hard for me to lie, I once told my mother to no longer complain about him to me, simply because (1) I already did not like him, so no need to compound the negative feelings, (2) my mother has always enabled his laziness and bad behavior by always allowing him to rely on her even though he has taken her things in the past. I felt that if she was willing to put up with his wahala[3], she shouldn't have me to complain to.

Shine, Shine: "Ah, we are worried about your cousin, Inyang."
Me: "Why?"
Shine, Shine: "He is in his 40s now and he is not married. He has no children. He needs to settle down."
Me: "Why?"
Shine, Shine: "Ah, ah, what do you mean "why"?"
Me: "Well, if he is in his 40s and has not intimated that he wants to get married, then why do you want to 'koba'[5] some woman who would get stuck marrying him?"
Shine, Shine: stunned silence
Don't worry, my mother is used to my bluntness. But, I had to go on to explain further. My mother is a wonderful person, and it was clear that she and her sisters (the one's most likely scheming on this marriage issue) just want the best for Inyang. However, I would never want to marry a person like him. He has little understanding of responsibility and once tried to dupe a cousin of ours. So, why would we, as a family, want to bring some innocent woman into that kind of situation? I went on to add that we should not ignore the possibility that Inyang is very happy to be single, and so, pressuring him to marry could only make him despise marriage and a future wife.
All I know is that if someone is comfortable being single, be it male or female, please 'free' them. Allow them to live their life. If someday he suggests he is looking for a wife, then Shine, Shine and her sisters can go nuts trying to set him up. I swear, these women are just looking for something to do i.e. plan a big wedding, lol! We have female cousins looking for men of virtue to marry, those are the one's my family should focus on.
Honestly, not everyone should get married. If Inyang doesn't want to marry, that's fine. If he doesn't want children. That's fine as well. Particularly considering that his mother had 11 children of her own, many of whom have gone on to have loads of kids. Yes, pikin boku for that side of the family. Inyang's mother has enough children, gran children and even great grand children (I believe, but could be wrong, can't keep up) to keep her hands super busy. If one or 2 or even 3 or 4 kids don't want to marry and produce offspring, thats okay. It doesn't make them deficient (well, in general, you guys already know my feelings on Inyang). As someone who thanks God for sending me a good mate, I am not against marriage. I just think certain people, especially those who likely know they don't want to marry, should enter that sort of union.
What do you guys think? I've made an argument for why Inyang shouldn't get married, but do you think there are valid reasons to not get married?
[1] Garri - a cassava derivative, that is eaten in Nigeria and other parts of West Africa
[2] Kobo - the smallest denomination of the Naira, Nigeria's currency. 10 kobo = 1 Naira
[3] Wahala - stress, trouble, problems, B.S.... you know the drill
[4] "Shine, Shine" - my mommy's nickname. Refers to bright, shiny things. Jewelry.
[5] Koba - to jinx someone.


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